Still Alive?
by Noppoh
Summary: Kylo Ren is brooding about a question he simply cannot find an answer for. His search for the answer only leads to more confusion. Will he be able to figure it/himself out? [Follows the events of TLJ] Reylo
1. Brooding

_**A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee for wanting to beta this! The story starts right after TLJ.**_  
 _ **I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!**_

 _ **A/N: This was originally a one-shot I wasn't going to continue, but the muse disagreed… This first chapter is longer than the original one-shot, and has been mildly revised. Most important of all, it has been beta-ed (Force, the mistakes I made 8/ )**_

xXxXxXx

She said _no_.

She said _no_ and they fought. Then she left. Why was he still alive? That was the question that bothered him most, something he couldn't comprehend. Why was he still alive?

He was sitting on the throne, elbows resting on his knees and hands steepled in front of his face. Hux was standing not far from him, awaiting instructions. Kylo couldn't care less. Hux was a nuisance, nothing more; he could wait.

It just didn't make any sense. She hated him, didn't she? Instinctively, he reached out, trying to find her, to find that connection that linked them. Nothing. He hadn't caught a glimpse of her for over three weeks. He knew she was angry with him—of course she was—but how was she doing it? Was Skywalker teaching her to block him out? Had she turned to the old man for help? For some reason, the idea angered him.

Hux made a disgruntled noise and Kylo _looked_ at him. The man paled and started to sweat, growing rigid in his attempt not to show his fear. It pleased Kylo. It pleased him to know how strong he was, how ruthless. He was fulfilling his destiny. Snoke had been holding him back. He knew that now.

He returned to his brooding. She should have killed him. The entire war would have ended had she killed him. So why was he still alive? He remembered her fierceness in the elevator, how she had simply shown up. Why? And why had anger burned him when he saw Snoke hurting her? It made no sense. She called him Ben…

With a roar, he shot up, standing and balling his fists. Weakness—he would not allow it! He was strong! He was ruthless! He needed nobody and he would rule the galaxy, with or without her! Realising his thoughts had already returned to the infuriating woman, he felt like destroying something. Instead, he turned to the man trying hard not to cower in front of him.

"What do you want?" he commanded, loving the way the man trembled. Oh, he was well aware that Hux hated him, would kill him in his sleep if he could, whatever it took. Snoke had given the man too many liberties, not enough punishments. Soon, Hux would learn the meaning of pain.

"One of the scouting crews has reported back in, sir," the ginger answered. "They think they found a lead."

Kylo slowly walked up to him. "They _think_ they found a lead?"

Hux swallowed. "It seems a large number of children, handlers of the Fathiers, have disappeared at Canto Bight, Cantonica. Around the same time, an old YT-1300 freighter was spotted. From descriptions, they believe it was the _Millenium Falcon_."

"Was?"

"Sir?"

"Is the _Falcon_ still there?"

"Uhm, no, sir; it has moved on."

Kylo Force-pushed Hux without moving a finger or even twitching a muscle, causing him to fly through the room and crash against the door.

"I need to know where they are now!" Kylo shouted. "There's no use in knowing where they have been; they could be halfway around the galaxy by now! FIND THEM!"

Hux painfully got up. He nodded and left. Kylo didn't miss the glare the man sent his way while he pretended to accept his order respectfully. _Soon, soon_ , he thought. He knew he needed to cement his power further before he could give Hux what he deserved.

Kylo returned to his throne. He wondered if the scouting report was correct. Picking up a bunch of children? Was that something his Rey would do? He pondered that for a while. Well, she was weak like that, caring for other people. He'd seen as much in her mind. She had even come for him, hadn't she? Was that why she let him live? Did she care about him too? But then why block their bond? Why not talk to him? Had he disappointed her?

Kylo Ren sat on his newly acquired throne and pondered. He was dark, strong, and ruthless. He needed nobody. He ruled the galaxy. Except this one girl had said no to him, and he simply couldn't fathom why.

xXxXxXx

For a long time, he stared at the white stripes that formed hyperspace. Not having found any more leads on the Rebellion's location, Kylo had decided to visit the Command Stations spread across the galaxy. With the _Supremacy_ under repair, he had opted to confiscate the nearest Star Destroyer as his Capital ship.

It gave him a purpose and kept Hux off his back. He would let all the First Order know he was in charge now. Any action against him would be foolish and end in a slow, painful death. Word had spread quickly after he slowly Force-crushed the first officer who dared to oppose him. The act, however, had unsettled him. Gone was the rush of power, the satisfaction that usually accompanied affirming his superiority over others.

With a brisk turn, he swept off the bridge and started stalking the hallways of his Destroyer. He refused to think about that specific failure. The man had simply been so far beneath him that killing him seemed like nothing more than squishing a bug. In his brooding, he almost missed the faint smell of the ocean and the sound of crashing waves that invaded his senses.

"Rey…" he breathed.

Oh, how he longed to see her, longed to hear her, even if she would call him a monster again. She had denied him, and he needed to know why!

With all his might, he grasped the sliver of information that filtered through the bond. He felt Rey's panic, how she tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't let her. With his mind, he followed the narrow pathway. He let out a sigh when his mind finally brushed hers.

"Rey," he whispered again. "Rey." He ignored her furious attempts to close the bond. "I can't see you. Why can't I see you?"

"Go away!"

Kylo frowned at the sound of her voice. Something was wrong.

"No," he answered. "Let me see you."

He smiled as he felt her give in, release her stranglehold on the bond so she appeared in front of him. His smile faltered even quicker than it spread.

"You are crying! Why are you crying?"

Instinctively, he reached out to caress her face, to wipe away the tears. She smacked his hand away. It still baffled him that they could actually feel each other through the bond, that they could touch.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" Rey suddenly yelled at him. "This is all your fault!"

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I know," he answered, "I'm a monster."

"That you are!" she replied vehemently. "You must be very happy to know Master Luke is dead. You must have felt the disturbance in the Force after the battle on Crait. We knew, but we still had hope he survived. He didn't! Fighting you from across the galaxy took too much out of him!" Rey furiously wiped her eyes and turned her back on him. "Go away!"

"Rey…"

He did not know what to say. He knew he should feel victorious learning about Luke's death. After all, the man had betrayed him, tried to kill him in his sleep! He had been a worthless pretender of a Jedi. Someone who hid behind ancient rules but was unable to follow them himself. Someone who was afraid of the power he possessed.

Unlike Kylo himself, who had fully embraced the Darkness. It was the only true form of power. Nothing good ever came from the Light. It was a pretty picture hiding an ugly truth underneath, nice words with no intentions. At least here, in the Dark, he could stand strong, let go of the past, and rule his own future.

Still, Rey's words left him with mixed emotions. Yes, there was satisfaction in the knowledge that his old Mentor was no more, but there was also sadness. He growled. There was still too much Light in him; killing his father had not been enough. Was it because he had failed to kill his mother as well?

Rey's pained laugh ripped him from his thoughts. "See! You don't care for anybody; you only care about power. I cannot believe I thought there was hope for you."

"I care about you." Kylo did not know where the words came from, but he knew they were true. He did care about her. He saved her from Snoke. He asked her to join him. Why had she said no? Why had she let him live? Why couldn't she see he cared for her?

Rey stared at him. "You have an odd way of showing it," she said. "Don't try to find us here; we'll be long gone before you can ever reach this place. Do not defile the island with your cursed presence."

And with that, she was gone. Kylo flinched at the sudden loss of contact. He felt adrift, as if he had lost his anchor. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to fight the pain that was trying to overwhelm him. Had she abandoned him like everybody else had?

No! No, he could not believe that. There must be some hope left? Still, the ever-present feeling of loneliness threatened to engulf him, to drag him down into the deepest pits of despair. He would not let that happen! He would fight so she would see his side of things. He would make her his.

With new determination, he strode towards the training grounds. First, he needed to blow off some steam. Regain control of his feelings. He was strong and powerful. Loneliness could hold no place in the mind of the Supreme Leader.


	2. Imminent Death

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee for wanting to beta this! The story starts right after TLJ._  
 _I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!_

xXxXxXx

Another week had passed since he last managed to contact Rey. In the meantime, he had inspected two Star Destroyers and concocted a plan to redistribute the Knights of Ren over his fleet.

After meeting one of the Knights, he sensed dismay towards him among the brethren. They blamed him for Snoke's death and that of their brothers protecting him. The story of Rey's besting him and managing to escape didn't sit well with them either. So he decided to move them around to prevent them from getting together and forming an opposition.

He was watching out the bay window towards the galaxy beyond. The generals at the table behind him were prattling their updates, boring him into a stupor. Rey's gentle, yet unexpected touch startled him. His focus sharpened, his attention entirely on her sudden presence.

"Ben?"

She called him Ben again. Why did she do that? That was no longer his name; he was Kylo Ren, part of the Darkness. She shouldn't be calling him that wretched name his parents had given him!

"Leave!" he commanded the babbling generals.

"Sir?"

"Oh…"

Rey's voice softly echoed through his brain. He took hold of the bond, not allowing her to slip away while he threateningly repeated his command. The men practically ran each other over in their haste to leave the room. It made him smirk.

When he was certain he was alone, he answered her call. "Rey," he sighed. "There were others present."

"Oh," she said again. He could feel sadness coming through their bond, along with doubt and determination.

"What's going on?" Kylo asked, finally turning to see her standing in the middle of the room, twitching nervously.

"I thought … uhm … I thought you had the right to know this."

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Know what?"

"Your mother, Leia—she's sick, Ben. The loss of all the Resistance members, of Luke, so shortly after having been through an unprotected exposure to outer space—it was all too much. We don't think she will pull through this time. I'm so sorry, Ben."

Her fidgeting grew worse as she waited for his answer. He merely stared at her. His mother was dying? How was he supposed to feel about that? He remembered the moment when he had felt her on the bridge of the Resistance ship, how he failed to kill her, and the anger he felt when the bridge was shot down by the other fighters. He still did not know what had possessed him to shoot down his own fighters in retaliation.

"Ben?"

He blinked. "My name is Kylo Ren."

"Your name is Ben Solo," Rey answered, proudly lifting her head. "I know he's still in there."

There was a moment of silence while the two looked at each other.

"Thank you for informing me," he finally, formally said.

Rey nodded and released the bond, leaving him alone with his thoughts. In a fit of rage, he pulled out his saber and attacked the meeting room table, slashing it until there was nothing left but ashes. Breathing heavily, he eyed the result before extinguishing his lightsaber and turning back towards the window.

Part of him was relieved that Rey hadn't seen him behave that way. He quickly snuffed out that little voice. The conflicting emotions were tearing him apart, and he so desperately wanted to be rid of them.

For a long time, he stared out the window, wondering where Rey was, wondering where his mother was. A droid came and went, offering him food and beeping in confusion over the lack of a table. He ignored it. There was no telling how long he stood there, battling himself.

It surprised him when he felt her reach out once more. Why would she contact him twice in a day? He turned to see her standing in the middle of the room, on top of what once was the table. A pang of shame shot through him. He quenched it.

"Back so soon?" he asked.

She seemed even more anxious than before. When she looked up at him, however, her formidable determination became visible. The way she squared her shoulders reminded him of her little speech on their way to Snoke.

"Leia—she confessed to me that she wished with all her heart she could see you one more time before she died." A look of pain flashed through her eyes. "She doesn't know I'm doing this—she wouldn't approve—but I'm asking you if you would honour a dying woman's last wish. Your mother's last wish."

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her, suspicious. "So, you're telling me you're just going to give me the coordinates of your location, and you expect me to come flying in on my own, like you did? Why do I find that hard to believe?" he spat out.

She flinched. "Don't be like that, Ben."

"MY NAME IS KYLO REN!"

"I refuse to call you that!" Rey took a deep breath. "Ben, please. I was ... Leia is Force sensitive; you know that. I was thinking, hoping, to connect her to our bond so she could see you like I see you."

He straightened from the slightly crouched position he had unconsciously taken.

"Tell me how you block our bond."

She blinked at him in surprise. "I don't really know. After ... after Crait ... we lost so many people. You attacked us. I didn't want to see you again, or talk to you again. I focussed on keeping you out, and it worked." She looked away from him. "I'm not really sure I want to talk to you now," she whispered.

He heard, nevertheless. It hurt. She was saying _no_ to him again. Why? He ran a hand through his hair, feeling agitated.

"You need a teacher, Rey."

The look she gave him confused him even more. There was obvious longing, hope, but also anger and resentment. It made no sense.

"Will you do it?" she asked, completely ignoring his comment.

He didn't know if he could. See his mother again, after all this time? Did he want to? He turned his back to Rey; they could touch, but she could not really, physically hurt him. That had been established during their first connection.

Part of him also wanted to believe she would not kill him, that she did not want to. Why had she let him live? Why? He could not simply ask her. That would be showing weakness. He would not allow it.

With another sigh, he contemplated her request. Could he face his mother? What would he say? Could he decline and never see her again? Why would she even want to see him? He represented everything she stood against. He lead the troops that were trying to annihilate her people.

"Are you sure she wants to see me?"

"Yes, Ben, she does. She loves you, you know."

He scoffed and remained silent for a long time.

"Would it make you happy?" Kylo almost flinched at his own words. Why did it matter?

"What?" Rey answered, sounding perplexed, before regaining her composure. "Yes, Ben, it would."

"Tomorrow, ten o'clock, standard time. Now, leave!"

He pulled back, away from her, before he could change his mind. Left alone once more, he continued to stare out into space, trying to regain the emptiness that had kept him going for so long. It took him a long time before he succeeded.

When he woke the next morning, he was feeling unnerved, uncertain, and he hated it. He stalked the halls of the ship, hardly noticing the Stormtroopers scurrying out of his way. At a quarter to ten, he arrived at the same meeting room he had occupied the day before. The remnants of the table had been cleared away, but the table had not yet been replaced. That suited him just fine; it gave him more room to pace.

Ten o'clock came and went, and he was starting to feel stupid. Where was she? Had it all been an elaborate joke? Was it a new Resistance tactic? Toy with his feelings in an attempt to weaken him? Was his mother even really dying? Rage was starting to consume him when she finally contacted him.

"Ben? _Ben_?" Rey sounded urgent. "Are you still there? I'm so sorry!"

"Where have you been?" he shouted at her. "You think you can toy with me?" He ignored his guilty conscious when he saw her flinch.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I had to explain to Leia the bond and she—" Rey glanced to her left, "didn't take it so well."

He calmed slightly at her confession. "You hadn't told her about the bond yet?"

She shook her head, looking slightly guilty. "I told you she wouldn't approve of the method. She thinks I'm endangering myself." She once more glanced to the left. "I am not!" she said into nothing.

Kylo glanced at the empty space beside Rey, suddenly feeling nervous. He schooled his expression into absolute neutrality. "She's there? With you?"

Rey nodded. "I don't know if this is going to work, or how long I can hold the connection. I just know I really want this to happen." She looked at him, but he didn't understand the world of meaning in her eyes. "Are you ready?"

He straightened and gave her a tiny nod. He would face his mother. He would not kill her, as he did his father, but he would face her. He would kill the past, if not the person who helped shape it.

Moving to the side, Rey seemed to take hold of something before closing her eyes, scrunching up her nose in concentration. For a moment, he could not help but think she looked adorable. His study of her was interrupted as a shape started to take form under her left hand. Before long, he could see his mother.

It shocked him to see how old she had become. Somehow, it had never occurred to him that she would age. In his mind's eye, she still looked the same as when he last saw her, in his late teens. He surveyed her, fighting to keep his face neutral and hide his inner turmoil. She looked pale. It was obvious she was ill, lying on her back on what he guessed was a bed, blankets tucked in around her.

"Ben," she whispered. He didn't respond. "My son, I'm so sorry."

Her words threw him off guard. He couldn't prevent the sharp intake of breath they caused. Swallowing, he tried to dislodge the lump in his throat. Staring at his mother, he realised his carefully constructed mask was failing him. He could not show weakness! He was strong, fearless, ruthless!

"Ben," Leia said again, smiling slightly.

He wanted to correct her, tell her his name was Kylo, but found that he couldn't.

"It's okay, son; you don't have to say anything."

His eyes narrowed at her comment. Did she pity him? Did she think he needed her? She was sorely mistaken!

A small whimper distracted him. Looking at Rey, he saw she was breathing heavily, beads of sweat forming on her forehead and rolling down her neck.

"Rey," he said softly, "you have to let go; you'll exhaust yourself."

"I can hold on a little while longer," she answered through gritted teeth.

Kylo glanced at Leia, surprised to see the woman looking between the two of them with a secretive smile on her lips. Ignoring her, he turned back to Rey to repeat his words, but his mother spoke first.

"Let go, Rey. It's okay."

"I can hold!" she insisted. "I can do this. At least I can do—"

The sudden disappearance of the bond felt like a slap in the face. "Rey!" he cried, looking at the place she had just occupied. Reaching out, he found nothing. Worried, he started to pace again. The pain in his chest was unbearable, making him want to destroy things. At the same time, for the first time in years, he didn't want to use violence to vent his emotions. The idea that Rey might see one of his fits of rage made him want to cringe. Having her in the forefront of his mind held back the impulse.

In desperation, he sank down to the floor.

Ever since the Jedi academy, meditation had not been something he enjoyed. It had never come easily to him, and he hated it with a vengeance. As soon as he could, he'd stopped doing it altogether.

Now, however, with his mind and emotions in such chaos, he returned to it. He was surprised by how quickly he slipped into a meditative state. For the longest time, Kylo Ren sat on the floor, breathing, listening, and waiting, until Rey's flicker of life once more glimmered at the edge of his consciousness.


	3. The Inevitable

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee for being two wonderful, lovely beta's. You're making the story much, much better!_  
 _I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!_

xXxXxXx

He knew there was nothing left to do but wait for the inevitable. Rey didn't block the bond like she did before, but she didn't allow him any contact either. Kylo was unsure of how to feel about that. Hadn't he faced his mother for her?

He growled. No! He faced his mother to rid himself of his past, to grow stronger. _She_ had nothing to do with it. Still, her refusal to talk to him filled him with a certain kind of restlessness. A type of restlessness that wouldn't go away, no matter how much he trained and sparred.

His plans for the First Order, however, were coming along nicely. The scouts were still unable to find any trace of the Resistance, but really, with so few of them left and Rey untrained, how much of a threat could they be?

The troops had been visited and the Knights reassigned. All the crews now knew who he was; they knew to fear him and his saber. A pleased smirk graced his face as he remembered some of the attempts at uprising he had quelled. Yes, he had set quite a few examples. He had struck fear and respect into the bodies and minds of his generals. They knew better than to try and oppose him now.

Which left only Hux. Returning to the almost repaired _Supremacy_ , he could not help imagining all the things he could do to the man. Swiftly walking to the main hangar of the Destroyer, he noticed two patrolling Troopers trying to hide their flinch while giving him a wide berth. It pleased Kylo to no end.

Leaving Hux behind on their primary ship to oversee the reparations had been a risk. As protocol described, the man was waiting with Phasma and a platoon of Troopers when Kylo's shuttle landed. Although the man was nothing but polite and correct, something about him radiated glee, causing Kylo to tense.

"Dismissed," he ordered. "Except you, Hux."

The man stiffened but inclined his head. Kylo circled him, slowly, deliberately, revelling in the tenseness that seeped into the man's posture.

"Tell me, Hux," he drew out the name, "how has the rebuild been going?"

"As planned, sir."

He started toying with the hilt of his saber, twirling it this way and that, making sure the men saw it.

"Anything else?"

"No, sir."

"Then you have served your purpose, don't you think?"

He ignited his saber and grinned as Hux practically jumped out of his skin with fright. Swiftly turning, he strode away from the landing dock and towards his chambers. He would leave the man be for a couple of days, see what he had up his sleeve, before giving him what he deserved.

It took only two days before Hux showed his cards and tried to kill Kylo with the help of some of his followers. A small battle ensued where Kylo cut through the defected Troopers as if they were butter. He enjoyed it every second of it.

Kylo gloated when he had Hux strapped to a chair. The man tried to remain stoic at his arrest, showing pride and defiance. However, once it became clear where exactly they were taking him, he had paled and started shivering. Having the ginger at his mercy made Kylo feel powerful.

Torturing the man became his primary outlet for the frustration and anger he carried around. It was a joy to delve into Hux's mind and plant horrors and nightmares in it; tweaking the man's greatest fears and playing with them, making him feel physical pain that wasn't really there. Perhaps, when he broke down completely, Kylo could make him serve again, build him up like a puppet.

It was during one of his torture sessions that the inevitable finally happened. A lurch disturbed the Force, followed by the feeling of a massive, raw, gaping hole, the wailing of grief surrounding it.

Kylo froze. Turmoil reigned in his head and heart. He had expected to feel relieved, but now he felt confused, pained, torn. Then, he was bludgeoned by a myriad of emotions that weren't his, causing him to stagger. _Rey…_

Forgetting about Hux, he turned and strode off to the privacy of his chambers. He found her there, curled up against a wall, as if the Force had known he was coming and projected her there instead of in his presence. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. It pained him to see her like that.

"Rey," he whispered.

She didn't acknowledge him. He wasn't even sure she'd heard him. Carefully, he lowered himself to the ground next to her.

"Rey," he said again.

She startled slightly but didn't respond in any way. Kylo was at a loss. He wanted to comfort her, wanted to make her stop crying, but didn't know how. He reached up to touch her elbow, but stopped halfway, staring at his gloves.

No, he would not touch her with the same gloves he had just used to torture Hux. He would not defile her by connecting the two. She was too pure for that. With angry, abrupt movements, he tore off his gloves and tossed them away.

"Rey," he once more said. She hiccuped as his fingers finally, lightly, caressed her arm.

"She died," Rey stuttered. "I'm so sorry, Ben; your mother died. Leia died." Her sobbing recommenced.

"I know," Kylo answered, leaning his head against the wall. "I felt it. I felt the disturbance in the Force."

"Everybody leaves me. They always leave me. My parents, Han, Leia, Finn, Poe—they all leave me behind."

Kylo's curiosity peaked. "The pilot and the traitor?"

"They're … not here."

"Ah." He didn't dare comment on it further. He reached for her arm again, wanting to somehow reassure her of his presence. "I won't leave you." Kylo wondered where those words had come from but knew them to be true. He would never leave her. If only she could see that. If only she would join him.

Rey snorted. "That's because you can't!"

She looked up at him. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her face blotchy. Still, he thought she looked beautiful.

"You only stay because you can't leave. You don't want to be here!" Her voice grew louder with every word. "I'm sure that if you could rid yourself of our bond, you would do it without hesitation. You would leave me behind, just like the rest of them!"

He blinked at her vehemence. Did she really believe that?

"No," he answered. "No, I would not."

Why did she believe he would abandon her? He promised her the world. She was the one to turn it down. It didn't make any sense. How? How could he make her understand, truly understand, that he would not leave her? He wanted her by his side.

"You're lying!"

"I am not."

He did not know what to do. He hated feeling this helpless, this clueless. It made him want to rage, but the rage never came. He just felt sad, confused, uncertain. That, too, didn't make any sense.

"How can you be so calm?" Rey suddenly shouted at him, her eyes sparkling.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. Nothing made sense anymore, not with her.

She stared at him. He could see her sudden bout of rage crumble around her. Fresh tears started spilling from her eyes.

"I am all alone."

"You are not."

It felt like an echo. A story and a reassurance, given what felt like a lifetime ago. Without really thinking about it, he pulled at her arm and grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers.

"You are not," he repeated.

As if the contact strengthened their bond, more of her emotions flowed into him. How one person could feel so much without breaking apart was a mystery to him. It left him breathless, panting, feeling like he was going to drown and forever disappear into his own mind.

Her small hand squeezed his and he felt the worst of the storm subside. He felt like he could breathe again, but the pain and turmoil remained. The Force flowed around them as they derived strength from each other's company.

Kylo grieved his mother, even though he knew he should simply toss it aside as a useless part of his past. With Rey by his side, he also found the strength to mourn his father. Kylo realised he could not follow the teachings of the Dark when it came to the death of his parents, and it greatly disturbed him. He wondered what was becoming of him. He wondered if he had made a mistake by killing Snoke. The life he had now—was that really what he wanted?


	4. Uncertainties

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_  
 _I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!_

xXxXxXx

Things had changed between them. However, Kylo didn't know how it had happened, or what exactly it was that had changed. The situation remained the same; she didn't talk to him, didn't allow him contact. Still, something had changed. It drove him crazy.

Part of him—a part he did not wish to acknowledge—wanted to hold her hand again. He had doubled the troops looking for signs of the Resistance—of her. However, he wasn't sure anymore what he would do if he found them.

He growled. Attack, of course! He would wipe them out! Rid the galaxy of their presence, make the First Order the only force of power, make himself the ruler of it all. He was strong, ruthless, powerful, and soon, he would be unchallenged!

Nodding to himself, he lounged luxuriously on his throne. The throne room was empty, making every sound echo eerily. Snoke had always kept guards around, a sign of power, he said. Kylo disagreed. It also showed he had a weakness. Sitting alone, sitting without guards—it showed he had nothing to fear. All men were bugs beneath his fingers. He could crush them in an instance.

In truth, he was bored. The First Order practically ran itself; only the most important information came his way and needed reviewing. With nobody to chase, and no rebellious planets going into an uprising, there was little left to do. He could only wait, and think, and wonder. Wonder about what to do when _they_ were found.

He slammed his fist down on the armrest of the throne. It should not be that difficult! It should be a clear path, an easy decision! He was about to storm off when she appeared in front of him. She was all blazing fury, relentless nervousness, pacing to and fro like a caged animal.

"Have you ever read the sacred texts of the Jedi?" she demanded without so much as a greeting.

He looked at her in surprise, before resentment bubbled up. "Read them? No, they are sacred for a reason. _Luke_ ," he spat out the name, "did go on and on about them though. I doubt there's anything in there I haven't heard from him."

"They don't make any sense!"

That took him off guard. "Wait; you have them?"

Rey waved her hand dismissively. "Yes, I have them, but they don't make any sense!"

He stood and walked over to her, intent on making her stop pacing. Grabbing her by the shoulders, he forced her to turn and look at him.

"At least on that we agree."

She grimaced at his words. "Did you know they order the Jedi to leave behind their friends, their family? To grow unattached? To stay alone? All in the name of objectivity?" Rey looked up at him. "It says they will cause you to turn to the Dark."

Kylo stayed silent. Leaving behind one's family and friends was something the Dark and the Light agreed on. They were a weakness, a danger, something that held you back from reaching your full potential. They were better left in the past, cut off. One could only be strong with only oneself to account for.

Rey stepped out of his hold and started pacing again. He watched her, wondering why she had even come to him to discuss this.

"How can me throwing away my friendships, those I consider family, make me a better person? It's absurd! How can being isolated make you better at judging the ways of men? It's absolutely illogical!"

She turned back to him, her shoulders drooping, her eyes turning sad. "How can it be that, in order to become a Jedi, I'll have to leave them all behind? Leave behind every connection I have?"

He tried to stay impassive as the full scope of her words hit him, when the unspoken words registered in his mind. _How can I leave you behind?_ Fear struck his heart and he loathed it. He could feel the desolation coming from Rey in waves. There was no need to look into her head in order for him to see echoes of the vast, desert planes of Jakku, to feel the bone-deep loneliness that came with it.

Kylo bristled at the onslaught of emotions, at the recognition of his own fear, and furrowed his brow.

"What do you want from me?" he asked brusquely. "Do you want me to pity you?"

Rey drew back in surprise, but quickly regained her balance, fisting her hands at her sides. "I don't know!" she shouted back.

"Do you want me to tell you how to do it? Or do you want me to tell you it will all be okay?"

"I don't know!" she shouted again.

"They tore me away from my family as well! _Luke,_ " he spat out the word again, "took me away when I was eleven, to become distant, to be alone amongst others. Do you want me to tell you it's the right thing to do? Do you want me to tell you the _Jedi_ got it all right?"

"They got it wrong!" Rey yelled at him in fury.

They were practically standing nose to nose. He could see the fire burning in her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes.

"And they wronged you, just as they wronged all those other children," she continued, softer. Turning her back to him, she wrapped her arms around herself. "How can I teach if I know nothing myself?" It was said barely above a whisper, but he caught it all the same.

"Teach?"

She stiffened. He could feel her trying to leave, but he wouldn't let her, taking hold of the bond and anchoring her to him.

"Teach?" he repeated. Again, he grasped her shoulders and turned her so she would face him. "Teach who? Are there others? Are there others like us out there?" Kylo barely recognised the desperation in his own voice.

Rey looked at him. There were so many emotions in her eyes, and he couldn't decipher even one of them. Finally, she seemed to reach a conclusion. "We … picked up some children along the way."

"At Canto Bight," he remarked dryly. "I know."

She seemed taken aback by that. "You do?" A small shake of her head. "Of course you do. One of them, Temiri, shows clear signs of the Force. And one of the little ones, Lyra, has shown some promise as well. She's only six, so there's no way of knowing for sure though."

Kylo blankly stared at her. "Force users," he breathed.

"Please," Rey suddenly whispered. "Please promise me you won't kill them if you ever find them."

That shook him out of his daze. "Kill them?" he asked, bewildered. "I would teach them," he continued, before adding as an afterthought, "as I would teach you."

Rey snorted. "Teach them the Dark Side? Teach them how to hate and rage? How is that not a fate worse than death?"

Kylo growled, his hands clenching and his eyes narrowing. Rey didn't heed the warning, her voice rising in anger and desperation.

"You want to snuff out their light? You want them to murder and spill blood? Tear apart who they are and put darkness in its place?"

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME? ALWAYS AND ONLY A MONSTER?" Kylo roared. He strode away from her, resisting the urge to ignite his saber, to feel the comfort of its power. Why did he care so much? Why did her words hurt? Her rejection of his knowledge? There was a long stretch of silence as he fought to stay in control.

"Ben, I'm sorry. I- I didn't mean it that way." She sounded so small, brittle, like she was on the verge of breaking.

"The name is Kylo," he ground out.

"Ben, don't, don't do this."

The words echoed, images of another meeting, a battle, rushing before his eyes. What did she mean by that? Before and now? What was he doing wrong?

"I- I don't think the monster is who you truly are," Rey whispered.

He whipped around to face her. "What does that even mean?"

She gave him a small smile. "That, to me, you will always be Ben."

Rey disappeared after that, leaving him staring into nothing and feeling more confused than ever before.

"You can talk to her, the girl."

Kylo turned to the unexpected voice, igniting his lightsaber and crouching into a fighting stance. In the shadows of the room, he could vaguely make out Phasma—the formidable woman that had somehow survived falling into the flames of a burning hangar.

"You can talk to her," she repeated, taking a couple of steps forward.

He tensed, ready to attack. This was not a secret to be revealed. Rey was his and his alone. It would be a sad thing to kill Phasma; she was a good commander.

Slowly, the woman reached up. With a soft hiss, her helmet came loose. Kylo realised that, for all the years he had known her, he had never seen her face. He was surprised to see a pretty blond emerge from the armor.

There was a burn scar that started just below her left eye, traced a fiery path to the skin under her ear, and then down her neck, into the standard-issue black bodysuit. Apparently, the medi-droids hadn't been able to fix all the damage. It didn't make her look any less beautiful to him, though. On the contrary, it added to her fierceness.

Phasma tucked her helmet under her arm. "I'm at your mercy, Kylo Ren," she said. "All I can do is promise you I won't tell a soul. I can see the effect she has on you, and, if I may be so candid, I like it. I also think you can use an ally on this ship. Hux was an idiot, but even idiots can amass followers."

Kylo contemplated her. There was no way of knowing she was sincere. Yet, she talked sense.

"Why?" he finally asked, straightening but still holding his saber tightly. "What do you have to gain?"

She shrugged. "You spoke with the girl about the Jedi ways, about their recruitment."

He narrowed his eyes again. Exactly how long had she been present in the throne room? How much had she heard? He acknowledged her statement with a terse nod.

"Do you know," she continued, "how most of the Troopers are recruited? I think you will see some similarities. I may not know all my soldiers by name, but I am responsible for them. I take that responsibility to heart."

Silence reigned. It bothered Kylo that he, indeed, did not know how the many Stormtroopers were recruited. Was there truth in Phasma's words? Finally, he decided to take the risk. Having an ear among the crew, even if it was a highly placed one, could come in handy.

He extinguished his saber. "One misstep and you end up like Hux."

Phasma nodded before putting her helmet back on.

"Understood."

She turned and briskly walked out of the room, once more leaving Kylo on his own. He sank down on his throne and sighed. What to do next? He closed his eyes and lost himself in thought.


	5. Knowledge

_**A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!**_  
 _ **Apologies for the missed week. Real life and all…**_

 **xXxXxXx**

Kylo paced in his chambers, as he was often prone to do. Following Phasma's words, he had sent out people to take stock of the recruitment. He had worded it as if he was looking for a general report on numbers per tactic, to see if the recruitment was well balanced with the demand.

The report wasn't due for another two weeks, but it had him anxious. What had Phasma meant? Why had she prompted him to do so? In the meantime, she had somehow manoeuvred herself into becoming head of his personal guard. He couldn't decide whether or not he should be worried about that bit of tactical genius.

No matter how he looked at it, however, he couldn't deny that he was pleased by her actions. If she really did intend to be his _ally_ , as she had so precisely put, her proximity was useful. It would also help if Rey were to contact him at an inopportune time.

"Rey," he muttered under his breath. Another enigma. He couldn't figure out what she meant by her words. One more thing to be confused about, next to her constant refusal of him. And—if he could believe Phasma—she had an 'effect' on him.

What effect? He didn't understand. According to Phasma, it was a good one, but then again, he didn't know if he could trust the woman or not. What if it wasn't a good one? What if it was making him weak?

Kylo ran his hands through his hair in frustration and growled. He almost longed for the days when all he had to do was follow orders. No! Those days were horrible, a nightmare come true, and he'd better not forget it. He was Supreme Leader now, like he'd always wanted. The galaxy lay at his feet! He was powerful and he would remain that way until his death!

Smiling at his own reassurance, he sat himself down on his bed, only to quickly get to his feet again. There was Rey's revelation of other Force users. How could she possibly think he would kill them? He felt frustrated and sad. Of course he wouldn't! How glorious would it be to be able to train them, to once more form an Order?

When his feelings persevered despite his imaginary glory, he realised the feelings were not his own. He sat down again. Would he dare contact her? He had let her be for so long now, knowing she would only rebuke him if he tried and hoping leaving her alone would improve the situation—hoping she would come to him.

Sighing, he decided it was worth the risk. The thought of her being sad tugged at … something in his chest. He refused to think of the implications of that.

Gently, he reached out. "Rey?"

A flurry of emotions rushed through their bond. Surprise first, quickly followed by apprehension, confusion, acceptance, and something he would have identified as gratitude, had he not known better. It took him off guard.

Slowly, she came into view, sitting cross-legged on the floor, Luke's broken saber in her lap. She didn't lift her head in greeting, continuing to look down at her hands. Kylo moved to sit in front of her. Their legs were almost touching. He noticed that she was smaller than he. Of course he had always known, but somehow, due to her immense strength, he never really _noticed_. It made him want to protect her.

He shook his head to dispel the thought. "Rey," he softly said. "I could … feel your emotions. Tell me, what's wrong?"

"I can't fix this," she whispered, still not looking up.

"Don't you have the Jedi texts?" he asked. He wanted to see her face, see those brown eyes of hers.

A small sniff escaped her. "They say very little about the sabers. And they are awfully outdated."

Kylo stayed silent for a while, looking at the broken saber. It made sense that the texts would be outdated; how old were they anyway? His own saber didn't even resemble the old style of Luke's anymore.

It occurred to him that he could take a look at it. Hadn't he studied sabers? Hadn't he built his own from scratch? He battled with himself. Was it really such a smart move to restore the saber that was in enemy hands? Did he still consider Rey an enemy? He wanted her to trust him, like him even; although, he did not understand why. Wasn't he better off alone?

Dragging his hands through his already ruffled hair, he made up his mind. "Shall I take a look at it?"

Her head shot up. Suspicion, combined with hope, reached him through their connection.

"I can hardly make it worse," he added.

Rey snorted. Looking back down, she almost lovingly caressed the broken pieces, before slowly taking hold of them and handing them to him. His chest warmed at the realisation that she would actually allow him to handle something that was obviously so precious to her. He didn't let that show though, carefully keeping his face neutral.

For a moment, he wondered how the bond actually worked. He was now holding something in his hands that was originally at Rey's side of the bond. If he were to disconnect, would he still be holding the saber? Given that she willingly gave it to him? Or would it turn out to be an illusion, like those damned dice? He decided not to test it—she would never trust him if he tried something like that.

Turning the pieces over and over, examining the broken circuits, he quickly came to the conclusion he feared the most. He checked again, just to make sure that he hadn't made a mistake. Carefully, he handed them back to Rey. Her fingers brushed his, and he regretted wearing his gloves, so he quickly took them off.

The hopeful look she gave him almost made him cringe. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "It can't be fixed; the most important parts are completely destroyed."

A sharp stab of pain and grief made him flinch. She was holding the saber tightly to her chest, and he could see how she was trying very hard not to cry in front of him. Disbelief smacked him upside the head, a moment of doubt and suspicion followed by the realisation that he couldn't lie to her through the bond.

"No…"

Her voice cracked at the end, sounding so hollow and pained he felt the irrational need to apologise to her. The tear that escaped her grief-stricken eyes was his undoing.

"No, no, don't cry," he begged, reaching out to wipe a thumb across her cheek, taking the tear with it. "Please, don't cry. Why don't you make a new one? One just for you?" He dropped his hand to rest on her ankles. It surprised him that she let him.

"I don't know how."

He could see it pained her to make that confession.

"But I do," he answered softly.

Rey's head shot up, surprise written all over it. "You would … teach me?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Haven't I told you so before?"

"Yes … But .. I didn't think … I thought …"

Kylo smirked at her babbling, rather liking the way her face was flushing.

"You will teach me how to build a lightsaber?" she finally managed to ask.

"Yes." He knew he was going to regret it later. There would probably come a day when she would use that new saber of hers against him. "Yes, I will."

Her bright smile seemed to light up his entire room. He was unprepared for the strength of the joy and gratitude she sent him over their bond and didn't know how to deal with it. He took a stronger hold of her ankle, as if the sheer force of it would blow him away.

"Thank you, Ben."

He didn't mind the name this time. The expectant look on her face made him take another risk.

"Will you let me into your mind?"

The change in her was instant. Her eyes narrowed as she shot up to tower over him. Vicious anger bubbled to the surface, her hands balled in tight fists by her side. When had she become so volatile?

"So that's what this is about?" she yelled at him. "Give me some hope so I'll let you into my mind? So you can do what? Find our base? Find our plans?"

Kylo fought all his instincts to stand and confront her head on. Having her loom over him, no matter how small she was, made him want to defend himself, show her who was the stronger of the two. He used every ounce of self-control he had to stay seated and look up at her with a neutral face.

"No," he answered calmly, "no, that is not my intent." The words didn't seem to influence her and he sighed. "How to make a saber takes a lot of information, Rey," he continued. "Verbally teaching you would take hours, if not days. If you would allow me in your head, I could, in a way, deposit the information straight into your brain."

The shocked look on her face would have been comical, had she not still been hovering over him.

"You- you can do that? That's possible?"

"In theory."

"In theory? What do you mean, in theory?"

"It's not like I have tried it before," he answered. "Well, not to that extent or for that purpose."

Her eyes narrowed again. "But you've done something similar?"

He looked away from her. For some reason, he now felt ashamed of his actions. "I've planted … hallucinations in people's heads before."

There was a long silence before Rey grasped his meaning. "Oh."

She slowly lowered herself to once more sit in front of him. To his surprise, she took hold of one of his hands. It seemed so big compared to hers. The contact made his skin tingle.

"I'm sorry, Ben. I- I'm still having some trouble trusting you."

He shrugged and looked up at her, trying hard not to stare at their connected hands.

"Do you promise not to roam around in my head?" There was a small tremor in her voice, betraying her uneasiness.

"Yes, Rey, I promise."

"Okay. How do we do this?"

He gave her a small smile, which she automatically returned. "Just, don't fight me this time."

She guffawed. "I'll try not to."

"I guess that's all the reassurance I'll get, hmm?"

Her smile was playful and it warmed his heart. With his free hand, he reached out to touch her cheek. There was little to no resistance as he submerged himself in her mind. It was such a beautiful, bright place. He wanted to stay there forever; it was what had drawn him to her in the first place, amongst other things.

Resisting the urge to simply drift, he gathered the necessary knowledge in his own head and proceeded to leak it into hers. Her small gasp almost made him lose focus. The sound traveled down his spine and spread through his entire body. Once finished, he reluctantly withdrew.

"There," he whispered, trying to regain his bearings, "that should be all you need." He opened his eyes to see the softest expression he had ever seen on her face. She was still holding his hand.

"Thank you, Ben."

For the longest time, they contented themselves with staring into each other's eyes, until a sound he couldn't hear drew Rey's attention.

"I have to go," she said, raising his hand to kiss his knuckles. "Bye, Ben."

She faded from view, leaving him to stare at the empty spot. His knuckles still tingled from where she had kissed them. He felt as if his heart was going to pound out of his chest, and wondered why that was. Above all, Rey still confused him. He did not understand her behaviour towards him, nor could he predict how she would behave next. It was an unsettling feeling. However, she was starting to trust him. Kylo sighed and allowed himself to smile.


	6. A Calming Hand

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_  
 _I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!_

xXxXxXx

He was raging. The meeting room was in shambles, completely unrecognizable, and still he was hacking away. The walls were starting to come down and deep gashes marred both ceiling and floor. Still, he was raging.

How could he not have known? How could he have missed it? How was this even possible? He vividly remembered the meeting he just had.

" _Sir, the report about the recruitments is ready. I have a copy for you."_

 _He looked at one of his intelligence officers, nodding once to acknowledge his words. "Tell me about it," he demanded._

" _All is well, sir; recruitment is continuing at its usual rate."_

 _Kylo waited, but the man didn't seem inclined to add to his words. A lifted eyebrow and a clenching of his fists did the trick._

" _Of course, sir, if you would like more details," the man hurried to add, "there are some fluctuations between the different methods, but that is only to be expected."_

 _Kylo growled; this was not the information he needed. There was no way for him to simply ask about the methods—thus showing his own ignorance—so he merely prompted the annoying man to continue._

" _Well," the officer said, surprised by the Supreme Leader's interest in the matter, "the number of volunteers is going up. It seems our recent victories have convinced the masses that we are a cause to sign up for."_

 _There was a general, pleased muttering around the table. Kylo twitched and it quickly died down._

" _Uhm, well," the man stuttered, "we are also still considered a good source of money, as the poor continue to sell their children to us. The recently conquered planets are being scourged for young males and females to join our order, not that they have much choice. The same goes for cities that have rebelled or caused us problems. All in all, we are at our normal rate of recruitment."_

 _Kylo had frozen in place, the implications of the man's words registering in his brain. He clenched his teeth to control his mounting anger._

" _Out," he growled._

" _Sir?" the man stupidly asked. "Are you not pleased?"_

" _OUT!" he shouted, abruptly rising._

 _The crew around the table stumbled to their feet and ran, his fits of rage well known and feared. He had unleashed his saber as soon as the last of them left. Then, he raged._

He saw red, his vision blurring at the edges as he wielded his saber, cutting through everything in his path. How could this be?

"Ben?"

His muscles blocked as he heard her sweet voice behind him. He didn't want her to see him this way. It would frighten her, for sure; yet he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop the anger and fury that coursed through his veins and set his blood on fire.

"Go away!" he barked, barely recognising his own voice.

His muscles trembled with the effort to keep still, to not move until she left. When she didn't move, didn't respond, he tried to block the bond and forcefully throw her out. However, she must have learned his trick. With the stubbornness he so admired in her, she held onto the bond, refusing to leave.

"Ben?" she asked again, confusion clear in her voice.

He didn't want to think about the tinge of hurt he could hear in it too. He could hold no longer. The edges of his vision were blurring red once more, and he could practically feel the Force crackle around him.

"Suit yourself," he finally managed to ground out.

With wide, uncontrolled swings, he started hacking away at the wall, barely cognizant of the enraged wails he was letting out. The wall trembled under the onslaught. Holes were forming, and he knew it wouldn't take much longer before he would be able to simply walk into the meeting room nextdoor and continue the destruction there.

Two arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him back against Rey's warm body, her head resting between his shoulder blades. The shock of the sudden connection caused him to freeze mid-swing. He didn't dare move, hardly dared to breathe.

Her arms tightened slightly. Kylo didn't know what to do and simply stood there, his saber still blazing in his hand. It felt glorious to have her wrapped around him. He couldn't remember the last time anybody had given him a hug. For a moment, he allowed his mind to wander to the past, searching for another hug, another moment of caring, human contact. His mother's face floated in his brain and he quickly shoved it away, returning to the present.

"Ben," Rey said against his back, "what's wrong?"

His shoulders sagged; his lightsaber died as his hands fell to his sides. Pain lanced through him as he contemplated whether or not to tell her. What would she think? He decided to keep his answer vague.

"I received a report about our recruitment numbers and tactics."

"Oh."

There was something in her voice, a certain hesitancy, that made him think there was more meaning behind it.

"Oh?" he echoed.

"What did you expect me to say, Ben? I can hardly condone the First Order recruitment tactics."

He abruptly turned, taking a step back and dislodging her arms from around him. "You knew?" Rage came coursing back through his system.

"You didn't?" she asks, stunned.

It was like a bucket of ice-cold water dumped over his head. Once more, his posture slumped. Of course she must have thought he knew. He's the Supreme Leader. How could he not know? She must think him an ignorant fool.

He shook his head and took another step back. Wasn't he strong? Ruthless? Why was he feeling so conflicted about this? They were just recruits, nothing more, needed to keep the peace. What did it matter where they came from?

"Ben?" Rey asked again.

Her voice struck him with clarity. He couldn't help but draw parallels between the children and young adults taken from their families and his own send-off to Jedi training. His head shot up to regard Rey as he realised her parents could have just as easily sold her to the First Order as they did to that scavenger Plutt. She could have been one of the Stormtroopers.

"No, no, I didn't know," he finally admitted. He clipped his saber back to his belt and dragged a hand through his hair. "It- it was never something I needed to worry about."

There was a long silence where he tried to clamp down on his emotions and return to the state of emptiness he was so trained in. It didn't work; it never came. Rey merely stood there and watched him. He wondered what she was thinking but didn't dare ask in case she would call him a monster again. When had he started caring about that?

"We are tearing apart families," he whispered.

"Oh, Ben." She tilted her head. "Why don't you change it?"

"What?" He blinked at her in utter confusion.

"Change it."

"How?"

The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement. She stepped forward and lightly poked his chest. "You are the Supreme Leader, aren't you?"

"I am… I am!"

Her laugh tinkled around him and he couldn't help a smile of his own. He quickly sobered again, though.

"Still, how?" he asked.

Rey thought about it for a while. "Do you still need the same amount of recruits?" she finally asked. "I would think that, since there's less fighting, less recruits are needed?"

"I could order them to stop buying children?" he suggested.

To his utter surprise, she denied the notion. Her eyes looked haunted—hurt so apparent in them he wanted to shield her from her memories.

"No," she answered. "These people—if they can't sell their children to you, they'll sell them somewhere else."

He understood the implied reasoning. 'At least you can make sure they're taken care of.' He nodded.

"Stop forcefully removing children from their families, Ben," she said. "They don't want to fight for you; aren't they a liability?"

Kylo suddenly realised he had never told her the different recruitment tactics; yet she hadn't flinched at his mention of buying children, and she knew about the forced recruitings.

"How do you know so much about this?" He couldn't help the hint of steel that crept into his voice.

She had the audacity to roll her eyes at him. "I'm with the Resistance, Ben. What kind of a resistance would we be if we didn't know? Besides, we have Finn."

"The traitor."

"Finn, Ben, his name is Finn." She looked over her shoulder at something he couldn't see. "Look, I have to go. Think about it, okay?"

With a last smile, she disappeared from view. "Rey," he breathed after her, hoping the echo would carry through their bond.

Sighing, he yet again dragged a hand through his hair. His rage had disappeared and been replaced by a sense of purpose. He needed more information. A full and detailed report of how the recruitments took place, how the selections were made, where the recruits went, how they were trained, etc., and he needed it fast.

Opening the door to the hallway, he smirked as the Stormtrooper in attendance jumped and took a cautionary step back.

"Get me the head of intelligence," Kylo ordered, "and find Phasma."

The Trooper nodded and hurried off. Kylo watched him go. At least now he understood why Phasma had pointed him in this direction. He wondered if that meant he could trust her.


	7. Mini-invasion

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_  
 _I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!_

xXxXxXx

He woke with a start, instinctively grabbing the hand that was reaching for him and wrenching it away.

"Ow."

The voice sounded feminine, and very, very familiar. He focused his eyes and stared into the brown, wide-open ones of Rey. Abruptly, he let go of her.

 _Wait? He could hurt her?_ "What are you doing here?" he blurted out.

She blushed as she rubbed her wrist.

"Did I hurt you?" he continued, rising from his bed and realising he was wearing only loose trousers when she started blushing even harder.

Her reaction pleased him and he fought hard to hide a smirk when he stepped closer to take hold of her wrist. With his thumbs, he rubbed soothing circles over it.

"I shouldn't be able to hurt you," he murmured.

Rey stood stock still. He could feel her heartbeat racing under his hands. Knowing she was so affected by his presence was a heady feeling. His touch moved from her wrist to her hand, spreading her fingers and rubbing lightly over her knuckles.

"Is there a reason you came by?" he asked softly.

She shifted from one foot to the other. Amused and curious, he looked at her. Rey was staring at her feet, obviously embarrassed. Raising one hand, he put his finger under her chin and tilted her head up.

"Well?"

Standing so close to her—being able to touch her and seeing her innocent, blushing face—made his stomach do a somersault. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, pull her as close as possible, kiss her, never let her go. The feelings scared him. Where did they come from? What had she done to make him feel that way?

"I … uhm..." She tried to look away again but he wouldn't let her. "I didn't want to be alone anymore," Rey finally confessed.

This time, he did wrap her in his arms, unable to resist the urge. Rey's sudden stiffening reminded him he was naked from the waist up—but he didn't relent. He needed her to know she wasn't alone, not as long as the bond connected them. Whenever she needed him, he would be there.

Rey finally relaxed in his arms, her hands slowly sliding up his back, causing him to smirk. He decided to greet her without a shirt more often. Wanting to know what she had meant with 'not wanting to be alone anymore', he guided her to his bed, sitting down but keeping hold of her hand.

"Tell me what happened."

"It's silly," she avoided, glancing at him but quickly looking away again.

"Tell me," he insisted.

Rey sighed. "Finn and Rose have been gone for some time. They're out to save more children; although, we all know it's an endless and impossible task to save them all. Rose seemed very invested in it, and Finn is willing to follow her just about anywhere. We're hoping they can also find more Force-sensitive ones."

At this she did look at him. A mixture of hope and trepidation was plastered on her face. "I still don't know how to teach them. I'm trying, but…"

She shook her head and stared off in the distance, away from him. He watched her profile and saw the sadness slowly seeping into her features.

"Poe had another argument with Maz. They have them a lot but this time was different. He took off and we haven't seen or heard from him for some time. We don't know what he's up to, or even if he's okay."

He resumed rubbing circles over her knuckles, hoping it would comfort her. "Maz? Little, scary Maz Kanata?"

Rey smiled at him. "Yes, you've met?"

"Bombarding her castle was a bit of a mistake," he answered, remembering the scathing hologram that had somehow found its way to him. "She's scary alright, even though we haven't met in person."

"The Supreme Leader, admitting he finds someone scary?" Rey teased him, poking his arm.

He glowered at her, fighting the urge to answer her poking by pinning her down to the bed. "You've met her; what do you think? She knows too much, about everything! She has connections everywhere and, as a result, is untouchable." He deliberated for a moment, before deciding to take a risk. "What's she doing with your people?"

"My people?" Rey laughed, then sobered. "I shouldn't be telling you this," she murmured.

"I promise not to tell anybody important," Kylo tried to joke, hoping to hear her laugh again. He felt accomplished when she did, indeed, laugh.

"You are the important person, you prat!" she hiccuped. "Maz … I think she is the unofficial leader of the Rebellion now, even though she absolutely refuses to acknowledge it. Whenever there is a problem, or a decision needs to be made, we all turn to her." Rey shrugged. "She always seems to know what to do."

"Then why do Poe and she fight?"

"Poe has very distinct ideas on how to proceed," Rey answered with a sigh. "They don't line up with Maz's ideas."

"I'm sure he's—" A bell rang, notifying him that someone was outside his door.

"Ben?" Rey asked at his sudden silence.

"Someone wants to speak with me," he answered. "Don't leave; I'll send whoever it is away."

He got up, checked that his saber was within summoning range, and opened the door. There was a snide remark on his lips, but he halted once he saw it was Phasma waiting for him.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir," she said, "but an irregularity has been reported. I thought it wise to consult you."

"An irregularity?" he asked.

"A single X-wing has appeared, sir, and has started attacking the ship. However, it seems the pilot is holding back. We await your instructions."

Kylo stepped back. "Come in," he invited Phasma.

"Sir? Excuse me?"

"Get inside the room and close the door."

"Ben? What's going on?"

He glanced to where Rey was still sitting on his bed.

"Oh," Phasma said.

"Yes, she's here," Kylo answered her.

"Ben?" Rey questioned again, a tinge of fear edging her voice. She jumped up, her stance tensing, as if ready for a fight.

"Rey, it's okay," he tried to reassure her. "Phasma is in the room with us; she knows we can talk to each other." He glanced at the imposing woman. "I trust her."

The baffled look on Rey's face would have been comical, had the circumstances been different.

"Rey," he said once more, "it seems we have located your missing friend."

"What?"

"A single X-wing is attacking us."

She covered her mouth with both hands. "No! No, he wouldn't be that foolish! He can't be! Please, please don't shoot him down. Ben, I'm be—"

"We won't," he quickly said, unhappy to hear her beg for another man's life. "How did he find us?"

The look she gave him could only be described as the facial manifestation of 'do you really have to ask?'.

"We've known your location for ages," she answered. "I mean, do you know the size of your own ship? Even in space, it is rather hard to miss."

He barked a laugh at that, surprising Phasma. "Valid point. Do you have any idea what he wants to achieve with this?"

"No, no, I don't. I promise I don't; just, please don't shoot him."

Ben nodded and turned to his commander. "Bring him in; escort him to interrogation room 3. Let me know once he's there."

"Sir!" Phasma saluted and left.

He watched the door close behind her. "She's gone," he commented to Rey.

"How does she know we can communicate? And you trust her? How did that happen?"

Dragging a hand through his hair, he sighed. "She's the one who pointed me in the direction of the recruitment process," he said.

"But, how? Why?"

Deciding they had some time before the pilot was captured and brought in, he launched into the story, telling Rey how Phasma had been in the throne room that one day and how her inquiries and resulting behavior had lead him to trust her. He left out the part where Phasma had told him she liked Rey's effect on him, though. He still didn't quite know what she had meant by that.

By the end, Rey was smiling brightly at him. "I'm happy you have a friend, Ben," she said.

"Friend? I'm not sure I can count her as a friend. An ally, yes, but a friend?"

"She's your friend," Rey repeated, adamantly.

He wasn't convinced, but conceded anyway. "If you say so." A thought popped up. "Let me try to get you to see my surroundings."

"Uhm, okay," she answered. "Why?"

"Could come in handy," he mumbled, focussing. He reached out for their bond, trying to somehow widen it into allowing more information to be transferred. A gasp told him he had succeeded.

"These are your quarters?" Rey asked, curiously looking around.

The realisation hit him the moment she spoke the words. He hardly ever allowed anybody in his quarters, and now he was showing them to _her_. He shook his head and shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Look, I need to get changed and head for the main bridge."

His words caused an array of emotions to flit across Rey's face, only to end in yet another blush. "Oh, uhm, okay, I'll leave you to it?" she said.

"I'll reach out when I … visit the pilot. You can watch, now that I can show you my surroundings."

If she caught his hesitation, she didn't respond to it. Nodding her assent, she started to fade away. "See you in a bit."


	8. A Foolish Plan

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

After Rey left, he mechanically turned to the freshener. His mind was whirling; how was he going to handle the situation? It was clear Rey cared about the pilot, and he didn't want to hurt her, but the daft man had attacked the _Supremacy_. He couldn't act lenient.

A solution had yet to present itself when he arrived at the main bridge in full, black attire. The officers and technicians all straightened their posture at his presence.

"Status?" he asked no-one in particular.

An officer ran up to him and saluted. "Sir! The X-wing was surrounded and forced to the hangar. Commander Phasma has gone down with a selection of Troopers to arrest the pilot."

"Damage?"

"The _Supremacy_ took some mild damage, sir. Mostly small impact damage to the outer skin. One of the shock canons is dysfunctional. Technicians are already on their way to fully assess the damage, sir."

"Status of the X-wing?"

"Excuse me, sir?"

Kylo turned his head slightly to look at the man from the corner of his eye. The man gulped.

"I ordered the X-wing not to be shot down. Were my orders followed?"

"Yes, sir!" the officer rushed to reassure him. "Some surface damage due to grazing shots, but the X-wing should still be fully operational."

He dismissed the officer with a nod and waited for Phasma to find him. When she did, they walked down to the interrogation rooms together.

"What can you tell me?" he asked her, noticing a slight unease in her.

"He put up very little resistance, sir. He was almost eager to be taken into custody. It doesn't sit right with me."

Kylo nodded his understanding. They walked in silence.

"I need you to personally guard the door. You know why," Kylo said upon arrival.

Phasma saluted, "Sir."

He reached for Rey through the bond. "I'm about to walk into the interrogation room," he thought to her. "You know I won't be able to talk to you or acknowledge your presence."

"I know."

The words sounded right next to him and he couldn't help throwing a short glance her way. She was looking him up and down, a frown marring her forehead. When her eyes lingered on his gloves, he realised she was wary of his outfit.

Not knowing how to react to that, he focused on bringing his surroundings into the bond. Rey jumped in surprise.

"So, this is the famous Phasma?" she asked, going to stand right in front of the woman.

Kylo nodded and looked around to ascertain they were alone.

"It seems only fair to inform you, Phasma, that Rey is standing right in front of you," he said.

The commander twitched slightly. "Miss," she greeted to thin air.

Rey smiled brilliantly. "Oh, she's your friend alright," she said. "Say hello back for me."

He grumbled. "She says hello too," he commented to Phasma before turning back to Rey. "I'm not a parrot!"

"What's a parrot?"

He opened his mouth to respond but eventually decided against it. With a breath, he forced himself back into a serious attitude. "Let's go meet your pilot."

She immediately sobered and nodded. Together they walked into the room. It was an interrogation room without the restraining bench, merely containing a table and a couple of chairs.

"So we meet again," Kylo said upon entry, his tone mocking.

Poe looked up from the chair behind the table. "No restraining chair this time?" he commented. "Afraid I'll embarrass you again by once more escaping it?"

Kylo ignored the jibe. "What is your purpose here?"

"What? No small talk? No threats? Nothing? Has the great Kylo Ren lost his mojo?"

Narrowing his eyes, Kylo took a menacing step forward. Rey whispered something under her breath, reminding him that she was there. He realised taking her with him was a mistake. He did not want her to see him torture people, let alone one of her friends, but it left him with little options. This man, he knew from experience, was not easily intimidated.

Kylo contemplated his options, which were few. He decided to take a risk.

"Did you really think you could damage us? On your own? Did the losses on Crait addle your brain?"

Next to him, Rey flinched. He hoped she understood why he was saying this, hoped she would not shun him for it.

Poe growled. "They all fought bravely."

"Yes, well, they all died in vain."

The pilot shot up out of his seat, toppling the table in the process. Anger was rolling off of him in waves. "They did not!" he shouted. "They died so we are one step closer to stopping the First Order!" He stepped around the table. "So we can kill you!"

Poe charged. With a flick of his wrist something thin and long snapped into his hand. Kylo prepared to block when Rey screamed.

"Poe! No!"

His head snapped towards her as a powerful wave of the Force rushed past him, lifting the pilot up in the air and smashing him into the wall. The bond faltered and Rey's signature flickered until he lost it.

"Rey!"

Phasma charged into the room, her baton ready for battle. Kylo immediately started barking orders, his mind only half present, the other half desperately searching the galaxy.

"Get some Troopers to clean up this mess and strap him to a chair. Find out what he's holding, but don't touch it without protective gloves; it seems to be more dangerous than it appears."

He started pacing. What had happened? He tried to wrap his head around the fact that Rey had channeled the Force through the bond to push the pilot. She had used the Force to protect _him_ against her friend. He glanced at the needle-like object, wondering what it was that it had caused Rey to turn to such extreme measures.

Once more he reached out, trying to connect to her through the bond. It felt like a severed thread; there was no feedback, nothing, merely a void. He fought back his panic. She was not dead. She could not be dead!

When Phasma returned with the Troopers and a research team, he barked at her to follow. He marched down the hall and around a corner before stopping in front of another, relatively small, interrogation room.

"Guard the door; nobody, absolutely nobody is to come in!"

She saluted. Assured, he entered the room, closing the door behind him. Without preamble, he dropped to the floor in meditation pose. Desperately, he tried to find her, tried to follow that severed thread.

Nothing, still nothing.

He smashed his hand to the floor, trying to fight off the onslaught of emotions coursing through him. He refused to even contemplate the possibility of her death. He wanted to teach her, help her teach the children.

His head shot up. The children! If Snoke managed to reach him, he might be able to reach one of them. Hadn't Rey given him one of their names? Ti- Trem- Temiri! Yes!

With renewed hope, he started searching. He closed his eyes, clearing his thoughts of everything except his wish, his need to find this boy. Logic dictated that Temiri was not far from Rey, so he tried to use the bond as a guideline. He knew that he could not use it to pinpoint her exact location—he had tried that many times before—but a direction, at the least, should be possible.

Kylo did not know how long he sat there, searching. He touched millions of lights, millions of people, trying to find the one that matched the to him unknown Temiri. It was a fool's errand, a needle in a haystack.

Just when he was about to give up—weariness breaking his concentration—he found Maz. The woman's light was as unique as she was. Gathering his remaining strength, he used it as a focal point, expanding around her in circles until he found someone that identified as Temiri.

He touched the boy's mind. Surprise and weariness were reflected back at him. To Kylo's surprise, the boy immediately started building a rudimentary shield around his mind.

"Temiri," Kylo addressed him. The boy paused. "Temiri, find Rey. She's injured." The connection faltered slightly; Kylo was vaguely aware of his own laboured breathing. "Help Rey," he continued when he managed to strengthen the connection again. "Find her. Or Maz." He could feel the boy's purpose change. "Help Rey," Kylo managed one more time before the connection abruptly broke off.

Blinking, he realised he was staring at the ceiling. The harsh lights were hurting his eyes. He only barely managed to push himself up. How long had he been out? He needed to sleep and recover, but he doubted he would make it to his chambers.

Painfully slow, he got up to his feet, using a wall as support. Once he managed to reach the door, he opened it just wide enough that he could see Phasma.

"How long have I been out?" he asked.

Phasma turned and gave a surprised jerk. "Two hours, sir. Are you- Are you alright?"

Kylo grimaced. He must truly look a mess for her to be asking that. "I need to recover. I need you to wake me up in three hours."

He could sense the woman's surprise. "Yes, sir! There will be no interruptions."

Kylo nodded and closed the door. Gliding down the wall, he settled himself in the corner and promptly fell asleep.

He was woken by someone softly shaking his shoulder and repeatedly calling him 'sir'. On instinct, he lashed out. The person blocked and hastily retreated.

"Apologies, sir, you didn't respond to my voice alone."

Slowly, he became aware of his surroundings. He still felt groggy, far from fully rested, but it would have to do. "Phasma. No apologies needed." Kylo closed his eyes again, trying the bond, trying to find her. Still nothing. Once more, he had to fight his fears.

He pushed himself off the ground. "Status?"

"Three hours have passed, sir. The prisoner has been secured and fully searched. The Troopers who did the initial search of his person will receive punishment for their negligence. Research is being held regarding the object he was holding. Initial findings are that it is part of a plant. They assume it holds poison and are conducting tests." There was a pause. "Sir, may I be so bold as to ask what happened?"

He gazed at the commander. Rey told him Phasma was his friend, but then again, Rey didn't know the woman. Still, he had been allowing Phasma to guard his door while he slept and to wake him after. How much could he tell her?

"As you no doubt have deducted already, the pilot tried to attack me." He paused, then decided to take the risk. "Rey managed to Force-push him away. Our connection faltered. I have been unable to reach her since."

"How? Is she…?" Phasma stuttered, sounding baffled with a tinge of worry evident in her voice.

He dragged a hand through his hair. "I don't know."

She gave a curt nod in response. "What shall we do with the pilot?"

"Strap him to a chair and leave him. No contact, nothing. Let him stew. Has the ship been searched?"

"Upon arrival."

"Search it again. Have it checked for detonation traps and the like. It's obvious his initial goal was to infiltrate."

"Sir."

"Where are the Troopers who searched the pilot?"

"Level zero, detainment cells."

Kylo nodded and started to leave. When he reached the door, he hesitated. Would he?

"Sir?"

He looked over his shoulder, not straight at her but a bit to her right, feeling uncomfortable. "Good work, Phasma." After that, he quickly disappeared, leaving a surprised Phasma in his wake.

Scaring the Troopers helped with his anxiety, but it was far from sufficient to silence the worry in his mind. He went up to the training grounds to try and work it off. It was there, almost five hours after the incident, that he noticed a change. Immediately, he fell into the bond.

"Rey?"

"Ben."

He thought it sounded tired, drowsy. Relief flooded him and a joy so strong he did not know how to deal with it.

"You were gone," he said.

"Maz says I burned myself out." There was a break where he could feel her struggling to maintain their connection. He poured more energy into it, helping her. "You saved me," she continued.

"No," Kylo protested. "You saved me."

Rey chuckled. "I guess we're even then."

He disagreed but thought better of telling her that. "You should rest," he said instead. "Rey, go sleep."

Her tired smile was felt through the bond. "'Night, Ben."


	9. Consequences

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

 **xXxXxXx**

Kylo once more woke with Rey standing next to his bed, watching him. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Do you like watching me sleep?" he murmured.

"You look different when you sleep," Rey answered. "Much less frightening."

He growled, realising too late she was teasing him. It didn't seem to deter her though—a wide grin spreading across her face. He sat up and grinned himself when her eyes temporarily wandered from his face to his chest.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

Her eyes snapped back to his. "Better. Nothing a little sleep couldn't solve."

"You were gone." He didn't like how pained he sounded, but he couldn't deny her loss had severely rattled him.

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "How did you do it? How did you manage to channel the Force from such a distance?"

"I don't know. I just- When I saw what Poe was planning, I- I don't know. How did _you_ manage to reach Temiri? He was pretty shaken until I could explain to him what happened. He promised not to tell the others; I made sure of that too."

Kylo felt slightly relieved. It wouldn't do any good for his reputation if word spread that he reached out through half the galaxy in order to save someone who was supposed to be his enemy.

"I searched," he answered.

"You can't have possibly searched the entire galaxy!" Rey answered sceptically.

"I tried to use what was left of our bond as a direction in which to search, and then I did just search. Eventually, I found Maz, then Temiri. You taught the boy how to shield his mind?"

Rey blushed and looked away. "Yes, well, I've gotten quite good at that. At least that is something I can teach him. He's been lifting rocks too."

Kylo smiled at her, trying hard not to think about the fact that she had gotten so good at shielding because of him.

"You should smile more often."

It caught him off guard. "I should? It doesn't really suit the monster persona, now does it?" He silently cursed himself as soon as the words left his mouth.

Rey's face fell. "I should never have said that; I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No." He got up from the bed and walked over to her, putting a finger under her chin and tilting her head so she would look at him. "No, you were right; you still are. I'm a monster."

She shook her head, placing a hand on his chest. It tingled and burned at the same time.

"You are not a monster," Rey said. "I have faith in you."

He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to feel. He stared into her eyes, wondering if she was sincere, and could find no lie. After all he did—after Crait—how could she not see him as a monster?

"What happened to Poe?" she finally asked, chewing her lip.

"He's being … detained."

She looked away from him, nodding. He took hold of her chin again.

"No harm has come to him. Although, he might be a bit hungry."

Rey snorted. "You're not feeding him? That's it?"

"Pretty much, no food, no contact."

He was surprised when she started laughing. "He must be going crazy by now, wondering what you're up to!"

"You think that's funny?" he asked, puzzled. "He's your friend."

"The idiot tried to kill you." Her gaze turned to steel, a fire burning in their depths. Again, he was lost for words. "What will happen to him?"

"I haven't decided yet. What was he attacking me with?"

"I can't tell you; it would reveal too much."

He frowned at her words. The researchers were probably running it through every database they had; they would find out sooner than later. Why didn't she want to tell him?

"What do you mean?"

"I-" Her face turned troubled. She started fidgeting, looking everywhere but at him. "I'm sorry; I can't tell you."

Anger started building in his chest, until realisation hit him. "I promise I won't come to find you. I won't send troops to fight either."

Rey looked up at him, baffled. "How can you promise that? You're the Supreme Leader of the First Order. We're the Resistance; we're your enemy."

He cupped her cheek. "You are not my enemy."

They were standing so close together. He could feel the fabric of her shirt brush his chest with every breath she took. They were staring into each other's eyes, looking for something undefined.

"Promise?" she finally whispered.

"Promise."

"It's a stinger of the Vergifianus flower. Its tip is sharp as a needle, the first few centimeters like a razor blade. It's coated with venom, and if even the tiniest bit gets into your bloodstream, you're beyond saving. We've lost a couple of people to them already. How Poe managed to carry one without getting cut himself is a miracle."

"He wrapped his lower arms in bandages."

Rey looked down at her own wrapped arms. "Oh."

"What do you want me to do with him?"

"What?"

"Tell me what you want me to do with him."

She blinked. "You- You want me to decide?"

"He is your friend? Isn't he?" Kylo asked her. He was torn between wanting to turn the man into an example and not wanting to hurt Rey.

"I- Uhm." Rey hesitated. "What do you normally do?"

He grimaced. "He would be shot in the head and dumped, after we pump him for information. It would be a deliberate show of just how meaningless he is."

"Oh." Another hesitation. "I don't want him to die," she whispered.

"I know."

He couldn't help himself; he reached out to touch her cheek, tucking some stray strands of hair back behind her ear. Glancing up at him, she gave him a small smile, before returning to her brooding.

"Can't you- uhm," she finally said, "can't you send him back?"

Of all the things he had expected, this wasn't one of them. "What?"

"If it's about showing how meaningless he is, can't you just send him back? He tried to assassinate you, but you're so unimpressed, you're not even afraid if he would try again?"

"And let him walk free?"

The look in her eyes hardened. "Oh, he won't walk free," she said. "I'll talk to Maz. I guarantee you he'll not simply walk free."

He believed her, if only because of the fierceness she was displaying. He loved it when her eyes blazed wild. A small part of him almost pitied the pilot. There was no way he would be able to hold his own against a furious Rey.

"And where would I send him?"

"You're agreeing?"

The corner of his lips twitched at the dumbfounded look on her face. "If delivered correctly, your suggestion has its merits."

With a happy squeal, Rey closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Kylo froze. He still wasn't used to the idea of being hugged, even though he had been the one to initiate last time.

"Thank you, Ben!"

Finally relaxing, he carefully wrapped his arms around her slim form. "His X-wing is still intact; the droid is secured as well. I'll order to put it on autopilot and have it transport him somewhere on the outer rim. I'll give you the coordinates so you can pick him up."

She bounced out of his embrace, a wide grin on her face. "Yes! That should work! I need to talk to Maz."

"And I have orders to give."

Her hand reached out to lightly touch his chest, a wide smile still around her lips and sparkling in her eyes. "Bye, Ben."

As she disappeared from view, Kylo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. After quickly getting dressed, he opened the door to his quarters, finding Phasma once more standing outside.

He blinked. "Don't you ever sleep?" he blurted.

Phasma seemed surprised. "Your safety is paramount, sir."

The comment took him by surprise. He also realised the answer meant that she probably wasn't getting much sleep at all.

"Do you have any Troopers you truly trust?"

"A few, sir."

"You are free to put together a squad as you see fit." He didn't feel like he needed the extra protection, but it wouldn't do to have Phasma exhaust herself.

"Sir!"

Kylo shrugged and started walking down the hall. There were meetings to attend, reports to read, and decisions to be made. He wasn't looking forward to the inane chatter of his officers.

"Have the investigation team halt their research. Confiscate and destroy all their findings. The pilot will be put back into his X-wing and sent to a random destination on the outer rim. Make sure everybody understands that he wasn't even worth killing. Let him fly back to the Resistance and try again; we do not fear them in any way."

Phasma stayed silent for a while.

"You already know what he attacked you with? Sir?"

"Yes."

"And we are not to know what it is, or where it came from?"

Kylo looked at her, impressed but also wary at her quick thinking. "Indeed," he answered.

"If I may be so bold, sir, I would suggest planting a tracker in the X-wing."

"That is not acceptable."

"It would malfunction, of course."

Once more, Kylo looked at her, surprised this time. "Make sure that it does," he answered, a hint of a threat in his voice.

"Sir." Phasma saluted and veered off to execute his orders.


	10. Base One

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

 _A/N: Trigger warning for physical and psychological abuse_

xXxXxXx

Kylo purposefully strode towards the immense, stone building. Phasma was following him—one step behind him and to his left. He could hear the clanging of armour as a couple of Phasma's trusted Troopers stationed themselves around their ship.

"Base one is the largest of them?" Kylo asked Phasma.

"Yes, sir."

He nodded, thoughtfully gazing at the stone wall that surrounded buildings of the same material; its dreary façade was only sparsely interrupted by windows. Despite the green surroundings, the institution seemed a bleak place.

After the mess with the Resistance pilot was sorted—having him sent up into space with random coordinates and having Rey's assurance that Maz had demoted him, denying him all access to the hanger and spaceships—Kylo had turned his attention to the recruitment process.

He had asked Phasma to glean what she could from the Troopers who were recruited as children. She came back with meager results—not for a lack of trying, but those Troopers were often the ones most ingrained with protocol. They simply did not talk much, and if they did, it was with reverence to the First Order.

The only useful thing that did come from Phasma's inquiries was a list of facilities and estimated number of children for each; a list she managed to officially confirm a few days later. Kylo had immediately decided upon a visit to Base one at the planet Zarnok—a small, green planet with predominantly small and harmless wildlife.

Three men and two women awaited Kylo and Phasma at the main entrance. As they reached the odd group, one of the men—bald and looking like he had once possessed impressive posture but had neglected himself in the last decade—immediately introduced himself.

"Supreme Leader." He gave a slight bow. His example was quickly followed by the four others. "My name is Barend Stelva, as you must well know. I am the director of this facility and it is my pleasure to welcome you here."

Kylo decided he didn't like the man. Not answering his welcome, he gazed at the others present.

"Ah, uhm, yes." The director stumbled over his words. "May I present to you my assistant director, the head of Combat training, the head of Discipline, and the head of the teachers staff?" He pointed at the two men and two women consecutively.

With a neutral face, Kylo looked them over. The assistant director was rather young with short black hair and a nervous demeanor. The head of the Combat training was a burly man with hard eyes and a cruel mouth. He seemed to be measuring Kylo up, as if he would start a fight with him in the near future.

Turning towards the women, he saw the head teacher staring into nothing with glazed-over eyes, all the while muttering something under her breath. The head of Discipline harshly snapped at the woman—who was apparently called 'Mira'—before resuming her rigid posture, like a soldier about to be inspected. There was something cold about the woman. A stark contrast to the now blushing Mira standing beside her.

Kylo returned his attention to the director. "I would like to see your facility. Now."

"Of course, of course!" The man rushed to open the iron-barred gates. "We have assembled the children in the main training hall."

The complex looked as dreary on the inside as it had on the outside. A plane of concrete stretched between the different buildings, forming a large square. One lonesome tree stood in the middle, but seemed to have lost all will to live. Its gnarly branches only accentuated the contrast between the lush green environment and the desolate feeling of the compound.

The director slowed his pace to fall into step at Kylo's right-hand side. "So, have you come to recruit for your special forces?" he whispered conspiratorially.

Kylo only barely managed to hide his surprise. "I do not believe that is any of your business, director," he answered.

Barend paled slightly and inclined his head. "Of course not, my apologies, Supreme Leader. I let my misplaced curiosity get the better of me." He sped up again, distancing himself as they walked between two identical buildings and towards what seemed to be a large hangar. "We are almost there."

Recruitment for special forces? Kylo thought to himself. He was unaware of ongoing recruitments or any special forces being assembled. A quick glance towards Phasma provided him with an almost imperceptible shrug, implying she didn't know either.

He stored the information for later as they reached the hangar-like building. Similar to the other buildings, it had a large letter and number combination painted on the wall, here 'P1'. The doors were open, the interior only separated from them by a thick curtain. It was eerily quiet inside.

As Kylo followed the director through the curtains, he saw rows upon rows of children between five and twelve, standing with perfect pose and in perfect formation. The younger children were mixed with the older ones, and there was only movement when an older child corrected a younger child next to them.

Kylo did a quick count: ten children per row, twelve rows in depth, four formations—480 children. A couple of adults wandered around them, some taking notes on a clipboard. The director next to him started prattling about the children and their achievements, but Kylo ignored him. The sight before him chilled him to the bone.

"Everybody out," he commanded, "and close the door."

Barend seemed almost eager at the command. "Of course, of course. Come on everybody; let us leave the Supreme Leader alone with the children. Come on."

At his words, the adults started filing out, except one. Kylo turned to glare at the woman. He guessed her to be in her mid forties.

"S- S- Supreme Leader." The woman was visibly shaking under his stare but still did not budge. "I'm the children's prime caretaker and, therefore, responsible for their safety. I- I must bid you to let me stay." She gave him a curt bow.

"Get. Out."

The woman jumped in fright at his frigid tone. She glanced at the children and Kylo could see the fear and heartbreak in her face as she turned to the door and hurried away.

"The woman is devoted, sir," Phasma remarked after having checked that the doors were indeed closed.

"She is," Kylo answered. "Do you think you can find a covert way to reward her?"

"I'll see what I can do, sir."

Kylo nodded and turned back to the children. "Did you know about _this_?" he asked with a wave of his hand.

"No, sir."

He sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. All this time, not a sound came from the children. None were shuffling their feet or stretching out a cramp from standing so long. There wasn't so much as a cough. They merely stood there, like silent little droids. It was exactly that comparison, Kylo realised, that gave him such an uneasy feeling.

He did not know a thing about children, but he knew that this was not normal. Studying the faces in the front rows, he saw the fear in their eyes; yet they stayed rooted to the spot. He sighed again. The least he could do was try to look less intimidating.

"Let's sit," he said.

As one, the children sank down to sit cross-legged on the floor, their backs still painfully straight. A couple of confused 5-year olds were quickly dragged down by their neighbours. Shocked, Kylo flinched at the synchronised movement. He glanced at Phasma, but her armour prevented him from reading her body language.

However, she seemed to have understood his intent. "Soldiers, at ease!"

A surprised ripple washed through the gathered children before, one by one, their postures slumped and they started to marginally relax.

Kylo sank down to the ground as well and signalled Phasma to do the same, only to see her kneel instead. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"The armour does not allow for lounging, sir."

He stared at her. "You can't sit on the floor because of the armour?" he repeated.

"No, sir."

"And your armour is constructed the same as the standard-issue Trooper armour?"

"Yes, sir."

Kylo blinked at the realisation that none of his Troopers could ever sit on the ground. "Can you at least sit on a chair?"

"Yes, sir."

Well, that was something, he guessed. "Do you have any solutions for how to fix that issue without compromising the protection of the armour?"

Phasma hesitated for a moment. "I have some ideas, sir."

"Feel free to discuss them with the armour department under my name. In the meantime, if you prefer to stand, stand, but please take off your helmet."

"Yes, sir."

She stood and took a few steps back, before taking off her helmet. A few of the children gasped. Kylo's mouth twitched.

"Yes, she's a woman," he said.

Behind him, Phasma huffed. Kylo hesitated. He did not know how to deal with children; yet, there were things he needed to know. He wondered how Rey would handle a situation like this. How would she address the children? He took a deep breath and looked up.

"You probably already know who I am. I am Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. She," he pointed to Phasma with his thumb, "is Commander Phasma, my ally and bodyguard of sorts."

The children were nodding at him, some with wide-open eyes.

"I came here to inspect the facility, but also to ask you all a question." A murmur rose from the group in front of him. "You will all answer truthfully," Kylo continued. "There is no right or wrong answer; there will be no repercussions. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir!" they all answered as one.

"Well then," he said. "I want to know if some of you seem to have an extraordinary amount of luck? Do some of you seem to feel an object flying towards you other than seeing it? Have some of you ordered someone else to do something, only to have them repeat your words and do exactly as they have been told? Have some of you made things move or even fly on their own accord, something that was just out of reach that simply came to your hand? Have some of you had other weird experiences like this? If so, raise your hand."

The children started muttering amongst themselves. Kylo could see a lot of the younger ones asking the older children questions. He could almost feel the consternation at his question. It wasn't like he expected any result, but he'd decided to try nonetheless. If there had been a Force-sensitive child in the training stables at Canto Bight, there might as well be one here in the facility.

His head shot up as a hesitant hand rose in the air, slowly followed by two more.


	11. Force Sensitive

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

For a moment, Kylo merely blinked at the three raised hands, uncomprehending. Three? There were three of them? Finally, he managed to pull himself together. He still had to check the veracity of their answer. They were children; they might have been imagining things.

"You three," he said. "Come forward."

The three children stood up and gingerly made their way towards him. They were dressed in a sleeveless shirt and loose-fitting pants. Their hair was trimmed short and all three of them had bruises on their arms. Kylo suddenly realised he could not make out whether they were boys or girls.

They lined up in front of him and he deliberately stayed seated as to not loom over them. However, even though they were children, it made him uncomfortable. He quickly gestured them to sit down.

"What are your names and ages?"

"LT6799, sir, age 12."

"LT6808, sir, age 11."

"LT6834, sir, age 8."

Kylo's world once more tilted on its axis. He had never questioned the coded names of his Troopers, merely accepting it as part of the system. Seeing the children, however, with only a code as a name, felt immensely wrong.

He clenched his jaw, his neck and shoulders tensing at the rush of unwanted emotions. He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order. The Order worked because of its system. He should not be questioning the system; he should be enforcing it. He was strong! There should be no conflict in his heart!

"Sir?" Phasma prompted.

It served to bring him back into focus. With a wave of his hand, he acknowledged her words. Looking up, he saw the three kids in front of him looking absolutely terrified and shame caused him to sigh.

"My apologies; I did not wish to scare you." He could actually hear Phasma's armour clang as she shifted in surprise at his words. "I will need to test all three of you separately to know if you have that which I'm looking for."

The children shifted nervously but nodded. "I will go first," the eldest spoke up. "With your permission, of course, sir."

Kylo nodded. "Come sit in front of me." Once LT6799 was seated, Kylo tried to explain what he was about to do. "I will have to enter your mind by the Force. Do not fight me. It will be uncomfortable, but I will try my best not to make it hurt."

"I am accustomed to pain, sir."

"Excuse me?"

"I am accustomed to pain, sir. Pain is relative."

The other children sat up straighter and as one they spoke. "Pain is but a figment of the mind. Pain is for the weak. We are strong; therefore, we will overcome it. We feel no pain."

Kylo could hear Phasma's sharp intake of breath and could only agree with her sentiment. "Where does this come from?" he asked.

"It is our mantra, sir," the eldest child answered. Kylo guessed it was a boy, but still he was unsure.

"Your mantra?" he repeated.

"Yes, sir. We are taught how to deal with pain and this is our mantra."

"And how do they teach you that?"

"They beat us, sir."

Kylo found himself once more clenching his jaw. What he heard and saw before him reminded him of his own training under Snoke, and it saddened him. Rey had shown him there was another way. The thought of Rey's reaction if she were ever to see this facility pained him. He vaguely hoped this was the only facility with these sets of rules, but he already knew his hope was in vain.

"Right," he finally muttered. "Still, I will try not to make this hurt. There is no need."

Reaching out, Kylo placed his fingertips against the kid's temples. "Do not fight me," he said again before submerging himself into the child's mind. It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for. The boy was indeed Force-sensitive.

When he pulled back, he had to fight hard to not show his joy and wonder. Force-sensitive children! They were right underneath their noses, and they hadn't known! A thought struck him: perhaps Snoke _had_ known? It would explain the director's earlier request.

He pushed away the thought in order to test the other two. Both had varying degrees of Force-sensitivity. It astounded him immensely. After pulling out of the mind of the youngest of the three, he nodded and stood. All the children in the room quickly followed his example, relinquishing their relaxed position and once more forming four perfect formations.

"You three can expect a summons in the future," he said.

"Sir!" they answered in unison.

He sighed. "Return to your post."

As the three scurried to take their respective places, Kylo turned and walked towards the doors. Phasma put her helmet back on and followed. When they emerged, only the director and his assistant were waiting for them.

"I hope you found the recruits satisfactory?" the director immediately asked. "I hope you don't mind it's just us two for the remaining tour of the facility? The others have their jobs to do."

Kylo stared until the repulsive man started fidgeting. "Expect a summons for three of the children," he finally said. "Make the rest of the tour quick; don't waste my time."

At the sound of barked orders and perfectly matched footsteps, Kylo turned to watch the children march off in smaller groups and into different directions.

"Ah, yes, they are well trained," the director immediately supplied. "We make sure they know their formations and are perfectly able to march them within the first month of their training." He stretched out an arm towards one of the buildings—no doubt it was supposed to be an inviting gesture. "Let us first start with the dormitories."

The man prattled on and on while he led them through the compound. The dormitories were sparsely furnished, all practicality and no warmth. They were large rooms that housed 15 to 20 children and consisted of beds and small chests to hold their clothes. Barend seemed pleased to tell them they kept the water of the showers cold as to harden the children.

The classrooms were equally spartan in their decoration; only the gyms were better equipped. The contrast with the staff-housing, on the other hand, was gargantuan. Although the building looked exactly the same on the outside, the apartments and common areas were luxuriously decorated.

"As you can see, we provide well for our staff. They have a big responsibility, of course, and we like to reward them for their hard work," the director proudly said.

Kylo had to fight the urge to kill the man. "I have seen enough," he said instead, turning on his heel and walking away.

The director scrambled to follow. "I hope everything was satisfactory?"

Kylo twitched at the obnoxious man and Phasma inserted herself between them. "The quickest way to the gates?" she half asked, half commanded.

Barend jumped in surprise—Phasma hadn't spoken in his presence up until then—and moved to lead the way. Kylo wasted no more time on the man, immediately heading towards his shuttle.

His emotions were all over the place and he was working hard to keep his face neutral. He barely heard the shouted orders to get the shuttle ready for departure. As the Troopers moved about in a well-organised way, he couldn't help but wonder if one of them had grown up in a facility such as the one he had just visited. Moving his mouth in an agitated way—a nervous tic he never seemed to be able to fully control—he ignored the commotion and went straight for his private quarter.

The ship jolted as it broke through the planet's atmosphere and into space. Only after a second jolt informed them they had jumped into lightspeed did he allow himself to start pacing. His emotions were quickly mounting towards rage and his hand twitched to grab his saber. A growl escaped him as he tried to control his urge to destroy.

"You really should do something about your anger management, Ben."

He swirled around to face the source of the teasing words.

"Rey!"

Her presence immediately made him feel calmer, more composed. If only he could have her around all the time, he would love that. She always knew how to cheer him up, or how to solve a problem. He blinked at the idea as she walked over to him and put a hand on his chest.

"What's gotten you so upset?"

"I-" he didn't know what to tell her. The situation the children lived in had him horrified. It pained him to admit this newest failure to her.

"Ben?"

He hung his head and put his own hand over hers, pressing it closer to his chest and hoping it would prevent her from disappearing when he told her.

"I went to visit one of the institutions where the children are taken," he admitted. "It's … not good."

"It must have been really bad to upset you like this. Tell me."

"It was- They-" He sighed and deliberated. Did he trust her? Could he truly trust her? "Why don't you come into my mind and I'll show you?"

"What?!"

His lips twitched at her astounded exclamation. "It's easier to show you, and since it's my memory, you'll have to use the Force to look into my mind."

Kylo frowned as Rey fidgeted and looked away. "I don't know how," she stated, barely above a whisper.

"You've done it before," he stated in confusion. He didn't want to remind her of the days he had kept her prisoner, but she had managed it then; why would she not be able to do it now?

"That was an accident…"

"An _accident_?" he repeated.

"I've tried doing it again. Poe and Finn volunteered to allow me to practice on them, but I haven't been able to repeat what happened."

"Oh." Realisation dawned. Kylo cupped her chin so she would look at him. He gave her a tentative smile. "Would you allow me to teach you?"

"You would do that?"

"The offer still stands, Rey."

She bit her lip in contemplation and he couldn't help but stare at it. After a while, he succumbed to temptation and with his thumb, he pulled her lower lip away from her teeth. Rey's breath hitched as the finger slid over the soft skin.

Their moment was broken by a knock and the hissing sound of the door sliding open. Kylo widened the bond to show Rey his surroundings when he noticed it was Phasma who had interrupted them.

"Oh," Phasma said, taking in the situation.

Kylo realised it must look odd to her, not being able to see Rey. The latter was blushing furiously, looking utterly adorable.

"Apologies, sir, miss," Phasma continued. Kylo thought she sounded amused, not apologetic at all. "We are approaching base 4." He nodded and she left.

"Base 4?" Rey asked.

He turned to her, belatedly realising he was still holding her chin and quickly letting go. "Another institution," he answered, gnashing his teeth. "I'm planning on visiting them all."

"Oh." She gave him a small smile. "I hope they don't upset you as much as this one did."

"I have little hope," he answered. "I must go. Do you- do you want me to teach you later tonight?"

"I would like that," Rey answered him with a tiny nod.

Kylo couldn't help the broad smile that stretched his lips. She smiled in return.

"Bye, Ben; see you tonight."

"Bye, Rey."


	12. A Lesson

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

As he feared, Base Four wasn't any better than Base One; although, there was less contrast between the buildings and its surroundings, as it was located on a moon consisting purely of rock.

The director had insisted on Kylo watching the children march into the training hall and take formation. The eerie quiet and near perfection with which the children marched made Kylo just as uncomfortable as before.

The children's sleeping arrangements were practically bare, whereas the staff rooms were fit to home nobility. Since it was dinner time when the facility tour finished, Kylo strode into the dining hall—causing all the kids to promptly stop eating and stand. He looked at the porridge with disdain, but ordered himself a bowl to see what they were feeding the children. The director was quick to correct him and lead him to a smaller dining area next door, where fowl, vegetables, and bread were spread out as a buffet. Kylo decided to leave immediately.

As he returned to his ship and they had their own meal of rations, he remembered the last words the director had spoken. 'Any children that you'll be summoning?'

Kylo turned towards Phasma. "We need to figure out what both directors were referring to." He knew he didn't need to elaborate. The woman always seemed to be in tune with him.

"Yes, sir."

"Any ideas?"

"No, sir."

Kylo shrugged and left for his quarters. After deliberately calming himself down, he contacted Rey.

"I can still sense your anger, you know," she said as she appeared in front of him. He huffed in annoyance. "I can also feel you're trying to control it," she continued. "I'm proud of you, Ben."

Part of him was thrilled at her words, part of him annoyed. He felt like she was petting him on the head like you would do to an obedient dog. It must have shown on his face, if Rey's sudden burst of laughter was any indication. He huffed again and removed the outer layers of his clothes, leaving him only in pants and shirt. When he caught Rey staring, he smirked. The smirk grew when she quickly looked away and blushed.

"Are you sure you want me to teach you?" he asked, unable to keep the doubt from his voice. It seemed so strange to have her accept his teachings after having denied them for so long.

Rey shrugged. "Yes, Ben, who else is going to teach me?"

His breath hitched at her words. He quickly recovered and sat down, urging her to do the same with a wave of his hand. Just as when he'd given her the information needed to build a saber, they sat cross-legged, knees touching.

"Can you remember anything you did when you first invaded my mind?" he asked.

"Not really," she answered. "I just remember trying to fight you off with everything I had. At one point I wondered how you would feel if somebody did that to you, and before I knew it, I was in your head. Once there I- I don't know. It felt almost easy?"

He grimaced at the memory. "I wasn't prepared so I didn't put up a fight. That's why it felt easy, like swimming in a lake. If I were to try and keep you out, it would resemble swimming in mud."

"Swimming isn't easy!" Rey protested. "It's hard; I keep sinking!"

After a moment of surprise, Kylo burst out laughing. "It takes some practice, yes. You never learned how to swim?"

"Bit difficult on a desert planet, don't you think?"

"Yes, true."

Another snort escaped him at the image of Rey sinking as she tried to swim. Then he realised she would be wearing a swimsuit while trying and ideas of a totally different nature swarmed his head. He quickly schooled his features and pushed away those thoughts.

"Well," he finally said, "I think you will be fine as soon as you manage to create the connection. That's the hardest part."

"A connection?" Rey questioned.

"Yes. Before you can explore someone else's mind, you need to link your mind with theirs. In our case, the link was already there since I was trying to probe yours. When you thought of invading mine, the Force latched on to that and reversed the connection."

"It's like a stream?"

"I think you could say that. Either you are in another person's mind, or they are in yours. You can't be in both at the same time."

"And how do I make this connection?"

"You, uhm…" Kylo realised he hadn't thought this through. The way Snoke had taught him was not how he wanted to teach Rey, not anywhere close. "It helps if you visualise," he finally said. "Imagine the Force creating a string between your minds, or a bridge of sorts."

She was looking at him uncomprehending and he bit his lip in worry. Was he not explaining it well? Perhaps he should have proposed trying to teach her in a day or two, so he would have had the time to figure out what to say?

"Like an energy arc?" Rey eventually said, tilting her head.

Kylo sighed in relief. "Yes, like that."

"Oh. I think- I think I can do that."

"You want to try?"

"You would let me?"

"Well, it's my memories I wanted you to see."

"Yes, but- I'll be in your mind! And I wouldn't know what I was doing."

He reached out and touched her cheek. "Don't worry. I'll help you make the connection, and as long as you don't go on a rampage in my brain, I can keep you from seeing more than I want to."

"You will? You can? Can you teach me that too?"

He laughed at how eager she was. "Yes, but first this, alright?" She nodded and smiled. "Right, now, focus and try to make that bridge."

Kylo felt a touch of tenderness as she closed her eyes and scrunched up her nose in concentration. With the Force, he created a thin, barely there pathway between his mind and hers. He wasn't trying to truly connect, just providing something for Rey to latch onto and use to her advantage.

When she finally did connect, she smashed into his brain with enough strength to make him grunt. Immediately, she lost concentration.

"Ben! I'm sorry; did I hurt you?" She was reaching out for him, her fingers hovering over his face.

He shook his head. "It's okay. You lost concentration."

"Sorry…"

"No, that's not- It's okay. Try again."

"Are you sure?"

Nodding, he again created the tiny connection and fortified himself for her arrival. It seemed she was a quick learner, for her entry in his mind was already more controlled. He projected an image of the _Supremacy's_ bridge.

"Can you see that?" he asked.

"Yes! Yes, I can!"

Her elation broke her concentration. Kylo had to tamper down his smile as he watched her pout.

"Try again," he merely said.

He did not know how long he trained her, but by the end, she was able to make the connection on her own and wasn't losing concentration as soon as something distracted her. He could feel how happy she was and he himself felt proud of her.

"You're doing great," he finally said.

She beamed at him and squeezed his hands. He hadn't noticed they were holding onto each other and he suddenly felt self-conscious.

"It uhm-" he stuttered. "You might want to try on other volunteers as practice. Our bond might be simplifying things."

Rey nodded and bit her lip. "Can I see now?" she asked. "Can I see what upset you so earlier?"

Kylo grimaced. "Are you sure?" Again, Rey nodded. He sighed in response. "Okay…"

It took them awhile to sort through the memories of both visits, even though he selected only the most important parts. When Rey returned to herself, there were tears in her eyes. She reached out and cupped his cheek.

"Oh, Ben…"

"I will do something about it," he stated firmly while leaning into her touch. "I promise."

"I know you will," she agreed. "Some of the kids are Force-sensitive?"

"Yes, three in Base One, one in Base Four. And it is as if the directors expected us to come inspect the children, as if that was something Snoke did regularly. I just don't understand why."

"Can't you look into it?"

Kylo nodded. "I've already set Phasma on it, but I doubt she will be successful. If Snoke wanted it hidden, there is no way he left a trail." To his surprise, Rey gave him a broad smile. "What are you smiling about?" he asked, bewildered.

"I'm just happy Phasma is your friend, that you are not alone."

He made to roll his eyes at her but stopped as an idea struck him. "Those Force-sensitive children," he said. "I can't leave them there." Rey shook her head in agreement. "But I have nowhere else to take them either," he continued, watching Rey's face scrunch up at his words. He took a breath and a leap of faith. "Could you take them?"

It took a couple of seconds before Rey caught on. "What?!"

"There's nothing I could do for them within the First Order, not right now. If I put them on a ship, would you take them in? Of course, first I need to check the other facilities as well. There might be more of them."

"You want to send them to the Resistance?"

Kylo grinned at the dumbfounded look on her face; he wanted to kiss her, make her see how very precious a person she was, but settled on chuckling instead.

"Yes and no," he answered. "I want to send them to you." His grin grew wider as she started blushing.

"Oh! I, uhm- I think I can arrange something with Maz," she answered, looking at their still linked hands.

"Great," he answered. A jostle told him they jumped out of lightspeed. It caused him to sigh with regret. "My ship is nearing the _Supremacy_ ; I have to go."

Kylo was surprised to see Rey's face sadden. Did she enjoy spending time with him as much as he enjoyed being with her? That seemed so … unlikely.

"Okay, Ben," she said as they both stood. "Let me know about the children, okay? And I know you will find a way to help all of them; I believe in you."

He couldn't help himself, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her. "I will try; at the least, I will try," he murmured. "No child should live like that."

There was a knock on the door and Phasma's muffled voice calling out for him.

"I really have to go," Kylo said.

Rey nodded. "Bye, Ben; talk to you soon."

For a moment, he could only stare at the empty space in his arms where Rey had stood a second ago, wishing he could keep her forever.


	13. Base Z

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

 _A/N: Trigger warning for physical and psychological abuse._

xXxXxXx

Kylo spent the next month visiting the multitude of institutions across the galaxy. Each and every one of them was as bad as the first. There were some who seemed to take better care of their children—giving them better food or better sleeping arrangements—but they all looked like forced labour/imprisonment camps, rather than places to raise children.

Rey came to console him whenever she could, repeatedly telling him he would find a way to fix things. Still, even with her reassurances, he felt stuck. He had all the power he ever wanted, reached the position he had craved so badly, but now he found he could do little with it. This wasn't a problem he could fix by killing someone—which he realised was all he was ever taught.

The good news was that he did find multiple Force-sensitive children among the trainees. There weren't many—he found a grand total of 12—but it was a vast improvement on thinking Rey and he were the last ones out there. It almost felt euphoric; if only they could figure out how to properly get them to safety without raising suspicion.

Strangely enough, almost every director hinted at his visit being 'long awaited' and that he was expected to 'select a few chosen children'. Phasma had been unsuccessful in finding a reason behind these inquiries. When she checked up on previous visits of Snoke to the institutions, she was informed that no-one but his praetorian guard was ever allowed to accompany him. Since they were all dead, there was no other lead left to follow.

Their answer came when they visited the last institution on the list, one that was called 'Base Z' instead of having a number. Kylo looked at the planet from the cockpit of his ship.

"They built it on an ice planet?" he murmured in surprise. Even though some of the planets housing a base were barren and rocky, none of them had extreme conditions. This one, however, was bound to turn you into an icicle as soon as you stepped out without proper gear.

"I find it strange as well, sir," Phasma commented from her position next to him.

"Did we bring gear?"

"The base is supposed to be mainly underground, sir; no gear will be needed."

Kylo nodded at her words and listened as the pilot signaled the base for their arrival. Not long after, they entered the planet's meager atmosphere. When they approached a single tower, a massive airlock opened to an underground hangar. Steam rose from it as warmth mingled with the frozen, outside air.

As soon as their ship touched ground, the airlock closed and strong heaters started warming the empty hangar. Red, flashing lights turned to orange and then green as the temperatures rose above freezing point.

A door opened and a delegation walked in to greet their Supreme Leader. Kylo only barely suppressed a sigh at the thought of having to deal with yet another self-important director. Phasma gave him a pat on the back. It was something she had first done after their fifth base and had surprised him to no end. If he could believe Rey, it was a sign of friendship. Kylo was still a bit sceptical about that; although, it didn't seem as unlikely to him now as it had before. Donning a neutral face, Kylo nodded to a Trooper to open the ramp.

"Supreme Leader! How good of you to honour us with a visit!" the man in front said with a bow.

Kylo walked towards them, vaguely noticing the Troopers fanning out behind him to secure the ship. "Director," he greeted the man, letting the word hang.

"Woodstock, sir. Apologies; my name is Zanzar Woodstock." The director looked past Kylo to the ship. "You brought no children, sir?"

Kylo froze, fighting to not show his surprise at the question. He met the man's eyes with a level stare. "I don't believe that's any of your concern."

"No, no, of course not! I apologise for my curiosity; I merely assumed you would bring them with you for the inspection. You know, two flies in one stroke. Again, I apologise; you will obviously bring them when you see fit. Now, shall we get on with our tour? Or first, let me introduce you to some of our staff members."

While Woodstock started rattling off the names and titles of the people he brought with him, Kylo shared a look with Phasma. This was not what they had expected, but it did give them an extra piece of the puzzle. When they finally set off to tour the facility, Kylo decided to take a risk.

"Walk me through the training the children go through." The director threw him a surprised look. "Snoke had his ideas; I have mine," Kylo elaborated.

"Of course, of course," the director supplied. Even though he seemed just as eager to lick butt as his colleagues, his tone was a bit more superior, his act towards Kylo a bit more certain of himself. They turned a corner into a hallway filled with doors.

When one was opened, Kylo could see it lead to tiny rooms—if they could even be called that. They were no bigger than two by two meters, with a raised platform as a bed in the back and a hole that could only serve as a toilet. The walls and floor were padded with a soft yet sturdy material. The door had a hatch through which food could be delivered and a tiny window to observe whoever was in the room.

Kylo feared the worst, looking at what could only be a tiny prison cell. His fears were confirmed when the director started explaining.

"As soon as the children arrive, they are stripped from their clothes and placed separately in one of these cells. We leave them for a week at minimum, in the dark and with only the barest amount of food and water needed for survival. We wait until they break, until they start begging or despairing. Naturally, we lose some in the process. There are always those that break beyond repair. They never start begging or despairing but immediately go into a catatonic state."

Clenching his fist, Kylo started feeling worse by the minute. He knew what it felt like—to be left alone with nothing and nobody, to start begging for something without even knowing what. It was the same thing Snoke had done to him. Suspicions started forming in his mind, but he dared not contemplate them. Still, some pieces of the puzzle were missing.

Oblivious to the silently fuming Supreme Leader, director Woodstock continued his explanation while walking through the underground complex. "Once they reach the desired mental breakdown, we introduce them to the group's caretaker. We encourage them to cling to this person as much as possible. The caretaker will provide clothes, food, and shelter. They will show the children kindness. To achieve this bond, the children are still kept separate so they won't bond with each other."

They went down a flight of stairs and through another hallway with doors. There was more space between them, hinting at bigger rooms. When the director opened one of the doors, Kylo had to close his eyes against the rage that started engulfing him. Although more comfortable, the room was still small and rather barren. It all seemed so familiar, so very, very familiar.

"This is where they stay next. We start giving them simple tasks to do, praising them when they get it right, punishing them with loneliness and cold shoulders when they do it wrong. As you know, it makes the attachment to the caretaker absolute. They will do whatever is asked of them in no-time. When their attachment is secured, we reintroduce them to their peers. Let's go to the communal spaces next."

There were a couple of older children sitting in various places in the communal spaces. They weren't talking or interacting with each other. The silence was deafening and most unsettling.

"We discourage the children from becoming friends," the director stated. "They see each other as companions, at most, so they can train together but do not become interdependent. We need them to keep relying on their caretaker as much as possible. They start taking their meals here and as soon as their behaviour is as wanted, we start their training schedules."

He started walking again and they all followed. Phasma walked up to Kylo.

"A moment, if you would, sir?"

He nodded his head and threw a glance at the flock of people following them. Why they were still there, he did not know. They did, however, get the message and quickly fell behind.

"Phasma?" Kylo acknowledged her, allowing her to speak.

"Everything okay, sir?"

His head snapped her way in consternation. "What are you implying?"

"May I speak freely, sir?"

"Yes."

"I've come to know you quite well, if I may say so myself," Phasma stated immediately. "I have learned your mannerisms and intonations as my own. You seem upset now, really upset, but holding back. I don't think the others see it, but I do. I merely wished to know if there is something I could do?"

Kylo stared at her for a minute before grunting. Even though he didn't feel comfortable with it, he decided to tell her the truth—or part of it, anyway.

"This … indoctrination … is familiar to me. I have a hunch where this is leading up to and I don't like it."

"What hunch?"

"If I'm right, you'll probably see soon enough."

Recognising it as the dismissal it was, Phasma nodded and resumed her place a step behind him. The director stopped next to a set of double doors and continued his explanation.

"This is one of the training grounds. They train in levels. The children are kept on their toes at all times; they are made aware that they can always do better."

He opened the door and allowed them to walk in. The floor was covered with tatamis; low-level training droids were stationed on one side, various weapons on the other. Weights and other training equipment were grouped in stations at the back.

In the middle of the room, two boys and a girl were sitting down while a third boy was training with a master. It was obvious to Kylo that the child was being pushed beyond his skills and levels. The master wasn't holding back, delivering painful blows and smacking the fighting stick out of the student's hands. The man came baring down on the child, pinning him down, and, seemingly in a reflex, the boy stretched out his hand. Kylo heard Phasma gasp as the stick came flying in the child's direction. He himself, however, saw his suspicions confirmed.

The entire room seemed to freeze. The beaten-up child immediately started to beg. With wide eyes, he was pleading that he was sorry. The master slapped him hard across the cheek, before picking the boy up and tossing him through the room. Kylo forced himself to remain calm.

"You are despicable!" the master yelled. "How are you ever to become a worthy person if you can't even control yourself? You're a disgrace!"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to. Please, I'm sorry!"

"I am ashamed of you, Ishmael," a third voice chimed in.

Kylo turned to find a group of people standing in the corner. He figured the woman who had spoken was this boy's caretaker.

Ishmael started sobbing. "I'm sorry! I won't do it again, I promise."

The woman shook her head and turned away.

"Off with him!" the master ordered.

One of the guards stepped up and grabbed Ishmael by the arm, dragging him away. The boy grew frantic, kicking, screaming, begging and pleading. The terrible sound stopped as soon as the door closed behind him.

"As you can see," the director said as soon as silence returned to the training hall, "any use of the Force is heavily punished."

Kylo watched as the next student faced the teacher for a training/beating. "What will his punishment be?" he asked, careful to keep his voice level.

"He will be put in one of the isolation cells. This is a level two group, so probably only for a couple of days. Of course, he will be fed enough this time; we don't want him to lose strength. There's a level five group practicing a few doors down; shall we take a look?"

They all followed as the director went back through the door and further down the hallway. The next training room was the same size as the one they just left, but missed the mats on the floor. Instead, a white circle was painted on the floor. A bigger variety of weapons were on display and the training droids were of a higher quality.

There were seven trainees in the room. They were obviously older than the level two children. Kylo guessed they were about Rey's age. All of them were wearing basic armor. A teacher was explaining the use of a weapon while they stood around him in a semicircle.

"These level five trainees are much more advanced," the director supplied. "They are up to the point where use of the Force results in immediate death, no exceptions. We do tend to lose some good fighters because of this, but there's no preventing it. This is also the level where they start blaster training. Of course, there's another training room reserved for this. Survival training is also started at this level."

"Isn't that a bit late?" Phasma spoke up, surprising Kylo but also voicing his own thoughts.

Woodstock gave her a once-over before turning towards Kylo. "We don't want to risk them turning on us, of course, or trying to escape."

Kylo nodded in response. The director lead them away, continuing his explanation.

"Levels six and seven are the polishing levels, so to speak. We allow them to choose their favourite weapons and to assemble their own, prefered armor. As a graduation test, they are dropped individually on one of the other planets in this system. If they survive a month, they are officially members of the Knights of Ren."


	14. Anger Management

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

 _A/N: Trigger warning for physical and psychological abuse._

*If they survive a month, they are officially members of the Knights of Ren.*

xXxXxXx

Phasma stopped dead in her tracks, betraying her surprise, whereas Kylo managed to keep on walking even though his heart skipped a beat and his lungs contracted painfully. _Knights of Ren?_

"I see your … assistant was unaware of the purpose of our facility." Not trusting his voice, Kylo didn't deign to respond. "Did you not trust her with this information?"

The glare Kylo sent him had him backing down immediately.

"My apologies, sir; I did not mean to offend." With a slight cough and a vague gesture of the director, they turned left when they reached a T-section. "Let us go visit the graduates then," he continued. "They have a section of their own in this institution. Of course we make sure they keep up their rigorous training, but they are indoctrinated enough to keep it up themselves. I'm certain you will be most pleased with them. Our former Supreme Leader—as he no doubt informed you—requested a group of twenty to be assembled. We are now up to seventeen. There are high hopes for some trainees in level seven, so we will be able to provide you with the remaining three soon."

With a grunt, Kylo agreed with the man's words. His head started spinning with the new information. Flashes of his own training under Snoke played out in front of his eyes, causing his hands to clench and unclench by his side. He tried to block the memories but failed.

"And here we are."

Woodstock opened the double door that had 'sector 8' painted on them. Behind it was a common area. The few knights present immediately stood and gave the well-known greeting of banging one fist against their hearts.

"No doubt some of them are training; let's head on."

They continued to a large training hall. One side was separated by a force field, and blaster fire could be heard from behind it. Sparring rings were drawn on the floor in the middle of the hall; one of

them was occupied by a group of three fighters. To the left, a couple of knights were annihilating training droids.

As he watched the fighting, Kylo couldn't help but admire the skill of the knights. They each looked as eccentric as the ones he already knew—their armour unique to their own fighting style.

"Aren't they magnificent?" the director stated almost reverently. "They have complete obedience; let me demonstrate." He turned to the three in the middle. "David, stand still!" he shouted.

One of the three fighters immediately stood stock still, resulting in him being hit with a heavy blow in the stomach. He flew backwards, out of the ring, where he thudded to the ground. Immediately, the man stood up and saluted.

"See?" Woodstock gloated.

"Impressive," Kylo allowed, gnashing his teeth. "I have seen what I have come here to see," he continued, turning around and striding back the way they came from.

"Are you leaving already?" the director asked when he caught up.

"I have business to attend to."

"Of course, of course."

He guided the group through the compound in relative silence. When they reached the hangar, the director once more turned his attention to Kylo.

"When can I expect the children?"

Kylo tensed his shoulders; it was all he could do to prevent himself from taking his saber and removing the man's head from his shoulders. "No children will be coming," he answered tersely.

"Sir?"

Despising himself for it, Kylo sought an excuse that would not raise suspicion with the vile man. "I feel like a little … experiment," he finally said. "If it fails and there happen to be survivors, I will send them this way." He managed a small twitch of his mouth as a perverted version of a smile.

Woodstock grinned in response. "Ah, well of course!" he gushed. "Of course, I understand; I see Snoke has passed his curiosity unto you. Good luck with your experiment, sir! We'll send word as soon as the group of twenty knights is complete."

Kylo nodded and left without another word. When he reached the bridge, he commanded his pilot to leave as soon as possible. Turning, he came face to face with Phasma.

'Sir?" He could hear the uncertainty in her voice, along with a residue of shock.

"Later, Phasma."

His blood seemed to burn through his veins. His muscles quivered with his restraint against trashing his entire ship. Only the fact that he would then be stuck on Base Z prevented him from lashing out. He turned back to his pilot.

"Land on the closest planet with a tolerable atmosphere," he commanded.

"Yes, sir," the pilot answered. "That would be about two hours of flying."

"Perfect," Kylo commented before turning back to Phasma. "In the mood for a sparring session?" he asked her.

"Sir?"

"Do you feel like sparring?"

"Against you, sir?" In any other circumstance, the consternation in Phasma's voice would have been funny.

"It's either that or I destroy … something." He watched her eyes slide to his saber. "Don't worry; I'll use one of the Trooper's swords. There's no use in killing you."

"I understand, sir. I'll gladly spar with you."

"No need to sound so gleeful, Phasma. I'll see you in two hours." Shaking his head, he stalked away and towards his chambers, hoping meditation would allow him to keep his cool until they landed on the next planet.

xXxXxXx

Ten minutes before touchdown, he returned to the bridge, feeling like he could burst out of his skin at any moment. The Troopers had obviously heard what was going to go down, if their interactions were anything to go by. He watched them jostle each other lightly before one of them approached him.

"Sir?"

Kylo nodded at the Trooper, amused by how nervous he could tell the man was, even with all the armour.

"We, uhm, heard you would be sparring with commander Phasma?" Again Kylo nodded. "Are we allowed to watch, sir?"

Kylo blinked. That was what they were so nervous about? He realised that his own guard feared him, and while he preferred such in others, the men and women that were to protect him should only respect him. Fear would be counterproductive.

"Of course," he finally answered, startling the Trooper. "If you do not neglect guarding the ship."

"No, sir, of course not, sir. Thank you."

"We land on open terrain in five, sir," the pilot informed Kylo.

Kylo started pacing, needing a release for his anger. So much was wrong with what he had seen; yet, a part of him kept telling him he shouldn't care. Troopers were nothing but tools; who cared about how the tools were forged? With a frustrated grunt, he marched towards the loading bay.

"I heard you're allowing the Troopers to watch, sir. Given that we're about to spar, I take the risk of speaking freely and commenting that that is exceptionally kind of you."

His head snapped up at Phasma's words and he startled at seeing her in only her black bodysuit. "Uhm…"

Phasma laughed. "Given that you have promised not to kill me, sir, I prefer fighting without my armour, if you don't mind."

Her laugh startled him even more. "No, I don't," he answered curtly. He grabbed a standard-issue laser sword from the nearby armoury and started pacing. The slowing pace of the ship, combined with the hissing of landing gear being deployed, told him they were about to touch ground.

"Rules, sir?" Phasma asked when the ramp started going down, revealing a field surrounded by trees.

"Anything goes," Kylo answered, "although, I'll refrain from using the Force."

She nodded. "And the sparring area?"

Kylo stomped out of the ship, twirling his sword and trying to get the tension out of his shoulders. He looked around him. "We stay within the field. We start out in the middle." He nodded towards a Trooper. "Congratulate the pilot on his choice of landing spot." A feral grin stretched his lips. "This will do nicely."

While the Troopers filed out of the ship—setting a perimeter or standing off to the side to watch—Kylo and Phasma walked to the center of the clearing. They stood a few meters apart and nodded at each other before they started to circle.

Kylo allowed his emotions to run wild. All the pent-up feelings, all the anger for the treatment of the children, and all his own resentment towards Snoke—it all flowed through his veins in a burning will to fight and destroy.

Phasma narrowed her eyes at him. She had chosen a spear to fight with. Kylo tried not to think of the resemblance that had with Rey; Phasma most likely didn't know. For what seemed like ages, they merely watched each other, looking at how the other moved, if there were weaknesses in their stance, while at the same time getting a feel for the uneven ground under their feet.

It was Kylo who broke their standoff. He lunged forward, aiming to hit Phasma in the shoulder, but she blocked and parried. It felt strange to hold back with the Force and to not feel the almost burning sensation of his activated saber. Kylo took it as a challenge.

Soon, they were locked in a fierce fight. They both delivered and took hits as dirt was thrown up by their feet and missed blows. Kylo had to admit that Phasma could stand her own, and with his feral grin growing even wider, he doubled his efforts. He lost himself in the fight, seeing nothing but his opponent and feeling nothing but the flow of his motions and the strains on his muscles.

About twenty minutes in, he could feel _her_ presence. The slight hesitation it created was immediately taken advantage of by Phasma and for a moment, he needed to go into defense. When he finally gained the upper hand again, he locked their weapons overhead.

"She's here," he said.

Phasma gave an almost imperceptible nod. "You want to end our fight?"

"No, I just need a moment to allow her to see our surroundings. I can feel she's worried sick right now."

With another tiny nod, she pushed away from him and they started to circle. Kylo focused on their bond and couldn't help the tiny twitch of his lips at Rey's gasp. He didn't speak to her or acknowledge her in any way before inclining his head towards Phasma and lunging back into the fight. There was still too much anger to be dealt with before he could speak to Rey.

He could feel her watching from the sidelines. The growing panic he had felt from her earlier was subsiding, but he could still feel a slight worry. Ignoring Rey, he ducked under Phasma's spear and went for a blow to the stomach. She managed to evade him, but only barely.

As his anger started to fade, Kylo realised he was grinning for an entirely different reason; he was actually enjoying himself! He wasn't giving it his all, allowing Phasma to counter him, blow per blow. Both had sustained bruises and mild injuries but, at the moment, neither was winning or losing.


	15. Memories

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

He completely lost track of time. Sweat plastered his hair to his face and his shirt to his chest. There were small tremors in his arms and legs, sure signs of physical exhaustion. Breathing heavily, he saw Phasma looking as haggard as he felt. He surprised himself with realising he didn't _want_ to beat her. He held up his hand and slightly lowered his weapon.

"Why don't we call this a draw?" Kylo asked.

He could hear the surprised murmur of the Troopers, and Phasma seemed equally surprised by his words. After a moment of dumbfounded staring, she gave him a smile.

"Certainly, sir."

They walked towards each other to clasp hands, causing the Troopers to explode into cheering.

"Is she still here, sir?" Phasma asked.

Kylo glanced to the side. "She's sitting next to the boarding ramp, smiling like a buffoon and cheering with the Troopers."

"Good."

"Why?"

Phasma merely gave him a secretive smile before walking towards the excited Troopers. They greeted her with claps on the back and congratulations. Kylo watched her with consternation before heading for the ship—giving Rey a small head motion so she would follow. Her projection flickered out of view even though the bond remained strong. She reappeared right when he entered his quarters.

"Why did you disappear?" he asked.

"Probably because I can't actually walk that far—or upwards for that matter. I'm in my room."

"If you're in your room, how could you watch the fight?"

"It was a bit disconcerting, to be honest. It's difficult to explain, like the Force was trying to alter my perception of space. Dizzying almost. But as long as I kept my focus on you, it was fi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Kylo tried to hide his smirk as he stripped out of his undershirt. He dragged a hand through his sweaty hair.

"I did just spar; I'm in need of a shower," he remarked, trying to sound aloof. He watched her reddening face with amusement, feeling quite smug.

Rey fluttered her hands at him. "Did you forget I'm here? Put something on."

"I didn't hear you complain last time."

She covered her face with her hands, but he could see her becoming even redder. "I- You- It's- Uhm… I'll come back later when you're done showering." Rey tried to escape but he took a firm hold of their bond. "Ben!" she complained.

He gently pulled her hands away from her face. "Please, don't go," he all but whispered. "I was just teasing, Rey. You've seen me without a shirt before. Look, I'll close the curtains around the freshener, okay? Just don't go." He bit the inside of his cheek, trying very hard not to smile as he noticed her eyes constantly getting distracted.

"It- It's not appropriate…"

"Say's who?"

"Uhm..."

She started biting her lip, indecision clearly written on her face. Like last time, he pulled the lip away from her teeth with his thumb. He felt the urge to trace the contours of her face with his fingertips, but he resisted.

"I won't be long, I promise; and you won't get to see a thing."

Rey opened her mouth to say something, closed it again, frowned, and tilted her head with a confused look on her face.

"What?" Kylo asked.

"Nothing, nothing," she was quick to assure him. "Alright, I'll stay. It's just, I feel like a voyeur or something."

He laughed, causing her face to light up with joy. "Dear little Rey," he said, pressing a kiss against her forehead on impulse. "So innocent." Realising what he had just said and done, he quickly pulled away, gathering fresh clothes and towels before stepping into the freshener—all the while avoiding Rey's gaze.

Kylo smiled as Rey sighed with relief when he closed the curtain around the freshener. Turning on the hot water and taking off his clothes, he allowed the weariness of his spar with Phasma to sink in. The water did wonders for his taut muscles. With a pleased grunt, he relaxed.

"Ben!"

Kylo startled, turning around swiftly, only to face the curtain. "What? What's wrong?" he called out.

"Please, stay focused on- on projecting your surroundings!" Rey mumbled something under her breath. "I- Sweet Force! A curtain doesn't help if I can't see it…"

It took him only a split second to understand what had happened. His hands flew to cover his private parts. Feeling himself blush furiously, he quickly refocused on sending his surroundings through the bond. Once he was certain everything was in order again, he feared for Rey's reaction.

"Rey?" he asked softly. "Are- Are you alright? I didn't do it on purpose."

"I- Uhm. Yeah I'm- Really. Uhm. I'm fine. Yes, I'm fine," she stammered in response.

Kylo couldn't suppress a smug smile. If the jumbled emotions coming through the bond were any indication, Rey was now blushing even harder than he. It felt like she was trying very hard not to be affected, but failing. It was oddly exhilarating to know he had such an effect on her.

Not wanting to risk any more incidents though, he quickly washed and dried himself. When he stepped through the curtain, he noticed her sitting on his bed, her back to the freshener.

"All clear," he said, slightly teasing.

Carefully, Rey peered over her shoulder. She smiled when she saw him fully dressed. Kylo went to sit next to her.

"I really didn't do it on purpose," he said again.

"It's okay," she mumbled under her breath, looking at her lap. "I probably should have turned away from the start."

Kylo thought it was a delight to watch her blush again. He also found it interesting that she apparently had been watching the freshener curtain.

"Why were you sparring with Phasma?" Rey asked, obviously trying to change the topic.

"I needed to … blow off some steam," he answered through clenched teeth.

"This last base was that bad?"

He ignored her question. "I was pleasantly surprised. Phasma really knows how to fight, I must admit. Without my saber and the Force, I really had to pay attention. She surprised me a couple of times."

"She is _that_ good?" Rey blurted. "Wow."

He grinned at her. "You make it sound as if you think I'm a god," he teased.

Rey blushed again. "Well, uhm. I do think you are the best fighter I've ever seen. Like, undefeated and all," she mumbled.

Laughing, he bumped his shoulder against hers. She looked up at him with sparkling eyes. For a moment, they sat in silence.

"So," Rey said after a while, "was it really that bad? Show me, Ben. Let me see."

He shook his head. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to see this."

"But, why not?"

Kylo looked at her, at her doe eyes and the concerned look in them. He remembered calling her 'innocent' just a couple of minutes ago and realised it was this innocence he wanted to protect. What would she think when she saw what happened at Base Z? What would she think of him? He could barely accept it himself, and he had seen a lot more of the galaxy and its darker places than she.

She stared into his eyes. "You don't have to protect me from the knowledge," she said.

He flinched back violently. How did she know? Was she already in his head? No, he would have noticed.

"It was a lucky guess," she said, reaching out to grab his arm so he couldn't retreat any further. "I'm not some sand dune that will blow apart in a strong wind, Ben. Let me see. Let me share the burden."

He did not know how to express what he felt as her words sank in. Feeling like he would regret the decision, he nodded.

"Alright, but only the memories I show you. No pushing, Rey, no snooping."

"I wouldn't," she immediately responded.

He gave her a small, lopsided smile before touching her mind with his and inviting her in. Carefully, he showed her some selected memories: the tiny rooms, part of the explanation the director had given, the training room with the frightened child. He could feel his rage building again at the memories. There was pain mixed in it, pain of his own experiences, his own fears under Snoke's tutelage. Before he realised it, a memory of his younger self, sitting alone in a room, begging for something, anything, slipped out.

When he realised what was happening, he violently threw Rey out of his mind, not caring if he hurt her in the process. He shot up and retreated to the other side of the room. His mind went blank, his rage fuelling darkness inside him. Those were _his_ memories. It was _his_ shame. How dare she have seen it!

Rey stared at him, shocked. "Ben?" she said tentatively, standing up as well.

He growled at her, his hand twitching for his saber. "You must feel so superior right now," he snarled. "Having seen the Supreme Leader begging as a child. Will there be propaganda going around now? Undermining my name, my position?"

"Ben, I would never!" Rey answered, aghast. She approached him like she would a wounded animal.

"You want a good laugh then? Knowing that at one point I was reduced to nothing? Just like you were? Insignificant? Shoved into a pit and forgotten? Worthless? At least I've made something of myself now."

She gasped at his words. A part of his brain was screaming at him to stop, screaming that he was pushing things too far. He barely heard it. Pain shot through his chest as unwanted memories assaulted him. Never would he be that pathetic boy again. He was strong, he was powerful, and he was ruthless. Nothing could stand in his way.

He watched as Rey's hurt turned into anger. "How dare you insinuate I would turn to the Dark, that I would gloat in the face of your pain? That's you, Kylo Ren! You alone. You would throw my history in my face when I'm only trying to help. You are the one that can't let go of the past! You're no monster, but a scared little boy pretending to be one, puffing up his chest and trying to look dangerous. Well good luck with that, you asshole!"

Her disappearance was paired with a painful snap in his head. Refusing to destroy his own ship, he started pacing in an attempt to burn away his rage. When it started to lessen, he could feel the mortification that he had hidden within it. He was ashamed of the weak boy he had been. To think Rey, his strong and beautiful Rey, had seen it. What would she think of him?

Kylo stopped his pacing when the full realisation of what happened hit him. He remembered the words he had yelled at her and paled. When he realised her enraged anger, how she had called him Kylo Ren instead of Ben, his knees gave out. He ended up on the floor of his quarters in a graceless heap. With the last bit of his hope, with every intention to apologise, he reached out over the bond—only to find it blocked by Rey.


	16. Reconnection

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

He knew he was behaving much like his previous self when he noticed the Troopers scramble out of the way with renewed vigor when he passed by. Kylo felt like screaming, raging, destroying, wailing, and it was obvious to everyone who saw him. Even Phasma kept a safe distance, not showing her usual, slightly informal behaviour but instead reverting to the strict and severe Phasma he had known before.

He tried to convince himself he didn't care about any of it. He was strong, powerful. It was as it should be; people should be cowering in front of him.

He didn't fully believe himself.

As soon as he had realised the effect his words would have had on Rey, he had tried to reach her. He had prodded and tweaked, tried to get her to talk to him again, but to no avail. Her absence left a hole in his chest. He did not know how to deal with it. When had he started to care anyway? He was of the Dark side. Attachment was weakness.

Still, her silence hurt him, and he knew he was the only one to blame.

The block Rey had put in place, however, didn't seem to be as strong or as complete as it had been right after Crait and he drew a little hope from it—however infinitesimal. There were still emotions coming through, albeit jumbled and chaotic.

At first she had been angry at him; that was something he could deal with. It was when her anger turned to sadness and then disappointment that he felt like carving his own heart out. How could he hurt her like that?

His attitude returned to being volatile; he carried rage around him as a shield.

Every evening—when he was alone in his quarters—he tried to contact her. He did not know what he would say. He did not know how he would explain the memory she had seen. He did not want her to remember that pathetic version of him. What he did know, however, was that he needed her. He needed her presence to keep him sane. He needed her to bring some light into his life.

Kylo snorted as realisation hit him. He had finally done what Snoke had always wanted; he had rid himself of the last remaining Light in his life. Shaking his head and dragging his hand through his hair, he gathered his determination. He was not ready to let go; he was not going to give up. Somehow he needed to be able to reach her.

Strong bouts of sadness and despair shot through him, and it took him awhile to figure out they weren't his own feelings. He turned and marched off to his chambers, nearly bumping into a surprised Phasma.

"Tell the counsellors the meeting is postponed," he barked at her.

"Sir!"

Once in his quarters, he flung off his cape and vest and sunk down to sit cross-legged on the floor. He reached out to her, but she was still blocking him.

"Rey," he cried out, flinging it against the block. "Rey! What's wrong?"

There was no response. The sadness he was feeling only seemed to get stronger. Worried about what could possibly have happened, Kylo did the one thing he hadn't been willing to do before: he attacked Rey's block with strength. He could feel her anger rising. Suddenly, she completely dropped the block, giving him a mental whiplash.

"Go away!" she immediately screamed at him.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Go away! I don't want you in my head!"

He noticed that he couldn't see her; only her voice ringed in his ears.

"I want to talk to you."

"But I don't want to talk to you!" she screamed. Her voice hitched.

Kylo didn't answer. Not knowing what to say to make her stop screaming at him, he merely held onto the bond. Even though she was angry with him, he felt relieved to be in her presence again.

"It's all your fault anyway," Rey finally grumbled.

Internally, Kylo snorted. Wasn't everything his fault? "What is?" he carefully asked.

"Temiri asked when the new kids were coming. I had to let him down, since that's obviously not happening anymore. He was so disappointed. I broke another promise, like I broke my promise to teach him.

"And there's nobody here. Finn and Rose are in and out on missions. Poe won't talk to me since he somehow figured out I'm the reason he's not allowed to fly anymore. Most of the other Resistance members look at me with either fear or suspicion. And even though Maz tries to regularly talk with me, she's always busy. Again, I'm left with nobody."

"Rey, I-"

"No! Go away! I can't trust you!"

Kylo closed his eyes, keenly regretting how he had lashed out at her. "I still want you to have the children," he said after careful deliberation. "I just haven't figured out how to make them disappear from the system yet, nor how to ship them to you."

The long silence that followed made him uncomfortable.

"You- You still want to send them here?" she finally asked.

He thought she sounded as if she suspected a trap or a catch that she hadn't figured out yet. Her mistrust of him cut him even deeper than the words she had flung at him or the distance she had kept between them.

"Yes," he answered. "I trust you to take care of them."

She flickered into existence in front of him. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her face blotchy; it was obvious she had been crying. Even so, seeing her filled him with joy.

Rey looked up at him through her lashes. "You do?"

"Yes. Look, Rey, I didn't want you to see that memory. I was trying so hard not to show it that I ended up doing just that. When I realised what had happened, I-" He gnashed his teeth. His need for her forgiveness was raging a war against his ingrained beliefs against showing weakness. "I panicked," he finally managed to say. "I … didn't know what to do so I lashed out."

She looked at him, brown eyes wide, as if she was waiting for him to say more.

He clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. "I'm- I'm sorry," he growled.

Rey looked down at her lap, where her hands were fidgeting with the fabric of her pants. "I'm sorry too."

"Why?" he asked, uncomprehending.

"For what I said. For blocking you."

"No, Rey." He reached out his hand but she flinched at his movement. Despondent, he dropped it back in his lap. "You don't have to apologise," he said. "I should never have- It's all my fault."

"Did Snoke really do that to you?" she asked in a timid tone of voice.

The question alone made him feel sick. He closed his eyes again to fight the memories. "Yes," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry. That's- Nobody should do that to a child, not even to an adult. I'm so sorry."

"I don't need your pity!" Kylo snapped. He opened his eyes again when she made a strangled noise. "Rey, I'm-" He sighed. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a while longer, neither knowing what to say.

"Why can't you get the children here?" Rey finally asked.

"It's complicated," Kylo answered. "I … gave the director of Base Z reason to believe he would not be receiving any children, but I have nowhere else to take them—officially, that is. Even if I do figure out a ruse in that aspect, it has to look as if the children are being picked up and sent to their next location. Normally, they would be shipped with different ships. Now, they have to be gathered first before being transported. Then I have to figure out how to get them to you, all without raising suspicion."

"Oh."

"Also, since it's supposed to be a standard translocation of people, I can't put Phasma on it. That would be like raising a red flag. How am I to make sure they safely arrive if I can't use a pilot I trust?"

Rey blew out a breath. "Wow."

Kylo merely grunted in response.

"What did you tell the director?"

"That I wanted to … experiment." He still felt sick about his own words.

Rey shot him a look but didn't comment. "What does Phasma say about this?"

To his mortification, he could feel himself starting to blush. "I, uhm-"

"You've been treating her poorly, haven't you?" Rey stated, accusative.

Kylo didn't respond, knowing full well she was right.

"You should apologise to her too," Rey continued. "She's your friend."

He sighed. "Very well."

Rey gave him a tentative, surprised smile, sparking hope in his chest that his words would at one point be forgiven. Her face, however, quickly morphed into a pensive frown.

"We can't risk attacking a ship of yours. We could try to infiltrate whatever this 'next location' of yours will be?"

"No," he said, "I can't risk having my own projects look so vulnerable."

Rey nodded. "How secretive will this new location be?"

"Given that I'm going to 'experiment' there, it will have a 'need-to-know only' status. Why?"

"If the children are transported by a pilot who's not authorised to know the location, he'll have to drop the children off somewhere. Perhaps drop them off some place where we can pick them up?"

"I'm not sending a pilot to his death," Kylo grumbled.

"He can just leave them?"

"Alone?"

Rey sighed.

"Unless…" Kylo continued. "Unless they have a guardian to stay with them." He gave her a broad smile. "Thank you, Rey."

She tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

"For giving me an idea."

"Oh."

Blushing, she looked down at her entwined fingers. Unable to resist, Kylo reached out again. When she didn't flinch, he put a finger under her chin so she would look at him.

"How's the lightsaber getting on?" he asked, just to keep talking. His head was full of plans and possibilities to get those twelve children to safety, but he didn't want to leave Rey; now that she was once more talking to him, he didn't want to let go of her.

"Maz has some people looking for parts; she's got an astounding amount of contacts. I hope they can find them. It's slow progress but I'm getting there. Speaking of Maz, how do you know her? She says she's never met you, unless you count the attack."

"Ha!" Kylo dragged his hand through his hair. "That little woman somehow managed to get a hologram delivered to me. She made it very clear exactly what she thought of my attack on her drinking hole. There were some very creative threats in there…"

"She scared you with a hologram?"

"She scared me because the hologram made it to my private quarters, without it being viewed even once."

Rey stared at him. "How?"

"I have no idea. I never figured out how it got there or who put it there. She's a force to be reckoned with, that Maz of yours."

"But- But that means she has connections with the First Order!"

"Or a spy on board the _Supremacy_ , yes. At least, at the time. He or she might be long gone."

"And you really never found out?"

"No, and not for a lack of trying. I had the entire ship on lockdown. Everybody was screened. Nothing came up or seemed even slightly suspicious."

"Impressive."

"Indeed."

Once more there was silence between them; this time, however, it was contemplative instead of awkward. Kylo simply watched Rey; he studied the rhythm of her breath, the way her eyelids fluttered, and the way her fingers kept plucking at her pants.

Eventually, Rey moved to get up. "I should go tell Temiri and the others the good news," she said.

Kylo couldn't find anything to say to keep her with him, so he merely nodded and stood. "I will get started on getting those kids out." He took a deep breath. "It's good to have talked to you again, Rey."

She smiled. "Bye, Ben."


	17. Making Plans

_A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo sighed as Rey disappeared from view. He felt elated that she talked to him again, that she allowed him in. Her apparent loneliness made him want to tell her again and again that he was always on the other side of their bond. He wanted her to know that he was there for her. By getting those kids to the Resistance, he hoped he could show her he also meant it.

"Finally!" Phasma muttered as he walked out of his quarters fully intent to set some plans in motion.

"Excuse me?"

"Sir!"

The commander straightened up and saluted. Kylo merely stared at her in confusion.

"She has talked to you, hasn't she?" Phasma asked.

"How, by the Force, do you know that?" he asked, utterly baffled.

"Uhm…"

"Spit it out."

"You don't look like you're about to kill anymore, and standing next to you no longer feels like a black hole is trying to suck me into oblivion," Phasma rambled. "Sir," she added as an afterthought.

He started chewing on the inside of his cheek, trying to figure out how to respond but coming up short.

"Right…" he finally said. "Rey says I should apologize for that."

"Consider that apology accepted."

They nodded at each other once before he headed towards one of the nearest meeting rooms, needing ensured privacy for the orders he was about to give.

"What did the counsellors say?"

"Nothing much while I was still in the room. One of my Troopers reported that they muttered about the inconvenience for a bit afterwards, but nothing that was cause for concern."

"Good," Kylo answered. He walked into the meeting room, followed by a mildly confused Phasma. "We need to focus on getting the children out," he said. "I need that woman, the caretaker at Base One. Have her flown in. I also need a pilot that isn't high on the clearance levels and doesn't ask too many questions. He'll be picking up the children in one, long run. I also need some place or ship prepared as a 'testing facility' of sorts."

"I figure you have a plan, sir?"

"Yes, but it all depends on the caretaker."

"If I may ask, where will the children go?"

Kylo looked at her, weighing the risks. "To Rey, to the Resistance."

Phasma nodded once. "I'll get it done."

"Good," he responded. "Keep me updated. You'll find me at the training grounds."

Three hours later, Phasma found him while meditating, controlling and levitating multiple objects around him with the Force.

"Phasma," he greeted her without opening his eyes.

"Sir."

Her armour creaked in a way he was unfamiliar with. Without abandoning his control over the multitude of objects, he opened his eyes to look at her.

"You're … sitting down," he stated, surprised. It took him a few seconds to gather his thoughts. "You discussed your suggestions with the head of armour design?"

"It's still in its testing phase, sir. We will need to see if it will hold up as good in combat as the original armour."

Kylo nodded. "Very well. Now, tell me what you have accomplished."

"A missive has been sent to inform the caretaker that her presence is requested. I took the liberty of requesting a direct pick-up. Finding the right pilot will take some time, especially without raising suspicion. An official request has been made in your name to build a testing facility. Your personal input will be needed if you want this to look like a special project under your own supervision."

Kylo nodded, beckoning a service droid. "Good. Who's in charge of the search for a facility?"

"Manager Jay Skivlak."

"Get this message to Jay Skivlak," he commanded the droid. "There will be a meeting concerning the facility in 45 minutes, level 2, sector 20, room B36. Attendance is required for everybody who will be involved. I expect you to bring a list of possible locations and a prospect on construction time for each."

After the droid beeped and rolled away, Kylo dragged his hand through his hair. With a sigh, he lowered the still floating objects to the ground. "I don't like this," he muttered.

"It is necessary, sir."

He looked up at her. "Are you my friend?" he blurted out.

Even from behind her helmet, he could see her eyes grow wide. "Yes, sir."

"Rey kept telling me that. I didn't know if I could believe her."

"She seems like a very perceptive person."

"It would seem so. When will the caretaker arrive?" he asked. "What's her name?" he added as an afterthought.

"Sirena Aurora will arrive in approximately 84 hours, sir."

"Good," he said again, standing. "Let's go intimidate our manager."

xXxXxXx

The orders Kylo gave for 'his' facility sickened him to the core. Ironically, the location they decided upon was a half-constructed base like the ones he had visited. Construction had been halted twenty years earlier after volcanic activity made the area unstable. By the time things settled down, the project had been forgotten.

When Phasma notified him of the caretaker's arrival, Kylo was all too happy to give the facility project a break.

"Did you ever tell this Sirena the reason she has been summoned?"

"No, sir."

He glanced at Phasma sideways, hearing the amusement in her tone.

"You have an evil streak, commander."

"I will neither deny nor confirm that, sir."

Kylo snorted and they continued their trip in silence. "No guards?" he asked when Phasma motioned that they'd arrived.

"Someone with that amount of fear and determination combined doesn't run. If she would have, well, my men could have used the practice. The pilot informed me that—given the way she behaved on the ship—he doubted the woman had seen the inside of a ship more than once."

"Practice, hmm?" He shrugged. "Let's go see if this woman is of use." Pulling back his shoulders, he opened the door and strode into the room.

The caretaker jumped to her feet, cringing as the chair she had been sitting on next to the table toppled over and clanged to the floor. "Supreme Leader!" she greeted, giving him a half bow.

Her fear was evident in her voice, yet Kylo could sense the same underlying determination that had caught his attention at Base One. He inclined his head at her and studied the twitching, nervous woman. When he took a step towards her, she flinched violently but managed to prevent herself from taking a step back.

"Pick up your chair, caretaker Aurora," he said, "and sit down."

Once she was seated, he went to stand in front of her, enjoying a bit of intimidation. He figured there was no harm in it since he wasn't actually going to hurt the woman—well, not on purpose. He took off his gloves and handed them over to Phasma.

"I'm going to be searching your mind," Kylo said. "The less you fight me, the less it hurts."

Without further preamble, he touched the woman's temples and dove into her mind. She twitched at the initial contact, but then held rigidly still. The first thing he encountered was her current fear of why he had summoned her and what he would do with her. Delving a bit deeper, he came across images of everyday life at the Base. He was pleased to see her devotion to the children—smuggling food to those that needed it most, standing up to the taskmasters, and providing much-needed comfort in general.

At first, it seemed like there wasn't much more to her mind and memories than that, but then he came across a stray thought. _I wonder if the Resistance treats their children like this._ Intrigued, Kylo followed it deeper into her mind. The caretaker started fighting, hissing in pain as she tried to prevent him from seeing and hearing more.

"Don't fight me!" he commanded.

She sobbed but stilled. More treacherous thoughts bubbled up. _This can't be the right way to do things. We are barbarians, monsters. The First Order be damned, these are children, not droids!_ One after another, Kylo found little incidents that made the woman question the Order she was working for. Once he was sure he'd gotten the full picture, Kylo broke their connection. He started pacing the room. The woman was pale as a ghost, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Some interesting memories I found," Kylo commented.

"Supreme Leader!" she immediately exclaimed, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I am loyal, I really am. Those were thoughts in moments of anger, of frustration. Please, they-"

"Would you defect? Given the opportunity?" he interrupted her.

"No! No, sir, I would not! You must believe me! They mean nothing, those memories-"

"Would you defect if I asked you to?"

"Those memories mean nothing! I would never defe-" She blinked up at him. "What?"

Kylo suppressed an amused snort. "Would you defect if I asked you to?"

There was a long silence where the caretaker stared up at him, uncomprehending.

"The Supreme Leader asked you a question!" Phasma barked. Kylo could hear the amusement underneath her authoritative tone.

"I- I would be leaving behind a lot of children, sir," Sirena answered evasively.

Kylo narrowed his eyes, making her blanch even further. "And what if I told you you would be saving twelve children by defecting? Among them three of your own facility?"

"Save twelve? Like, get them out of the system?"

Kylo nodded his assent, wondering how much he could risk telling the woman now, and how much would have to wait until later.

"Then yes, yes, I would defect. But only if you asked me, sir; I would never think of it on my own."

He brushed her mind again and could detect no deception. Happy with the caretaker's answer, he turned towards Phasma.

"Have her guarded 24/7 by some of our own. If anybody who knows about the new facility asks, say I believe she'll be able to keep the children alive the longest." He turned towards Sirena. "If anybody asks you, say you don't know but heard rumours of a new facility under my command and that you suspect or even hope to be put in charge there."

"Keep- Keep alive the longest?" she stuttered.

"A ruse, which is all you need to know right now."

He nodded once to Phasma before turning and departing.


	18. Risky Business

_A/N: I'm back! ;) Apologies for the sudden, unannounced hiatus. I fell headlong into a burn-out and was quite unable to write for some time. Some of you may have noticed the few one-shots I posted in the meantime; well, they were my 'getting back on track' projects. They were less complex and therefore easier to handle._  
 _Anyway, I'm hoping to start again with a one chapter each week updating schedule. Not sure if I'll be able to keep it up, but I'll try._

 _A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

"Your timing has to be absolutely right." Kylo was pacing the room. "You can't be early, nor too late. You don't want to be discovered, and if the children get picked up by us, I don't know if we'll ever get them out. You have to be right on time."

"I know, Ben; we'll be there."

Kylo glanced at Rey. She was sitting on his bed and watching him pace, patiently allowing him to go over the plan again and again. He could not remember a time where he had felt _this_ nervous. The first couple of missions he had run for Snoke were cause for fear—fear of failure, fear of looking weak or a fool, fear of being punished for mistakes he might make—but not nervous, never nervous.

"We'll have someone on the ground to signal us when your ship leaves the children behind. He'll be dropped off the day before, some distance from the clearing. Nobody will notice him."

"The caretaker is a good person; don't treat her too roughly. Get in and out as fast as you can."

"We will."

"And don't come looking when you feel me raging later that day. You know I'll have to put on a good show. They'll expect me to throw a massive tantrum at the loss of the children, so that's what I've got to give them."

"As long as you promise not to hurt Phasma."

He stopped his pacing, shocked. "Why would I hurt Phasma?"

"I'm guessing she'll be the one investigating why the pick-up ship is late and, as a result, will be the one giving you the bad news?"

Kylo smiled at Rey, touched by her sympathy and worry for a woman she had never met in person—someone who had even tried to kill her friends at least once before. "I'll be in the communications room, closely following everything. Naturally, that will be where I hear the bad news. There will be plenty of people to scare, and enough equipment to destroy."

Rey smirked at his words. "And this caretaker, Sirena, she knows what to expect? She won't freak out or something?"

"She knows."

He vividly remembered the conversation in which he had given Sirena Aurora a full briefing. The woman's surprise had been all encompassing.

xXxXxXx

" _Tomorrow morning, you'll be boarding a ship," Kylo told the caretaker._

 _He had decided not to tell her anything until the very last minute. As Phasma had pointed out, even if she was trustworthy in her actions, a slip of the tongue easily happened._

" _Over a span of six days, you will pick up several children from bases all around the galaxy. In total, there will be twelve children. The directors of the bases know who they're to hand over to you; there will be a list on board the ship to double check."_

 _Sirena nodded at his words, a frown marring her face as if she was trying to figure out the point of it all._

" _Once you've gathered all the children, the pilot will set a course for the Mirrin System where he will land on a small, forest-dominated moon. There, you will disembark the ship. The pilot does not have the clearance level to fly to my new facility, nor is he allowed to know the identity of the pilot that does."_

 _The caretaker's frown only grew deeper. "We'll be abandoned on a moon?" she asked._

 _Kylo made a nondescript noise. "One of my personal ships will come to pick you up," he answered, turning to face her so he could see her reaction to his next bit of information. "Before that happens, however, a Resistance ship will arrive to collect you. I am now officially asking you to defect. You'll board the Resistance ship with the children and they'll take you to safety."_

" _WHAT?"_

 _He grinned, enjoying the woman's shocked expression, causing her to become even more flustered. "Supposedly, one of the Resistance members will already be present on the ground. He might contact you; he might not. I'm not aware of this particular detail._

" _The Resistance knows who you are and has promised me to treat you well. Still, it will probably be a rough time for you. Whatever questions they ask you, you are free to answer."_

" _All- All of them? Surely there are secrets I have to keep?"_

" _No," he simply answered, "especially not if it will make your life easier."_

" _But- But- I don't understand."_

" _There's no need to understand, only a need to do as I say."_

" _Of course, sir. Apologies, sir. I'm merely shocked."_

" _No doubt," he commented dryly. "Once with the Resistance, you're certain to encounter Rey, as she is currently in charge of the children there. You are to treat her as you treat me—with the utmost respect and reverence."_

" _The Resistance Jedi? The one that killed former Supreme Leader Snoke?"_

" _The one and only."_

" _Uhm- Okay, sir."_

 _Kylo glared at her. "Will that be a problem, caretaker Aurora?"_

" _No! No, sir, not at all. I'm still surprised, sir. I understand, sir."_

" _Good. I suggest you go pack your bags."_

xXxXxXx

Rey smiled at him. "You like her, don't you?"

"Who?" he asked, coming to sit beside her on the bed and taking her hand in his. Holding hands had become a habit.

"The caretaker, this Sirena Aurora."

Kylo shrugged. "She seems competent enough. She's loyal to the children and determined to see them safe." He sighed. "This has to go perfect, flawless. We can't afford to make a mistake."

She cupped his cheek with her free hand. "And we won't, Ben. It will go as planned. We all want this to succeed."

They looked at each other for a moment and he felt the urge to kiss her—like he had the last couple of times they had met over their bond. He wondered how she would react if he tried it. Would she pull away? Be disgusted by him? Yell at him? Not willing to take the risk, he contented himself with rubbing his thumb over her hand.

The drop-off and resulting pick-up of the children was planned in three days, and he was heading out later that day to oversee the final preparations at his institution. Rey and he had agreed not to contact each other until after the children had arrived safely back at the Resistance base. They each had their part to play and decided not to risk distractions. He didn't like it, but he understood the sense of it.

"I have to go, Ben," Rey finally said with a small, sad frown. "Contact me as soon as you can, please?"

"Of course," he answered, rubbing away her frown with his fingers.

Rey smacked his hand away with an amused laugh and stood. He grinned at her in return. She started to fade but suddenly became corporal again.

"Wait," she said. "Does Sirena know these children are Force-sensitive?"

Kylo's grin widened. "No. I decided to let you have some of the fun as well."

Rey laughed, dashing over to him and kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you, Ben."

xXxXxXx

He was standing stock-still in the control room, hoping the expression on his face read 'gleeful anticipation'. Inside, he was a nervous mess. The window of time in which the Resistance could safely pick up the children was narrow, to say the least.

"Transport LK445 checking in. Approaching planet, will breach the atmosphere in approximately ten minutes."

"Copy that, LK445."

Kylo's eyes flickered to his communications officer. She was a competent woman, calm and practical in nature. It struck Kylo that he missed Phasma's reassuring presence by his side. She was moving around the compound—making last-minute and totally unnecessary checks—before awaiting the transport in the hangar.

Half an hour later, the com crackled again. "Transport LK445 checking in. Drop off completed. Jump to lightspeed as soon as authorised."

The communications officer looked over her shoulder and Kylo gave a tight nod, hoping the little twitch of his had went unnoticed or was misinterpreted as unrestrained anticipation.

"LK445, jump to lightspeed authorised. Report to the _Supremacy_ for further orders."

Kylo forced himself to breathe in and out evenly, calming his nerves. It was now or never. He could almost envision the Resistance ship appearing on the horizon. Would they use the _Falcon_?

"Estimated arrival of the pick-up?" he barked, trying to distract himself.

The communications officer—he thought her name was Elisa—nodded once and reached for some controls.

"1FT56 report in."

"1FT56, listening."

"Estimated arrival?"

There was a short pause in which the beeping of controls could be heard. "Jump out of lightspeed in 17 minutes, entering of atmosphere in 25."

"Copy that; Control over and out."

Kylo gave the woman another nod when she looked over her shoulder. In his head, he was counting the minutes, trying to envision how the rescue was going. He hoped the children didn't cause any trouble and that Sirena didn't lose her nerve. The urge to open up the bond and contact Rey was overwhelming. Gritting his teeth, he kept himself in check.

"1FT56 to Control."

Kylo's eyes flashed to the communication board. Had the Resistance been spotted?

"Control is listening."

"Please confirm coördinates of pick-up site."

"Sending coördinates now."

There were a couple of tense minutes where Kylo fought the urge to pace.

"1FT56 report in. Confirm location."

"Location confirmed." The voice sounded hesitant.

"Confirm pick-up."

"Pick-up not confirmed."

Kylo allowed himself a split second of relief before scowling and swirling around. He stalked towards the communication board and pressed the open-com button before Elisa could answer.

"Explain," he barked.

They could hear the pilot gulp over the radio. "Sir! There are no children at the pick-up location, sir. I've checked the coördinates and I'm at the right spot. No human life forms show up on the radars either, sir."

Kylo growled, trying to maintain his angry facade while elation and relief flooded him. They managed it! The children were safe!

"Check the other craft's logs!" he commanded, gathering the Force around himself and making sure the others in the room could feel it. "Check if it dropped the children off at the right location!" He started pacing aggressively.

"Yes, sir!"

The staff started working frantically—contacting the other ship and analysing the received data. A frightened silence descended upon the room.

"Sir," Elisa cautiously said, "they were dropped at the right location. They seem to have disappeared between drop-off and pick-up."

"Impossible!" he roared. An information panel on his right erupted in a shower of electric sparkles. "Repeat the radar search! Send a team out there to search the planet! They cannot have disappeared!"

He paced some more while the staff did as they were told. Kylo tried to wrap anger around him as a cloak, use it to maintain his façade, but he felt himself failing; he felt too much relief to make it look good.

At the edge of his mind, he could feel Rey cracking open the bond—like someone opening the door just wide enough to peek at the room behind it. He growled. They had agreed that she would _not_ come seek him out.

"I was the one waiting for the children on the ground," Rey whispered into his mind.

"What!" he roared again, just as the pilot confirmed once more that no human life forms were within radar range. He barely registered it.

The bond slammed shut as rage enveloped him. What had she done? How could she endanger herself like that? Why didn't she tell him? With another frustrated roar, he cut his saber across a control panel.

"Find me those children!" he roared again, letting himself fall into one of his rage tantrums, sweeping his saber around in a wide arc. "Find them!"

He furiously started cutting the control panel to pieces. What if the first ship had his radar on and had spotted her? She could have been captured! Why did she do such a foolish thing? She would have been mistreated long before he could get to her!

"S- S- Sir, we- we're going to need-"

The offensive man slammed into the door where he slumped down, unconscious. Two of his colleagues dragged him outside. Kylo attacked yet another panel, effectively destroying the entire communication system.

As he turned around, he noticed the entire room had been abandoned. He kept on hacking—for good measure and to burn away his frustration towards Rey. They would talk about what happened. She could not put herself in danger like that. She just couldn't.

Phasma walked in and looked around the room. "Quite the damage you've done here," she stated.

"Convincing enough?" Kylo asked, breathing heavily.

"I suggest you march out the door and into your ship, sir. Bark another 'find them' and leave."

Kylo smirked before doing just that.


	19. Back to Normal

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are two amazing beta's!_

Kylo settled himself back into his quarters on the _Supremacy_ , making sure everybody knew of his bad mood and foul temper. He waited an agonising day before contacting Rey. She responded immediately.

"Ben!"

She flickered into view before him, a beaming smile on her face. It surprised him how badly he had missed her. It had been less than a week.

"Rey," he all but sighed, smiling back at her. "How are they? How are the children? Are they settling in?"

A myriad of expressions shifted across her face, until a neutral one remained. "The five youngest are doing great. They're settling in just fine, playing with Lyra and the other small kids. It's the older ones I'm worried about. They don't seem to relax. It's like they're miniature robots or something."

Kylo frowned at the news. "They're that indoctrinated? I had really hoped they would settle once they were out of that dreadful environment."

"It's only been a day. Perhaps, with some time, they'll come around? It's just heartbreaking to watch. Temiri has taken charge of them though. I hope he can get through to them, without exhausting himself in the process."

"Is Sirena of any use?"

The frown on Rey's face immediately turned into a wide smile. "You should have seen her face when I told her the kids are Force-sensitive!" she laughed. "Wait, come into my mind; you really have to see!"

Kylo took the opportunity to move closer to her. He went to stand right in front of her and touched her temple. They both knew it wasn't necessary, but neither felt the need to point that out. Together, in Rey's mind, they shared the dumbfounded, utterly confused look on Sirena's face. Both were sniggering when Kylo returned to his own head.

"Glorious!" he grinned. Not willing to relinquish her nearness, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bed so they could sit down.

"She's a wonderful asset," Rey said. "I don't know how we would have dealt with the children without her. They really don't behave like children. But she seems to know what makes them tick." Rey looked at him, her eyes narrowing. "What did you say to her regarding me, though? She behaves … oddly, and she won't tell me why."

Kylo worried his lips and smiled when he noticed it drew Rey's attention to them. "I told her to treat you as she would treat me, with the utmost respect and reverence."

Rey hit his arm playfully. "You did not! No wonder she keeps getting flustered when I tell her to stop calling me Madame and simply go for Rey. She scuttles out of the way every time we pass each other in the hallways. I told her to stop doing that too, but she simply won't."

"Finally someone who offers you the honour you are due," Kylo said in response, touching her cheek.

"It's so unnecessary!"

"It is not. It's about time they recognise what a precious gem they have in their midst."

Realising what he had just said, Kylo coughed and looked away. Rey was staring at him with wide eyes, before looking away herself and blushing.

"About that rescue though," he suddenly said. Rey cringed slightly, correctly guessing what would come next. "It was you? On the planet?"

"Do you really think I would have let anybody else do it? I'm the most qualified for it."

"You've put yourself in danger."

"It was a calculated risk. Someone needed to be down there. This mission was deemed classified, so not many people knew. The less the better. I was the logical choice."

"You can't put yourself at risk like that!"

"And I could _not_ justify putting someone else at risk."

"It was too dangerous!"

"Why are you so upset? You've put yourself at risk as well!"

"That's of lesser importance. I could have talked myself out of it. If you were caught… You would have been captured, or even dead."

"I know."

"Then don't do it!"

"I had to!"

"I don't want you hurt!"

They were both breathing heavily. Somewhere along their argument, Kylo had stood to face Rey. With his last exclamation, he had cupped her face with both hands. He stared at her as she stared right back, a look of wonderment in her eyes.

Kylo could feel the anger flowing out of him. "I- I don't want you to get hurt," he repeated, drawing his thumbs over her cheeks before letting her go. "Who flew the ship? Can I know?"

Rey swallowed and guiltily looked away.

"It was that pilot, Poe, wasn't it?"

She nodded. "He is our best pilot. We needed all the skill we could get. He was our best chance."

"Just make sure he doesn't show up here anymore," he merely grumbled.

"He won't."

They fell into silence. Rey kept throwing him glances as he paced the room.

"Why are you pacing?" she finally asked. "Everything went according to plan."

"That doesn't mean I no longer worry for those children. And the others, there are so many others still left in the system."

"There's nothing you can do for them now, only in the long run. It's sad but it's true."

"I know. I don't like it."

Again they fell into silence.

"Teach me something new."

Kylo abruptly stopped his pacing. "What?"

"Teach me something new," Rey repeated, smiling. "How do you show me your surroundings? I know I did it for you once, but I think it was beginner's luck or something. I can't repeat it."

"How do you know you can't repeat it?"

"I've tried, a couple of times. I think you would have reacted if you suddenly saw more than just me."

He snorted. "Yes, that would definitely elicit a response." In a fluid motion, he sunk down to sit on the floor. "Come on; I'll teach you."

With a grin, Rey hopped off the bed and went to sit opposite of him, their knees touching.

"So," he said, taking both her hands in his and starting his explanation, "the key to showing your surroundings is widening the bond. It's like enlarging the amount of data that can be transferred through a cable."

xXxXxXx

A couple of days later, he returned to his quarters after a long, bothersome meeting about the disappearance of the children, only to find Rey asleep on his bed. The sight did all sorts of things to him. Most of all, he wanted to crawl in next to her, pull her to him, and fall asleep as well.

He shook his head, resisting the urge and deciding to take a shower to wash away the day. He was walking a fine line—a mix between anger for his staff's failure, having wanted the children for his experiment but not thinking them worth much, and losing interest in the project all together. In the end, a stray thought had entered his mind and he'd ordered the facility to remain functional and ready to take people at all times. That also meant the communication center had to be repaired.

Kylo shivered in the cool air as he took off his shirt. Frowning, he looked back at the sleeping Rey. With silent steps, he walked back to her, picking up a blanket along the way. Carefully he draped it over her. She sighed and burrowed into it, much to his delight. He had stopped thinking about the exact workings of their bond long ago; it only gave him headaches.

Stepping behind the curtain, he widened their connection, showing his surroundings just in case she woke up. With the warm water spraying over his back, he went over the thought that had passed through his mind at the meeting. It was a wild idea, dangerous even, in a way. If they turned against him, he would be dead. He wanted to help, but did they want to be helped in the first place?

With a sigh, he splashed some water in his face and started soaping himself. He would talk it through with Rey, and see how Phasma would react. He dried himself and put on a fresh pair of pants before emerging again from behind the curtain. He smiled when he saw Rey was still sleeping, facing his way.

This time, he couldn't resist. Not caring that his hair was still wet, he climbed onto the bed to lie next to her—on top of the covers and without touching. She looked even younger while sleeping. Her hair was loose and falling freely around her head. Some strands got stuck in the corner of her mouth, and he carefully pulled them away and tucked them behind her ear.

He wondered how she had ended up sleeping on his bed. Was it by accident? Or did she really trust him that much? He had felt her appear earlier. It had happened before, her appearing somewhere apart from him so he had to go find her. It had happened the other way around as well, when he contacted her. They both simply shrugged it away.

Kylo couldn't believe how beautiful she was. He took her slightly outstretched hand in his and simply stared at her. His feelings for her were growing; he could no longer deny it. The urge to touch her, hold her, even kiss her, grew stronger every time he saw her. He hardly ever acted upon it, fearing she would shy away from him. He didn't think he would be able to survive if she rejected him.

Rey sighed and her eyes fluttered open. He let her hand slip out of his as she moved it to her mouth for a big yawn. "Ben?" she muttered.

"Hello, sleepy head," he answered.

"I fell asleep?" she mumbled. Her hand reached out to touch his chest. "You're not wearing a shirt."

He had to swallow as the tingle of her touch spread all over his body. He placed his hand over hers and pressed it closer. "No, I'm not," he managed to say. "I took a shower."

She seemed to fully wake up as she started blushing. "I fell asleep," she stated again.

Kylo chuckled. "Yes, you did. On my bed." He couldn't help how his voice lowered at the end.

She started blushing even harder and the hand against his chest twitched. He tightened his grip, not wanting her to pull away.

"Sorry?" she asked, sounding unsure, as if she didn't know how to respond to the situation.

"Don't be," he answered, smiling at her. "I think I like it."

"Oh."

She moved under the blanket, her legs pulling up to her chest. He still wanted to pull her closer; he wanted to know how she would fit against his body. Closing his eyes, he focussed on some training exercises in order to calm himself—and a certain part of his anatomy—down enough so he could focus again.

"Any specific reason you're here?" he finally managed to ask.

Rey smiled at him. "I wanted to see you."

He thought his heart was going to explode. "I'm happy to see you too," he whispered, raising her hand to his mouth so he could kiss its palm.

"Oh," she said again, her smile turning shy. He put her hand back on his chest, still not letting go. For a long time they just laid there, dozing, until Kylo spoke up.

"I want to help them."

"Help who?" Rey sleepily muttered.

"The Knights. I want to help the Knights of Ren."


	20. Forgotten Things

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Rey was suddenly wide awake. "What? You want to help the Knights? How?"

Kylo bit the inside of his cheek. "I want to put them back in touch with the Force."

"Oh… Do you think they would want that?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you ask them?"

"They would say 'no'; that's how they've been trained. They're conditioned to think they'll be killed if they want to connect with the Force."

"Do you think they will listen to you? You once told me you had to split them apart because they blame you for Snoke's death."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Perhaps you could ask one of them? The youngest? Or the one you trust the most?"

Kylo focussed back on Rey and let go of her hand to cup her cheek. "What would I do without you?" he asked, semi teasing, semi serious.

She smiled at him but didn't answer.

"There is one who seemed more sceptical and less angry than the rest. I'll meet with her first and see from there."

"Her?" Rey asked, her eyes slightly narrowed.

"Yes," Kylo answered, surprised by her tone. "Not all the Knights are men; you know that."

"Yes, yes, of course."

She tilted her chin down—breaking eye-contact and dislodging his hand. Kylo looked at her with mild confusion, but decided to change the subject instead of questioning her.

"How's your lightsaber getting on?"

He panicked slightly as it seemed the wrong thing to ask. Rey frowned and bit her lip, a look of sadness crossing her face.

"Nowhere," she whispered.

"What do you mean 'nowhere'?" Kylo asked, nudging her chin back up so he could look at her face better. He wished they were standing so he could hug her. The sudden change in emotion startled him and it annoyed him that he did not know what to do.

"Just, nowhere. It won't get finished."

"Why not? Is there something you don't know? Did I not give you enough information?"

She didn't answer.

"Rey, tell me why you can't finish it. Let me help."

Finally she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Don't you know?" she asked. "Don't you know that it's near impossible to find kyber crystals that are for sale? Let alone one at the black market? One that's of a high enough quality?"

Kylo blinked at her. "Uhm…"

"Ever since the destruction of Jedha, kyber crystals have become extremely rare. All the still existing mines are controlled by the First Order; all trade is logged and meticulously controlled by the First Order." She sniffed and sat up, looking away from him. "No wonder you didn't mind giving me the schematics on how to build a saber; you already knew I wouldn't be able to get my hands on the main component."

It took Kylo a second to process her words, before he abruptly sat up. Rey tried to scoot off the bed but he held her back.

"No!" he stated. "No! I did not know that."

"How could you not?" She was still looking away from him.

Kylo laughed without mirth. "I merely state I need something and others make it appear. I didn't even know the training process and living conditions of a big part of our military force; is it so difficult to believe I know nothing about the markets?"

Rey glanced up at him, before looking away again. She had moved to sit against the wall, as far away from him as possible.

"What about Maz?" he questioned. "Doesn't she have any strings to pull?"

"She already tried. It's no use."

He looked at her huddled form. "Please believe me when I say that I did not know. I want you to have your own saber, I really do."

"Why?" she mumbled. "That makes no sense. I'm still your enemy."

"Are you?"

"What?"

"My enemy? Are you really?" He didn't like how his voice sounded, but there was no helping it. Did she really think of him as an enemy? Had he been reading their bond so wrong?

She turned her head even further away, fidgeting. "I'm on the wrong side, aren't I?"

Kylo hesitated. "Am I still fighting the Resistance?" he asked, deciding to take a leap of faith.

"What?"

"How long has it been," he continued, "since the last report of an attack reached you? Did the base on Gozgoreport in? Or did the one on Espirionnotice some irregularities? Any enemy space crafts hovering above Makem Te?"

Rey's head shot up. "You know about those?" she cried out.

He moved over to her—realising he was trapping her against the wall but needing her to not run away, to not abandon him—and held her face in both his hands.

"Yes, I do. Our intel knows about some of your trade routes as well."

"But- But-"

"Are you really my enemy, Rey? I need to know."

She stared at him, wide-eyed and confused. Their bond shimmered with emotions—pain, doubt, hope, fear. He recognised the fear; he dealt with it himself every single day.

"I won't abandon you, Rey," he murmured. "If you don't abandon me, I won't abandon you." A tear escaped her and he brushed it away with his thumb. "Are you my enemy? Am I yours?"

"I-" she hiccuped. "I don't want to be."

He sighed in relief, dropping his hands. "Then don't be."

"I-"

"I'll see if I can find a good crystal," he interrupted her.

She gazed at him. "Really?" Her voice sounded unsure, slightly broken.

"Yes."

"It makes no sense," she said. Kylo didn't respond. "Why?" she asked.

He opened his mouth but hesitated as his brain formed words he was unable to speak. "Because every Force user should have a proper saber," he finally said.

Rey raised an eyebrow—looking at him as if she didn't truly believe him but not pressing the matter. "Even if you find one," she said, "how will you get it to me?"

"We'll figure that out once I have it," he answered.

She yawned. "Okay."

"What did you do today?" Kylo asked with a smile.

"Train with the kids."

His curiosity peaked. He wanted to know how they were doing, if the older kids were already behaving like children again. Looking at Rey, however, he saw her blinking owlishly—fighting her sleep in an attempt to stay awake. He didn't examine the feeling he had in his chest when he laid back down and patted the pillow beside him.

"Go back to sleep, Rey. You're tired."

"I can stay awake," she said. "You want to know about the children, don't you?"

"That can wait another day. Go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?" she asked, even though she was already snuggling into the pillow.

Kylo hummed a small laugh. "Yes, I'm sure." Grabbing the blanket, he pulled it back over her before pushing her hair out of her face. "Now sleep."

"Okay," she mumbled again.

He watched as her eyes fluttered closed. On an impulse, he grabbed her hand again, holding it in his. Rey hummed in response. With a gentle smile on his face, Kylo watched her face relax. He listened to her breath evening out until she was once more asleep. He kept watching her until he started feeling drowsy himself. Not long after, he followed her into sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, the bed was empty. Even though he had known this would happen, disappointment still rushed through him. He realised he wanted the real Rey to sleep in his bed. Perhaps she only trusted him enough because their connection was through the bond? Perhaps she didn't trust him, but the bond's ability to prevent harm?

Sighing, he got up. There was no way for him to know, and he wasn't going to ask her. Donning his clothes, he started planning what to do next. Ember Ren was stationed on a ship near the outer rim. It would take her a while to get to him when he summoned her. He needed to decide whether to summon her to the _Supremacy_ or to his new facility. And he also wanted to ask Phasma's thoughts on the idea.

Dragging a hand through his hair, he stepped outside his room. To his surprise, one of his Troopers stood watch instead of Phasma.

"Sir!" the soldier saluted him.

"Where's Phasma?" Kylo asked.

"There was an incident with former general Hux, sir. She went to deal with it."

Kylo stared. Hux. He had completely forgotten about Hux. He wasn't even sure where the man was located at the moment.

"Take me to them," he ordered.

"Sir!"

Following the Trooper, Kylo started wondering what to do with the ginger. Was he even still sane? Could he trust the man? Did he have any use whatsoever? He dragged his hand through his hair again—cursing the so-manieth problem but realising at the same time that he was the cause of this one.

"Sir!" Phasma said in surprise, seeing them turn a corner in the detainment area of the ship.

"Phasma," he greeted.

She ordered the Trooper to leave before facing him. "You forgot about Hux, didn't you?"

He nodded, for some reason feeling guilty. "Give me an update?"

Phasma shook her head lightly. "After you got tired of him, I moved him in here. He's being treated like any other prisoner, even though we don't have any others at the moment."

"What was the incident about?"

"Some Troopers got in and thought it funny to harass him. They've been dealt with."

Kylo nodded. "Take me to him."

Phasma glanced at him before shrugging and walking him to one of the many prison cell doors.

"Is he sane?" he asked before opening it.

"Pretty much."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He's been in solitary confinement ever since you stopped torturing him. How sane do you think he is?"

Not having a proper response, Kylo shrugged and opened the door. The interior was stark white, with fluorescent light shining harshly on a bed, a table that was bolted against the wall, and a single chair. In the corner, there was a small lavatory. Cameras were visible in every corner of the ceiling. The only spot of colour was the ginger hair of the pale man sitting on the bed.

"Armitage Hux," Kylo greeted.

The man stood while a myriad of expressions flitted across his face. Kylo was pleased to see fear was still among them.

"Su- Supreme Leader," Hux answered. He gave a small bow but didn't remove his eyes from Kylo's face.

"I forgot about you," Kylo said. "It seems you managed to survive. Weeds do not perish, I once heard say." Hux did not answer and merely looked at him. "Are you still sane? After all this time here?"

"Excuse me?" Hux exclaimed.

"Ah, there's the general I know." Kylo lifted a hand and smirked when Hux's eyes widened with fright. "I don't really like him."

"Su- Supreme Leader," Hux said again with another small bow.

Kylo snorted. "I've got an assignment for you. Don't look so pleased; you won't be leaving this room." He watched as Hux's shoulders slumped and was surprised to feel some pity for the man. "I need you to write down your vision for the First Order. Don't try to sweet talk me; I'm no longer the man you thought you knew. Be honest. I need it by the end of the week."

He swirled around and strode off. When Phasma joined him, she gave him a sideways glance.

"Sir? What are you planning to do with him? Why the writing assignment?"

"No idea, but I want to see if he could be useful."

"For what?"

"No idea."

Phasma stopped walking. "You honestly don't know?"

"No. Are you coming?"

"Yes, sir! How will you know if he's sincere?"

"By looking into his head. It will easily reveal if what he wrote adds up with what he thinks."

"He's terrified of you," Phasma noted.

Kylo grinned. "Finally."


	21. Convincing a Knight

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

"She'll arrive this afternoon?"

"Yes. I wanted it to be informal—a question, not a command—so I summoned her back here, to the _Supremacy_. If she's interested, we can always pay the facility a visit later on."

Rey nodded. "What are you going to say to her?"

"I don't know." Kylo dragged his hand through his hair, pacing, while Rey sat on his bed and watched. "She probably doesn't trust me, which will only get worse when I bring up the Force. She won't allow me to simply snoop around in her head, and ordering her to let me do so won't help with the trust issue at all. Besides, I don't think her mind will tell me anything useful. I don't know how to prevent Ember from thinking it's a trick to get rid of her."

"By sympathising with her."

"I do what?"

"Or you tell her you disagree with Snoke's vision considering the Force; but that might anger her further about you killing him, no?"

Kylo frowned.

"And treat her like an equal. Be honest. If you want her answer to be genuine, you need to make sure she feels the answer is wanted."

"How is this so easy for you?" Kylo questioned.

Rey shrugged. "I used to barter a lot. I'm guessing this is the same."

Smiling, he walked over to touch her face. "You are a treasure."

She blushed. "I need to get going; the kids are waiting. Let me know how it went?"

"I will."

After Rey's departure, Kylo busied himself with reports and the general decision making that was needed to keep the First Order running, until he was notified of Ember's arrival.

"Get her settled in her quarters," he ordered Phasma, "and bring her here afterwards."

She nodded and walked out, leaving him to pace his study. The room had a magnificent view of the stars, but the endless void couldn't calm his nerves. He thought about contacting Rey again but then decided against it. He was still the Supreme Leader—he was strong and powerful; he could do this on his own.

When Phasma returned, he was leaning against his desk—trying to look calm and collected. Ember immediately saluted but left out the accompanying 'Supreme Leader'. It wasn't a good start. Kylo inwardly sighed and turned to Phasma.

"Please wait outside."

"Sir?" she answered. He could hear her hesitance.

"Outside," he repeated.

With a last glance towards Ember, she nodded and left.

"You allow her to question your orders?" Ember said with a sneer as soon as the door closed.

"No," Kylo answered, giving her a level look. "She wasn't questioning my order; she was questioning your loyalty."

Ember blinked. "I see."

He studied her. She was a woman of average height with short, brown hair. Her stance was straight and rigid, but he knew she could snap into action in a blink of an eye—like a wire that was strung too tight.

The armour she wore seemed fairly simple, which was quite deceptive. It had reinforcements on her back and chest. What seemed to be reinforcements on her arms were fold-out knives and hidden weapons. The tips of her boots could produce knives as well. On her back she carried her primary weapons: two swords whose razor sharp edges could be enhanced with both lasers and fire. All in all, she was a deadly woman.

"Good," he finally answered, before taking a deep breath and deciding to get down to business. "I've summoned you here for a specific reason, namely to ask you a question. It's one I'm planning on asking all the Knights if your answer is positive." He looked at her to let his words sink in.

"Why me?" she asked.

Kylo snorted. 'Be honest,' Rey had said. "I am well aware of the … displeasure amongst the Knights about my coming into power," he answered. "It seemed you were the least likely to immediately try and kill me."

Ember didn't respond. Taking another deep breath, Kylo continued. He kept a close eye on her; after all, she was a dangerous opponent.

"I hate to admit that there were things Snoke never deemed to enlighten me with," he said. "One of them was Base Z." Ember twitched. "I was certain that, apart from Snoke, I was the last Force-sensitive alive. I was proven wrong when _the girl_ showed up. After I became Supreme Leader, intel told me I was wrong again. Base Z finally confirmed just how misinformed I was. It seems that all Knights are Force-sensitive."

Movement of Ember's hands made him face her full on. It took all of his willpower not to reach for his saber. He needed her trust.

"I disagree with Base Z," he stated, blunt and head-on.

Ember froze and stared at him. He thought he detected uncertainty in her eyes, but her neutral mask was trained to such perfection, it was impossible to say for certain.

"You will leave this place alive, no matter what you say," Kylo continued, hoping it would settle the woman. This time, Ember actually frowned. It felt like victory.

Taking a deep breath, Kylo decided to take a leap of faith. "You, as all the other Knights, were once in touch with the Force. It was beaten out of you. Now, I want to give it back."

The laser enhanced sword clashed with his saber, inches away from his head.

"Lies!" Ember bellowed.

Phasma immediately stormed into the room.

"Phasma, halt!" Kylo commanded. The woman stopped, looking at him completely bewildered. Ascertained that his order was met, he turned his attention back to Ember. "Put your sword away and I'll forget that you attacked me. I promised you would leave alive no matter what you _said_ ; actions were not included." He modeled his voice to sound cold and in control.

Ember took a step back, sword still in hand. "You betrayed Supreme Leader Snoke."

" _Former_ Supreme Leader, and yes, I did. He misjudged me and threatened something I could not afford to lose. He made a mistake. I refused to remain his pawn and so I killed him, taking his seat in the process. He thought he had broken me, but all he did was make me stronger."

"The Force equals death."

"Snoke was scared of Force-users. As a team, he knew they could destroy him. Given Base Z, I guess he figured you were too precious a resource to throw away. You see, even if you don't feel the Force anymore, as a Force-sensitive, it still flows through you and makes you stronger. So he beat and tortured the Force out of those who were strong enough to deny it, and killed the ones who weren't."

"The Force equals death," Ember repeated, a hint of something in her voice Kylo could not decipher.

"I am not Snoke."

Her eyes narrowed and the hand around the sword handle tightened again. "You would be a fool to give us your power."

Kylo contemplated that for a second. "Perhaps," he finally answered, "but it would take you years to get there, if it's even still possible. In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure that putting you back in touch with the Force is even possible, but I'm willing to try."

"What about those in Base Z right now?"

"I am yet to find a way to help them. That's all the information you will get." Silence reigned the room. After a while, Kylo spoke up again. "Put away the sword, Ember. I'm not going to attack you and you have no reason to attack me. You are free to return to your quarters to contemplate what has been said. You are not my prisoner. As always, you have your Knight's privilege to freely use this ship's facilities. I only ask you not to contact your fellow Knights about this matter."

Slowly, Ember sheathed her sword. Without a word, she thumped her chest in greeting, turned, and walked away. Once she was out of hearing range, Kylo nearly slumped in relief.

"That went better than expected," he muttered.

"It did?" Phasma replied.

"I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Barely." Kylo gave her a sharp look. "Sir." It didn't sound convincing.

Shaking his head, Kylo grunted and sat back behind his desk. "I need to finish this ruddy paperwork; then I'm going to burn off some steam."

"All hail the Supreme Leader and his paperwork."

"What's gotten into you today?" he asked, staring at Phasma.

"Just glad you're still alive, sir."

With a small bow, she turned and walked out. Kylo stared at the closed door for a long time, trying to figure out what had just happened. Phasma _cared_? Deciding to mull it over later, he returned to the reports on his desk.

It was more than two hours later when he leaned back and called it quits for the day. Had he known being Supreme Leader came with so much paperwork, he might have had doubts about taking the position.

Phasma fell into step behind him as he left the office, heading for the private training grounds—only himself and a few elite were allowed to use it. He looked forward to some training to loosen up the muscles that had cramped from sitting behind his desk for so long. He wasn't made for sitting still.

The door hissed open and he immediately tensed as he caught movement in the corner of his eye. Ember stopped halfway through her form to bump her hand against her chest in greeting. She studied him like one would study prey. It made him wary of her.

"I was unaware of your presence here," he stated.

A curt nod, and she returned to her forms. They were fluent, controlled, and precise. The thought crossed Kylo's mind that she would be a good teacher for Rey.

After some warm up exercises, he fell into his own forms, one movement flowing freely into the other. It calmed him down immediately, just like Rey's presence did. He controlled his breathing, lunging and slashing invisible enemies. He caught Ember watching him. 'Treat her like an equal,' Rey had said.

Kylo stopped and turned toward the Knight. "How about we spar?"

Ember blinked. The lack of other tell-tales of her emotions was unnerving, just like how still she kept herself.

"I attacked you only a few hours ago," she finally stated in response.

"Are you planning on killing me, Ember Ren?"

"No."

"Then I suggest we spar."

"No lasers, no Force."

"Agreed. No fire."

"Agreed."

"I'll just inform Phasma, before she storms in thinking we are truly fighting."

"She's dedicated?"

"She is," Kylo answered, moving to the door. Stepping out into the hallway beyond, he informed his commander.

"Is this wise, sir?"

"I hope it will earn me some respect," he answered, his mind already halfway through the bond. "Rey," he said with his mind, searching her out.

"Ben!"

The joy with which she greeted him never failed to put a smile on his face. "I'll be sparring with Ember, so don't freak out."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He snorted. "You're starting to sound like Phasma," he said in response. "It will be fine. She'll be brutal but won't do any lasting damage."

Rey blanched. "What?"

He belatedly realised he shouldn't have said that. "Don't worry about it, Rey. Look at it as a different form of bargaining. Trust me."

Slowly, she nodded. "Let me know when you're finished. Let me know that you're okay."

"I will. I have to go."

"Stay safe."

He reeled a bit when their connection broke. 'Stay safe'? She wanted him safe? Had he reason to hope? Shaking his head, he stepped back into the gym, focusing his mind on the fight to come.

"I thought you might not come back," Ember sneered.

Kylo glared at her. "A minor incident that needed my attention," he lied smoothly. Walking to the armory at the back of the room, he selected a sword that was about the same length as his saber. Without the Force to aid him, he realised he would have to block physically. Foregoing an actual shield, he clasped arm guards over his forearms.

Ember was already standing in the sparring circle, eying him, studying him. Both her swords were in her hands, the knives that were usually hidden in her arm guards deployed. They stared each other down as he moved in to face her. In a blur of movement, Ember attacked.


	22. Earning Respect

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo knew he was at a disadvantage; his longer sword would manage to keep Ember at a distance, but it was too easily blocked by her double swords. She was lightning fast—he had to give her that. There were moments where only instincts allowed him to block her attacks; he never actually saw them coming.

Tired of being on defense, he lunged into an attack and managed to drive Ember back. Her arms shook at the impact of his sword. Kylo smirked. Eventually, however, she again slipped through his slower movements and forced him to block several attacks with his arm guards.

They were evenly matched. Like vultures, they circled each other—coming together in the fight and splitting back apart when neither could get the upper hand. Kylo could feel the sting of the cut in his upper arm where the knife on her forearm had slid past his arm guard. A bloodied rip in Ember's armour told him where the longer range of his sword had cut her abdomen.

Sometime during their spar, Phasma had entered the room. She was standing near the door—rigid but not interfering. Kylo paid her no heed, and he doubted Ember had even so much as glanced her way.

Ember lunged again. Their exchange of blows ended with his sword blocking both of hers above their heads. They were both panting, both staring at the other and trying to figure out the next move.

Kylo knew he was stronger, but throwing her back would give him little advantage. Instead, he kicked at Ember's leg—causing the woman to buckle and her swords to slide down from their position. Lightning-fast, she turned her fall into a roll. The knives at her arms, however, got in the way and slowed her down.

Dropping his sword, Kylo took advantage of Ember's momentary weakness to grab her wrist as she stood, wrenching away the sword in her hand. Not letting go of the wrist, and mindful of the knife right next to his fingers, he jerked and kicked her feet from under her. Even while she fell down, she swung at his legs. The desperate move was easily parried and Kylo pointed his conquered sword at her throat.

"Yield."

Ember stared up at him, calculation clear in her eyes.

"Yield," he said again.

She nodded. "I yield; you win this round."

Kylo snorted at the not quite complete surrender, and offered her his hand to pull her up. She gave it a bewildered look before accepting.

"You are not the Kylo Ren I knew." He didn't answer her, merely went to retrieve the sword he had dropped. "What made you change?" she continued, still looking at him.

" _That_ is information you are not privy to," he answered.

Her eyes narrowed. "Then I have no reason to trust you."

Kylo sighed. "You want proof that I'm sincere?"

She gave him a curt nod, her swords sliding back into their sheaths with a soft hiss.

"How can I trust that the information I give you will not leave this room?"

A low growl escaped her, a look of anger flashing over her face as she once more thumped her fist against her chest. "Upon my word as a Knight," she snapped.

Kylo decided he liked her. She had the same fiery temperament as Rey. Those two would make quite a pair, if they didn't kill each other first. He nodded once in acceptance of Ember's word.

"You've no doubt heard about the missing children?"

"The ones you wanted to _experiment_ with." Ember spat on the ground, a clear form of disrespect. Kylo didn't reprimand her for it; he understood.

"I know where they are," he said.

"What?"

"I know where they are."

"So you _are_ experimenting on them?" He could see her hand twitching to reach for her blades.

"I am not," he answered in a calm voice. "They are safe and cared for. Nobody will find them."

Ember seemed unsure. "Then why report them missing? Why have troops search for them? Why all the fuss?"

"To get them out of the system."

"Then where did they go?"

He didn't answer and instead simply looked at her.

"Information I'm not privy to?"

"Indeed."

"What are you planning?"

Again, he answered with silence. She let out a frustrated grunt.

"How did Snoke raise you?"

Of all the questions she could have asked, this was not one he had expected. "Come again?"

"How did Snoke raise you? Once you were in his service?"

Kylo hesitated. These weren't good memories. He didn't particularly want to share that information.

"You know about my childhood," Ember pressed. "It seems rather fair to me that I know about yours."

He barked out a short laugh. "Since when were things ever _fair_?"

It was Ember's turn to remain silent. Kylo dragged a hand through his hair and sighed.

"I guess it wasn't much different from yours. Where he beat the Force _out_ of you, he beat the Force _in_ to me. He made sure I could _never_ forget it."

"Similar, huh?"

"From what I've seen."

"If I were to agree, what would happen?"

He tried very hard not to show the hope he felt on his face. He feared he failed in the attempt. "Can you still feel it?" he asked. "If you would try? If you really wanted to?"

For a moment, she stood stock-still; then she shook her head. "No."

"Then I would have to enter your mind to find it and reconnect you to it. I can't guarantee it won't be painful; I can only promise not to look for more than the missing connection. I can't guarantee success either."

Another curt nod. "I will think about it." She greeted—including Phasma in the gesture—and left.

"You're grinning like a fool," Phasma noted. Her voice told him she was teasing.

"It's progress," he answered. "I never expected her to give in so quickly."

"She hasn't given in yet."

"True, but at least she's thinking about it."

"I still don't understand why you are doing this."

Kylo shrugged. "I simply have to," he answered, unwilling to utter the words 'it is the right thing to do' or 'I feel bad for them'.

Phasma hummed, obviously not believing him. She shook her head and glanced at his arms before speaking up again. "I guess we're heading for your quarters now? So you can inform _her_? And tell her you survived the sparring?"

He nodded, summoning his lightsaber into his hand so he could clip it on his belt. His mind was already trying to figure out what step to take next if Ember agreed, and what to do if she didn't. Could he really deny all the Knights this opportunity simply because one of them refused? It frustrated him that he could do nothing but wait until Ember made a decision.

As the door to his quarters closed behind him, he decided to take a quick shower before contacting Rey. She wouldn't like it, but he felt grimy and sweaty. Turning on the water, guilt overrode him, thinking that maybe she was anxious for contact. Making her wait would be cruel. He did not want to be cruel to her; so he sent her a small message through the bond—'Safe, shower'—before actually stepping under the water.

When he re-emerged, he let out a profanity when he saw her sitting on the bed—cross-legged and with her back to him. He hadn't anticipated she would open the connection fully; certainly not when he'd told her he was in the shower!

"I didn't look!" she immediately said after his swearing. Something in her voice, however, made him question that statement. He couldn't help the satisfied smile that curled his lips upward.

"Are you sure?" he teased.

"Uhu."

He didn't need to see her face to know she was blushing. Suppressing a chuckle, he put on some pants and declared it to be safe for her to turn around. She peeked over her shoulder, revealing her red-tinged cheeks. Her eyes went wide as she spotted him.

"You're hurt!"

Kylo blinked. He was? Rey all but jumped from the bed and quickly closed the distance between them. Without reservation, she grabbed his arm and studied the cut where Ember's knife had slid above his arm guard.

"It's only a scratch."

She looked up at him. "You need to treat it. Put some bacta on it or something."

He couldn't help but feel touched by her concern. He didn't dare contemplate what it meant that she worried about him because of a small cut.

"It will heal," he simply said.

Rey shook her head. "Don't you have a first aid kit in here? You need to at least cover it, so it won't get infected."

"Hygiene is hardly a problem on this ship," he retorted.

She frowned at him, still holding his arm, and he felt stupid for protesting.

"It's in the top drawer," he said, nodding at the furniture against the wall.

Rey waved him to the bed before retrieving the kit. "Sit!"

He humoured her, watching as she rifled through the drawer and eventually found the green box with standard medical supplies. He realised what she was planning as she didn't hand it over to him when he held out his hand.

"You don't have to…"

"Hush!" she protested, plucking bacta, gauze, and bandages from the kit. "You can't properly do this with your left hand."

He opened his mouth to contradict her—he had done it before, plus he had medical droids for this—but closed it again. It had been a long time since something other than a droid had fixed his wounds.

Most of the time, he had stumbled to the med bay, or had been dumped there if his injuries were too grave and he could no longer walk.

Entranced, he watched as she tore open the bacta patch and gently put the content on his cut. Her fingers brushed his skin softly, as if she was afraid she would hurt him further if she pressed too hard.

"Does it sting?"

"A bit," he lied.

He didn't know why he had felt the urge to lie. It didn't sting at all. He wondered if it had stung in the shower but came up short. It was worth seeing her bite her lip over it though. Did she really care so much? With equally gentle and soft touches, she pressed the gauze over the wound and then started wrapping a bandage around it.

She stared at her work, her fingers trailing up and down his arm. It tingled, almost burned at the most sensitive spots. He wished he could trail his own fingers along her neck, her cheekbones, her lips.

"There. Better."

Her words snapped him out of his reverie. He moved his arm and noticed the bandage didn't hinder him at all.

"Thank you."

She looked at him, her eyes wide and a bit darker than usual. He stared into them and felt his body react. Swallowing, he decided to quickly break whatever tension it was that was building between them.

"Don't you want to know what happened?"

Rey blinked owlishly before quickly stepping away and repacking the first aid kit. "Yes, yes, tell me what happened. How did she respond?"

He watched her move around as he answered her. "She was wary, as expected. When I eventually stated I wanted to restore her connection with the Force, she attacked me."

Rey slammed the drawer shut, whirling around to face him.

"She did what?!"

"She attacked me, thinking it was a ruse. I was prepared for it, so no harm done."

"Where was Phasma? Didn't she stop Ember?"

"She was outside. She came storming in as she heard the commotion though."

"Why was she outside? Why wasn't she with you?"

Kylo thought he detected a hint of accusation in her voice. "Because I told her to wait outside," he answered.

Rey stalked up to him, poking a finger to his chest. "You foolish, foolish man!"

He grabbed the offending finger and wrapped his hand around hers. "Foolish?"

"Yes, foolish! Why send Phasma outside?"

"I needed neutral terrain. I needed to look confident and anything but scared of Ember."

"But she could have killed you!"

"She didn't."

"But she could have! And then you gave her another opportunity when you sparred. She could have claimed it an accident. She could have killed you!"

Kylo was surprised at how distraught Rey sounded. She had turned away from him—refusing to meet his eyes—and was feebly trying to pull her hand out of his grasp. He wouldn't let her. Instead, he tugged until she was standing between his legs. His free hand moved up to cup her cheek.

"Rey," he said. "You shouldn't worry about me."

"But I do."

He couldn't figure out her tone of voice. Was it sadness? Resignation? Anger? Fear?

"I'm not worth it."

"Yes you _are_!" she cried out.

Her head snapped up with her words. He didn't know how to process the fact that her eyes were brimming with tears. Why was she near crying? For him? For her? Did she really believe what she was saying?

"Rey," he said again. He liked her name, had liked it since the first time he heard it. "Ember is a magnificent fighter, but she wasn't out to kill me. I could tell."

"Magnificent, huh?"

"Yes," he answered carefully. Her tone of voice had changed again and it made him wary of his own words. He didn't quite understand why, but decided to not ignore his instincts. "Aside from that, she's going to think about whether or not to accept my offer. I haven't talked to her about using the facility yet. I did have to divulge that I got the children out of the system." Rey's eyes grew alarmed. "She doesn't know where they went; don't worry," he quickly added. "It's not like I trust her." Somehow, that seemed the right thing to say, for Rey smiled at him again.

"Do you think she'll eventually accept?"

"I hope she does. She didn't dismiss the idea, which is a good sign."

He brushed his thumb over her cheek and watched as Rey's eyes fluttered close in response. The softness of her skin mesmerized him. It struck him just how much she must trust him to allow him to do as such, the same as falling asleep next to him. He didn't know what to think of it.

Suddenly, Rey looked behind her, a frown marring her face.

"What's wrong?"

She looked back at him and smiled. "It seems Temiri can't keep them off any longer."

"Temiri? What? Who?"

"I stepped into the first empty room I could find when you called. Temiri has been guarding the door."

"What did you tell him?"

"He doesn't know much. I'll explain later; I have to go." She touched the bandage on his arm. "Take care of that scratch of yours." And with that, she was gone.


	23. Trust

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

It wasn't until the next day that they managed to find the time to speak to each other again. Kylo had been running himself ragged fearing how much Temiri actually knew. How much could you trust a kid? What if he said something to the wrong person? It caused him to lash out at Rey as soon as they connected.

"Tell me what he knows!" he practically yelled.

Rey flinched and took a step back. "Ben?"

"The kid, Temiri, what does he know?" he repeated, not shouting this time but the urgency still clear in his voice. "It's unsafe! His mind is unprotected! What if he tells someone? _Why did you tell him?_ "

The frown that Rey sent him told him he'd gone too far. He wasn't going to apologise though; it was too important. Suddenly, Rey's frown disappeared and her face turned alarmingly devoid of emotion.

"You don't trust me?"

He could hear the slight tremor in her voice. Combined with that empty expression, Kylo felt out of his depth.

"It's the kid I don't trust."

"But I trust him."

"That doesn't matter. What did you tell him? Why?"

He knew, even as he said the words, that they were wrong, that they would worsen the situation. He didn't want to alienate her from him, not now that things were going so good again. Still, he could not let this rest. It was not safe for the kid to know about the connection.

Rey just kept looking at him. When she finally started speaking, her voice was as devoid of emotion as her face and Kylo felt a shiver run down his spine. What had he done?

"I had to tell him something after you managed to contact him when I exhausted myself. I told you that when it happened," she started explaining. "Who was he? How did he know you were sick? How did he find me? Those were the questions he asked."

She looked away from him; whether she was trying to remember or no longer willing to look at him, he didn't know.

"So I explained that the Force allowed me to talk to a person who was important to me but was very far away. I told him we had been talking when the distance overwhelmed me and I exhausted myself. When he asked again how you found him, I told him I didn't really know how you had managed it, just that I had told you about him and that that probably was part of it.

"I didn't specifically lie to him, nor did I tell him the full truth. He knows that, but he doesn't press me for information. He's a smart kid. I think he _does_ trust me. We started working on shielding his mind better after it though. I don't think you would be able to connect with him next time; he's a fast learner and strong with the Force."

She turned her expressionless eyes back to him. "I couldn't leave him in the dark, not answering what he had every right to know. Is this enough of an explanation for you?"

He gawked at her. "I- I'm _important_ to you?"

Rey didn't respond, merely looked past him.

"Did you really mean that?" he asked again.

"Bye, Ben."

He could feel her breaking their connection and panicked. Not a second time! He would not allow his own stupidity to force her away from him a second time! He lunged towards her, wrapping both his arms around her lithe frame while he took their connection in a death grip.

"I'm sorry," he exclaimed. She didn't respond but stood limply in his arms. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I shouldn't have doubted you; I should have known you would take precautions. I'm sorry."

"You don't trust me."

"I do, I was just-" He swallowed his words. There was no way he had been afraid. The mere idea was preposterous, and the fact that he had been about to say it was merely for a lack of better words in his vocabulary. "I sent those children to you, didn't I?" he said instead.

"You had no other place to send them." Rey's answer still sounded cold, but he could feel her body relax minutely in his arms.

"I trust you to take care of them, to teach them what you know. I trust you, Rey, but we both know the consequences if our bond is discovered. That it's not a complete secret anymore makes me … uneasy." It was the best he could do. Being uneasy was not a weakness, not really.

"He needed to know."

"You are right."

She tentatively wrapped her arms around him. "Any news about Ember?" she asked against his shoulder.

"Hmm?" He had been distracted by the feeling of having her in his arms and the scent of her hair. They had hugged before, but never for this long. He didn't want to let go. Much to his displeasure, however, Rey took a step back.

"Any news about Ember?" she repeated.

"Ember?" He could tell she still wasn't fully herself. It was as if she was missing a spark, or a light, within her. "Oh, Ember! No, nothing yet. I guess it will take some time for her to come to a decision. It goes against all of her training after all."

Rey nodded vaguely. "I need to get going now," she said.

The distant tone in her voice made his chest hurt. Kylo reached out and gently touched her face. "I really am sorry," he said again, wondering why it was so easy for him to say it to her. "Please don't shut me out." He wouldn't know what to do if she did. Probably something stupid like flying to the planet where the poisonous plant had come from in an attempt to find her.

She looked up at him. "I won't. Bye, Ben."

This time, he let her go. The entire situation made him uneasy. Dragging a hand through his hair, he cursed himself for being such an idiot. Figuring there wasn't anything more he could do about it now, he stepped out of his room, intent on getting a full report of his ship's status from the main deck.

As he walked out, it wasn't Phasma waiting for him on the other side of the door but one of her Troopers. It happened more often now so he wasn't surprised. Phasma had told him she trusted her Troopers well enough to guard him on a regular day.

Kylo looked at the engraving on his breastplate—TX 4431. It caused a slight discomfort, remembering that his Troopers had been raised in the system as well. With a frown, he studied the Trooper again.

"You're wearing the new armour?"

"Yes, sir."

"Any remarks?"

"I'm happy to be able to sit on the floor, sir."

Kylo fought his laughter but couldn't prevent his lips from twitching. "Well, if there is anything you would like to remark on the armour, report it to Phasma."

"Yes, sir."

"Where is she, anyway?"

"Don't know, sir. She merely mentioned she would catch up with you in your office."

Nodding, Kylo went on his way. The last report he received had stated they were running low on fuel and rations. Apart from the general report, he wanted to know why he hadn't heard about any progress on this front. He had some generals and commanders to scare.

When he finally returned to his office, Phasma was waiting for him inside. She unceremoniously shoved a thick envelope into his hands.

"What's this?"

"You forgot about him again, didn't you?"

"Forgot about who?" He opened the envelope and pulled out paper after paper of handwritten text. "Oh, Hux. It seems he enjoyed himself with this."

"He asked to be allowed to keep his writing utensils and paper. I granted him permission but will take it back on your order, sir."

"As long as you can assure me that he won't use it to communicate with others, I don't see why he can't spend his time writing."

He sat himself down at his desk and started reading Hux's essay about his future vision for the First Order.

"Have you read this?" Kylo asked Phasma.

"No, sir."

He looked up at her. "Aren't you at least a little bit curious?" She didn't answer, merely stood guard next to the door. Kylo huffed out a breath. "You can admit it to me, you know. I promise it will not damage your reputation."

She turned her head to look at him. He couldn't see because of her mask, but he was pretty sure she was glaring at him.

"This is a masterfully failed attempt at sucking up to me," he said. "Even the title is posh: _A Vision for a Unified First Order_." He looked up as Phasma snorted.

"That sounds like him, alright," she said.

"Listen to this," Kylo continued. "The First Order must, above all, bring unity and order to the galaxy. As we provide a unified front, the galaxy will bow to the might of a system that provides it with the rules and guidelines to live by. When ruled by a strong hand, the First Order will not waver from its goals. It will have no weaknesses.

"The military will be vital to our success. Where there is obvious strength, there shall be little opposition. Soldiers must be trained to obey without question those who are in charge, for those will know best. As we expand our territories, training centers and military bases must be expanded for order's sake.

"Trade will flourish under a Unified First Order. Without any opposition, goods will flow freely throughout the galaxy and bring riches to all. Taxes will have to be paid in order to maintain the peace the First Order provides. Merchants will not protest since they, as the smart citizens they are, will see the value of said peace.

"Opposition should be dealt with swiftly and without mercy. Those who cannot see the merits of our unified front are lacking in either common sense or perspective for the future. The First Order is not the oppressor as many propaganda still claims, but it's a liberator from squabbles and uncertainty. Discontent is a poison that threatens our unity. Just as a cancer, it must be cut out for the whole to remain healthy. We will do so swiftly and without doubt or penance.

"The purity of our visions will bring peace and structure to the galaxy. With a strong leader at the front, there will be no more struggling or suffering. We will establish a galaxy where all will find happiness in knowing their rightful place."

Kylo looked up to see Phasma had relaxed her stance and was looking at the papers in his hands. He dragged a hand through his hair and sat back in his seat. "What do you think?"

"Uhm…"

He laughed. "That does sum it up nicely."

Phasma grumbled. "I agree with you, sir; this was an attempt to suck up to you. However, I do not believe he outright lied anywhere. If I'm correct, he toned some things down and played some things up in order to get a more favourable outcome."

"I get the same impression." He sighed. "I had hoped to glean whether or not I could use him."

"He's likely to sow discord again, sir, despite his fear of you."

"Indeed." He looked around his office. It was overflowing with reports, documents that needed signing, and decisions that needed to be made. He regretted the day he decided to become more involved in the runnings of the First Order. "How about administrative work?"

"Sir?"

Kylo got up and gathered some reports of minor importance. "Go tell him that he's not going anywhere for the time being," he ordered Phasma. "If he's bored, however, and wants to get in my good graces, he can make summaries of these damned reports so I don't have to read them. If, at any point, we detect foul play and the summaries don't match the contents," he looked up and grinned while handing Phasma the pile of reports, "I won't hesitate to pay him a visit."

She accepted the documents. "Yes, sir. I'm sure he will be delighted with the news."

Kylo smiled at her tone of voice. When she turned to leave he stopped her.

"Phasma, wait, one more thing."

"Sir?"

"Your team of Troopers, how many are there?"

" _Your_ protection guard counts 25 Troopers, sir, not counting myself."

"Right." He paused, unsure about what he was about to say. "Would they like to have names?"

"Sir?" Phasma asked, sounding surprised. "If you were to give them names, they would accept them."

"No, would they like to have them? Not assigned to them, but chosen by themselves?"

"I honestly don't know, sir. Many of them know nothing other than the code they've used their entire lives. I'm not sure they would know any names to choose from."

"That's…" Words fell short to explain how he felt about that.

"I'll inquire about it, sir."

He frowned. "Yes, please do. It's their choice, though, not an order."

"Yes, sir. I'll make sure they'll understand."

She saluted with her free hand and left. Sighing, Kylo again settled himself behind his desk. Paperwork. He hated paperwork.


	24. Finding a Broken Connection

A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!

xXxXxXx

A week went by. Rey hardly contacted him or responded to his attempts to contact her. When they did speak, her voice was flat. She still smiled at him, but it didn't seem genuine, even to him. It worried him immensely. He had tried to apologise again, but she'd merely thrown him one of those bleak smiles and had changed the subject.

Part of him wondered if she simply didn't like him anymore, and part of him wondered if she ever truly had; perhaps it was all a ruse? Another part was hitting himself upside the head for not trusting her more, and another part was desperately trying to figure out how to solve her cold attitude towards him.

Phasma had been eying him all week but had kept silent. Eventually, he caught her muttering something under her breath.

"What did you say?"

She looked at him and hesitated. Then, her stance relaxed as she shrugged her shoulders. "At least this time you're not acting like a black hole." He glared at her but she seemed unperturbed. "What happened?" she asked.

"Not here," he answered, heading for his office. Once there, he summarised how he'd questioned Rey and how she'd been behaving ever since. "I don't know how to solve this," he ended his story, dragging his hand through his hair.

"If it's any consolation, sir, I would probably have reacted the same."

"Then why is she still acting this way?"

Phasma shrugged again. "Don't know, sir. Perhaps you scared her."

"She's seen worse behaviour from me."

"No doubt. I wasn't talking about your behaviour towards her; though, perhaps she's realised the danger in your connection."

He dragged his hand through his hair again, mulling over Phasma's words. "Either way," he said, "I still don't know how to fix this."

"Teach her something new."

Kylo looked up. "I doubt she'll want to risk a Force connection strong enough to teach her how to use it, not right now."

"Then teach her how to fight."

"Actually, that could-"

The door hissed open, causing both Phasma and Kylo to reach for their weapons. Ember strode into the room, not bothered in the slightest by the defensive positions of the people inside.

She glanced at Phasma and made a sharp move with her head. "You, out."

Phasma tensed and looked at him.

"Phasma, if you could wait outside," he said. He knew she would understand.

As soon as the door closed, Ember spoke. "Where would you train us?"

He looked at her proud bearing and her slightly narrowed eyes. Had she come to a decision?

"You and I would train here, for convenience. If there are others who agree, I would use the base I had built for the children. It's fully equipped after all." Ember stayed silent, staring at him. "We could go pay it a visit, if you'd prefer that," he continued.

"I don't like it."

"The facility?"

"You going inside my head."

Kylo worried his lips, not really knowing how to answer. Honesty, he reminded himself, was what Rey had told him to do. He sighed and decided to do just that.

"I wouldn't like it either, but it's the only way I know of."

"Would I be able to fight you off?"

"No," he answered, "and trying it would definitely hurt." He hated how this seemed to discourage her, but he really saw no point in lying. "I can only give you my word not to pry and to retreat whenever you tell me to."

"I still have no reason to trust you."

"If the fate of the children isn't enough, then no, you don't."

There was a moment of silence where they both studied the other. Kylo tensed as Ember seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Do it now."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

He stared at her. He hadn't prepared, hadn't done anything. She wanted to do it _now_? At that very instance? He dragged his hand through his hair a third time and realised that there was no possible way to prepare for what he was about to attempt; there was no precedent to start from.

"Not here," he eventually said. "We don't know what will happen if you _do_ get back in touch with the Force. I'd rather try in a training room." He let out a sigh. "Come on."

Phasma fell into step beside him as soon as he exited his office—forcing Ember to trail behind them.

"Sir?" Phasma questioned.

"She said 'yes' on the condition we try it now."

Ember grumbled while Phasma inhaled sharply. "Now?"

"No use in postponing it," Ember commented. "Got a problem with it?"

Phasma ignored her. He glanced over his shoulder—half intending to berate the Knight—and only then noticed four of his Troopers following them. He shook his head and forgave Ember her prickliness. It was obvious Phasma didn't trust her, not one bit.

As they arrived at one of the training rooms, he opened the door for Ember before turning towards Phasma. "You and your Troopers stay outside," he ordered. "No matter what you hear, you will not enter this room."

"Sir!"

Phasma sounded scandalised, protest obvious in her voice. Kylo narrowed his eyes. She might be his friend, and he may have given her some leeway in her attitude towards him, but there was no way he would allow disobedience or questioning of direct orders.

"You will do as you're told, commander Phasma," he barked. From the corner of his eye he could see Ember smirking. Kylo inwardly sighed at the obvious animosity between both women.

Phasma saluted, her back ramrod straight. "Yes, sir! Apologies, sir!"

He took a deep breath. "I cannot predict what will happen. These orders are for your own safety. Nobody is to enter."

Without waiting for an answer, he marched into the room, the door hissing closed behind him. Looking around the room he considered how best to approach the situation.

"Settle yourself in the middle of the sparring ground," he finally decided. "Make sure you can sit comfortably for a lengthy period of time."

Much to his surprise, Ember started shedding some of her uniform. When she was wearing only her bodysuit and a long tunic, she sat down cross-legged on the floor of the sparring ring. Taking off only his gloves, Kylo joined her. Sitting down in front of her, he was reminded of the times he'd sat in the same position with Rey. He pushed the memories down; now was not the time to ponder that specific problem.

"Okay," he said. "I will touch your temples to make the connection easier to hold and less abrasive for you. It is important you don't fight me. It's an instinctual reaction, but don't; it will only hurt you since it will give me no other choice but to use force to uphold the connection."

He paused to watch Ember. Her face was stoic but her eyes revealed some of her apprehension. She gave him a curt nod.

"I promise on my honour that I will only search for the Force and will not rifle through any memories. However, it seems likely that in this search I'll come into contact with the time when you lost your connection. Whatever I view, it will not be for my entertainment."

Again he paused and again Ember nodded, albeit with a grim expression on her face.

"As I said before, I cannot guarantee this will be without discomfort or pain. If, at any time, you wish to end the connection, merely say 'stop' and I will pull back as quickly as I can without damaging your brain. Depending on how deep I've gone, this might take a couple of seconds."

Ember nodded again.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Then let's begin."

He reached up and placed his fingers to the Knight's temples. As he established the connection, the first thing he thought was that she had chosen her name well; her mind felt like a fire that was no longer blazing but not yet dead either. As if something as little as a breeze could suddenly ignite it to roaring heights.

Ember twitched under his fingers and he could feel her effort to stay calm. He gave her a moment to get used to the connection before he started searching. As he waited, he realised he had absolutely no idea what to do next.

Unlike with Rey—who practically vibrated with the Force—he couldn't detect the Force at all. There wasn't even an inkling of a connection that once might have been. The only thing he could think of doing was casting out a net to see if something, anything, would react. It was like stretching his own awareness in the grey area around and between memories.

To guide himself—and in the hopes it would trigger something within Ember—he started lecturing.

"The Force is everything and nothing; it's the energy that connects us all yet it has no sentience of its own. Even though you've broken your connection with it, it will not have left you. It is as much a part of you as your character, your thoughts, the blood that runs in your veins."

He did his best to ignore the flashes of memories that passed his inner eye. They were not what he was looking for.

"There will always be balance in the Force; where Darkness rises, there will be Light to meet it, and vice versa," he continued. "Those with a connection can use this Force at will, yet you will never truly own it since it belongs to all. It runs through every living being and is part of the fabric of the galaxy."

A fragment of a memory caught his attention and he focused on it. Ember grumbled but allowed it. The memory showed her as a younger child, perhaps five years old, wearing the dull uniform he had come to know at the different bases. Her brow was bunched up in concentration even though she was smiling at the rock levitating in front of her. Kylo could hear Ember the adult gasp.

"Do you remember the feeling of the Force?" he asked.

"I do now," Ember muttered under her breath.

Kylo nearly laughed but he bit on the inside of his cheek to prevent it; he figured Ember would not appreciate his mirth.

"Can you remember how you lost your connection?"

"It was … a gradual thing," she answered thoughtfully.

"Okay, can you remember the last time you felt any connection with it?"

There was a moment of silence and he could feel her mind racing, searching for the answer to his question. He kept his focus on the memory of the child so he wouldn't interfere or see things he wasn't privy to.

"I can," Ember eventually said, her voice turned grim and full of steel.

Kylo took a fortifying breath. "I need you to show me that memory." A threatening growl rippled through the Knight and he quickly continued talking. "I can hazard a well educated guess to where it would lead. I'm sorry, but I need the breaking point in order to knit it back together."

At least, he hoped it would work. He knew she had come to the same conclusion as suspicion, doubt, and a strange form of determination and resignation flitted through her mental landscape. Without any warning, the image of the young child disappeared and was replaced by a totally different scene.

Kylo swallowed as he realised he was standing in one of the isolation cells of Base Z. A bruised and bloodied child was sitting in a corner, arms wrapped around her knees, head bent, and shivering in the cold. He did his best to ignore the child's nakedness—as a courtesy to the woman sitting in front of him. When the child looked up, he flinched.

"No more," the younger Ember whispered.

He guessed she was about 12 in the memory. Her eyes were burning with an intensity even Kylo found difficult to bear.

"No more," the child said again, baring her teeth at an unseen opponent.

And just like that, the fire in her eyes died and they turned into the cold, blank eyes he had seen so many times in adult Ember's face. Kylo knew, without a doubt, that at that moment, Ember had forcefully disconnected with the Force.

"What to do now?" he asked himself.

Looking around the room, he neither saw nor felt any manifestation of the Force—none but child Ember's eyes. He loathed to get closer to the pained, bruised, naked child, but he felt like those eyes were the key.

"I need you to restart the memory," he murmured.

With a sigh, Ember obeyed. As the image of the shivering child with her head on her knees returned, he moved to crouch in front of her. The moment the child looked up with those burning eyes, Kylo reached out and touched the child's temples.


	25. Panic

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

He almost shouted as he got sucked into what felt like a void. Time had no meaning. Space had no meaning. Colours swirled around him—strands tinged blood red and midnight black amongst dark blues and vibrant greens. Stars twinkled. The sun shone together with a moon, yet no light seemed to truly reach him. The non-world tumbled around him and he lost all sense of direction.

Kylo fought not to panic—a sensation he hadn't felt for a long time. He didn't know where he was, where Ember was, nor how to get back to her mind, let alone his. He was in over his head. Where was he?

He felt stretched and compressed, like a cloth of fabric. The sensation repeated, then solely became a feeling of stretching. Tenseness started to build as he felt like a limit was reached, as if his limbs were being pulled in all directions.

Trying to focus on his surroundings instead of his discomfort, he watched with consternation as the formerly swirling strands straightened out in front of him. A sound started piercing the void. He hadn't even noticed that sound had been absent. As it grew in intensity—along with the pain the stretching caused him—he quickly tried to cover his ears but found that he couldn't.

He must have shouted. He knew he must have shouted if the roughness in his throat was any indication, yet he hadn't heard himself. Then, the sound around him started changing. It turned into that of ripping of cloth.

With wide eyes, he focussed back on the strands and, to his horror, one by one, they started tearing apart, fraying at the separated ends. They all tore, they all broke, until the sound suddenly disappeared and the tension on his body melted away. Everything around him turned dark and muted.

It all felt _wrong._

He didn't know how he did it, nor was he even sure that he moved, but he reached out and took hold of the strands. They burned and sizzled—much like electricity—but they didn't truly hurt him. Using all the strength he possessed and allowing the Force to guide him, he once more joined the frayed strands together.

A massive _boom_ vibrated through him; the accompanying shockwave violently threw him back into darkness. With a feeling as if slamming into a wall, he returned to his own body.

Weapons in the room were rattling in their stands. Another shockwave rippled through the room and shattered droids and equipment alike. He snapped his head up and froze. Ember was staring at him, the burning he had seen in the child's eyes returned in full force. Somehow, he thought she didn't see him at all. Shockwave after shockwave left her body, yet she remained still as a statue.

The static that was building in the air intensified the headache he'd developed due to the forceful way their connection had broken. The sound he'd heard in that void started assaulting his ears again. Kylo realised the situation was fast tumbling out of control.

"Ember," he said. "Ember!" She blinked, once. He figured it was better than nothing. "Let it flow freely; don't try to contain it." She bared her teeth. "Remember, it is a part of you! Don't treat it like an enemy!"

Her hands twitched and he took a risk. Grabbing them with his, he reached out for her again. "Let it flow into me," he commanded.

The strength of the energy that flowed into him had him grit his teeth. He focussed on his meditation techniques, focussed on allowing the Force to take its own course. There was no telling how long they sat like that, how long he served as a conduit, but eventually, the onslaught of energy lessened. When he finally let go of Ember's hands, the woman promptly fainted.

"BEN!"

Feeling rather exhausted, he looked up just in time to see a tear-streaked Rey throw herself at him. She all but fell on her knees next to him and threw her arms around his shoulders.

"You're okay! You're okay." She shot up and patted him down, before wrapping herself around him again. "The bond started behaving weirdly. I didn't know what was happening. It was like, fluctuating or something. And then you were gone. You were gone! I couldn't reach you anymore. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach you. You were gone! And then the Force all but freaked. What happened? I thought you were dead. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been mad at you. You were right, okay? Are you really okay? I shouldn't have been mad. Please don't leave. I couldn't reach you."

"Rey," he interrupted her rambling after a moment of shocked silence. He lifted the arm furthest away from her—noting with some humour that she couldn't quite reach all the way around his shoulders—and put his hand on her bicep. "Rey, I'm okay."

She lifted her head from his shoulder. "Really?" she asked with a small voice.

He pulled at her arm in an attempt to be able to wipe her tears. She inadvertently ended up in his lap but he was too tired to care. He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks and then wrapped his arms around her.

"Yes," he answered her, "I'm okay."

"What happened?" she mumbled against his chest.

"I managed to reconnect Ember with the Force. At least, I think." He glanced at the unconscious woman in front of him. He knew he should get her taken care of but he wanted to explain to Rey first.

"Why didn't you warn me?"

"There wasn't any time," he answered.

"Is she okay as well?"

"I'm not sure."

He tried to focus his muddled mind to show Rey his surroundings. She lifted her head slightly to look around the wrecked room. "What-" She spotted Ember. "Oh! What _happened?_ You should get a droid or someone else to look at her."

"Right," he said, turning to regard the door. "Phasma!"

Immediately, the door hissed open. After all that happened, Kylo wasn't at all surprised to know she had been waiting with her hand on the button. Phasma spotted him in what must have been a weird position to sit in, and she immediately held back the other Troopers that wanted to enter the room.

Kylo nodded at Ember. "Get her looked after. I think it was a success. Don't allow her to wake until I'm present. This," he vaguely gestured around the room, "might happen again."

"Yes, sir!" She hesitated for a moment. "And you, sir?" Phasma finally asked.

"Fine. Tired, but fine."

As Phasma started dealing out orders and summoning droids, Rey shifted in his lap.

"You should go sleep," she said.

"Don't you want to know what happened?" he answered.

"Yes, but it- it can wait." She pushed herself up so she could look at him. "You're tired; you should go sleep."

He looked at her. He could see she was being honest, but there was something else there too.

"Are you sure?"

"Just-" She bit her lip and looked away. "Just don't leave me."

Kylo pulled her close again. "I won't, I promise," he murmured. He rose to stand, easily lifting Rey with him before putting her on her feet. "I'll explain it all later, okay?"

She smiled at him and nodded. Noticing the droids entering the room, he merely returned her smile before turning to walk away. Phasma quickly barked to her Troopers to deal with Ember before following him through the hallways.

"Sir," Phasma ventured. "Why was _she_ there? If you don't mind me asking?"

It was obvious to him that she was testing the waters, knowing full well she'd crossed a line earlier—how long ago was it?

"Our connection acted up and she couldn't reach me. She wanted to make sure everything was okay," he answered.

Even though he was talking to Phasma, he felt reluctant to share more about how Rey had reacted to his sudden disappearance. Luckily, the woman didn't ask any further. When he stepped into his quarters—leaving the commander to guard the door—he immediately noticed Rey sitting on his bed.

"Why are you here?" he asked, confused.

"I'm sorry. I- I should leave. I'm sorry."

"No. And stop saying that. I just thought the explanation could wait."

"No. Yes. No. I'm not here for… It can wait. I just- It's just-"

He stared at her, wondering how it was possible that his disappearance had affected her so. He knew she feared people leaving her, and even though he also knew she considered herself his friend, he couldn't be _that_ important to her.

"You can stay, if you like," he merely said.

Feeling like he would topple over if he didn't get to bed soon, he stripped until he was only wearing his trousers. Rey darted out of the way as he climbed into bed. With a sluggish movement, he padded the bedding beside him.

"Just lay down, Rey; no use in you standing in the middle of the room."

His eyes drooped close, but he could hear her hesitant steps before the mattress dipped slightly.

"Can I-" she swallowed, her voice sounding really small. "Can I hold your hand?"

He blindly reached out, hardly aware of her smaller hand landing on top of it as her fingers entwined with his. 'Sleep well, Ben,' was the last thing he heard before oblivion took him under.

He woke up slowly, drowsily, as if he had to drag himself out of a hole filled with slurping, unwilling to let go, mud. As he moved to rub his eyes, Rey's hand clasped tighter around his. Surprised she was still there, he blinked and opened his eyes fully. The sight next to him made him smile.

Rey was curled up on her side, fast asleep. One hand was tucked under her cheek while the other was still tightly holding onto his. It seemed so small in comparison to his own hand. A glance at the timepiece next to the door told him he had been asleep for a good two hours.

Kylo wondered exactly how much he had scared Rey for her to refuse to leave him for so long—going as far as falling asleep next to him and staying connected through it. He felt the intense urge to hug her, but he didn't want to spook her. Instead, he contented himself with looking at her sleeping face. She looked so harmless.

He frowned as she started twitching and mumbling in her sleep. For the longest time he didn't know what to do in response to her unintelligible words, until finally he could understand her.

"Ben? Ben? Ben?" Her voice grew more panicked with every repeat of his name.

"I'm here, Rey. I'm here," he tried to reassure her. He wished he had his hand free so he could touch her face, rub away the frown that was forming. "I'm not going anywhere," he continued, noticing she wasn't calming.

Much to his relief, her eyes fluttered and opened an instant later.

"Ben?" she asked sleepily.

"Yes."

"You're still here."

"So are you."


	26. Growing Relations

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Her eyes grew wide at his words and she started blushing. "Yes, yes, I am. Force, uhm, sorry?" She pulled her hand away. "I guess I should go now? I don't want to be needy or anything."

"Stop!" he commanded as she moved to leave the bed, at the same time stretching out his freed hand and placing it on her waist. "Would you stop apologising for being here?" he continued, humour in his voice.

Rey ducked her head in what he assumed was further embarrassment. He was acutely aware of the position of his hand. Unthinkingly, he moved his thumb to rub along her ribs and watched as Rey closed her eyes in response.

Trying to get more comfortable, he scooted closer to her. He was surprised when she did the same, effectively causing his arm to slide around her to her back.

"I thought you wanted an explanation of what happened?" he said softly, trying to cover up his sudden sense of awkwardness. Where was he to put his hand?

Her eyes snapped open and he saw a mingle of emotions in them—curiosity, sadness, and something else, something he couldn't name.

"Well, yes!" she exclaimed, curiosity and excitement winning over the sadness. "How did you do it?"

"I'm not entirely sure." She scowled at him and he laughed. "I'm really not; it was weird, as if I went _inside_ the Force."

"What? How's that even possible?"

He shrugged in response.

"Do you think you can show me how you did it?"

"Uhm…" He worried his lips. "I will explain to you what happened up to the moment it turned strange. I won't show you memories of what happened before; I had to go through some very personal memories of Ember to get there. Everything after I can show you."

"Oh. Okay, I understand."

He wasn't entirely sure he believed her, but she sent him another smile so he didn't ask.

"Now spill!" Rey commanded.

With a smile, he did just that. Rey stared at him the entire time, her eyes alight with curiosity and wonder. When he finally met them to share the memory of how he'd reconnected Ember to the Force, he felt a shiver run down his spine. With a start, he realised he felt secure laying next to her on his bed. It was as if the world outside his rooms didn't even exist.

His fingers started tracing patterns on her back as Rey instinctively covered her ears against the piercing sound in the memory. He ended the memory the moment the first shockwave threw him out of Ember's mind. Rey gasped and stared at him, looking shocked and scared. He pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead, then fought the urge to run from embarrassment.

"It's okay," he murmured. "It didn't hurt me, only drained my energy. Next time, I'll be more prepared."

"Next time?"

"I'm hoping Ember can convince the other Knights and I'm guessing the experience will be similar with them."

"Just let me know, next time, that you're going to do it? You scared me."

"I know, and I will." He let out a sigh. "Speaking of Ember, I really should go check on her. They're keeping her sedated until I'm there to deal with any possible backlash when she wakes up."

"You think something will happen?"

"No, I don't, but I'd rather not risk it."

Rey hummed in agreement. "How are you going to explain the destruction in the training room?"

"Well," he answered, giving her a crooked smile, "people have told me I have a rather volatile temper."

He felt immensely proud as Rey started laughing, the sound bringing joy to his heart. It made him hope that his behaviour concerning Temiri had been forgiven.

"You go check up on Ember; I should be getting back to the kids. I probably scared them as well." She sighed. "I'll figure something out to tell them, if Temiri hasn't offered them some sort of lie already." Rey looked up at him. "I really hope you can meet him one day. The kid is too smart for his own good, but I do fear he's missing out on his childhood, the way he takes care of the rest of them."

"How are the Base Z children doing?"

"Surprisingly good, actually. They're loosening up," Rey answered with a beaming smile. "Sirena has settled in quite nicely as well. She seems to be genuinely happy to be amongst those kids. She has started smiling more."

"I'm happy to hear that."

He moved to sit up, causing his hand to rest on her hip. Rey quickly followed his example.

"Ben?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes?" he answered, squeezing her hip slightly in encouragement.

"Can I come see you again tonight?"

"Of course." He wanted to hug her again. She seemed so vulnerable. "You can even sleep in my bed again," he continued with a wink.

She smiled at him. "I'll leave you to it then. Bye, Ben."

After he watched her disappear, he took a short shower before heading out.

"Are you feeling better, sir?" Phasma asked as soon as he appeared.

"Yes," he answered.

"And is _she_ okay as well?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but she will be." He stopped walking and turned to Phasma. "You're awfully interested."

"Sir!" She saluted.

Kylo looked at her for a while then rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as I am," he murmured before clearing his throat and walking on. "Consider the apology accepted," he said.

"Sir!" she answered again.

He could hear the gratitude and relief in her voice. His lips twitched and he felt gratitude for knowing his regard had such meaning to her.

"What med bay is Ember in?"

"I had her moved to the one with the highest security level, sir."

He barked a laugh. "You moved her to my own personal med bay?"

"Yes, sir."

"So that any damage can be explained away by another temper tantrum?"

"Uhm…"

Kylo laughed again. "I'm sure having a bad day, it seems."

"So it would seem, indeed, sir," she answered with mirth.

They walked on in silence until they arrived at their destination. The Troopers in attendance saluted and immediately reported that there had been no disturbances. Kylo nodded at them and entered the med bay, closely followed by Phasma.

Ember was still wearing her bodysuit and tunic. A breathing mask rested over her nose and mouth, and a patch on her wrist checked her vitals. Seeing such a strong woman completely defenseless made him feel uneasy. This was Ember, the woman who had attacked him in his office and who didn't care about being abrasive. She was not supposed to be lying still on a medical bed.

Shaking off his disquiet, he turned to the med droid and demanded a full report. It informed him that there was nothing wrong with Ember besides exhaustion. She was being kept sedated but would wake up within minutes when the anti-sedative was given.

Kylo ordered the droid to wake Ember up before turning to Phasma. "Again, I don't know what will happen. Wait outside and do not come in."

"Sir!" She hesitated at the door. "Will she be okay, sir?"

He looked at her, surprised. "I thought you didn't like her?"

"I don't trust her, sir, and I doubt we'll ever be friends, but I don't wish her harm either."

"I think she'll be fine. This is merely a precaution."

Phasma nodded and left. A beep from the droid told him the anti-sedative had been given. Kylo breathed deeply and reached out for the Force. He didn't touch it yet—fearing it would trigger Ember—but kept it within easy reach.

He watched as Ember started twitching and then slowly opened her eyes. She rose her hands to her head and squeezed her eyes shut again.

"Headache?"

She shot up and turned towards him, then started swaying. Kylo quickly took hold of her elbow to steady her.

"Easy, now," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Headache is an understatement," she murmured.

Worrying his lips as not to laugh, he gestured to the droid to bring some medicine. Ember gratefully accepted. A couple minutes later, she visibly relaxed. Kylo gasped as she looked at him.

"What?"

"Your eyes."

"What's with my eyes?"

"There's a mirror in the corner; do you think you can walk there?"

She scoffed. "I'm not an invalid!"

Still grumbling, she slid off the bed and made her way towards the mirror. Kylo followed suit and watched the shock on Ember's face as she noticed how her former, dull eyes had turned into a vibrant, hazel brown. It was stunning to see how they seemed to glow from within, much like her name and the feeling of her mind.

She turned her stunned expression towards him. "How?"

"No idea."

"How can you not know?"

"For as far as I know, you're the first who's lost and then reconnected with the Force."

"I have the Force now?"

"You should, yes. Please refrain from reaching for it," he quickly added as he saw her close her eyes. "We don't want another uncontrolled outburst. We'll work on it. If you want to know for certain, I can easily determine it if you allow me to touch your mind again."

She frowned at him, then nodded. Kylo reached out with one hand to briefly touch her temple. He was astounded by the difference within her mind. It felt like a dried-out flower that had come back to life after being given water; it was still the same flower, but more vibrant, with more colours and depth.

He smiled at her. "You're reconnected, alright."

Ember looked at him, a strange expression in those newly burning eyes. Suddenly, she dropped to one knee, her fist bumping her heart and her head bent.

"My allegiance lies with you, Supreme Leader. For you I shall fight and lay down my life. Command me and I shall follow."

Startled, it took him a while to come up with a proper response. When he finally did, he made sure to put gravity into his words.

"Ember of Ren, your fealty is accepted and will be honoured. Now rise."

If he was honest with himself, the sudden pledge of loyalty made him feel out of his depth. He was glad to see Ember rise to her feet and move to put on the rest of her armour—which had been placed on a stool near her bed.

"So," she said once fully dressed, "when do we start?"

Kylo barked a laugh at her words and ill-concealed eagerness. "We can start now, if you want; I've got some time to spare. Let's head to a training room, one we didn't wreck."

"Wreck?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How much do you remember?"

"I remember you looking at my memories and asking me to restart the last one. Then, uhm-" She fell silent for a bit, tilting her head in an obvious attempt to recall her memory. "It gets confusing after that. I remember an awful sound, then a feeling as if an electric current was running through my body, then nothing."

"In that case, we'll go visit the training room first. Hopefully they haven't cleaned up yet and you get to see why you shouldn't reach out for the Force without some guidance first."

"That bad?"

"That bad."

He led her out of the med bay and then watched with amusement as Phasma narrowed her eyes, glanced from him to Ember, and then did a double take at seeing Ember's face.

"Have any reparations been made to the training room yet?" he asked to prevent any comments. Now that Ember had pledged fealty, he figured he had to make sure the two women got along.

"Not yet, sir, in case you wanted a closer inspection of what happened."

"Good." He nodded. "We'll go take a look now."

They marched off. Upon arrival, Kylo motioned for Ember to open the door. The knight stood stock still, eyes wide, as the door hissed open and the carnage behind it was revealed. After a prod from Kylo, she took a few hesitant steps inside.

"I see…" she finally said. "I'll heed your words."

Kylo merely nodded in response.


	27. Nutrition

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

"You're telling me that Force training consists of sitting on my ass and doing nothing?"

Kylo snorted, trying hard not to fully burst out laughing. "Crudely put, yes."

"I thought I would be levitating things, at the least!"

"No."

"What do you mean? No? You're not going to teach me that?"

He sighed at the sudden mistrust in her voice. "Not yet, Ember, not yet. Eventually, yes, but first you need to get to know the Force, recognise it, learn it, before you can try to control it."

She huffed at him. Apart from the change in her eyes, Kylo was most surprised in Ember's change of behaviour. She was still brutal, obstinate, rude, and arrogant, but she seemed to have let go of her neutral mask. He wondered if it was a result of her reconnection, or of her pledged loyalty. Fear of her reverting to her old, stoic visage prevented him from asking.

He vaguely gestured to the pillows on the floor. "Sit," he ordered.

With an absolute 'you have got to be kidding me' air around her, she sunk down on a pillow. Kylo took the one opposite her.

"Cross your legs," he instructed, "and loosely lay your hands on your knees. Yes, like that. Now, close your eyes."

"I hope your guard dog protects this room well enough," Ember grumbled before closing her eyes. Kylo could obviously see how uncomfortable it made her.

"She is capable, and not my guard dog," he answered her. "I would appreciate it if you refrained from insulting commander Phasma."

He didn't suggest to trust him instead of Phasma; he doubted it would help. Ember shrugged and settled down.

"Now, focus on your breathing."

"My _breathing?_ "

"Ember of Ren!" he barked, getting fed up with her questioning his every instruction.

"Sir!"

He took her single-word response as a good sign, if only for his own sanity.

"Focus on your breathing; breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth." He watched her as she took a couple of deep breaths. "Now, feel the world around you, feel its energy, feel your connection to it, but don't reach for it. Just let it flow through you and feel."

He could have sworn he could see her roll her eyes behind her closed lids, but decided not to comment on it. For someone as practical as Ember, he could understand how weird this all seemed. Besides, he suddenly realised he had no idea how to deal with the Dark vs Light question that would most definitely come up. Could he even still count himself as purely Dark?

The question made his head hurt, so he refocused on Ember. "What do you feel?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Do you remember what I said earlier today? About the Force?"

"Vaguely."

"The Force is everything and nothing. It connects us all, runs through us, but has no sentience. Some beings are more in tune with this Force and can sense it; some of them—like you and me—can bend it to our own will."

Ember nodded slowly, as if not entirely understanding what he was saying but not willing to admit it. He took that as a good sign as well.

"Try putting what you feel into words."

Ember opened her mouth, frowned, then closed it and gnashed her teeth, a stubborn look on her face. Taking advantage of the fact her eyes were still closed, he smirked and shook his head.

"You won't sound silly," he said. "Neither will anything of what you say leave this room." He was starting to dislike how much he was having to keep secret from Rey, but he understood it was the only way.

She grumbled under her breath before finally starting to talk. "It's weird. Electricity? But not? It's like life and death wrapped up in one. Both growth and decay? This doesn't make any sense. How can it be everything?"

"That's exactly what it is," Kylo said with a smile. "Don't try to understand it rationally but try to understand it by feeling it." He stood. "I'll leave you to it then; let me know once you understand. Don't worry if it takes you a long time."

Ember's eyes flashed open. "You're leaving?"

"Keep on meditating; you'll figure it out. Don't wear yourself out though; short periods of mediation at a time until you get used to it. Good luck."

He could feel her eyes on his back as he walked out of the room. He stopped at the door. "I'll leave two of my Troopers to guard the door so nobody comes in. Now get back to your breathing."

"Sir!"

He marveled about how she managed to respectfully promise revenge by saying only one word.

Stepping out of the room, he summoned two of his Troopers to stand guard before he left. He felt tired and hungry. Phasma followed him, glancing between him and the room they were leaving.

"Is everything okay, sir?"

"Yes. She can train on her own."

"Are you going to summon other Knights, sir?"

"Not yet. I want Ember to have control over the Force first, so she can show them I'm not trying to trick them. The facility will need to be prepared as well. I need to check up on the reparations of the communications center."

Phasma nodded. "Where are we going, sir?"

"To the mess in search of some food; I'm hungry…" His sentence dragged out into an almost question as a thought hit him. "Food…"

"Sir?"

"Hush," he answered distracted. "I'm thinking about food."

"Uhm, o-kay?"

Kylo ignored Phasma's bewildered tone of voice. Perhaps. Perhaps it would work. He quickened his pace.

"Sir, the Imperial mess is the other way," Phasma hesitantly said when he turned a left instead of going right.

"We're going to the Trooper's mess."

"What?"

He wondered vaguely why his statement caused an edge of panic to creep into Phasma's words, but dismissed it in favour of the plan that was taking form in his head.

"I need to see what they eat."

Without so much as a small warning or an announcement, he burst into the Trooper's mess, only vaguely aware of the present Troopers jumping to their feet in utter bewilderment, some cursing along the way. He didn't acknowledge them as he strode to the kitchen at the back. Behind him, Phasma stuttered to a halt, turned to the Troopers and gave them a quick 'at ease', before hurrying after him.

"Sir? May I ask what this is about?"

Kylo studied the buffet. The food was simple, but hearty and obviously nutritious. He narrowed his eyes in thought and looked at the server in front of him. The man was quivering, his eyes wide.

"I need the nutritional value of this food," Kylo ordered, "per serving."

The man's eyes darted between him and Phasma.

"Don't you recognise your Supreme Leader?" Phasma barked. "Do as he says!"

Kylo glanced sideways at Phasma and she shrugged, as if saying 'I can have my fun too'. He shook his head with mirth and waited for the kitchen aid to return. When he did, he was followed by another, larger man.

"I, uhm- This, uhm-"

The second man took pity. "Supreme Leader," he greeted with a fist to his heart. "I'm Rost, head of the kitchen staff here in the Trooper's mess. Ely here told me you asked after nutritional values? Perhaps we shall continue this in my office?"

"Very well."

They followed Rost into the kitchen, where the staff stared at them with wide eyes. A door on the right led into a small office.

"Would you prefer the nutritional value of each item on the menu, or of an overall meal, sir?"

"I would like to get an overview of what my Troopers have been eating and the average value of each mealtime."

"Very well, sir. Shall I give you estimates now, or would you prefer a detailed report?"

There was something about the man that made alarm-bells go off in Kylo's head. Without warning, he reached out and touched the man's temple, diving into his mind. He found a mixture of contradicting thoughts.

'Finally he cares.'

'Probably wants to know how he can push these poor sods even further.'

'What does he even know?'

'Afraid I would let them starve? Or that they're getting the same fare as you do?'

'Some of these Troopers arrive here looking starved.'

Pulling back, Kylo grimaced. "Interesting thoughts you have there."

"Sir!" The man was quick to fall to his knees. "I mean no disrespect! I take pride in my job; that's all there is to it."

"Shall I prepare a cell, sir?" Phasma asked out of the blue, causing the chef to pale significantly.

Kylo could appreciate how in-tune she was to him. However, he kept his face completely neutral.

"Not yet," he commented before turning back to the cowering man. "What was that about Troopers looking starved?"

"Sir! I mean no disrespect; I truly don't!"

"Answer the question!" Phasma barked.

"Some- Some of the newer additions, sir. That's what I meant. They arrive here with not enough flesh on their bones, looking rather unhealthy. I make sure they get an extra portion, sir; please forgive me."

Kylo contemplated him. It seemed—just like he'd discovered with Sirena—that his heart was in the right place.

"You'll make a full report, with an addition."

"Sir! Yes, sir!"

"I want you to, to the best of your abilities, make a prognosis of the optimal nutrition for Troopers in training, starting from the age of six."

"Sir! Yes, sir!" There was a pause before the man glanced up. "What?"

"Get it to me as fast as you can."

"I- I will, sir."

Kylo turned and moved to leave but hesitated at the door. "And Rost," he said without looking at him, "the Troopers are important. Continue keeping them healthy." Without further ado, he left the mess, snatching a piece of bread along the way.

"Is this what I think it's about, sir?" Phasma asked once outside.

"That depends on what you are thinking, commander," he responded, teasing. "But given your tendency to guess right, I would say we're thinking the same thing." He thoughtfully chewed on his bread. "I need a specialist to give me the same report as the cook concerning feeding children. No, make that two specialists; I want to be able to compare their suggestions. I also want an investigation into the nutritional values of what they're feeding the children at the bases."

"I will take care of it right away, sir."

"Don't keep it secret, but keep it low key. In the end, I'll make it sound as if I believe the bases to be delivering poor functioning Troopers due to malnourishment. Involve the academies as well."

"Yes, sir."

"And while we're at it, I want an update on the recruitment numbers."

"Yes, sir. Are you heading to your office?"

Kylo hummed in agreement.

"I'll send a Trooper to guard your door, sir," Phasma concluded, before disappearing down a side corridor.


	28. Catching Up

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

If he was honest, he hadn't done much the rest of the day. Despite his nap earlier, he was still tired from the day's events. He had half expected Ember to barge in and claim his training technique was lame, but she hadn't. Perhaps it would take her a day or two of stubbornness before she started protesting.

He was glad to be heading back to his quarters—a Trooper trailing behind him as Phasma hadn't returned yet from the assignments he'd given her—and crawl back into bed. If every reconnection he made was going to be this tiring, he'd really have to space them out. There was no way he could do it two or more days in a row. It meant he had to slightly alter his plans, but so be it.

Once he arrived at his quarters, he sent a small nudge towards Rey through the bond. She immediately appeared in front of him.

"Ben!" she said, her face lighting up.

"Rey," he answered. "I'm about to turn in. This thing has really drained me."

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked, concerned.

He touched her cheek. "Yes, stop worrying. I merely need sleep; apparently I need a lot of it."

"Oh, okay."

She sounded disappointed and he gave her a small roll of his eyes. "Ask away, Rey."

Her blush at his words was adorable. He grinned as it grew more pronounced while he rid himself of his clothes—leaving only his trousers—and washed his face.

"What happened when you woke up Ember?" Rey finally asked. "I didn't feel anything in the Force. Did she wake up okay?"

"Yes, nothing happened, except, well, except for her eyes."

"Her eyes?" Rey echoed, uncomprehending.

"Yes. They've changed."

"How can her eyes have changed?"

"I have no idea, but it happened."

She fidgeted. "Show me?"

Smiling, he walked back to her and cupped her face. "Of course."

He showed her a memory of Ember before she had returned to the Force, and then the one of her looking at him just after waking up. Rey gasped in surprise together with his memory self.

"How's that possible?" Rey questioned again once outside the memory.

Kylo merely shrugged. Settling himself on his bed, he drew back the covers and invited her to join him.

"Uhm- U- Under the covers?" Rey stuttered.

"I don't want you to get cold," he answered.

"I- I'm wearing clothes…"

"So I can see," he joked, trying to cover up his own insecurity. Was he making a mistake? Was he being too forward?

Rey bit her lip, slowly walking towards him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Rey, I am. It's no different from sleeping on top of the covers, except it's warmer."

He could both see and feel through the bond how she tried to contradict him and failed. It caused him to worry his lips lest he grin and insult her.

"Okay."

He barely heard her agreement. He couldn't, however, hide how pleased he was when she crawled into the bed next to him. Once she was lying down, he drew the covers over them both. As had become their habit, he took her hand in his.

"I've had an idea earlier."

"What kind of idea?" she asked, still looking a bit tense. Her eyes were distant, as if she was contemplating something.

"I think I may be able to help the children in the facilities a little bit after all."

Rey's eyes lit up. "Oh? Really? How?"

He explained to her about the orders he had given and the reports he had requested, gratified to see her enthusiasm rise the longer he spoke. There was something about seeing her with wide, exuberant eyes that caused butterflies in his stomach.

"That's brilliant!" she exclaimed when he finished.

"I've also requested an update on recruitment numbers," Kylo continued. "I got … angry last time and ended doing almost nothing at all. I'm hoping there will be a reason to lower the number of needed recruits."

Rey smiled widely at him. "I'm so happy you're finding ways to implement change," she said. "I'm proud of you, Ben."

He snorted to cover up just how much those words meant to him. Answering her wide smile with a small one of his own, he let go of her hand to brush some tendrils of her hair behind her ear.

Much to his surprise, Rey took the opportunity to shuffle closer to him, burying her nose against his chest. He could feel how tense she was even though she had taken the initiative herself. He wondered if she was scared if he would reject her.

Not entirely sure about how to handle the situation but knowing he did _not_ want her to move away again, he carefully draped his arm over her waist. His hand reached the nape of her neck and he allowed his fingers to draw circles over her skin—remembering how she had seemed to like it last time they got close.

Gradually, Rey relaxed in his arms. He revelled in feeling her warmth so close to his, in the implicit trust she showed. He kissed the top of her head, enjoying the scent of her hair in his nose.

"You're like a little oven," Rey murmured. "Or perhaps a big one?"

Kylo laughed. He used it to cover his gasp when her hand roamed his chest to end up resting above his heart. Certainly she must feel how hard it was beating? Did she know it was because of her?

"It's true!" she continued. "You're really warm." Her hand left his chest to cover a big yawn. "Sorry."

"Seems you had a busy day as well?"

"Apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt the disturbance in the Force. It created a bit of a panic among the children and I wasn't there to calm them. I was too busy panicking myself."

He pulled her closer to him in response to the miserable tone in her voice.

"I failed them," she whispered to his chest.

"No," he immediately answered, "don't say that. It was not something anybody could have expected you to deal with."

"I completely forgot about them."

Kylo pulled back a little, forcing her to look up at him. "You did not fail," he repeated. "The fact that you fear failing them so much tells me exactly how much you are _not_ failing."

He knew it sounded jumbled and somewhat illogical, but he didn't know how to word it any different. She merely stared up at him. With a sigh, he kissed her forehead and pulled her back against his chest.

"You did not fail," he said one last time.

There was a stretch of silence.

"I'm falling asleep," Kylo finally murmured, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"Me too," Rey murmured back. "Goodnight, Ben."

"Goodnight, Rey."

xXxXxXx

He woke the next morning to the sensation of Rey running her hand through his hair. He thought it the most relaxing, most wonderful feeling. After taking a deep breath, he hummed in appreciation.

Rey quickly snatched her hand back. "Oh Force!" she cried out. "You're awake!"

Smiling, he opened his eyes to see her blushing furiously, her head propped up on one arm and her free hand cradled against her chest.

"Why did you stop?" he murmured.

"What?"

"Why did you stop?" he repeated, lazily closing his eyes again. "It's nice."

A couple heartbeats later, she resumed carding her fingers through his hair and he hummed again.

"You're purring like a cat," Rey teased.

He opened one eye and rose an eyebrow, before minutely shrugging and returning to dozing under her ministrations.

"A panther, then," he conceded.

"What's a panther?"

Kylo wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, making Rey shriek in surprise and then giggle. He felt much better with her warmth pressed against him.

"It's a big, black cat that lives in jungles—big, warm forests."

"Oh."

He could hear the smile in her voice. She stilled her hand and burrowed herself into his chest.

"I don't want to get up."

"Me neither."

"Someone's knocking on my door though."

"Tell them to go away."

Rey laughed. "I don't think they'll agree. Other than you, I can't go ordering people about."

He grumbled but released her from his grip. She sighed but started moving away from him.

"Rey?" he asked, following her out of bed and stretching. He smirked as he caught her watching him.

"Uhm, yes?"

"Would you like me to teach you how to fight?" The words tumbled out of his mouth. He had been thinking about when and how to ask her. Now seemed as good a time as any. She seemed relaxed and happy.

She tilted her head. "What do you mean? Fight with the Force? Wouldn't that drain us?"

"No," he answered. "Well, yes, it would drain us, but that's not what I meant. I was thinking about helping you with your swordfight, and perhaps your staff? I think the bond would make that possible."

Rey blinked at him. "You would do that?"

He walked over to her to cup her cheek. "Of course."

She beamed up at him. "Yes! When can we start?" Rey was practically bouncing on her feet.

Her eagerness reminded him of Ember. "Tomorrow morning?"

"Yes!" She looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. "I really need to go," she sighed, before giving him a hug. "Bye, Ben."

The sight of her disappearing in his arms left him slightly unsettled. He ignored it, knowing she would come back. After a quick shower, he headed out.

"Phasma?" he asked after greeting the Trooper that was guarding his door.

"I honestly don't know, sir," was the answer. "She didn't leave a message."

Kylo shrugged and made to walk on when an irregularity caught his eye. He stopped and turned to regard the Trooper. Under his Trooper number, a name had been written.

"Jaken," Kylo stated. "Pleased to meet you."

The man saluted. "Sir!"

Kylo once more started walking only to, yet again, stop dead in his tracks.

"Take off your mask," he said.

"Uhm, sir?"

"Take it off. There's no use in a name if you all look the same to me."

"Sir!"

The man took off his helmet, tucked it under one arm, shook his hair out of his eyes, and saluted. Kylo studied him for a minute. He seemed to have Asian roots. His hair was half-long—cut just below the jaw-line—a wide nose, and an overall round face. With a firm nod, he again greeted the man before finally getting on his way.

"Are there others who have chosen a name, Jaken?" Kylo asked after hearing the man scramble after him.

"Some have, sir; others are still choosing one. A few are doubtful about the idea but I'm sure they'll come around sooner or later."

"It's an open choice. There's no pressure," Kylo said.

He did not want group pressure to kick in and force the doubters into something they did not want. Walking towards breakfast, he made a mental note to ask Phasma to repeat the sentiment to his Troopers, and to have her rotate the ones who had decided upon a name so he could get to know them.


	29. Staff Training

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

The next morning couldn't come quick enough. After a restless night, Kylo woke up with a smile on his face. Once he was in a training room, he gently contacted Rey.

"Good morning, Ben," she said, beaming at him. The enthusiasm radiated off of her.

"Good morning, Rey," he replied in kind. "Are you somewhere safe? Where you can't be detected?"

She nodded, then bit her lip, her nose scrunching up in concentration. His surroundings shimmered for a moment and then he found himself standing in the middle of a meadow. A bike was parked near a couple of trees.

"I'm quite a bit away from the base. Nobody should come looking for me. I told them I needed meditation training."

He snorted. "Meditation training?"

"It's not like they know any better," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "Well, except for Maz; there's no knowing how much information she has." After another shimmer, he found himself back in his training room. "I guess it's better if we each see where we are," Rey offered. "So that I don't fall over a rock and you don't run into a wall."

He had to agree with her sentiment.

"Before we start, though," he said, "do you have a knife with you?"

She stared at him, confused. "Yes, but why?"

"Could you take it out?" After she had taken a knife from her boot, he offered her his arm. "Try cutting me."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "No!" Her face fell; she looked absolutely stricken. "Why would I do that? Why are you asking me to do that?"

"I need to know how much we can hurt each other," he tried to explain to her. She was still shaking her head. "Remember that time you woke me and I grabbed your arm? I hurt you back then. I don't want to hurt you now. I want to be certain I can't hurt you."

"So I should risk hurting you? No!"

"I can't test it by cutting myself," he tried to reason. "It has to be you."

"Then why don't you cut me?" she countered.

Kylo stared at her. How could she even think he would do that? She meant everything to him. He was asking this of her so he could prevent hurting her. He would never! A thought struck him. It couldn't be that she didn't want to cut him for the very same reasons…

"I-" he faltered, not knowing what to say. "No," he finally stated. "I don't want to hurt you."

"And _I_ don't want to hurt _you_."

He sighed. "We need to test it. We can't risk not knowing," he stated. "How will you explain a cut if you're training meditation? Or even if you tell them you decided on some staff training? I don't have to explain myself to anybody."

Rey frowned at him. "But-"

"It's okay, Rey," he said, stepping closer to her and touching her arm. "We've both endured much, much worse. It's only a tiny cut."

"I don't want to do it."

She was looking up at him with big, doe eyes and he felt his heart clench. "I know," he said, moving his hand to touch her cheek, "but we need to know."

"Okay. But at least tell me you have some bacta nearby."

"I'll treat it when we're done training, alright?" he conceded, amused by her worrying over a small cut again.

Rey nodded solemn before taking his left arm and swiftly dragging her knife over it. Nothing happened.

"Oh!" she said. "Okay."

Suppressing a grin, he pinched her side.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"It seems it's bruises only," he teased.

"I will get you back for that one!"

He winked at her, which only served to narrow her glare. Watching her grab for her staff, he decided to take one of his own.

"I won't risk using my saber," he said. "It's a thing on its own and there's no way of knowing how it will interact with the Force." Rey nodded in agreement. "Now," he continued, "let's see what you've got."

He swiped at her and she blocked. They traded a couple of easy blows. Suddenly, she violently swung for his head.

"Don't you dare go easy on me!" she snarled at him.

"I wouldn't dare."

He grinned as he started building up his attacks. It was obvious she had been training. He blocked a sneak attack on his legs and hastily dodged its follow-up. Her ferocity, he noted with joy, had not changed at all.

After a good five minutes, he stepped away. "You've improved," he said.

She smiled at him. "I've been training."

"Obviously." He grabbed his staff and moved to stand next to her. "You lose power with the way you hold your staff at some points," he said, moving it in position. "Move your hand a bit higher and twist it a little. No, it should be about shoulder's width."

He watched Rey fumble and dropped his staff to the ground. "Just like this." Reaching towards her, he put his hands over hers and placed them in the correct position. "Now try it."

"Hmm?"

"Try it," he repeated, giving her an odd look.

"Oh, of course, yes."

Kylo watched as she practiced the move. Her joy was palpable as she noticed the improvement in her attack.

"Let's go over some routines," he said after a couple repetitions, "and then we'll spar again."

Rey agreed and he started teaching her some of the forms he had created. They differed from the basic ones the Troopers used. He corrected Rey's stances and her hold on the staff.

She seemed so eager to learn, it was endearing. He started using the corrections as excuses to touch her. He couldn't help himself. After having had her sleep in his arms, he just wanted to hold her, again and again. It was also amusing to see how she seemed to become distracted by him every once in a while.

He watched her as she went through the forms, showing off her strength and agility.

"Let's spar again," he said. He wanted to see that fierce glow in her eyes, see the determination and her passion.

Rey grinned in response. "Sure!"

They faced off, circling slowly and neither willing to make the first move. Eventually, Kylo caved. He lunged, jabbing at her stomach. Rey blocked him, swirling around to swing at his back. Soon, they were both swishing and stabbing at a high speed—trying to take the other by surprise.

For a long time, only the sound of their heavy breathing and the clashing of wood against wood could be heard in the room. Kylo was delighted by how much Rey had already improved. He was still holding back—she hadn't gotten _that_ good—but he did have to keep an eye out. What she lacked in strength, she more than made up with speed. She had managed to surprise him a couple of times.

He found that he was enjoying himself, and if the look in Rey's eyes was anything to go by, so was she. Fighting had never felt as much as a dance as it did at that moment. They were in sync—moving fluently from one stance into another.

However, after a while, he noticed Rey was starting to grow weary. Deciding to put an end to it before she started making mistakes and perhaps started doubting herself, he feigned and swiped her legs from underneath her.

With a shriek, she tumbled down. Much to his surprise though, she managed to do exactly the same to him on her way down. With an 'oof' he landed hard on his back. He could see from the corner of his eye that she was trying to scramble back up. Without giving it much thought, he rolled over and pinned her down.

"I won," he said, holding her wrists down but making sure not to put too much weight on them.

He braced himself on his elbows. Rey was staring up at him, looking confused and blinking furiously. Her cheeks were turning red.

Kylo huffed. "Not ready to admit defeat, even now?" he teased.

"You- You won."

He thought she sounded a bit nervous. As she squirmed—no doubt trying to get free—he could feel her legs brushing against his. With sudden clarity, he realised the position they were in. Feeling his own ears burning, he quickly disentangled himself from her.

He moved to sit cross legged on the floor next to her. She pushed herself up into a seated position as well, carefully avoiding his gaze.

"You improve quickly," he said in order to break the awkward tension.

"I do?"

"Yes. Who's been training you?"

Rey shrugged. "No-one specific. It's not like we have a training master to spare."

Kylo shifted, shocked. How could the Resistance be so careless? Rey was their biggest asset, yet they were leaving her untrained?

"Besides," she continued, "I'm working with the kids."

"But … nobody is training you at all?"

"Some of the soldiers here have taught me their tricks, and I spar with them on occasion. Finn tries to teach me some Trooper methods, but he's hardly ever here. Other than that, I try to train on my own."

He stared at her, still uncomprehending. Rey picked at the bandages around her arms before glancing up at him.

"I learned a lot from watching you fight Phasma," she said.

Frowning, he clenched his fists. "If the Resistance isn't training you, then I _will_. They're fools to not see how strong you could become!"

"I thought this was a one-time thing?"

He turned to see her watching him with wide eyes and faltered. "I, uhm, I would like to continue this?"

Her face softened and another wide smile stretched her lips. "You would really train me?"

"Yes?"

She started laughing. "You don't sound all too convinced."

He had the childish impulse to poke her and gave into it. Rey squealed and poked him right back. A small mock-fight broke out between them until Rey suddenly slumped down against his shoulder.

"This is not fair!" she complained. "You're too big!"

Laughing, he draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "Perhaps you're too small?"

She whacked his chest. "I'm not _small_! I'm petite," she huffed.

He laughed again and kissed the top of her head. He was about to retort when the door to the training room hissed open.

"What's wrong?" Rey asked as he turned his head.

"Phasma," he mumbled while giving said woman a raised eyebrow in question.

"I apologise for the interruption, sir," Phasma said, "but could you step out for a moment?"

"What's going on?" he questioned. He really didn't feel like leaving Rey.

"A package has arrived, sir."

Phasma glanced at the—for her, empty—space beside him and he realised why she was hesitant. With a sigh he murmured 'I'll be back' to Rey and got up.

"This better be important," he said as soon as he was out in the hallway.

He looked at one of his Troopers—Matt, the breastplate informed him—carrying a small box. With Rey waiting for him, he didn't feel like he had the time to get to know this Trooper better, but Phasma was already arranging a rotation schedule so he could see them all, making him feel less bad about ignoring the man.

"This arrived just now, sir," Matt said, offering him the box.

Kylo accepted it and opened the lid. "Oh."

The box was lined with blue velvet and inside laid a pure, flawless kyber crystal. He picked it up and studied it. It truly was a quality crystal. Placing it back into its velvet confines, he nodded at the Trooper.

"Thank you, Matt; you can go."

He saluted and walked off.

"Given why you wanted it and your current training, I thought you might want to know immediately that it had arrived," Phasma commented.

"Yes, indeed. You are right," Kylo answered, already distracted by the prospect of telling Rey.

He opened the door and walked back inside the training room. Rey was still sitting on the floor, waiting for him.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes, certainly," he answered. "Even better," he continued, showing her the box. "I've got a present for you."


	30. A Crystalline Present

A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!

xXxXxXx

"A present?" Rey echoed. Her voice was a mix of disbelief, confusion, and childish joy.

Kylo motioned her to stay seated and settled himself next to her again.

"This is for you," he said softly, handing her the box. He studied her face as she took the box and gently dragged her fingers across the inlay on the top. "Open it."

Rey gasped as she lifted the lid. Her eyes grew wide as saucers and her body grew very still. Her gaze was focussed solely on the crystal. After a few heartbeats, she blinked.

"You- You found one?"

"Yes," he said, feeling all sorts of things flutter in his chest at her expression.

"And it's- it's really for me?"

"Yes."

She carefully touched the crystal, almost as if it would shatter as soon as her fingers connected with the surface.

"Really?" she asked again, looking up at him.

A storm of emotions coursed through their bond and a single tear escaped her eye to slide down her cheek. He reached out to brush it away.

"Yes, Rey. I promised you one, didn't I?"

"I can make my own saber," she breathed, returning to staring at the crystal.

He allowed her to stay lost in thought for a few minutes before speaking up. "Now it's only a matter of getting it to you. It will probably fade from your hands and stay here once we stop communicating. And even if that wasn't true and we could somehow transfer it through the bond, I'd rather not try it with something so Force sensitive as a Kyber crystal. It might change it somehow."

Rey's expression faltered. "You're right," she said as she carefully closed the box again and placed it on the floor before her.

Kylo pulled her closer. "Hey, we'll find a way to get it to you." A thought struck him. "We, uhm, perhaps we could meet?"

"Meet?" Rey questioned, looking up at him again. "As, in person?"

"Of course I'll understand if you'd rather not," he quickly backtracked. "There are other possibilities."

"You want us to meet in person?" Rey asked again, completely ignoring his words.

"Uhm." He dragged his hand through his hair, feeling insecure. "Yes? Yes, I want to see you, in person."

"You should bring a bottle of your shampoo."

"Excuse me?" Of all the things he thought she could say, _this_ was not one of them.

"A bottle of your shampoo. I'm jealous of your hair. I want it too!"

He didn't know what to say. Was she serious?

"I'm not kidding!" Rey exclaimed.

"Then I will bring a bottle of shampoo," he said shakily. "We're meeting up?"

"Of course."

Kylo blinked at her, at her bright smile and the way she was leaning towards him. She wanted to meet. She really wanted to see him.

"I must find a way to sneak out though," she said, frowning slightly. "It's not like I can tell everybody I'm going out to meet you. I can lie to some about a mission but even then I would have to find a way to get around Maz. Better not to say anything at all."

"You think you can get out?"

"If I've got time to prepare. How about you?"

"I'll figure something out. I will have to tell Phasma but she can help with preparations."

"Can you find us a location?" Rey asked. "The less I have to search our navigation stacks, the less chance of someone figuring it out."

He nodded. "I'll make the arrangements and let you know. I need a decent enough excuse as well."

She threw her arms around him. "Thank you, Ben."

Hugging her back, he buried his nose in her hair. He felt proud that he could make her happy. With reluctance, he peeled away from her.

"I must get going," he said. "I've got two delegations from trading consortia coming today, wanting me to settle a dispute between them."

"My great Supreme Leader," Rey teased. Kylo gave her an odd look. "People coming from far and wide, wanting you to judge who the best trader is."

He noticed how she was pinching her lips, trying hard not to laugh, and he glared at her. She giggled behind her hands in response, quickly rolling out of the way as he lunged at her. He chased her around the room until he could grab her around the waist. They were both breathing hard.

"I should punish you for that," he mock threatened against her neck.

He could feel the shiver that ran down Rey's back and he pulled her even closer.

"Hmm," Rey responded. She wasn't struggling. Rather on the contrary, he felt as if she was leaning against him. "You could try."

Kylo laughed. "Defiant until the end."

Rey scoffed and suddenly stamped the heel of her boot hard on his foot. He yelped in surprise and let her go.

"You miscreant!"

Bounding out of his reach, she had the audacity to wink at him. "Let me know as soon as you've got plans to meet. For now, I'll leave you to your traders." She laughed merrily. "Goodbye, Ben."

Despite the pain in his foot, he had to admit that he liked this outgoing, mischievous version of Rey. The first cold and then scared way she had been behaving lately had worried him. This was much more like the scavenger that had managed to curb one of his Troopers in order to escape him. It was much more like the fearless woman that had shipped herself to him because she was certain he would turn to the Light.

That last thought made him wonder. Was he turning to the Light? He reached for the Force and clearly felt its darkness. Was he still Dark then? He didn't think so. Force, he didn't want to be, because if he was, Rey wouldn't stay. She would leave, again, and that was an idea he simply could not deal with.

Perhaps he was neither?

Rubbing his forehead to stave off the oncoming headache, he put away the staff he'd been using. Was there even any use in trying to determine where he stood on the Light-Dark spectrum? He picked up the box with the crystal and left the training room.

"I need a shower and then we have things to discuss," he said to Phasma.

"Sir," Phasma answered. "The delegations have already arrived, sir. They have been lead into the waiting room."

Kylo sighed. "Great," he muttered sarcastically. "I'll deal with them first after my shower then."

"Shall I send word that you are on your way?"

"Let them wait. I still am the Supreme Leader; I'll show up when I feel like it."

"Certainly, sir."

The trading consortia were as bad as he feared them to be. Kylo got the distinct impression that they were there to test him—and not to actually find a solution to their problem. After endless—and in his opinion mostly useless debate—they finally came to an agreement and left.

"Lunch has been delivered to your office, sir," Phasma said as soon as he left the Throne room. "I thought you might want some peace and quiet after that bunch of bumbling baboons." Kylo snorted and nodded his appreciation. "You said there were some things you wanted to discuss, sir," she continued. "Would you like to do that now or after your lunch?"

"We can do that now," he said, eyeing the sandwiches on his desk upon arrival. He looked up at Phasma. "Don't you have to eat as well?"

"I had a quick bite to eat while you were dealing with the traders, sir."

Kylo shrugged and started eating. "You know for whom the crystal is," he said between bites.

"Yes, sir."

"Then you also know we need to get it to her."

"Yes, sir. Shall I arrange a drop off somewhere?"

"No," he answered, "I need you to find a place where we can meet."

"Excuse me?" she said in surprise.

"We're planning on meeting up. I need to teach her how to link the crystal to herself. Rey said she can sneak off base if she gets enough time to plan, so I need a place and a date as soon as possible."

"But, sir, you can't possibly be thinking about sneaking off on your own as well?"

He gave her a stern look.

"Sir! Forgive me for my frankness, but you are the Supreme Leader. Simply disappearing would have massive consequences. Leaving your Troopers behind would drastically lower moral. I advise against it, sir."

"Then find me an excuse."

She saluted, urgency obvious in her movements. "I will, sir."

"Relax, Phasma," he said, taking pity on his commander. "I was never planning on leaving on my own. I will, however, be the sole First Order member to set foot on the selected planet. It won't do to meet her with soldiers at my back."

"I understand, sir." Phasma said. Kylo smirked at the relief in her voice. "Any particular planet or moon you had in mind?"

"Not really." He put a map of part of the Galaxy on his display. "It should be in this area, though," he stated, selecting a segment of the map.

Phasma nodded. "I'll get right to it, sir."

"Good. Check on the progress of the reports I asked for as well. Make sure they make a report about the deaths and retirements of the Troopers beside the one listing recruitments. I need numbers of both incoming and outgoing soldiers."

"Certainly, sir." She saluted. "Matt will be guarding your door for the rest of the day, sir. He's eager to meet you."

Kylo nodded. "Very well."

He grabbed another sandwich and slouched in his chair. More requests like those of the traders were coming in. The idea of having to deal with them filled him with dread. He needed more people loyal to him to take over that particular job, but at the moment that was not an option.

He was no longer the Kylo Ren that wanted to rule like Snoke had, but he couldn't confide in many people. If word got out to the wrong people, chaos would ensue. Finding staff to do this job now would lead to people behaving like they _thought_ he wanted it.

Frustrated, he stuffed the last piece of his sandwich in his mouth and almost aggressively chewed on it. After swallowing, he called in Matt.

"Sir!" the man saluted.

"I see you've called yourself Matt?"

"It used to be my name, sir."

Kylo frowned. "Explain. And take off your helmet."

From beneath the helmet appeared a white male with blond hair that seemed to stick out in every direction. Kylo immediately wondered why he didn't cut it. It didn't seem practical at all.

"I joined the First Order as a youth with the ambition to become a radar technician, sir," Matt explained. "It was quickly determined, however, that I wasn't suited and it was suggested I step into the Trooper program. Matt Inuson used to be my name before they gave me my number."

"I see. It is nice to meet you, Matt."

"Good to meet you too, sir. And it's an honor to be part of your squad, sir." After a final salute, Matt put his helmet back on and walked out to return to his vigil outside the door.

Kylo watched as the door slid closed. He felt some relief in knowing not all of his Troopers had been trained since childhood. Yet, the fact that Matt had to lose his name in order to become a Trooper didn't sit well with him either.

He dragged a hand through his hair and realised he was already missing Rey's calming presence by his side. He wondered when he would get to train with her again. She'd said she wanted to, but they hadn't decided on when.

Using that as an excuse, he nudged her over the bond. It took her a few moments to appear.

"Ben? You have news already?" she asked.

He suddenly felt silly, contacting her with such a lazy excuse. "No, Phasma is working on finding us a suitable planet or moon. I just wanted to know- I mean, I said I wanted to train you but never asked when you would have the time."

"Oh." She gave him an odd little look. "I don't know how often I can get away. Perhaps twice a week?"

If it were up to him, he would spar with her every day, but he would take what he could get. He was about to answer when raised voices reached him through the door.

"Everything okay?" Rey asked as he threw the door an annoyed look. He promptly widened the bond. "What's going on?" she asked in response.

Mirroring her sentiment, he shouted exactly that. The door hissed open and Matt appeared.

"This woman tried to barge in, sir," he said, keeping half an eye on someone who was still standing in the hallway.

"You will let me in at once! You puny little Trooper!"

Recognising Ember's voice, Kylo fought back a laugh. "Let her in, Matt."

"Yes, sir!"

The Trooper stepped aside. It wouldn't have surprised him if Matt had thrown Ember a dirty look from behind his mask. The latter barged in.

"I refuse to sit on my ass any longer!"

This time, Kylo did smile. "I told you it is part of the training, Ember," he said, thinking she'd held out longer than he'd expected.

"This is Ember?" Rey questioned.

"Yes," he quickly answered over the bond. He didn't dare turn to glance at Rey; Ember was too observant to miss such a thing.

"Am I to assume you figured out the Force? Or did you barge in here purely out of annoyance?" he said to Ember.

"I'll understand through some _real_ training," she countered.

"Real training, huh?"

"Yes! No more blasted sitting on a cushion and _feeling._ "

"I'll leave you to it then," Rey interrupted, a strange tone to her voice.


	31. Real Training

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo could feel Rey fading away. He hated that he couldn't respond to her, couldn't finish their conversation or properly wish her goodbye. Hopefully she would understand. He shook his head, both at Ember and over Rey's disappearance.

"Come on then," he said, grabbing a last sandwich to fortify himself. "Let's start that 'real training'."

Ember followed him out the room, looking decidedly smug. He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and headed towards the training rooms. Checking over his shoulder, he saw Matt following them closely. Kylo figured he needed to draft some sort of general rules about who could and could not disturb him. Shrugging, he decided it was a problem for another time.

As soon as they arrived, he grabbed two pillows and threw them on the floor.

"Hell no!" Ember immediately protested. "I said _real_ training."

He gave her a small twitch of his lips. "There's one more thing you need to know before that _real_ training of yours starts." Ember opened her mouth but he cut her off with a glare. "And it's essential."

She grumbled but sat down nevertheless. Kylo went to sit in front of her.

"Tell me what you've experienced these last days."

"Nothing much, that's for sure."

He found her answer both unsurprising and worrisome. It made him add another bullet to his mental to-do list: how to explain meditation to seasoned warriors. Perhaps it was a question he could ask Rey.

"Still," he answered Ember with a sigh, "go into detail."

"It was more of the same," she reluctantly said. "That tingly feeling. There was also-" She stopped abruptly.

"Nothing you say will leave this room, Ember of Ren," he assured her. "And nothing you say will sound stupid, I can guarantee you that too."

She studied him, intensely, before finally resuming her explanation. "I saw images," she said. "Of trees growing, of waves coming and going, of corpses rotting."

He could see the confusion on her face as he smiled in response to her words.

"You found the balance, the edge that encompasses all." Her sceptic look made him laugh. "Do you remember I told you that when Darkness rises, Light rises to meet it?" He waited for her nod before continuing. "That's what you saw. A wave crashing on the shore always retreats. Life comes before death, and death comes before life. The Force is balance."

Ember blinked at him and he waited for her to process what he had said. Eventually, she nodded again, although it was a doubtful sort of nod.

"Although the Force is balance, it is not one big entity. It exists out of infinite possibilities, infinite choices, infinite situations, all producing and consuming the energy that flows through it all."

"You're not making any sense."

"I guess not, but you need to know this before I show you what you need to know. Then, we can start training."

Again, Ember nodded.

"I'm going to guide you through a meditation session where you'll focus on certain aspects of the Force. I implore you to comprehend but to not dive into what you'll be feeling. Don't allow it to consume you."

"You're still not making any sense." There was an edge of impatience to her voice.

"Tell me you will heed my words, Ember of Ren."

She seemed to recognise the urgency behind his words, for she thumped her fist on her chest and bowed her head in acceptance.

"Good," he said. "Now close your eyes and focus on your breathing." He waited until her breathing was even and her shoulders relaxed. Secretly, he was impressed by the progress she had made in just a couple of days. It showed exactly how badly she wanted to learn.

"Do you feel the Force?"

"Yes."

Kylo took a deep breath. "Focus on the growing plants, on the water feeding the earth, on birth and growth." He watched as Ember first frowned in concentration and then started smiling. A certain serenity enveloped her. "Notice how you feel. Notice how beautiful it is, yet how fragile, how difficult to maintain. Notice the emotions it evokes."

For a couple of minutes, he let her be, let her bask in the Light side while feeling how her focus changed the atmosphere around them; then, he guided her back. "Let go of your focus, return to balance."

He considered the reluctance on her face as a good sign. There was a reason why novices were always introduced to the Light side before the Dark. It created a contrast. One that was supposed to serve as a source of revulsion against the Dark side.

Taking a deep breath, he continued his teaching. "Remember your promise not to become consumed," he stated first, wanting to be sure. Ember's life had been anything but good and he feared the lure of revenge would become too strong.

A small hum made him continue.

"Focus on the decay, on the earth drying out and on death. Focus on the destructive powers of a volcano, and the acid rain that sickens the ground." The well-known, almost comforting feeling of the Dark enveloped them both, and just as he had feared, Ember's face did not contort with revulsion. He could see she was being lured into it.

"Do not let it seduce you!" he warned, at the same time wondering how much of a hypocrite it made him. "Yes, it's strong. Yes, it's easy and seductive. But look at where it comes from. See its results."

His words didn't seem to have much effect. The Darkness swirled around them and Ember's mouth contorted in a sinister smile. Kylo did the one thing he could think of to shock her out of Dark's embrace.

"This is what Snoke used. You're feeding of that which forms Base Z!"

Ember's eyes flashed open and the energy in the room abruptly dissipated. She was breathing heavily, her burning eyes wide with shock. "I-"

"Easy, wasn't it?" he said.

She focused on him. "I-" she tried again. He could see she was trying to hide a shiver.

"Breathe, Ember," he said. "You snapped out of it, that's the most important. Now you know what to watch out for."

"I almost didn't," she answered, lowering her head.

"Which was to be expected. It's why I didn't do this on the first day. Don't beat yourself up over this." He watched her bent head. She didn't respond. "The Dark side will always be there, as will the Light side. The Jedi believed you reached Full Mastery if you managed to fully submerge in the Light, just as the Sith believe in becoming consumed by the Dark. The Dark is a seductive force that will show up when you become angry. You need to know this so you can protect yourself against its lure."

She lifted her head and frowned at him. "What about you?" There was suspicion in her voice and calculation in her eyes.

Kylo shrugged. "I am no longer part of the Dark, not fully, that is. I've seen and felt the results of Snoke's reign."

"Then you are Light?"

He almost laughed at the disbelieving look on her face. "I sincerely doubt it," he responded.

"But-"

"It is of no consequence," he interrupted. "Are you still feeling up to further training? Or would you prefer a break?"

"I can train!" she stated forcefully, standing up.

"Sit."

"What?"

"Sit. You'll get your training, but there's no need for you to stand while doing it."

Grumbling and with annoyance clear on her face, Ember dropped back down on her cushion.

He summoned a dagger from the weapons stand. It flew towards him and he unsheathed it as soon as he plucked it out of the air. He placed the sheath in between them while placing the dagger a safe distance away. A rock would have been better, easier, but he figured this would do just fine.

"The Force flows through everything and is part of everything," he said. "Reach out to this sheath with the Force, identify it, feel it, and lift it."

"That's it?"

Kylo laughed. "Give it a try and see if you still think it's so simple."

He watched as Ember eagerly focused on the sheath, started frowning, and got frustrated.

"I used to do this as a kid!" she exclaimed.

"All the more reason it will come back to you faster than it would take a true novice to learn this," he answered. "Still, it's going to take a while. The Force is different from a muscle in that you don't flex it in order to do something. You _believe_ in something in order for it to happen."

Ember threw him an exasperated look.

"Just remember that and keep on trying." He rose to his feet. "Don't train with the actual dagger in case you manage to jerk it around and end up injuring yourself. I'll come check up on you tomorrow after lunch."

"You're leaving? You're pulling that on me _again_?"

"I don't see how you can't train on your own," he answered. "You're more than disciplined enough to keep trying. Don't neglect your daily combat routines for this though. Strength of the body is just as important as strength of the mind."

She muttered under her breath but eventually agreed with a polite 'Yes, sir'. He took it as his sign to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Good luck."

He thought about how to proceed with her training once she mastered basic levitation as he walked from the room.

"I need a customised droid," he said to Matt once outside. "Where do you think I best go? The repairs shop? Or to the engineers?"

Matt gave a surprised flinch at his question but answered after the slight hesitation. "Uhm. Will it be a completely new droid, or can one be tweaked to fit your needs, sir?"

"One might be tweaked."

"Then I would suggest asking the repairs shop first."

Kylo nodded and took off, Matt in his wake. The repairs shop was quite a distance from the area he mainly frequented and he was drawing looks along the way. He ignored the crew that stumbled or stuttered as they spotted him. He had the entire ship's layout memorised, so at least he didn't have to ask for directions.

When they finally arrived, a short, plump woman bustled her way over to them and saluted. Her hair was dyed bright blue.

"Supreme Leader!" she greeted. "What brings you to our workshop?" Her eyes slid to the side. "Matt!" she exclaimed in a much happier tone. "Hi!"

"Patty," he answered.

Her face fell. "Come now, what's with the frigid response?"

"Uhm, I'm on duty, Patty," he stumbled, obviously embarrassed.

"Oh!" The woman turned back towards Kylo. "Right! Sorry, Matt."

Kylo could see his Trooper shrug almost imperceptibly from the corner of his eye. He decided not to comment on the lapse of protocol.

"I find myself in need of a customised droid," he said. Glancing back at Matt, he added, "Matt here said this was the place to be."

"Did he now?" The man in question shifted his weight but otherwise didn't respond. "Well then, Supreme Leader, tell me what it is you need."

"I need a droid capable of silently moving around, randomly shooting something at an also moving target. The projectiles must be small, decently felt on impact, but not harmful. I was thinking that perhaps one of the droids used for practice with flying targets could be used?"

She gave him a confused look. "That's a rather odd request." He didn't answer, merely looked at her stoically. "Right," she said, fidgeting, "apologies, sir; it's not my place to question you. Moving around and shooting small objectiles, hmm? Let me see."

Patty wandered off towards a workbench with a holographic screen and rapidly started pulling designs from the database. She muttered under her breath, selecting parts of design schematics and organising them in a separate file, all the while asking questions.

"The target itself would be moving as well?"

"How tall is the target it's shooting at?"

"Any specifics about what it will be shooting or are we free to choose that?"

Eventually, she took a step back to watch the different drawings she had put in her new file.

"I think we can work something out, sir," she said. "When will you be needing the droid?"

"In a day or two," he answered. Ember would probably take longer to master basic levitation, but he wanted to be sure the droid was fully operational by then.

"I will put a team on it immediately, sir, and send a progress report by tomorrow evening."

Kylo nodded his approval and started the long trek back. Checking the time, he decided to head straight to his quarters; it was getting late and he definitely did not feel like doing paperwork.

"Do you know this Patty?" he asked Matt out of curiosity.

"We've, uhm, had drinks together a couple of times, sir."

Kylo didn't comment any further, Matt's tone of voice more than enough to tell him the man was blushing.


	32. Childhood

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_ _(And I know I write this at the top of every chapter, but it's absolutely true.)_

xXxXxXx

Deciding to call it a day despite the early hour, Kylo had a quick dinner and headed for his quarters. Once there, he called Rey, still feeling a bit uneasy about the abrupt way their conversation had ended earlier.

"What?" Rey snapped as soon as she appeared.

Kylo blinked; she looked haggard. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you angry about earlier?"

"About what?"

"When Ember barged in?"

"When- Oh, that. No, yes, no, not anymore. I was...overreacting. Never mind that."

She sunk down to the floor and he immediately went to crouch next to her.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, worried.

"Yeah, it's nothing. They're not happy with my announcement that I'll be going out for 'meditation training' two mornings a week. They think it's too dangerous; although they disagree on the reason why."

Kylo made himself comfortable on the floor and pulled Rey against him. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, closing her eyes.

"How are they both agreeing and disagreeing?" he asked.

"They're either afraid I'll end up exposing our location — which is foolish because you already know, but they don't need to know that — or they're afraid I'll get hurt or lost or something. Either way, they want to force an escort on me."

"They're making things difficult for you."

"They are. Eventually Maz intervened and told the rest of them off, saying it was nothing but normal that I needed some alone-time away from them. She called them an annoying lot of overgrown, overbearing, unnecessary babysitters. Shut them right up."

Kylo laughed. "So you can get out for training?"

"Yes," she answered. "We need to settle on when, though." She sighed. "Of course, when I got back to the kids, they'd heard I went out as well. Now they want to have outdoor trainings too. It might be arranged if we stay close enough to base, but they want to explore the woods. They're kids after all." She heaved another sigh. "I'm so tired right now."

He kissed the top of her head. "Are you in your room?"

"Yes, why?"

"Let's go to bed then, if you're tired."

He easily scooped her off the floor and carried her to his bed, wondering vaguely if the Force was floating her to her own bed wherever she was. He didn't linger on the idea as Rey reached her arms around his neck and buried her head into his chest. It kept surprising him how much she trusted him.

She hummed as he gently placed her on the bed. He moved to take off her boots and she startled.

"What? Oh! I- I can take off my own boots. You don't have to do that."

He pushed her back down onto the bed. "Let me; you're tired."

"But-"

Ignoring her stumbled protests, he tugged on her boots and placed them next to the bed.

"Thanks," she muttered, blushing.

He smiled and moved to the freshner to splash some water in his face before undressing until he was wearing only his pants.

"How did things with Ember go?" Rey asked.

A glance towards her told him she was watching him intently. He couldn't suppress a grin at her attention. Thinking about Ember's training session, however, quickly sobered him.

He dragged a hand through his hair. "I almost lost her," he sighed.

"What? How?"

"The Dark got to her so easily, and she didn't resist. She didn't resist at all. I managed to shock her out of it but- It won't happen again—she knows what to look out for now—but what about when I start teaching the other Knights? I don't want to lose any of them."

He walked towards the bed. Rey was no longer looking at him. On the contrary, she seemed to be avoiding his eyes at all cost. He put a finger under her chin, turning her head.

"What is it?"

She still wasn't meeting his eyes.

"I did the same," she mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

He crawled onto the bed, covering them both with the sheets.

"When Luke- Sorry," she said, seeing Kylo flinch slightly at the man's name. "When I was first shown the Force, I didn't resist the Dark either."

Kylo stared at her, unbelieving. "You...didn't resist the Dark?" he asked.

"It promised me answers," she whispered.

He stroked her hair, trying to sooth her. "About who you are? Where you come from?"

"Yes."

Hearing the shiver and self-loathing in her voice, he pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. "Oh, Rey," he mumbled against her hair. "You're one of the Lightest people I know."

"Well, it's not like you know many."

He chuckled. "True, although I'm starting to believe I know more than I thought."

"Why?" she asked, snuggling closer.

"There's some interesting people on this ship," he evaded, not willing to explain an only half-formed feeling.

Rey shrugged in response, seeming to understand his unwillingness to elaborate. "Is that all you did with Ember?" she asked. "Show her the Light and the Dark?"

"No. I'm having her try to float the sheath of a dagger. She used to be able to float rocks as a child so I think she'll get the hang of it pretty quick. I was surprised by how much she improved with her meditation, but she doesn't understand why she has to do it. I grew up with it so I don't know how to explain."

"You grew up with it?" Rey asked tentatively.

He hummed. "As soon as Leia noticed how strong I was with the Force, she started teaching me. I was still a toddler. She had learned from- She practiced meditation herself." He hated how strained his voice sounded near the end.

Rey started drawing patterns on his chest with her fingers, greatly distracting him.

"Tell me more."

He tensed. "You think it will be a nice story?" he snapped.

She sighed, still tracing patterns. He could feel her sadness radiate through their bond, penetrating his bout of anger.

"I don't even remember them," she said. "I- I didn't want to acknowledge it, but even if they had come back to Jakku, I wouldn't have realised because I don't remember them."

All the anger drained out of him. For all the hate and resentment he had for his family, he couldn't imagine not knowing them. He opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to find something to say.

"I'm not the person you should ask," he finally said.

"But I want to know."

"We weren't a happy family, Rey. Why don't you ask someone else at the Resistance?"

She shrugged and stayed silent.

"Rey?" he finally asked.

"You don't have to tell me, Ben," she answered. "Not if you don't want to."

He pulled back a little, trying to look her in the eye. "Why do you want to know?"

She frowned and a jumbled mix of emotions assaulted him. He could make neither heads nor tails of it.

"I don't know," she admitted, voice tiny and breakable. "I just do. I want to know _you._ "

He stared at her, then pulled her back against his chest. This would be easier if he didn't look at her, didn't dwell on the fact he was telling someone instead of talking into a void. Wracking his brain, he tried to find good memories. He wanted to tell her things that wouldn't make her sad. He wanted her to keep believing in _family_ even though he'd long given up on it. It was a strange feeling.

"When Leia and Han got married," he started, "Han stopped smuggling and started doing honest trade runs. Sometimes, when a run was near enough that they could make it back within the same day, he took me with them. I must have been around five years old."

He couldn't help the small twitch of his lips as he remembered.

"I would sit on Chewie's lap at take-off and run around the ship while in hyperspace. I thought the lights of hyperspace were mesmerising. And, if I remember correctly, they lost me a couple of times because I fell asleep at the oddest places on the ship."

Rey hummed and he tensed his arms around her. He didn't need to be reminded that she was there, even though he was doing it for her. He didn't like thinking about his childhood. That was in the past. It should have been forgotten.

"I think you must have been an absolutely adorable child."

That made him huff out a laugh. "Whatever you say."

Taking a deep breath, he searched his mind for more good memories. "Leia would play shooting games with me. I had this yellow, toy blaster and she would have a green one. We ran around shouting 'pew pew' at each other. It almost always ended in either Leia faking a dramatic death, or her catching up with me and tickling me."

"You're ticklish?"

"Not anymore," he answered, hastily grabbing a wandering hand, "and you're _not_ going to try."

Rey pouted. He knew she was storing the information for later use, but he didn't care. He had a feeling he could tickle her right back.

"I also remember stealing cookies from the kitchen," he continued. "The cook always pretended not to notice." He shook his head. At the time he had always felt so victorious with his stolen cookie.

"Chewie taught me everything about flying the ship. He would tell me what every little button was for and what every little light meant. I learned Wookie as a baby, really. I've been told he used to hold me _a lot_. Once I was a bit older, he taught me mechanics as well. He let me help with repairs. Of course, he was also the one I-"

He stopped mid-sentence. This was not what he wanted to tell her. He quickly tried to find something else to talk about, to distract Rey from what he had been about to say, but was at a loss.

"He was the one you what?" Rey asked.

"It doesn't matter."

"Tell me, Ben. Please?"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do," she said firmly.

He sighed, giving in. "He was the one I ran to when Han and Leia were fighting. Han got bored with the trade runs after a while and started smuggling again. It caused a lot of tension. Leia said he was being reckless, that he had a son to think about now. She also kept repeating it would reflect back on her. It would ruin her reputation as a leader and a general.

"Then Snoke started coming into power and the pressure on Leia only grew. The fights grew bigger, longer, and every time they went at each other, I would run to Chewie. He would give me a hug, pick me up, and teach me about the ship.

"Then, of course, Han would take off again, taking Chewie with him. We never knew how long he would be gone. Every time, Leia would refuse to see him off, spending the day snarking at people. She would throw herself into her work." A small growl escaped him. "And I would be left forgotten. I ate with the rest of the crew, got my lessons from a teacher and made my homework on my own. Both of them simply forgot about me, too preoccupied with being angry at the other."

"Oh, Ben."

"I don't need your pity," he snapped.

She planted a kiss on his chest, startling him.

"Is this when _he_ started reaching out for you?" she asked.

He blinked and looked down at her. Was he so transparent? "Yes," he answered.

"I can't believe he took such advantage of you," she said. "Well, I should be able to believe it, given how evil he was, but still."

"Took advantage of me?" he echoed.

Rey moved to look up at him. "Well, yes, of course. You were feeling lonely and he used that to tie you to him. Did he not promise to be your friend? Or to make you strong so you would have friends in the future?"

He felt like iron bands were wrapped around his chest, constricting it. His breath was caught, tension rose all through his body. She was right. That was exactly what had happened. He didn't know what to do with that information. Anger started to rise.

She cupped his face. "Ben, look at me." He followed her voice and blinked down at her. "You've got friends now," she said, brushing her thumb over his cheek. "You've got me, and Phasma. Perhaps some of your guard can become your friends as well? And how about Ember?"

He thought the last sentence sounded a bit strained.

"Snoke is dead," she continued. "You are free, Ben. You are free to do as you please. He can't hurt you anymore."

To his astonishment, there were tears in her eyes. He wiped them away.

"I wanted to tell you happy stories," he murmured. "I didn't want to make you sad. I failed."

"I wanted to know _you,_ " she answered, "and now I feel like I do know you a little more. You did not fail, Ben."

He snorted. "You are way too kind."

"Not true! I've kicked a lot of men in their weak bits back at Jakku."

"Ow!" He automatically cringed in sympathy, until he realised why she had probably done it. "Well, good for you," he said, "but that doesn't change a thing."

She spluttered against his chest, causing him to smile.

"Weren't you tired?" he asked after a while.

As if on cue, Rey yawned. "A little."

"Then go to sleep, my cute little sandcat."

"I'm not cute!"

He laughed again. "Yes, you are. Now sleep."

He started playing with her hair, listening to her breath slow and feeling her relax completely in his arms. Rey's words echoed in his head. It took him a long time before he, too, fell asleep.


	33. An Ordinary Day

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo woke up with Rey sprawled on top of him. A leg and an arm were slung across him while her head was resting in the middle of his chest and her hair was tickling his nose. He smiled, brushing away her hair and wrapping an arm around her.

Propping his other arm under his head, he studied her sleeping face. Her weight on top of him wasn't bothersome at all; rather on the contrary, he felt strangely at ease. Like she was meant to lie on top of him, as if she belonged there. It was getting easier for him to believe she truly cared for him.

Rey twitched in her sleep and mumbled something unintelligible. He smiled as she started to wake up.

"Hi," he said.

She tried to scramble up but he tensed his arm around her—not enough to pin her against his body, but enough to let her know he wanted her to stay. She easily gave in, slumping back down and yawning.

"You don't mind?" she asked softly.

"No."

She hummed, tightening her grip around him, as if he was a teddy bear. It was a strange, albeit pleasant feeling.

"What will you be doing today?" Rey asked.

He sighed. "Blasted paperwork."

She laughed. "Yes, well, have fun. I'm happy _that's_ not something I need to do."

"What do you do then?" he asked. "Beside teach the children?"

"I tinker with the ships and the bikes," she answered. "Maz sometimes asks me to join in on strategy meetings but I hardly ever say anything when she does. I'm not one for strategy." There was a short silence. "We probably should be getting up," she eventually said.

"Probably."

Rey turned so she could fully look at him. "You make a good pillow, Ben," she said with an obviously fake, innocent look on her face.

He mock-glared at her, not knowing what to say since he actually didn't mind in the least that she thought that. Still, he would not admit it.

She gave him a pensive look. "Perhaps now would be a good time to test if you're ticklish or not."

He promptly picked her up and deposited her on the bed next to him, pinning her down. Rey was giggling wildly, squirming in his hold with not enough force to really be trying to get away from him.

"What about you, hmm?" he murmured.

He both saw and felt her thinking 'oh shit!'.

"Ben, don't you dare!"

Kylo grinned. "Didn't you know?" he asked in a low voice. "I'm a bad guy."

Using his bigger body to his advantage, he caged her between the wall and himself before starting his tickling attack. Rey laughed and squirmed, swatting at his hands and trying to push him off.

"Stop! Stop!" she eventually shouted, completely out of breath. "You win! I surrender!"

He laughed and ceased his attack. Seeing her flushed face and sparkling eyes he felt the overwhelming urge to kiss her. Not wanting to possibly ruin the moment, he brushed his knuckles over her cheek before pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head.

"You really are cute," he said.

"Be-en," she whined, making him laugh again.

"Come on, we should get up," he said with reluctance. "The sooner I start shuffling papers, the sooner it will be finished."

"Until more papers show up," Rey teased.

He poked her. "Shall I make you my advisor and start badgering you with diplomatic questions?"

"You are right," she said, shoving at him. "We should get going, before you get any more bright ideas."

Smiling, he allowed her to scramble off the bed. "See you tonight?" he asked.

She threw him a smile over her shoulder. "Certainly. I've found a wonderful pillow."

Her laughter echoed over the bond as she faded from view. Kylo shook his head at her antics and moved for the freshner. After taking a quick shower, he stepped out of his quarters and encountered Phasma guarding the door.

"Good morning, sir," she greeted him, falling into step next to him as he made his way to the mess for breakfast. "The nutritional reports are ready, sir; they've been delivered to your office. The reports about the Troopers will be finished in a couple of days."

He hummed in response but had the distinct impression Phasma wanted to say more.

"Anything else?" he asked when she stayed silent.

"Forgive me my impertinence, sir, but a customised droid that shoots things at people?"

He huffed out a short laugh. "Ember is learning how to lift things with the Force. The next step is _feeling_ objects come at you while blindfolded. That's what I need the droid for."

"That uncanny ability of yours to sidestep blaster bolts is part of being Force sensitive?"

He gave her a sidelong glance. "Yes."

"That explains _a lot_ ," she muttered to herself.

He snorted but refrained from commenting.

After a hearty breakfast, they headed to his office where he, indeed, found the reports waiting for him on his desk. He picked them up. Two were from specialist, one from the kitchen chef, and one was from an intelligence team that had gathered information about the Bases.

Each report was discouragingly thick, although the one from the chef was notably thinner than the other three. Settling down, he started skimming through each report, quickly spotting differences between them. When he finally got to the one about the Bases, he growled in anger. No matter which nutritional report was right, what they were feeding the children was greatly lacking.

He worried his lips and called Phasma. "Get these to Hux," he said, "and have him compare them. Don't tell him, but if he properly and dutifully compares these, I may have a job for him in the near future."

"You are testing him, sir?"

"Yes. That, and I don't want to comb through these myself."

"Certainly, sir. I'll get these to him right away."

Per protocol, another one of his Troopers replaced Phasma. As had become his habit, he invited the Trooper in. It was a woman this time, named Jessy. He learned that she had been a progeny in a form of martial arts from her home planet and had joined the Trooper program to escape having to become an academic.

Her black hair was cut in a bob and there was a keen look in her eyes, one that made Kylo believe there wasn't much she didn't see.

He thanked her and returned his attention to the mountain of paperwork. Sometimes it surprised him so much of the information was still delivered on paper instead of it being all digital. He snorted. Probably so people like him couldn't simply ignore it. There was something truly irritating about heaps of paper on a desk.

Once it was time for lunch, he heaved a relieved sigh and left the office as fast as possible without losing his dignity.

"Find out where Ember is at," he ordered Jessy before entering the mess.

He trusted her to have an answer by the time he finished lunch and wasn't disappointed.

"She's in Training room three, sir," Jessy notified him when he re-emerged after having eaten his fill.

With a nod, he went to find Ember as he had promised the day before. She was swinging one of her swords in a frustrated looking sequence when he entered the room.

"I'm guessing you've had no luck so far?" he commented dryly.

Ember responded with a grump and a violent thrust of her sword, causing Kylo to grin.

"Want a sparring partner?" he asked. "I could use a distraction from the endless paperwork."

"Fine," she ground out, not even pausing in her exercise.

With a grin, he grabbed a sword from the weapons rack and engaged her. Unlike last time, neither of them was going full out; they were merely burning off some energy and, in Ember's case, frustration. After about half an hour, they split apart.

"One day I will defeat you," Ember said.

"Doubt it," Kylo answered.

Ember huffed, then turned serious. "I have no progress to report to you, sir," she said solemn. "I have not been able to move the sheath, let alone lift it."

"Show me what you have been doing."

Dutifully, Ember went to pick up the sheath and pillows from where they haphazardly lay at the edge of the room. Kylo had the suspicion she had thrown them there in her frustration. He grabbed a pillow of his own and settled down to watch her.

With a sigh, Ember settled into her meditation. After a while, she opened her eyes and stared intently at the sheath. Kylo focused on the Force.

"You're not reaching out," he said.

"I'm _trying._ "

Kylo fought hard not to grin. "You're sort of aiming for the sheath but forgetting the arrow."

"What?"

"Your focus is strong but you're not allowing the Force to run freely. Reach out with the Force instead of your mind."

Ember looked at him, uncomprehending.

"Perhaps, instead of trying to move the sheath, try finding the Force inside of it," Kylo said, unfolding to his full height. "It's only been a day, Ember. You'll get it soon enough."

She grumbled before giving a small salute with an annoyed 'sir'. He let it slide, allowing her frustration.

"I'll come check on you again tomorrow," he said, before walking out the door.

Not long after he was back at his office, Phasma returned. Kylo looked up, surprised to see she was holding her helmet under her arm.

"Anything the matter?" he asked.

"There has been a disturbance in the Trooper's mess, sir. I thought you should hear from me."

"A disturbance?"

"Yes, sir. A brawl broke out and one of our Troopers was involved. In fact, they were the ones to throw the first punch."

He scowled. As his elite guard, they were supposed to set an example for the others. He could not allow them to brawl.

"What was the cause?" he asked, an edge to his voice.

"It seems some of the other Troopers started commenting about the names on their breastplates, sir. As I understood, the other Troopers found them to be both pretentious and childish for needing a name. Your Troopers take pride and find honour in wearing their chosen names and got fed up. I have punished those who threw the first punch."

Kylo felt his anger rise and gnashed his teeth. Pretentious? Childish?

"Who were the ones provoking my Troopers?" he ground out.

"I have their numbers logged, sir. May I ask why?"

He stood. "I believe I should teach them a lesson. I will not let my Troopers be insulted."

Phasma's look would have been comical had he not been so angry.

"Uhm, sir," she said cautiously, "I believe that to be unnecessary. I will, however, convey your sentiment to our Troopers."

"Unnecessary?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. It would do no good for their reputation if you feel they have to be protected from something as diminutive as name-calling."

Kylo huffed and sat down again. "Then at least make sure that the punishment you meet out is mild. I do not condone brawls. I am, however, happy that they take pride in their chosen names."

"I will make sure they understand, sir."

He nodded. "Anything else?"

"No, sir. An analysis is being run in order to find suitable planets for your meeting. The repairs shop assured me you'll have a progress report about the custom droid by the end of the day. The requests for audiences should be among the papers on your desk."

Looking up, Kylo gave her an apologetic half-smile. "When the time comes that it's safe to do so, I'll find myself a proper secretary," he said. "I am aware this is not part of your job description."

Phasma huffed and shrugged. Kylo took it as a form of acceptance.

"How did Hux respond to his assignment?" he asked.

"He seemed happy to have something to do, although he tried very hard to hide it."

"I don't doubt it." Sighing, he dragged a hand through his hair and looked back down to the documents on his desk. "Thank you, Phasma."


	34. Being Thrown At

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

By the time the day came to an end, Kylo had more and more trouble staying concentrated. Rey's words about Snoke kept popping up in his head and he did not know what to do with them. Had he really been used from day one? Had it all been a lie?

Eventually, he abandoned the much-hated paperwork and headed for his quarters, hoping meditation could help sort out his mixed emotions. Because, if he had been used the entire time, who was he? He worried his lips, walking the well-known route to his quarters without paying attention. He was only barely aware of Phasma following him.

Once he had arrived, he summoned a pillow and unceremoniously sunk down to the floor in the middle of his quarters. Who was he? Who had he become once Snoke was dead? Had he made a mistake as a child? Had he ruined his entire life? Was he nothing more than a puppet that had lost his strings and was now flailing about?

He closed his eyes and evened out his breathing. The turmoil, however, refused to calm down. It didn't take long before his breathing became laboured. He was starting to feel claustrophobic in his own head.

Desperate to rid himself of the chaos and near-panic, he reached for the one thing that always provided him calm: the image of a black lake of nothingness. The Force swirled through him, hardening his mind and snarling at the chaos, chasing it away.

"Ben?"

His eyes snapped open. He hadn't even noticed her presence. She was sitting on her knees in front of him, worry etched on her face. She reached for him, but he twitched involuntarily and she dropped her hand.

"Ben?" she asked again.

He stared at her. Somehow, her presence managed to somewhat calm down his raging emotions. He worried his lips. He needed something to hold onto.

"Who am I?" he heard himself whisper. It hadn't been a conscious decision.

Rey blinked at him, then tilted her head as if contemplating. He felt tense, feeling like he could explode out of his skin at any minute. His breath caught as she gave him a small smile.

"The Supreme Leader." Kylo released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. "You're the Supreme Leader," she repeated.

He frowned at her. What did that mean? He didn't understand.

"That's a title," he said.

"He's whoever you want him to be."

Even though that meant nothing, it still managed to calm him down. He could feel his shoulders relax. His mind felt like the calm after a storm.

"How did you know?" he finally asked.

Rey shrugged. "There was chaos. You never project chaos."

She shuffled a bit closer to him and he grabbed her arm, pulling her into his lap.

"Thank you," he said, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair.

She moved to plant a soft kiss on his cheek and leaned back into him. "You'll figure it out," she said. "To me, you'll always be Ben."

They were silent for a while. Kylo could feel his breathing return to normal as he relished in Rey's warmth.

"I can't stay much longer, Ben," Rey finally said, regret evident in her voice. "I made up an excuse to get away."

He sighed. "You'll come back tonight?"

She hummed. "As if I would pass by the opportunity to sleep on such a wonderful pillow." He poked her side and she laughed. "I'll see you in a few hours," she said, before disappearing.

Kylo felt strangely hollow with her gone. Shrugging and reminding himself he would see her again soon enough, he resumed his meditation. Albeit less jarring, the question of who he wanted to be was still daunting.

Over the next couple of days, Kylo fell into a pattern. In the evenings, Rey would join him and they would talk before falling asleep. They trained once more and he was gratified to find she had been practising.

During the day, he would occupy himself with the runnings of the First Order. The reports about Trooper recruitment arrived and he dispatched an order to better balance out the intake and leave of Troopers, using their relative peace as an excuse. It felt like progress to know fewer children would be forcefully taken away from their parents.

After lunch, he would check up on Ember. They would end up sparring before Ember informed him of what little progress she had made. The droid he had customised was ready for use and waiting in a storage area near the training rooms.

The nutritional reports, however, were still being reviewed by Hux. Wondering what was taking the ginger so long, Kylo was planning on paying him a visit when an excited Ember burst into his office.

"I did it!" she exclaimed.

Behind her, Kylo could see Phasma clenching and unclenching her fist in annoyance. He sighed. Perhaps there was some sort of team building he could organise for the two?

"Uhm, sir," Ember finished sheepishly. She looked as if she had run all the way to his office.

He smiled at her. "Let's head back to the training room then, shall we?" he said. "So you can show me."

She nodded eagerly. Her behaviour was contagious and Kylo found himself grinning. Phasma fell into step next to him as they followed Ember.

"You still don't like her?" he asked.

"She has no regard for protocol, sir."

Kylo huffed. "Indeed. As a Knight, she is well used to existing outside of it."

"It comes off as disrespect towards you, sir."

He glanced at Phasma, wondering if her dislike for the Knight coloured her words. Eventually, he decided to simply trust his commander. "Then I will talk to her about it," he answered.

A curt nod was his only response. Nothing further was said and upon arrival, Phasma simply stationed herself next to the door while he followed Ember inside. The Knight eagerly strode to the center of the room and dropped down on a pillow before looking up at him expectantly.

"Well," he said, "show me."

She nodded. After a deep breath, Ember focussed on the sheath lying in front of her and, much to Kylo's delight, it trembled slightly before rising in the air.

"Yes!" he said. "That's it."

She grinned at him and he grinned right back. He grabbed a second pillow and tossed it toward her.

"Now, let's see if you can float other things as well. It's okay if that's not the case; I just need to know how far you stand."

She frowned slightly before seeming to gather resolve.

"It's the same as the sheath," Kylo coached her. "Only its shape and texture is different, giving it an independent signature in the Force."

He watched as Ember concentrated hard on the pillow. After a while, she grumbled with irritation and closed her eyes. The pillow promptly rose from the ground.

"Good!" he exclaimed. "Now," he looked around, "try lifting that droid."

They went through a couple more objects before Kylo decided she had truly mastered the basic.

"Don't try summoning them just yet," he cautioned her. "There are other things you need to learn first. Let me have the equipment brought in and I'll explain."

Opening the door to the hallway, he noticed the guard had changed. Arima saluted him. He had met her only the day before.

"Where's Phasma?"

"She was needed elsewhere, sir."

Kylo hummed an acknowledgement. "You know where the customised droid is stored?"

"Yes, sir."

"If you would go get it?"

"Certainly, sir, right away."

He turned back to Ember. "Through the Force, you are connected to your surroundings in a more inclusive way than people who are not Force-sensitive. If you want, you can literally _feel_ what's around you."

He leaned against a wall, contemplating how to best explain.

"This is one of the reasons why meditation is important; it gives you a clearer picture of your own energy and allows you to become more in touch with your surroundings. After sufficient training, you will start feeling what's around you on a subconscious level. This awareness will also be what allows you to Force-move things around with accuracy."

The door to the training room opened and the customised droid was pushed in by Arima. Kylo nodded his thanks and waved her away.

"The next step in your training," he said to Ember, "is learning to _feel_ where everything is instead of relying on visual input." He ignored her small twitch as he emphasised 'feeling'. "I had this droid custom made for you to train with. There's only one so far so don't destroy it in a fit of temper."

He gave her a stern look. She seemed insulted at the insinuation but answered with a curt nod.

"How exactly will it help me train?" she asked.

Kylo grinned. He had been looking forward to this. He pushed a button on the still inanimate droid and a small compartment opened. From it, he took a dark piece of cloth.

"With this," he said, holding up the cloth, "you're going to be blindfolded and then this droid," he gave the piece of mechanics an affectionate pat, "will shoot rubber balls at you. It's your objective to knock them out of the way without looking."

Ember gave him a peculiar look, as if she wasn't sure whether or not to believe him. When it became clear he was serious, her face morphed into shock and then indignation. Kylo's grin only grew wider.

"You want me to do _what_?"

"Get blindfolded and learn how to _feel_ objects coming your way by getting in tune with the Force."

"You want me to get shot at? With _rubber balls_? From a _droid_?"

"Yes."

He watched, highly amused, as her indignation warred with her sense of obedience. No doubt, her head-strong character along with her pride were fighting the fact that she had pledged herself to him and was therefore averse to insulting him. He could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

"At least," he said, taking pity on her, "these are rubber balls and not shiruken."

That seemed to snap her out of her inner war but ended in her staring at him with wide eyes.

"Shiruken?" she echoed.

"Small ones, of course." He shrugged.

Ember stared at him for a little while longer before shaking her head. "You say it's possible to avoid flying objects without _seeing_ them?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "You want a demonstration, don't you?" he said. "Hoping that I will get hit."

"I did not say that, sir."

"Indeed, you didn't." He contemplated it and decided it couldn't hurt. "Fine," he said with exasperation.

He explained the way the droid worked — the tech team had added an auto-collect feature so the droid would locate and pick up the rubber balls itself — and positioned himself in the middle of the room. Closing his eyes, he tied the blindfold firmly over them and motioned for Ember to activate the droid.

He could hear it whirring as it moved around him but ignored the sound in favour of locating it with the Force. One by one, he sidestepped the rubber balls shot in his direction, only swatting them away when he had no other choice. After twenty-or-so balls, he decided that was enough of a demonstration.

"Disengage."

The droid promptly fell silent, beeping twice before going into collection mode. He pulled off the blindfold and turned towards Ember.

"I did not know that was possible," she stated, a touch of awe in her voice.

"It takes practice," he answered. "And when there's a lot going on, it becomes … imprecise."

"There's really no other way to learn it but being shot at?"

"Not that I know of."

"Great."

Kylo snorted, handing her the blindfold. "You need to feel for your surroundings much like you feel for the objects you're trying to lift. The trick is to not focus on them as much, nearly enough to locate them."

"Right…"

He clasped her on the shoulder. "Don't neglect to practice your meditation and Force-lifting. Both will help you with this skill as well." Ember nodded her assent even though the look in her eyes was still dubious. "I'll leave you to it, then. Good luck."

She glared at him. "You think this is amusing, don't you?"

"I didn't say that," he shot back, using her own words against her.

He heard her grumble under her breath in response, feeling quite certain he was creatively getting cursed. Laughing, he left the training room to head back to his office. Once there, he found Phasma waiting for him. She followed him inside and pulled off her helmet.

"There's news, sir," she said as soon as the door closed behind them.

Kylo raised an eyebrow in question. His confusion only grew when he saw her smile.

"A suitable moon has been found for you to meet her, sir."


	35. Almost There

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo shot out of his chair. "What did you say?"

"A suitable moon has been found, sir."

He couldn't help the massive grin that curled his lips. "Where?"

Phasma walked to his office's display and pulled out a map of the galaxy. "It's the only moon of the fifth planet of the Oelilag system," she said, zooming the screen to the planet in question. "It has an overall mild climate and is therefore pleasant to camp out at. It's surface consists of a sloping landscape with alternate patches of forest, grass plains, and rivers. That should allow you both to easily hide your ships if so desired. I don't know how long you plan on staying there, but the temperatures are mild even at night, so spending a night outdoors should not be a problem."

Kylo nodded during her explanation. The moon was perfect. "How long to get there?"

"About seven hours, sir." She hesitated, then continued. "I suggest visiting an operational base in the vicinity and miscommunicating the dates. That would leave you enough time to meet her. We could land on the planet while you continue to the moon. If we select a spot on the far side, we minimise the risk of detection."

He was only half paying attention to Phasma's words, just enough to realise she was talking sense. Absentminded, he uttered an agreement. Before everything, he wanted to tell Rey. He was going to see her in person again!

"You should go tell her," Phasma said, amusement evident in her voice.

"Not yet," he said, checking the time. "I want to decide on the exact meeting spot on the moon's surface first, so I can give her all the coördinates at once. She'll be sneaking out and doesn't want to risk accessing their navigation system too often."

Nodding, Phasma returned her attention to the display and requested an upload of the moon's surface and its known settlements. There weren't many. The moon seemed to service mostly as a holiday resort for the rest of the system.

"It will take some time to get together your expedition and you mentioned _she_ would need some preparation time as well. We could plan your departure for two weeks?"

Kylo grimaced. Two weeks suddenly felt like forever. In order for everything to run smoothly, however, thorough preparation was needed. With a sigh, he agreed.

"In that case," Phasma touched the display again, "this section of the moon will be the least conspicuous."

A part of the moon was displayed in colour while the rest turned into grayscale. Kylo took over from Phasma, examining the surface. Eventually, he found a spot near the equator, in a small grass-covered valley between two forests.

"There," he said, tapping the spot and noting the coördinates, "that will do perfectly." His cheeks were starting to hurt from the wide smile he was still sporting. "Let's head to my quarters. I won't be able to concentrate knowing this."

Phasma gave an amused snort. "You'll scare the staff if you keep grinning like that. They'll think you're out to kill."

That sobered his mood and he glared at her, causing her to throw up a hand in surrender.

"You know it's true," she said, before putting her helmet back on. "You're image is still the same, at least among those further away from you."

He sighed. "I wonder if we should do something about that," he questioned. "Whether or not it is safe to do so."

Phasma was silent for a while. "For now I would suggest to let it run its course, sir. Although unfortunate, it does assure stability."

With a grunt, he agreed. Perhaps, in time, and if his plans were successful, his image would change on its own. He stopped worrying about it, instead focusing on the news he would be giving Rey. He wondered about how she would respond. A small part of him feared she might have changed her mind, but he quickly silenced it. Certainly, she had not?

"Go, have fun," Phasma quipped as they arrived at his quarters, even going as far as opening the door for him and giving him a mock bow. He grumbled at her in good nature.

He wasted no time, nudging Rey over the bond as soon as he stepped through the door.

"Ten minutes," she responded.

Impatient, he paced his room. Ten minutes seemed like forever. When she finally appeared before him, he could no longer contain his enthusiasm and enveloped her in a hug.

"Uhm, Ben?" she asked, not hesitating to wrap her arms around him as well. "Everything okay?"

"More than okay," he said, taking a step back and feeling slightly embarrassed. "Phasma found us a moon to meet on."

"Really?" she cried out.

"Yes!"

With a cheer, she jumped back into his arms. "I get to see you in person!" she laughed. "Tell me where it is. What kind of moon is it? When do you want to go? Will I have time to prepare? How will you explain your absence?"

He laughed at her exuberance. "So many questions," he teased.

"Just answer me!"

Still laughing, he pulled her to sit on the bed. "It's in the Oelilag system. The moon of the fifth planet. Trees and grassy plains, sloping landscape. I've picked a spot in a small valley between two forests. I hope you'll like it."

She smiled at him, placing a hand on his leg as she looked at him with a faraway look in her eyes. "I love any place that's green," she mused. "I can't get used to it."

He touched her cheek, wanting to show her all kinds of different, green planets. There was so much he could show her out in the galaxy.

"We were thinking about going there in two weeks time. Is that enough for you to prepare?"

"Hmm? Yes, yes, that should work. I will have to leave at night, though. I'll never be able to steal a ship during the day."

"You're going to _steal_ a ship?"

"Well, yes. It's not like they'll give me one while I'm trying to sneak out."

He huffed. "No, I guess not."

"What excuse are you going to give?" she asked. "Do you even have to give one?"

"A visit to a nearby facility." A thought crossed his mind. "Perhaps, if there's an academy near… That would make more sense than a random facility."

"An academy?"

"Yes, where the children go after they've outgrown the Bases. I've read reports about them but haven't actually visited one. This might be an opportune time."

"But if you're actually going to visit one, how will you be able to see me?"

He had been staring into nothing, lost in thought, but the uncertainty in her voice made him focus back on Rey.

"Communications will make sure the day we leave here is different from the day we're expected to arrive there. I trust Phasma to deal with this."

She smiled at him. "I'm going to get to see you."

He could feel her excitement over the bond and felt quite giddy himself. Not that he would ever admit it.

"You're seeing me now," he teased.

"Oh!"

Rey moved to smack his arm but he caught her hand, grinning. She poked him in retaliation and soon they found themselves in a mock fight that ended with both of them panting on his bed. Not long after, they went to sleep.

xXxXxXx

Kylo had abhorred the preparations needed for their trip. One would think that, as the Supreme Leader, he was free to do and go whatever, wherever, and whenever he pleased. It hadn't taken him long to decide that bureaucracy was his new enemy.

On the plus-side, Phasma had found an academy that would suit their purpose. Hux had finished his comparison of the nutritional reports and—at first glance—seemed to have done a decent job. Kylo was planning on combing through them in more detail once they got back.

Concentrating on anything other than the upcoming meeting had been impossible. Rey had still slept in his bed every night and he hadn't been able to help but wonder how it would feel to hold the real Rey in his arms. They had decided to stay on the moon for 24 hours, meaning they would stay the night. She would arrive mid-morning, while he would already be there from the night before.

Phasma had organised the entire thing—checking in with him once a day or whenever a document needed signing. By the time they were ready to depart, he had met and conversed with his entire protection team. Kylo was surprised by their varied backgrounds. Twelve of them joined him on his trip; the others would stay behind.

The only person who had disputed this arrangement was Ember. He remembered their conversation as he walked out of his ship towards the spot he had selected for meeting Rey.

" _When were you going to tell me you're planning a trip?" Ember demanded one week into preparations._

" _In due time," he answered, raising an eyebrow in warning. "You're not coming."_

" _Excuse me?"_

" _Are you going to argue?" His voice dropped, but she ignored it._

" _Yes! I've pledged my loyalty to you, yet you leave me behind?"_

" _And I have accepted your pledge, as you well know, but that doesn't mean you have a right to demand your presence by my side," he countered._

" _So you're going to trust that Phasma?"_

" _Ember of Ren!" he barked, towering over her. "You will respect my commander. She has been here longer than you and has proven her loyalty many times over."_

 _She took a cautionary step back, lowering her eyes. "Apologies, sir," she said, planting her fist on her chest. "I spoke too rash."_

" _You sure did. When we get back, we'll discuss this aversion you seem to have for each other. I will no longer tolerate it."_

 _Ember grimaced but gave a sharp nod. "May I request your reasoning for leaving me behind?" she questioned._

 _Kylo sighed and relaxed. "You need to keep training in the Force. The sooner you can perfect your skills, the sooner we can call upon the other Knights."_

 _It didn't sit well with him that he was withholding the true reason for his trip. As she had pointed out, she had pledged her loyalty and would therefore not betray him. Still, she was a headstrong woman and wouldn't rest before knowing why he wanted to go on a trip to an unremarkable moon._

" _I see," she answered._

" _You need to be able to give a demonstration when they gather," he elaborated. "That way, they'll see we're genuine."_

 _Ember took a deep breath. "I understand, sir. I will train to reach perfection by the time you return."_

 _With another salute, she turned and left. Kylo shook his head, not fooled by her charade. He knew he had hurt her feelings. Dragging his hand through his hair, he pondered the precarious balance between friend and subordinate._

There were so many things he still had to do that the future sometimes looked more daunting than he could handle. Rey, however, made him believe he could do it. He was nervous to see her, a feeling he still didn't like.

Once he reached the designated meeting place, he dropped his bag—filled with food, blankets, the crystal, and a bottle of shampoo—and kept himself busy with building a fire and cutting some logs with his saber to sit on. He aimlessly wandered about for a bit, exploring the surrounding area, before deciding to try to meditate.

He kept repeating to himself that she would soon arrive, that she would not leave him hanging. It irked him that his own fears lead him to mistrust Rey.

After what must have been about an hour and a half, he felt their bond vibrating and realised she was getting closer. He smiled as he somehow felt her breach atmosphere. Wanting to see her approach, he looked up at the sky, only to see the _Millenium Falcon_ come his way.


	36. Critical

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

 _A/N: Sorry, not sorry_

xXxXxXx

Rage erupted in his veins. She had betrayed him! It had all been a lie! A complete lie! There was no way she could have stolen the _Falcon_.

Darkness swirled around him and, without much thinking, he ignited his saber. From the recesses of his mind, he could hear Rey yelling at him over the bond, begging him to allow her to explain. He ignored her. More so, he shoved at her violently and closed off their bond.

How could he have been so stupid? Had Snoke not warned him about the wiles of women? Was that not why he had offered him women to enjoy? So he would become immune to them? So he would know how to _use_ them? Yet he had allowed one to come close.

Rey, his Rey, with her big, brown eyes and sparkling energy. There was nothing left but to hate her. There was nothing left inside him. All he had done, all he had tried to change seemed futile and stupid to him. What had he been thinking? Straying from the Dark? He had allowed her to seduce him to the Light, but no more!

He needed to destroy something, let something feel the depth of his rage. The Dark felt like a long lost friend. Security could be found in its embrace, a respite from having to deal with the pain. It only requested you feel it, fuel it, and use it.

Kylo paced the campfire, kicking the bag he had brought. The presence of the crystal was the only thing holding him back from shredding the bag and its contents to pieces. He might still have a use for it.

He was just contemplating felling some trees to burn away his fury when he could hear something crashing through the shrubs on the other side of the clearing. He bared his teeth in a ferocious scowl and prepared himself. What better way to deal with this, than by killing _her_?

"Ben! Ben, please! It's not-" Rey abruptly skidded to a halt when she spotted him, her eyes wide. "No," she whispered. "I won't lose you."

"Traitor!" he hissed. "Where's the rest of your clan, hmm? Are you truly so conceited to think you can rid yourself of me on your own?"

"Ben, no."

"Liar!" he screamed. "Liar! You've done nothing but lie to me! You're no different from all the others!" He advanced on her. "No more!"

"No!" she stated, stumbling back a few steps before determination strengthened her stance. "No!" Rey repeated, almost yelling. She reached for the staff that hung around her shoulders. "No! I refuse to lose you!"

Kylo laughed, sounding like a maniac even to his own ears. He didn't care, mania as much a long lost friend as Darkness was.

"You think you can defeat me with a _stick_?" he taunted. "It's just as useless as you are!"

He lunged at her but she managed to sidestep. Their sparring sessions had taught him all her weak spots, all her imbalances when she attacked. He was planning on making good use of that knowledge. He wanted her dead. Dead, gone, make the pain stop like he had meant for it to stop when he killed his father. This time, he would succeed. This time, he would surrender to the Dark in the moment.

Rey smacked her staff at his wrist and his knees. It frustrated him how she kept evading him, kept on the defence. Surely, she would want to attack. Surely, the only reason why she could have betrayed him was in order to do exactly that which he was going to do to her? Kill? This was a fight to the death after all.

His tumbling thoughts distracted him and Rey managed to hit his elbow, blowing his arm out wide. He swirled around, prepared to take another blow to his ribs, but it never came. Instead, something soft and light collided with him, something that wrapped itself around him with a grip that promised to never let go.

"I will not lose you," a voice against his back exclaimed. "I will not! Please come back to me, Ben."

He froze in place. Standing stock-still, his saber still pointing to the side from his half-performed turn, he contemplated what to do. A memory scratched the surface of his rage but he brushed it away. It made no sense. She was out to get him, no? She had betrayed him. What was going on?

"I don't want to hurt you, Ben."

He squeezed his eyes shut as his breathing sped up. It made no sense. His own reaction made no sense. Why wasn't he killing her? Why wasn't he taking advantage of the fact that she had thrown away her staff and was now defenceless, _hugging_ him?

The Dark whispered in his ears, whispered to him about the greatness he would achieve if he simply killed her. Didn't he want to be great? Didn't he want to be fearless? Strong? Invincible? What was he waiting for?

"Please," he could hear the tears in her voice as her hands fisted further into the fabric of his coat, "please."

"You betrayed me," he managed to ground out.

"I did not! Please don't think that! It's not what it seems. I had no choice."

"The- That _ship_ is difficult to misinterpret," he countered, feeling his anger rising again.

"She knew. Maz knew. She left me no choice."

He blinked at that statement, some of the haze clearing.

"Maz?"

"Yes. Please, Ben, please allow me to explain. I promise I did not betray you. I promise!"

Kylo stood contemplating. How could he trust her again after this? How could she ask for time if she'd come with _that_ ship? How could that not be a betrayal?

"Ben? You said I wasn't alone. You said you would be there, with me. Please don't leave me."

He could tell she was now fully crying. Her arms were still wrapped around his waist, her face buried against his back. The sound of her sniffling seemed to pierce through his anger. It tugged at his heart, even though he didn't want it to.

Reluctantly, he extinguished his saber. When he stepped away from her, she let him. Even now, he could keenly feel the sudden absence of her warmth. It confused him. He felt lost, aimlessly floating in nothing. It scared him.

He watched as Rey roughly wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'll kill Maz for this," she mumbled under her breath before looking up at him. "I had it all planned out," she started explaining. "I was sure nobody knew. I have been very careful when checking the navigational system. I didn't breathe a word about it to anyone. But Maz was waiting for me in the hangar, looking at me with these knowing eyes. She didn't even try to stop me. She just said 'You're going with Chewie'.

"I tried to feign ignorance, I outright protested, but she just kept on staring at me. When I could find nothing more to say, she just repeated her words. 'You're going with Chewie,' she said. 'Give him the coordinates. He doesn't know why you're going or what you're going to do, and he won't ask, won't you, Chewie?' she said with a glance his way. 'He won't stray from the ship either.'

"It's Maz we're talking about here. I'm sorry, Ben; I really couldn't find another way. She gave me no choice. Chewie didn't ask and I didn't tell. He doesn't know why I'm here. He doesn't know you are here. Please believe me."

He looked at her, assessed her. Carefully, he opened their bond again, trying to find signs of lies. He was hit with a wave of fear, sadness, guilt, and pain. It caused him to narrow his eyes. Those emotions didn't tell him a thing.

Time stretched and seemed to stand still. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to believe. The Dark was still lurking at the edge of his consciousness, his anger still bubbling under the surface, but he had lost the need to bask in either.

It was when she said his name again and a wave of _longing_ hit him, that he understood that she was genuine. His shoulders sagged as the remnants of his anger dissipated.

"Rey," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

He couldn't believe what he had done, how easily he had believed she would betray him. Why wasn't she shouting at him? Why wasn't she telling him what an idiot he was? How useless? Pathetic? Why wasn't she beating him senseless with her staff yet? He deserved it.

He could hear her walk closer but didn't look up. What had he done?

"You- You believe me?" she asked.

Her voice was trembling and it almost broke at the end. He could do nothing but nod. When her fingers gently touched his cheek, he sunk to his knees.

"Punish me," he said, head bowed. "However you see fit." He was barely conscious of the tear that rolled down his cheek.

" _What_? No!" She cradled his head, holding it against her stomach and trailing her hands through his hair.

"I deserve it," he mumbled against her clothes. She felt so warm. He wanted to accept her comfort, but he wasn't worthy of it.

"No! Please don't say that, Ben. The _Falcon_ -" He flinched at the name and she cradled him even closer. "That ship holds a lot of memories for you. I don't blame you for jumping to conclusions. I should have warned you, but I feared you wouldn't stay if you knew. I thought- I thought you would prefer leaving and not seeing me over having to see the ship." Her words died out in a whisper.

"You didn't betray me," he murmured. The realisation was still sinking in. He felt tired, wrung out.

"No. I would never."

"How could you think I wouldn't want to see you?" He pulled back to look up at her. "You're my everything."

She caressed his cheek. "I'm sorry I couldn't prevent this from happening."

Kylo shook his head. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do." Rey kissed the top of his head. "Yes, you do," she repeated. After a moment, she smiled. "It's awfully green here," she said.

He sat back on his heels and shook his head. "You can't just forgive me for this. That's impossible. Surely, you must want to punish me? Punish me."

Fresh tears swam in her eyes as he looked back up at her. "No," she said, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him to his feet. "I will not. I'm not your Master, Ben. Nobody is. You're your own man. And I _do_ forgive you."

He finally allowed her to pull him up, staring at her in awe. She was right. He was his own man. Snoke was dead. Luke was dead. There was nobody left to rule him. He was the Supreme Leader. He ruled himself.

"Rey," he said, before pulling her against him. "How is it that you keep saving me?"

She didn't respond, merely wrapping her arms around him in return and sighing. He could tell she was relieved. It pained him to know that he was the source of her anxiety. No matter what she said about forgiving him, he would amend for his reaction. He would find a way to amend.

"Come," he said, stepping away and picking up her staff to hand it to her. "Let's go sit by the fire."


	37. Connecting the Crystal

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

 _A/N: Please be aware that, in this chapter, I will completely ignore canon when it comes to saber making and saber colours. This is done on purpose to suit my story because, really, it's all just fiction. The change concerning the saber colour is that the colour is defined by the link between crystal and Force user. The change in saber making will be evident as you read the chapter._

 _A/N: Also, the song 'Light a Fire' by Rachel Taylor fits this chapter (and the last one) very well, I think. In a way, it covers a big part of this story. In any case, it's worth listening too._

xXxXxXx

They sat on the logs next to the fire in an awkward silence. Kylo had his arm around Rey, holding her close against his side. He still felt he didn't deserve her—that she should be mad at him—but, at the same time, he couldn't find it in him to push her away. Her presence soothed him. It evened out his breathing and calmed the turmoil in his head.

"Would you like something to eat?" he finally asked, unable to endure the silence any longer. "Have you ever eaten an orange?"

She tilted her head to look up at him. "An orange?" she asked, uncomprehending.

"Yes."

He pulled away and started rummaging in his bag, feeling very glad he had resisted the urge to destroy it earlier. Finally, he found the smaller bag of oranges he'd brought and handed one to Rey. He watched her as she studied the fruit, laughing as she tried to bite into it and grimaced.

"You want me to eat _this_?" she exclaimed. "It's awfully bitter!"

Kylo chuckled. "You have to peel it first," he said, taking an orange of his own.

"You could have told me so before," she protested goodnaturedly.

He bumped her shoulder and started peeling his orange. When he glanced to the side, he saw her lean over, curious to see what the fruit would look like without its peel.

"It's … all in parts?"

Her question sounded more like disbelieving confusion. He nodded and, after dropping the peel, pulled the orange in four parts before plucking Rey's orange out of her hands and giving her his.

"Separate one part and try it," he encouraged her. "There might be a small pit in it, just so you know."

Rey daintily took hold of one part and pulled it away from the rest. After carefully studying it—and a doubtful, sideways look at him—she bit into it.

"Oh!" She stared at the fruit. "How can it be both sweet and sour?"

Kylo smiled and focussed on peeling the second orange. "Do you like it?"

"Yes!"

His smile widened at her enthusiasm. They were enjoying their fruits when an animal that resembled a deer stepped out of the woods.

"Look," Rey said over the bond.

He glanced at the animal before looking at Rey. There was a look of wonder in her eyes as she stared at the animal. Kylo looked back at it. To him, it was nothing special, yet, due to his extensive stays at the main ship, he didn't see animals more often than Rey. He wondered what it must feel like to retain your sense of wonderment throughout life. He wondered how Rey had managed it. Her life had been far from easy after all.

"Too bad, it spotted us."

Kylo refocused on the world around him just in time to see the animal's tail disappear into the woods.

"Too bad, indeed," he murmured, turning back towards her and gently touching her cheek.

Tenderness filled him with such an intensity it almost hurt. When she questioningly looked up at him, he mentally shook himself. He had just tried to kill her; what was he thinking? He quickly dropped his hand and started rummaging in the bag.

"Are you ready to finish that saber of yours?" he asked as he pulled out the box with the crystal.

"Oh!" Her eyes grew wide.

"What?" he asked.

Rey started fidgeting, looking away. "I- uhm. I kind of rushed out of the ship as soon as I could. I left my bag behind. I guess- I guess I should go get it?"

A mild rush of panic surged through him. She was leaving? Rey grabbed his hand.

"Don't worry!" she said. "I'll be back; I promise! Besides, Maz's orders only work for so long on a certain, strong-willed individual. Given how anxious I was, it's probably best to let him know I'm okay."

Rey's mention of Chewie momentarily caused his anger to spike again, but he knew she was right. Family stood above all for the Wookie, and no doubt he'd adopted Rey as part of it. Gritting his teeth against his own insecurities, he nodded.

"I won't take long," she said, standing.

After a last smile, she picked up her staff and disappeared. Kylo stared after her, stared at the spot where she had entered the woods. He could feel his anxiety rising so he started to pace. He had threatened her, yelled at her, tried to kill her, _distrusted_ her; how could he believe she was coming back? She had said she forgave him, but how was that possible? Why wasn't she angry with him?

"Stop fretting." He stumbled mid-step as Rey's voice reached him over their bond. "I'm not going anywhere."

The fact that she had felt his jumbled emotions made him feel weak and pathetic. What must she think of him now?

"You impossible man!" she half laughed, half admonished. "You're being absurd. I'm almost at the ship; I'll be right back."

Sighing, he sat down. He knew he was being absurd, but he felt out of his depth. If he was honest with himself, he often felt out of his depth when it came to Rey. She did not behave like the people he had grown up with and he did not know how to respond to that. The same sometimes happened with Phasma, but at least there he had protocol to fall back on.

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He had shown her distrust earlier; he would trust her words this time around. Rey would come back, just as she had promised. Despite his intentions, he still jumped to his feet in relief once he heard her approach.

Rey merely shook her head at him and dropped her bag next to his at the fire. She opened it and pulled out her saber.

"This is it," she said, handing it to him. She looked somewhat nervous and uncertain.

He took it from her with a reassuring smile and turned it over in his hands. It was sturdy, yet not too heavy, and it looked as if it was made from salvaged parts. It looked so typically Rey that he couldn't help but smile at it.

"Is it okay?" she asked. "Did I make it right?"

"It suits you," he answered. He nudged open the compartment that held the electronics and would later hold the crystal. "It's perfect, Rey," he said after studying it. "And I expected no less from you." He handed it back to her with a smile. "Now, shall we link your crystal?"

She nodded at him with an eager, open expression on her face.

"We will only need the saber at the end," he said. "It's easiest if you sit in meditation."

Once they were both seated on the ground—knee to knee, as usual, Rey's saber to her right—he opened the box.

"Now, hold the crystal in your left palm and cover it with your right hand so that your fingertips are touching your wrists, then hold them both against your midriff. Yes, like that." He gave her another reassuring smile. "Close your eyes and listen to your heartbeat. Hear it drum, feel it throughout your body, make it the only thing you're still aware of."

Kylo waited as Rey's breathing slowed and the look of concentration on her face evened out. Slowly but certainly, he started hearing her heartbeat over their bond. He closed their connection so there would be no interference from his part.

"If your heartbeat is steady in your body and mind, reach out with the Force and find the crystal. Find it and find its vibrations. Feel how it's connected to the world around it. Feel how the Force flows through it. Feel the crystal's natural rhythm."

Again, he waited. Every now and then, Rey's eyebrow would twitch, much to his amusement. It was only once he could feel the crystal's presence at the edges of his mind that he continued.

"Both your heartbeat and the crystal are now in your awareness. Keep them there, study them, and harmonise them. Coach the crystal's rhythm to pick up on your heartbeat. Make it so that it adapts its speed, its waves, to beat in sync with who you are. Link yourself to it. Become one and then separate again."

Rey frowned and he could almost hear her confusion. Still, there was no one way to do it. Linking a crystal to the core of your being was something every Force user had to figure out for him- or herself. Each crystal was different, as was each user.

He had read about a few, rare occasions where a crystal and the user were incompatible. There was no doubt in his mind about this connection though. He could not imagine any crystal unwilling to bond with Rey.

Careful not to disturb her, he moved away a bit. Anything that disturbed her concentration now would cause the process to be disrupted. She would have to start over or, in worst case scenario, the crystal would become useless.

He looked at her, studied her. Minutes ticked by and the sun moved through the sky. She looked so serene, almost too perfect to be real. Her hair fell over her shoulders and moved in the slight breeze that had picked up. She was slender and he could clearly see the strength of her body. In his eyes, she was a force of nature, and a beautiful one at that.

Smiling, he watched some of what was going on in her head play out on her face. Her eyes furrowed and smoothed out again. She had a tendency to pull up her nose and murmur silent words. Had her eyes been open, he was sure he would have seen an array of emotions pass through them.

After what he figured to be about two hours, light started pulsing from between her hands. Kylo smiled. He knew it meant that the linking had begun. He opened their bond just enough to hear the heartbeat that was still thudding through her and he watched as the pulsing light of the crystal slowly adapted to it. As it synched, the light grew constant and bright, before slowly dying out to a glow. Rey sighed, opened her eyes, and nearly toppled over.

"There now," he said, catching and steadying her. "You succeeded."

Rey shook her head and blinked. "I did?"

Kylo laughed. "Yes, you did. Do you need a break? Or do you want to connect it to your saber?"

"Connect it!"

He laughed again as she immediately perked up. With one hand still firmly grasping the glowing crystal, she reached for her saber and opened the compartment.

"Do I just put it in there?" she asked.

"Yes and no. You place it in your saber but you need to forge the connection between the crystal and the electronics. While touching the crystal in the compartment, send out the Force and create the paths the crystal needs to follow."

Rey nodded and followed his instructions. After a short time, she closed the compartment.

"Is it safe to try?"

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"If I did something wrong, it's not going to explode or anything?"

He hummed with mirth. "No. If you did something wrong—which you didn't—nothing will happen at all."

"Oh, okay."

Rey eyed the saber while he eyed her. "Well?" he asked. "What are you waiting for?"

She seemed to snap out of a daze. "It seems a bit unreal."

He smiled. "It's very real, Rey," he said softly. "Turn it on."

Taking a deep breath, she held the saber away from her and pushed the button. Kylo stared in awe as the laser beam erupted from the hilt.

"It worked!" Rey cried out.

"It's- It's purple," he muttered, turning his awed look from the saber to her.

"Is that … not a good thing?" she asked, extinguishing the light.

He moved closer to her, cupping her cheek, staring into her eyes. "How can you be so precious?" he murmured.

"Ben?"

"Purple is rare, Rey, very rare. Most Jedi ended up with either blue, green, or yellow. Because Sith bleed their crystals, they end up with red sabers, but purple…"

She was staring up at him, her eyes wide with curiosity and perplexion. His emotions were running havoc. He held her face with both hands. She was so close, so beautiful, and so, so unique. This precious creature that brightened his days and showed him paths he had never seen before. This woman that showed him forgiveness and kindness, one who refused to believe he was a lost cause. One so balanced, she created a purple saber.

It was in that moment that he knew, without a doubt, that he loved her. He wanted to be hers forever. He wanted her by his side for eternity. Rey, his Rey.

He whispered her name, before bending his head and pressing his lips to hers.


	38. Being Together

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Rey froze at his touch. He was about to pull back and apologise when she placed her hands on his chest and leaned in. Her lips were soft under his. He moved one hand to the back of her neck and placed the other on her waist, pulling her closer.

She sighed, her own hands caressing up his chest so she could drape her arms around his neck. Her body was pressed flush against his. Desire erupted like firework, but he controlled himself. It was evident in her hesitance that Rey was inexperienced and he would take things slow. He couldn't, however, resist the temptation to pull her in his lap.

He kept moving his lips over hers, revelling in the feeling. She gasped in surprise when he licked the seam of her lips. When his tongue found hers, the hand in his hair fisted. Kylo smiled into their kiss. Her reactions made him feel more confident; they dimmed his fear of rejection.

Rey moaned lightly as he sucked on her lower lip. The involuntary sound seemed to startle her and she pulled back. A blush was rapidly colouring her cheeks. She stared at him with wide eyes, then quickly looked down, seemingly embarrassed. He cupped her chin and tilted her face back to his. With a smile, he leaned in for another quick kiss.

"Rey," he said softly. "You are so beautiful." Her cheeks reddened further. "And cute when you blush," he continued.

She smacked his chest. "I'm not _cute_!" she exclaimed. "I am fierce!"

By now, the bantering over her refusing to acknowledge she was cute had become a habit. It was obvious to him she was using it as a way to cover up her embarrassment—just as he had intended—but it still caused him a twinge of anxiety. Why exactly was she so embarrassed?

Even though she was now mock-glaring at him, she was still sitting on his lap. Kylo eased his worries with the thought that, had she been doubting or repulsed by what had happened, she would have stepped away from him. He moved the hand at her waist to her thigh. With the thumb of the hand at her neck, he started tracing circles under her ear. He was gratified to see her eyelids flutter while she leaned into the touch.

"Fierce, hmm?" he murmured, watching her fight between glaring and enjoying his caress. "You look more like a purring kitten to me."

She jumped up. "You want me to show you fierce?" she snarled.

He gave her a crooked smile, seeing joy sparkle in her eyes, denying her tone of voice.

"I think we should give that brand new saber of yours a try," he answered.

Her stance immediately relaxed and her eyes were drawn to where she had dropped it earlier. "Oh."

Kylo stood, grabbing the saber in the process and handing it over to Rey. "Don't you want to know how it feels?"

"But-" she worried her lips. "But I'm not used to it. What if I hurt you?"

"We'll go slow and be careful. I'll teach you a saber routine first."

"There are routines specifically for sabers?"

"Yes. Because of the weight distribution, fighting with a saber is different from fighting with a sword or something similar. There is also the lack of impact when you hit your target."

Rey hummed. "Makes sense."

"I don't doubt you already know some of it."

"Nobody taught me," she answered with a frown.

"No," he laughed, "but you sure managed to copy some of my fighting."

"Oh."

He stepped closer, touching her cheek with the back of his fingers. "I like it," he whispered.

She stared up at him for a minute, before pushing against his chest. "You're distracting me!" she exclaimed. "Now teach me that routine."

He laughed and stepped away. "First, you need to get the hang of it without igniting the saber. I'd rather not have you cut off a limb by mistake." She stuck out her tongue and he laughed again. "You start in a basic defensive position," he said, "then attack from the side while taking a step forward."

He taught her the entire routine, much like he had done in their staff trainings before. Recognition lit up in Rey's eyes every now and then when they stepped into a movement she had unerringly and unknowingly copied from him. By the time the sun was sinking low on the horizon, he felt she was fluent and controlled enough to ignite her saber.

"Now, go very slowly," he instructed her. "You might have to adjust the tilt of your hand here and there."

Rey ignited her saber and seemed mesmerised by it. Kylo allowed her her moment of fascination, feeling slightly enthralled by its purple glow as well.

"Ready?" he finally asked.

She smiled at him, her face bathing in the glow of her saber. "Yes."

He gestured for her to start. "Remember, go really slow so you don't accidentally cut yourself."

A sense of pride bubbled up in his chest as he watched her move through the routine, correcting herself where needed. Soon, she was swinging her saber as if she'd learned how to use it months ago. With a grin, he ignited his own. Rey stopped mid-routine and gave him a questioning look.

"Let's go through it together," he said. "I'll block while you move to attack. Again, slowly. I'd rather not lose a limb either."

She eyed him up and down. "Hmm, I rather like you in one piece as well," she said.

He tried to hide his reaction to her words but wasn't entirely certain he succeeded. Trying to cover up further, he moved to face her.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

She gracefully took the first step and their sabers hissed and crackled when they met. Rey was exuding such joy he could clearly feel it over their bond. It was obvious she felt elated, and it only grew more pronounced every time he blocked one of her slow, deliberate attacks.

After a few repetitions, they were moving at a controlled but steady pace. Twilight was upon them and both their sabers cast coloured light and blurred shadows around them. Kylo felt completely in sync with Rey. It was as if they were the only ones that mattered in the entire galaxy, locked in an eternal dance. He wanted it to go on forever, but knew he would have to call a stop to it as he saw Rey's arms starting to tremble.

"Enough," he stated firm yet gentle. "You're tired," he continued as she opened her mouth to protest. "There's always tomorrow. Besides, it's getting dark."

Rey pouted but extinguished her saber. With almost reverent movements, she clipped it to her belt. Kylo did the same.

"Do you want some dinner?" he asked. "There are more oranges. I also brought bread and we bought a piece of meat at the main planet before I came here. We can grill it over the fire."

"Sounds delicious!" Rey enthused. "I also brought some bread and fruit."

They pottered around the campfire. Kylo unpacked the meat while Rey went to find a fallen branch she could turn into a stick for grilling. As she was cutting away the bark and forming one end into a point, Kylo spread out the rest of their dinner on a blanket.

Not long after, they were staring into the fire—which occasionally sizzled from drops of fat falling off the meat—and were both munching on an orange. Rey was comfortably sitting next to him, their thighs touching. He felt content. It was so easy to be around her.

"You think it's finished yet?" Rey asked after a while, looking hungrily at the meat. He had been turning it around on its stick with the Force, unwilling to move away from his place beside her.

"It won't be cooked through, but I figure we can cut off some meat from the top."

He chuckled when Rey licked her lips and promptly moved towards the fire. "Let me," he said, already lifting the meat. "Cut us a few slices of bread."

When Rey held out the bread, he piled generous amounts of meat on them before placing the now reduced roast back above the fire. He folded his slice of bread in half and bit into it, enjoying the rich flavour. Next to him, Rey did the same.

"Oh Force! This is so good!"

He glanced at her. She had her eyes closed, slowly chewing and obviously savouring the meat. She looked as delicious as their dinner, if not more.

"You don't get much meat at the base?" he asked to distract himself.

She shook her head and swallowed. "No. There aren't many worthwhile animals on the planet; we would quickly damage the ecosystem. Importing fresh meat would be too expensive. We have dried meat once in a while, but not fresh." She took another bite, savouring it just as much as the first.

"Back at Jakku, I managed to catch a rat a couple of times," she continued, "but they were as scrawny as the rest of us. Not much meat on their bones at all." She shrugged. "Some of the residents resorted to eating sand-slugs but I never could get myself to do that." Rey shuddered. "They're repulsive."

Kylo stared at her, shocked. Rats? Sand-slugs? He had always figured growing up on Jakku hadn't been easy, but hearing her casually mention eating rats made him realise it had been far worse than he had ever imagined. It made his urge to protect her even stronger than before. Only the knowledge that she wouldn't appreciate any form of pity caused him to stay silent.

"What animal is this?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"Don't know," he answered truthfully. "They've domesticated it, but I have no idea what it's called."

"What does it look like?"

He promptly sent the memory of the purple-striped, four-legged creature over their bond.

"Weird looking thing," she commented.

He hummed noncommittally. Once they both had their fill, they cleaned up and spread out their blankets next to the now smouldering fire. Kylo felt like his heart would burst with joy when Rey easily laid herself down beside him, snuggling against his chest. He brushed away some errant strands of hair.

"Rey," he murmured, looking down at her. "Can I kiss you again?" He didn't dare assume her compliance.

Her face warmed under his hand and his lips twitched into a small smile. She looked up at him, eyes wide, and nodded. He hummed with delight and lowered his lips to hers. As she grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him closer, he wrapped an arm around her waist so her body was once more flush against his.

Rey grew bolder as their kiss continued—much to his delight—and she rolled onto her back, pulling him on top of her. He eagerly complied. Their legs intertwined. He was careful not to crush her—keeping most of his weight on his right arm while clutching at her waist with his left hand.

When they finally broke apart for some much needed air, he hovered above her. Rey reached out, caressing his cheeks.

"Ben," she whispered as she smiled at him. He leaned into her touch, kissing the palm of her hand. "I wish this night would last forever."

"Me too," he agreed, lowering himself to lie back down next to her. "Me too."

Not long after, they both fell asleep.

The next morning, Kylo woke up before Rey. He took his time to watch the morning light give her hair a golden colour. He could not believe this woman had allowed him to kiss her. Still, that was exactly what happened. Any anxiety of her having changed her mind in her dreams was quickly resolved when she woke up and promptly pecked him on the lips.

Rey giggled at her own impulsive action, then yawned. "Good morning," she said sleepily.

"Good morning," he answered.

She curled up against him and continued to snooze. He looked down at her and shook his head in amusement. After a little while, however, he poked her to full consciousness.

"Be-en," she whined.

"I'm hungry," he explained, a laugh in his voice. "If you don't wake up, I'll eat all the leftover meat."

"No!" she exclaimed. "No, I want some too!"

"Whatever you say, sandcat."

She ineffectively smacked her hand at him as he got up. By the time he had stoked up the fire and was slicing what was left of their bread, she was sitting up and eying him.

"See, I'm up."

He handed her some bread with cold meat. "Good girl," he mocked.

She huffed but didn't answer, instead opting to bite into her breakfast. They enjoyed it in silence while watching the sun rise.

"Want to spar?" Kylo asked eventually. "I brought a spare sword."

"You did?" Rey asked. "Yes! Yes, I would love to spar!"

She jumped up and grabbed her staff. Kylo grinned and followed suit. They squared off and soon the sound of clashing weapons and heavy breathing rang through the area. Kylo continued being amazed by how quick Rey learned. Even though he could still beat her if he went full-out, it wasn't anywhere near as easy to keep up with her as it had been before.

Eventually though, he found an opening in her defense and kicked her feet from underneath her. Dropping his sword, he followed her down to the ground and tried to pin her down. Laughing, she managed to evade him. They ended up wrestling for a bit before he won out.

Impulsively, he pressed his lips to hers in an almost wild kiss. When she responded in kind, they lost themselves in the sensation, their fight forgotten. Now that he knew he was allowed to, he wanted to kiss her all the time. Eventually, they ended up with Kylo on his back and staring at the sky, and Rey curled up against his side.

"Ben?" Rey asked tentatively after a long silence.

"Yes?" he answered, curious but also worried about her tone of voice.

"If- Would you- I mean-" She sighed, her fingers tracing idle patterns on his chest. "If he agrees to it, would you- Would you like to see Chewie?"


	39. Family

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo froze at her words and Rey tensed beside him. Her hand flattened out on his chest. Anger rose at the Wookie's name but he tried to prevent it from erupting.

Did he want to see Chewie?

"It's just-" Rey piped up, just barely above a whisper. "From what little you told me, it seemed to me that he's always been your friend."

Memories assaulted him. He couldn't remember even one fight with Chewie, not one time that the Wookie had disappointed him. A growl escaped him. He had left Chewie behind when he had walked away from his family. There was nothing left in the past.

"Don't you- Don't you miss him?" Rey ventured.

He could feel how tense she was—almost as tense as he felt. It made him wonder what she was thinking. Did she fear he would explode in anger and take it out on her? Was she scared he would be angry with her for suggesting it? Was he angry at her?

He growled again, uncertain about how he felt. "I killed Han."

"I know," she answered, her voice a tad brittle.

"He tried to _kill_ me."

There was a moment of silence. "Ben," she finally said, "have you ever known Chewie to miss?"

Kylo blinked. The Wookie's aim was legendary. "Well, he sure hit me," he answered bitterly.

"Do you really think that, if he wanted to kill you, you would still be alive?"

"He was distraught."

She didn't answer. He remained tense even when her fingers resumed their random patterns on his chest.

Did he want to see Chewie? He didn't know. It had been so long since he had last thought about the Wookie, about his honorary uncle that had kept him busy while Leia and Han argued. The questions that had been roaming around at the back of his mind came to the forefront again. Who was he? Who did he want to be?

"I doubt he wants to see me."

"You're family."

"Does that matter? I killed his family."

She pushed herself up to look at him but he turned away from her.

"Is that all that's holding you back?"

Was it? His indecision annoyed him and the urge to lash out at something grew bigger. However, he didn't want Rey to see him like that so he held a tight control on his temper.

"Ben?"

Could he allow himself to be vulnerable?

"You think he will come?" he finally asked. He hated how small he sounded.

"I don't know."

Again, there was a long silence. He remembered the Wookie's hairy hugs and the low rumbling of his voice as he gave instructions. Almost imperceptible, he nodded. Rey must have seen it, for she leaned in to give him a kiss on his cheek.

"I'll grab my bag and go ask him."

Panicking, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back down as she tried to rise. "Right now?"

"Why not? Why wait?"

"I- I don't want you to leave."

"And I don't want to leave you," she answered, hovering above him, "but we're already running short on time. Won't Phasma come find you if you're late?"

"I think we can squeeze in an extra hour or two," he grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

Rey shook her head, laughing, before kissing him. He could tell it was meant to be a short kiss but he took advantage.

"You're way too distracting," she said when they finally separated. She gave him another short peck, then got up. "I'll tell you what he decides, okay?"

He followed her up and pulled her into another embrace. "I'm glad I got to see you in person again."

"Me too." She stepped away. "Bye, Ben. I'll see you over the bond."

With a final smile, she turned to gather her things and strode off into the forest. He tried to take his mind off of everything by cleaning up their campsite and gathering his own things, but that distracted him only for a little while.

A ball of nerves was growing in the pit of his stomach. Had he really agreed to this? What if the Wookie said no? What if he didn't want to reunite? What if Han's death by Kylo's hands really was too much for the Wookie to handle?

Kylo stopped his erratic pacing. What if the Wookie only agreed so he could get close enough to kill him? Would Chewie truly dare to do that in front of Rey? Or would Rey stay behind? She wouldn't let him go through this alone, would she?

He shook his head and resumed moving about. Surely Rey had long become a member of Chewie's extended family and the Wookie would never do anything to hurt her. But where did that leave him? Would Chewie still consider him family? Was that even still possible?

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Kylo decided that some exercise would do him good. Flowing through the many saber routines would calm his mind. Igniting his saber, he remembered teaching Rey the day before and decided to focus on that. Which routine would he teach her next?

Some time later—as planned, he had lost his sense of time while practising—he felt Rey nudging him through the bond.

"He agreed," she said, joy obvious in her voice. "We're coming your way."

All the tension he had dispelled with his exercise returned with a vengeance. Extinguishing his saber, he clipped it back on his belt. How long would it take them to get here? What was he going to do? Going to say?

He wiped the sweat of his brow and dragged a hand through his hair. He was at a loss on how to feel. If he was honest with himself, there really was no anger towards Chewie. None of it was the Wookie's fault.

Kylo returned to pacing, glancing towards the forest on every turn. It was only when he heard something big moving through the trees that he stopped. Straightening his stance and pulling his shoulders back, he decided to face things head on. With difficulty, he pulled his face into a neutral mask.

It wasn't long before he saw Chewie's massive form loom between the trees. The Wookie took two steps out of the forest, spotted him, and stopped. Rey—who had been walking first—glanced over her shoulder but continued on.

Kylo stared at Chewie, wondering what he was up to. The bowcaster was slung around Chewbacca's back but he made no move to grab it. Instead, he was assessing Kylo.

Rey finally reached him and lightly touched his cheek. He glanced down at her and allowed a small, albeit weak, smile to tug at the corners of his mouth. It warmed him that she would show such a sign of trust and support in front of Chewie.

"I'll move out of the way but stick around, okay?"

He nodded at her and watched her walk away. It was comforting to know she would be in the vicinity. It made him feel less alone in the confrontation that was bound to come.

Silence reigned for a long time while they simply looked at each other. Finally, the Wookie broke it.

"You killed Han," Chewie roared at him. Well, he roared the Wookie equivalent of it.

"I did," Kylo answered.

Chewie frowned. "Rey claims you've changed."

Had he? Kylo worried his lips and glanced towards the area Rey had disappeared to. Had he changed? He hoped so. He didn't want to be that man anymore.

"I'm no longer the man that killed Han," he eventually answered. That, at least, he considered to be the truth.

"Who are you then?"

Kylo almost laughed. Wasn't that exactly what he was trying to find out? Wasn't that question the reason he was now talking to the Wookie? Because he didn't know.

"The Supreme Leader," he said, remembering what Rey had said when he'd first asked that same question.

Chewbacca roared. "Like Snoke?"

"No! My Master was a monster!"

His own vehemence surprised him, as did the certainty of truth he felt with the statement. He worried his lips again and looked away from Chewie, confused. The sound of the Wookie's footsteps had him snap his head back up. Chewie stopped just out of (his) arms length.

"Why?" Chewie asked. "Why did you kill him?"

Kylo narrowed his eyes. The question struck a sensitive spot. How honest could he be with the Wookie? How much could he trust him? What if it was an elaborate plot to gather information? Unexpected, Rey nudged him lightly through their bond. It reassured him.

"To stop the pain," he heard himself whisper. He had closed his eyes, not really willing to face his own, jumbled emotions. "Because Snoke said it would bring me strength and clarity, but mostly to stop the pain."

Chewie rumbled low. It was a soothing sound. Kylo opened his eyes only to see the Wookie stand there with his arms open.

"Little Ben," Chewie grunted.

Kylo blinked at him. The endearment shocked him. "Un- Uncle Chewie?" he managed to say.

Chewie rumbled again, stepped forward, and enveloped him in a hairy, bone-crushing hug. After another shocked moment, Kylo tentatively raised his arms and wrapped them around the Wookie, grabbing fistfuls of fur.

He felt like a kid again. Flashes of memories, of similar hugs given what seemed a lifetime ago, passed his mind's eye. Chewie was crooning nonsensical noises at him.

He felt vulnerable. Too many of his sordid deeds were suddenly laid bare before him, yet in Chewie's arms he felt secure enough to face them. He knew the Wookie would protect him, much like he had protected Kylo when he was, indeed, still little Ben.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, surprised to notice a tear had escaped his eyes. "I'm sorry, Uncle Chewie."

He didn't deserve the Wookie's kindness. He didn't deserve Rey's loyalty. He didn't deserve any of it after following and serving a madman like Snoke. Rey's words about Snoke manipulating and using him echoed in his head. But perhaps if he hadn't been so weak—if he had been stronger, better—he would have been able to resist the lure. It was still all his fault.

There was no way of telling how long they stood there, how long Chewie crooned to him and Kylo cried in the Wookie's coat. Weirdly enough, he felt stronger for it, not weaker. It felt good to be accepted back into a family he never realised he craved. Friends were one thing, but Chewie was _family_ , as was Rey.

"Now you can come back with us," Chewie roared as they finally separated.

"No," Kylo answered, shaking his head.

"No?"

"I'm the Supreme Leader; I have my duties with the First Order."

"The First Order?" Chewie barked back at him, distaste evident. "You want to mingle with _them_?"

"I-"

He glanced around, looking for Rey. He wanted, no needed, her near him. She nudged him over the bond again, letting him know she was coming. It didn't take her long to reach them, a wide smile brightening her face. Obviously, she had seen and heard all that had occurred.

Looking at her, Kylo found the courage to voice out loud what he had been thinking for a long time now. "I want to change the First Order," he said. "Change them into something better."

Rey's smile grew even wider and she put her hand on his arm. Chewie looked from one to the other, then grunted. He gestured towards Rey.

"You better not hurt her."

Kylo looked up at him, pinching his lips and shaking his head. He understood what Chewie was saying: 'Hurt Rey and I won't miss'. After a last pat on Kylo's shoulder, the Wookie turned and walked away, back towards the _Falcon._

Kylo faced Rey, pulling her in and wrapping his arms around her. "Thank you," he said. He was still feeling unstable. Too many emotions had hit him at once and he felt he needed time to process them.

"I'm glad it went so well," she murmured against his chest. "We have to leave," she continued with obvious reluctance.

He tilted her chin and leaned in for a kiss. It was short but intense, holding both their feelings for one another.

"Go," he said with difficulty. "Before Phasma indeed shows up. The _Falcon_ is still on the list of wanted ships. If she sees it, she'll attack. Especially if she thinks I've been compromised or tricked."

Rey nodded in understanding. She gave him another smile and stepped away from him. "Bye, Ben," she said before following Chewie into the forest.

Kylo made his way back to his own ship, feeling dazed. He would give Phasma only the most basic update and the order to continue their journey before secluding himself in his room. He needed to meditate and process. A lot had happened in the last 24 hours.


	40. Coming Down from a High

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

He was back at the main ship before he even realised it, having let his smaller shuttle's electronics do most of the flying. He took a steadying breath before unbuckling and stepping out into the main hangar.

"Welcome back, sir," Phasma greeted. "You're-" She stopped mid-sentence. Kylo realised she had somehow spotted his inner turmoil. "What are your orders, sir?" she asked instead. He was grateful for it.

"Are we supplied?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Then set out towards the Academy at once."

"Yes, sir."

It was a testament to how well trained his group of Troopers was, for she didn't even turn to give an order. Still, one of them set out towards the main deck to deliver the command. As he made way to his room, Phasma followed.

"Has everything gone as hoped for?" she asked once they were alone. Her tone sounded hesitant.

Kylo couldn't prevent the small smile that tugged the corners of his mouth upward.

"It did," he answered. "It's just that some … unexpected things happened as well. I need to think them through."

Phasma gave him a small nod. "I'll be right outside if you need me, sir," she said, taking up her post next to his door.

"Thanks," he answered distracted, mind already back with Chewie and not noticing Phasma's surprised twitch.

With a sigh, he shrugged off his jacket, summoned a pillow, and sunk down to the floor. His mind was still reeling, still trying to process it all. How easily had Chewie accepted him again? How was that even possible? Kylo regretted not talking to the Wookie more. How long would it be before they would meet again?

The ship jolted, signaling him that they had jumped into hyperspace. He worried his lips as he remembered how young he had felt in Chewie's arms. So much pain and grief had bubbled up. It had honestly surprised him. Although he hadn't been ashamed to cry at that time, he wasn't entirely sure about how he felt now.

He took another deep breath and actively relaxed his shoulders. With caution, he reached for that same pain and grief, wanting to figure it out. He felt like he was deliberately trying to touch a burning log; his mind kept flinching away from it while he tried to overrule that automatic response.

His breathing faltered as he finally managed this objective. A feeling of abandonment enveloped him. He felt like a big wave had crashed over him and now he was rolling in the undercurrents. Desperately he tried to find something to hold onto.

"Are you okay?" Rey whispered over the bond.

It was clear she was distracted, busy, but still he grabbed the connection as if it was a lifeguard.

"Ben?" The worry in her voice grew more pronounced.

"I'm okay. I was … uhm … thinking about Chewie." He felt like a pathetic fool.

"Oh," she answered. "Uncle Chewie."

"What?"

"He's 'Uncle Chewie'." Kylo's mind went blank and he stuttered some random sounds, making her laugh. "I'm sorry, Ben. We're approaching base." There was a small pause. "Talk to Phasma about it," she continued with a smile in her voice.

"To Phasma?"

The sentiment of a shrug reached him. "Perhaps not the details, but she's your friend. And I bet she's dying to know what happened."

He had to agree with her on that. Phasma was, after all, guarding outside his door on a ship that only held their most trusted personnel. That was about as demonstrative as she would get. Would he dare to confide in her? However limited?

"I'm sorry, I really have to go," Rey said with both worry and regret.

He snapped out of his contemplative daze. "Of course. Go show off your new saber," he told her.

She laughed and disconnected. Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. Tell Phasma? For a moment, he feared she would view it as treachery, but he quickly dismissed the idea. That supposed treachery had started the moment he had started talking to Rey. He remembered how Phasma had seen it as 'a good influence'. By now, he understood what she had meant.

Shrugging, he decided to take the risk.

"Phasma!"

The door hissed open. "Yes, sir?"

"Come sit with me."

"Sir?"

She sounded baffled. Kylo tossed her a smile.

"Don't you want to know what happened?"

"Oh."

He almost laughed at that. It reminded him of Rey.

"This is hardly appropriate, sir," she commented while choosing a spot between him and the door, turning so she could still keep an eye out. She even went as far as taking off her helmet and throwing him an expecting glance.

He shrugged at her comment and simply started recounting the events. "It didn't start well, to be honest," he said, dragging his hand through his hair again. "They showed up in the _Falcon_."

" _They_ , sir? In the _Falcon_? The one we've been trying to find?"

"Exactly the one," he answered. "I thought she'd betrayed me. She could never have stolen the _Falcon_ , and if she hadn't, that meant she wasn't alone. I … reacted badly."

"You attacked her, didn't you?"

He stared at his hands, feeling ashamed of his actions. "Yes, I did. She managed to stop me, though. She begged me to let her explain." He looked up at Phasma, the implications of the situation only now sinking in. "Maz knew where she was going."

"Maz Kanata? The little one whose drinking hole we blew up? The one that got you that hologram?"

"The one and only. Apparently, she's the unofficial head of the Resistance right now."

"What do you mean 'she knew where _she_ was going'?"

"Exactly what I said. Maz was waiting for Rey in the hangar. She wouldn't let Rey go unless she took the _Falcon_. She left Rey with no choice."

Phasma frowned, then seemed to actively stop her train of thought. "What happened next?" she asked.

"Rey forgave me." He shook his head. "Even though I didn't deserve it." There was a short silence where he gathered his thoughts. "I gave her one of the oranges," he continued with a smile. "She loved them. Then I explained to her how to link her crystal." He looked up at Phasma. "Her saber turned out purple."

"Purple?" Phasma repeated, shocked.

"Yes." He felt that the wonder of her saber colour had been overshadowed by Chewie's appearance, but he couldn't help but marvel about it again now.

"Isn't that rare?" Phasma continued.

"Very rare," he answered. "It's a sign of exceptional balance. She's incredible. I can't believe she would want me like I want her." His voice tapered to near silent in the end, but Phasma still heard.

"Want you _like you want her_ , sir?" she asked.

He gave her a look. She sounded very much as if she was trying her best to hide her excitement. Then he looked away, realising what he'd said and would have to say now. To his mortification, he could feel his cheeks heat up.

"Well, I, uhm, we kissed."

"You _did_?"

He startled at her exclamation. He had never seen or heard her so, well, girly. It was refreshing, if surprising. Phasma seemed to realise herself, for she rightened herself and her face once more turned solemn.

"I'm very happy for you, sir," she said.

Kylo burst out laughing. "By all means, Phasma," he said, breathless, "be excited about it. Force knows I am. Slightly disbelieving, but excited."

She gave him a sideways look, assessing. Her posture relaxed somewhat. "So, is that why you were late?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. Well, also, but not quite." Hesitating, he worried his lips. "How much do you know about my background?" he asked her.

"Sir?" she said, cautious. "You are the biological son of Han Solo and Leia Organa-Solo. Given your sensitivity to the Force, you were sent to the old Jedi. Due to circumstances, you joined forces with Snoke. The _Falcon_ is the ship of Han Solo."

He huffed a breath. It surprised him Phasma knew him well enough not to call Luke by name and refer to his parents by their names.

"Han Solo and Chewbacca," he said.

"Sir?"

"The Wookie?" Kylo supplied.

Phasma nodded once.

"That's Chewbacca. I called him Uncle Chewie when I was a child. He was a lifelong friend of Han, co-owner of the _Falcon_. I guess it fully belongs to him now."

"Rey wasn't alone…" Phasma murmured, putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

"No. Maz ordered Chewie not to ask Rey anything and to stay with the ship." He sighed. "Rey suggested I meet him. I agreed."

"How did that go?"

"Well, I think. Obviously, he wanted to know why I killed Han. I don't think he forgave me, but- I think he accepted me back into his family."

"That's wonderful, sir!"

"You think so?" he asked. "You don't think it's some version of fraternizing with the enemy? Betrayal to the First Order?"

"That's a self-contradiction, sir." He raised a questioning eyebrow and she shrugged. "You're the Supreme Leader. You decide the First Order, therefore you can't betray it." She hesitated, giving him another assessing look. "Besides," she continued, this time with caution in her voice, "are they still the enemy?"

Kylo stared at her. He wondered if he had been so obvious, if she was that perceptive, or if it was a logical conclusion with all the information she had. Who else had noticed? And if others had, was that a good thing, or a bad one?

Phasma started tensing under his gaze and prolonged silence, so he pulled himself out of his contemplation.

"If those who are in charge now stay in charge? I'm prone to believe they're not," he answered her.

Phasma's posture relaxed again and she nodded. "I figured as much," she said. "With all due respect, sir, you completely lost interest in them. Well, all but one." She grinned.

He shook his head at her and turned serious. "Do you think others will notice this as well?"

"Not as of yet," she answered. "The inactivity of the Resistance works in your advantage. It makes sense for you to want more intel before making a move. It's not implausible for you to believe it a trap to lure us in." She shrugged. "Inactivity is quite a change from their usual modus operandi. And then there's your, uhm … Snoke's involuntary death and the resulting power switch. It stands to reason that you would want to secure your power before attacking the Resistance." Phasma looked up at him. "You can't keep it up indefinitely though."

Kylo worried his lips. "I'll have to talk to Rey about it. I can't just randomly start antagonising them again." He sighed. "That would make matters worse again."

"I agree, sir."

She wanted to say more but was interrupted by a violent jerk of the ship, accompanied with a loud explosion. Somewhere during their conversation they had left hyperspace, so there was no reason for any uncontrolled movement.

Immediately, they both shot to their feet and Phasma quickly replaced her helmet. A Trooper was running towards them from the far end of the hall.

"Report!" Phasma yelled even before he reached them.

"An attack, commander," the Trooper answered. "It seems the Academy's patrols are targeting us."

"They are _what_?" Kylo demanded.


	41. Friendly Fire

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Another explosion shook the ship. "They're attacking us," the Trooper repeated somewhat belated as Kylo was already stalking towards the main deck with Phasma hot on his heels.

"What's going on?" he bellowed to the pilots.

"Sir!" the captain answered, saluting. "This academy has a standard, off-planet patrol comprised of a couple of one-person ships. One of them saw us approach and attacked. The others quickly followed up. No warning was given."

More shots were fired. "Strengthen the shields," Kylo commanded. "Attempts at communication?"

"The instigating pilot isn't responding, sir," a communications officer prompted. "Attempting to reach one of the others."

"Contact the academy; have them sort this out." He turned back towards the captain. "Does the patrol pose a threat?" he asked. "Are they capable of damaging us?"

"Not if this gets resolved quickly, sir. There are not enough of them to do any real damage in the short run. If this keeps up, however, and they start focussing on a particular area of our ship…" He tapered off as Kylo waved away the rest of his explanation.

"All energy to the deflector shields," he ordered. "No return fire unless this doesn't get resolved within the next fifteen minutes."

For some time, the only sound on deck was the voice of the communications officer attempting to contact the academy, the beeping of equipment, and the occasional explosion of blaster fire hitting their shield.

"This is Academy five-zero-eight. Please state your business."

"Our business," Kylo roared, "is that your men are attacking us!"

"Please follow standard communication protocol, sir."

The entire crew flinched.

"Do you know who I am?" Kylo asked, his voice turning threatening.

"No, sir. You are yet to identify."

Kylo could feel his anger rising along with his irritation. "Get him on hologram!"

"I must protest. This is highly unusual. Again I would like to-"

The man's voice was cut off and shouts could be heard in the background along with a few crashes. Eventually, a hologram came to life and a somewhat older man came into view. He immediately saluted.

"Supreme Leader! My apologies for my subordinate; he's still learning. Are you approaching atmosphere?"

"Have you no control of your men whatsoever?" Kylo exploded. His words were underlined by another explosion. "How can we approach atmosphere when your fighters are shooting at us?"

"The fighters are…" The man blinked in confusion, then turned around barking orders. "I'm sure this is all a mistake, Supreme Leader," he stuttered, before looking to his left. "What do you mean 'Their coms are blocked?'" he yelled at an unseen person. "Then get more people up there to stop them! Shoot them if you must!" With a pale face, he turned back towards Kylo. "Supreme Leader, our apologies. We are sending more troops out there to stop these rogues and escort you down to the planet."

With a short, abrupt gesture, Kylo signalled the transmission to be stopped. "Confirmation of his words?" he barked.

"Fighters are leaving the academy, sir. ETA two minutes."

"Keep a close eye on them. If they show any suspicious behaviour, shoot at will."

"Yes, sir!"

Kylo turned towards Phasma. "What's your opinion on this?"

"I believe the lieutenant's surprise was genuine, sir."

"Hmm."

They stayed on deck and watched the new fighters rush towards them. There was a tense silence as they all waited to see what they would do. The first one flew past them without firing a shot.

"They're inserting themselves between us and the others, sir. It seems they are true to their word," one of the crew informed. "From the looks of it, these are experienced flyers."

"They are requesting communication, sir."

"Open com."

Identifications were exchanged and the pilot was put on speaker. "Greetings to the Supreme Leader," he said. "We have taken control of the situation, sir, and are already interrogating the instigating pilot. Our sincerest apologies. If you would please allow us to escort you to base?"

Kylo nodded his assent towards the pilots and turned on his heel. Once back at his room, he donned the jacket he'd left behind and straightened himself out.

"Let's see what these morons have to say, hmm?" he muttered.

"Sir," Phasma said. "How angry are you exactly?"

He turned towards her, surprised by the question. "What do you mean? They _fired_ at us!"

"I was merely thinking, sir, that this might be a good opportunity to divert from the 'throwing a raging fit' act," she stated wryly. "If we want to change your image, this might be a good place to start. Depending on their excuses, of course."

Kylo looked at her, considering, then hummed. "Control my temper, you say?"

"Yes, sir. In a limited sense, of course."

He nodded at her once, bracing himself as they breached atmosphere. "We'll treat them as a potential threat, though. Intimidate them. Make sure the Troopers know to play the part."

"Yes, sir."

He thought he detected a note of glee in her voice and nearly rolled his eyes. After taking a moment to collect himself, he walked towards the loading bay. His Troopers were already assembling and greeted him upon arrival.

He acknowledged them with a nod and placed himself right in front of the loading ramp, clasping his hands behind his back and squaring his shoulders. It would put him in full view of those waiting once the ramp went down. A small, dry smile tilted the corner of his mouth as he realised he'd seen Hux use this tactic on more than one occasion.

Lights flickered, then momentarily turned green before returning to their normal, yellowish colour.

"Wait," he commanded as an aide moved to lower the ramp. "Let them grow nervous."

Phasma settled herself just behind his left shoulder. "Four will stay inside; eight will file out, four on each side of us. Of those eight, four will target the party waiting for us, and the other four will face off any bystanders."

"Good." He reached out with the Force and touched the minds of the Academy staff waiting. "I think we've stressed them enough. Lower the ramp!"

The mechanics hissed and the ramp deployed. Three men and two women were waiting for them, looking quite nervous. They visibly tensed as the Troopers marched out, taking their aim towards them. Kylo strode out after his Troopers, taking no more than two steps away from his ship.

"Supreme Leader!" the man at the front stated gravely, giving him a slightly prolonged salute. The four others quickly followed. "I understand your caution but I wish to ensure you that there is absolutely no need for it. What happened earlier was a grave, grave misunderstanding. We harbour no ill will towards you or the First Order."

Kylo stared him down. "I was _attacked_." Inwardly, he praised his Troopers, for they all focused their aim at his words, enforcing the sense of danger that was in the air.

"Supreme Leader, please! Allow us to explain!"

"You believe an explanation will save you?"

The man flinched slightly. "One can only hope, sir."

Kylo snorted. "Then explain."

"Thank you, sir. We have prepared a meeting room; if you would please follow?"

All but the man who had been speaking stepped to the side. Kylo eyed them before moving forward. The four quickly averted their eyes. Behind him, Phasma called out.

"Joseph, Matt. The rest of you, guard the ship."

Both Troopers trotted towards them, falling in line on either side, just behind Kylo and Phasma.

"They have names?" the still unnamed man exclaimed, dumbfounded.

"I suggest you remember the position you're in," Kylo answered. A threat was evident in his voice and he tapered off his sentence to indicate the lack of introduction.

The man paled, losing the bit of colour he had regained after the initial confrontation. "Supreme Leader, my sincerest apologies. In all the commotion, I have neglected to introduce myself. I am Sjori Velik, the main director of this Academy. I will introduce you to the others once we reach the meeting room."

Upon arrival, Phasma entered the room first, followed by Kylo and the rest of their little group. Joseph and Matt took up positions next to the door. A large window offered a view of a courtyard, but Kylo ignored it.

"Supreme Leader," Sjori started. "These are Natasha Milkun, director of the Trooper Section of the academy, Andrea Jolsk, director of the Technical Section of the academy, Jorgen Pallor, Flight Supervisor and Runra Dorwin whom you communicated with earlier and who is the Communications Supervisor."

All four of them saluted at the mention of their names.

"Again I wish to assure you that what happened earlier was a terrible accident. You see, we hold training days on which all defence and communications are run by those in their senior year of Trooper training and their senior year of pilot prep. Of course, these training days are under the supervision of our experienced staff."

"You thought it a good idea to hold such a 'training day' on the day I would arrive to inspect your facility?" Kylo interrupted. "Do you mean to imply that I do not merit full honours of being greeted by a competent staff?"

"No! Supreme Leader, this was not our intent! We believed this particular group of trainees to be fully competent. We did not, in any way, perceive that something as disastrous as this could happen.

"Our Troopers and staff are getting antsy by a lack of attacks. We used to often be the target of Resistance raids and it has been a while since we saw them. Although, of course, this is a result of your great victory at Crait, tension rises as we do not wish to lower our guard.

"The pilot who started the attack on your ship earlier is a pilot in training, as I mentioned. He had switched his com to inter-team communications, only without realising it. Therefore he did not realise you could not hear his attempts at communication and perceived you as a threat. He subsequently attacked and ordered the rest of his team to do the same. This is also the reason why we were unable to reach him from base.

"The communications officer you first spoke to was also one in training. He was trying to follow the protocol he had been taught, not realising your importance. Their errors led to unforgivable actions and they will be punished accordingly."

Sjori ended his monologue with a salute and a small bow. Kylo narrowed his eyes at him. If the explanation was truthful, both the pilots and the communications officer were, indeed, merely following protocol and, consequently, little blame fell on them—except for the pilot turning off any and all outside communication.

"Who was in charge of these pilots and communications officer?" he requested.

"That would be Jorgen and Runra."

Kylo turned to regard them. "How come it is possible that a senior year prep pilot turns off his outside communication _without knowing_? How did it not get noticed down here at base? Why were they not informed of my arrival?"

Both of them started apologising and bringing up excuses, but he cut them off with an annoyed wave of his hand.

"The punishment should not be borne by the Trainees alone," he said. "Whatever punishment you had in mind for them, I believe their supervisors should bear it twice." Both Jorgen and Runra started spluttering, but he ignored them. "Even you, Main Director Velik. I do not take kindly to being deemed unimportant."

"Sir! That is not-" He stopped abruptly, a Force choke in place.

"You dare go against me?" Although he tried to keep his anger on a leash, Kylo was simmering with it. The excuses were getting on his nerves. "You should be grateful that I don't kill you on the spot," he growled. "Replacing you would hardly be difficult. I'm quite sure either of your Section Directors would be willing to take the job."

Sjori was clawing at invisible hands and turning purple, so Kylo released him. He slumped to the ground, gulping for air. Dismissing him by turning his back, Kylo addressed Phasma.

"See to their punishments."

"Yes, sir!"

"You two," he said to the section directors. "You are in charge for as long as the Main Director is incapacitated. I'd like to see this academy and I hope for both your sakes it runs smoothly."


	42. A Functioning Academy

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

The two section directors—Natasha and Andrea—gave each other a look, then bowed almost simultaneously.

"We apologise for the incompetence of our staff," Natasha said. "We will make sure to supervise them more carefully in the future."

"If you would follow us, sir," Andrea continued. "Normally we take great pride in our work, but given today's incidents, it would be impudent to claim as such at this very moment."

Kylo looked from one to the other, feeling like he was missing part of what was being said. He sighed with irritation and waved both women forward. The internal politics of the academy didn't interest him. They could play whatever game they wished, as long as it didn't affect the quality of the graduating students.

"As you undoubtedly know, sir," Natasha started as they walked out of the meeting room; Matt and Joseph were following close behind, "this academy consists of two sections: one for Troopers and one for technical profiles. This makes us one of the bigger academies, but the fertile planets and systems surrounding us—combined with the mining system only two parsecs from here—give us the advantage of a short supply chain."

"The thought behind an interdisciplinary academy is roughly the same as the choice of location: tech that gets broken by the Troopers in training can be fixed by the technicians in training. Failed droids can be used as target practice. Failed weapons can be used for marching drills and other exercises that don't require live weapons," Andrea supplied.

"Because of our size, both sections run almost completely independent; only the dorms are mixed."

"We believe it is important that the creators know the users and vice versa."

If he hadn't known better, Kylo would have thought the women had rehearsed their explanation. They were eerily in-tune. As they approached a door, Joseph rushed forward to open it. Bright daylight momentarily blinded them and they soon found themselves outside.

"We will limit the tour to the section buildings most near. A full tour would take several hours and I wouldn't deign to assume you have that much spare time," Andrea said.

Kylo hummed his agreement.

Again, Natasha picked up the explanation. "The building we just exited is part of the administration complex. From here we organise and administer the facilities. It is also where our supplies come in and it functions as the main dock.

"We are roughly in the middle of the academy complex. The dorms are in front of us. The Trooper section is to the right and the Technical section is to the left. Do you have a preference on where to go first, sir?"

"Troopers first," he answered. "Have the new regulations concerning the nutritional values of their meals been implemented?"

"Yes, sir. They most definitely have," Andrea promptly answered. "This way, please, sir."

It didn't take long for Kylo to realise both women were highly skilled in their job. The facilities were clean and well maintained. The kitchen was fully stocked and the food they had been cooking when they walked through seemed fresh and healthy. The Troopers still held themselves with the rigid, indoctrinated precision he had seen in the children's bases, but it didn't hold the miserable, scared energy he had so detested.

"Do you accept trained children from the bases? Or only voluntary recruits?" he asked.

"We accept both, sir," Natasha answered. The women shared another look. "It creates some tension at the beginning of training, but integration happens naturally after a couple of months."

"Elaborate."

Again, a shared look. "There is a clash of attitudes at the beginning, sir," Andrea offered. "They reach a … middle ground after a while and then move forward as one." Her voice carried a hint of an emotion he couldn't quite place.

"We believe it is good for both parties involved," Natasha offered.

There was a moment of silence as they moved towards the dorms. "I see," Kylo finally answered. He was starting to like these two women and their visions. There was no doubt in his mind that the rest of the academy would look much the same with equally well-controlled and well-maintained classrooms and students.

Andrea and Natasha were explaining about the mixed dorms and its main courtyard as a socialising system, stimulated by weekly activities, when Phasma caught up with them. Matt and Joseph were sent back to the ship.

"The trainees have been given stern warnings and several hours of menial work to be done around the academy," Phasma updated Kylo. "The others have met more severe punishments."

"Good."

She stepped closer to him, lowering her voice so that the section heads couldn't overhear. "I've picked up some rumours along the way too, sir." Kylo merely tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Those two," Phasma said with a nod towards the women patiently waiting. "It is said that they are more than colleagues and friends, sir."

Kylo snorted. "That explains quite a bit."

"Sir?"

"They finish each other's sentences."

"I guess those rumours are true then."

"Probably."

"It was also easy to discern that the Main Director isn't very liked, sir. People seemed … happy to see him get punished."

"Is that so?"

"Sir?"

"Let me think about this." He turned back towards Andrea and Natasha. "Let's continue on."

"Yes, sir!"

The moment they entered the Technical section, Kylo was struck by the change in atmosphere. The classrooms seemed more relaxed, and chatter filled the workshops. The students' salutes were scattered instead of it sounding like one voice, and they turned back to their projects almost immediately.

Kylo couldn't help but think about how much Rey would love this part of the academy. The feeling was especially strong when they entered the maintenance hall, where repairs were made and there was room for experimentation.

"We leave room for creativity," Andrea commented when a decidedly odd-looking droid ambled by, followed by a frantic looking student. "We find that they learn better and are more motivated when they are allowed to apply their knowledge to self-chosen projects."

A droid with a red light flashing on top of its head raced away. Kylo followed its trajectory to see a small, blue flame at one of the work stations. The droid promptly put it out.

Natasha gave a short laugh. "Sometimes things go wrong, of course," she commented. "But we have plenty security measures in place to prevent major mistakes or explosions."

Looking around, Kylo spotted more droids of the same type, spread throughout the hall. Teachers were roaming around freely, giving advice when needed. He nodded his understanding and they moved on. Eventually, they ended back at the meeting room they had left earlier.

"I am pleased with what I've seen," Kylo commented, this time taking a moment to study the courtyard beyond the window.

"We are grateful, sir."

"Tell me," he continued, turning to face them. "How much of this is your work, and how much of it is Sjori's?"

Both women shifted nervously. Natasha narrowed her eyes while Andrea tilted her head, as if the different angle would give her new information.

"We're not sure what you mean, sir," Natasha eventually offered.

"I think you very much do," Phasma said when Kylo remained silent, staring the women down with a raised eyebrow.

Silence reigned as they tried to figure out what to answer. Kylo almost smiled as he saw their hands touching lightly, their pinkies almost entwined.

"Sjori is the mediator between both sections, sir," Andrea finally said.

"A political answer," Kylo said, humoured. "Let me ask this question differently: Would you miss him were he gone?"

The women paled, eyes wide. "No?" Andrea said.

Her voice conveyed her fear of being punished for the answer. Kylo merely gave her a small grin before turning towards Phasma and giving his commander a curt nod. She saluted and left, understanding him without a word needing to be said.

"Congratulations," Kylo said. "You now both share the title of Main Director. I don't believe new section heads are in order, unless, of course, you feel need for them. If that is the case, select them at your discretion."

"Sir!" both women said, saluting him, confusion and surprise written all over their faces.

"I will return to my ship and take my leave as soon as Sjori has been dealt with."

"Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. Let us escort you."

They seemed dumbstruck but pleased at the same time. Their farewell was short and to the point, and soon he found himself back in his ship. Phasma arrived about fifteen minutes later.

She saluted him. "Sjori Velik has been executed, sir."

"Executed?" Kylo echoed, surprised.

"Yes, sir. He allowed an attack on your person. This is high treason." There was a short pause. "Images are to be maintained and changed in small steps, sir."

"I see."

He dragged a hand through his hair, understanding Phasma's point of view but also realising how Rey would react to such a harsh resolution. It felt like he was balancing on the sharp edge of a knife. He gave Phasma a nod of understanding.

"Let's head back then, shall we?" he said.

"Right away, sir."

She headed towards the main deck while he walked to his quarters. His mind was conflicted. Not so long ago, he would have killed men for a much lesser offence, and now the Main Director's death weighed heavily on him. It made no sense.

He sat down on his bed and checked the time. It was much later than he had thought, with the academy being almost five hours behind on standard time. He wondered what Rey was doing. Carefully, he nudged her over the bond, not wanting to disturb her in case she was already asleep.

"Ben."

"Still awake?"

"So are you, Mister Obvious."

He grinned at her reply but it faltered as she shimmered into view.

"You look tired."

"Well, it is getting late."

"No. Well, yes, but too tired for that." He could hit himself for the bumbled answer, but she didn't seem to mind.

"It's nothing."

He pulled her towards him, nestling her between his legs and wrapping his arms around her. He wanted to give her a peck on the lips but wasn't sure how welcome it would be.

"Tell me about it."

She cupped his face with both hands and evaded the question. "How was the academy?"

"Very good, actually. There are-" He faltered, wondering how much he could tell her. He didn't want to lie to her, but what if she turned away once she knew the truth? The idea itself made him feel nauseous.

"What?" Rey asked, tilting her head. "What's bothering you? Didn't you just say it was good?"

"It's … a bit of a story."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He thought she didn't sound entirely convinced. It was, however, a chance to get her to talk as well.

"I'll tell you what's bothering me if _you_ tell me why you're so tired."

"Not fair!" she whined while dragging her hands through his hair. He closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling.

"Or we can both stay silent," he mumbled after a time.

"Oh fine!" Her hands dropped to his shoulders. "They won't stop pestering me about how I managed to make the saber. 'Where did the crystal come from?' 'How did you know how to make one?' And so on. No one seems to be happy I made it in the first place." Rey pouted. "I like my saber. I don't even know why this bothers me so much. I guess it's just tiresome to evade all their questions." She shrugged.

"You just want them to be happy for you," Kylo said, thinking back on how Phasma had reacted to his news and how it had made him feel. "Because you are happy."

Rey shrugged again. "I guess. It's stupid. I have no right to expect that from them."

That left him out of his depth. "I don't know," he answered truthfully.

Had he expected Phasma to be happy for him? He hadn't even considered telling her until he'd talked himself into that corner. But if he had, would he have expected her to share in his happiness? It was a strange concept.

"Now _you_ tell _me_ what's bothering you. What happened at the academy?"

"Well, we didn't get off to a good start," he said, launching into his recollection.

He told her about the mistakes that were made upon his arrival and the excuses he had been given. Rey smiled broadly at him when he told her of his decision to punish the supervisors as well, solidifying his feeling that it had been the right decision to make. She snorted when he told her about his impression of the two section heads and how Phasma had confirmed their relationship. Rey's eyes turned dreamy when he explained the workings of the Technical section to her.

"I'm going to visit a couple more academies, but I think it would be a good idea to turn this one into an example. Those two women were clearly very capable and on top of things. I made them joined main directors."

"Oh! That's good. But then what will happen with the current main director?" Rey asked.

"I-" Kylo looked away and worried his lips. "He got executed."

"He _what_?!"


	43. Reasons

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

It broke Kylo's heart when Rey pulled back ever so slightly at his admission.

"He got executed," he repeated, noticing how his voice sounded almost strangled. "I-"

He stumbled over his words, wanting to tell her it had nothing to do with him but knowing that was a lie. The entire situation confused him.

"Why?" Rey demanded. "Why was he executed? Was it really necessary? I thought you wanted to better the First Order!"

"I don't know." He sighed. "I needed him out of the way so I could make Andrea and Natasha the Main Heads. I gave Phasma a nod, nothing more, knowing she would understand. She came back with the message that he was executed on charges of high treason for allowing an attack on my person."

Rey seemed to relax a bit. "So, Phasma had him executed?"

"In my name," he answered before bracing himself, "and I agree with her reasoning."

"What?"

"Only a couple of months ago I would have killed him on the spot. I would have killed them all on the spot." He cringed. "You know how I was. Phasma says I should take care not to push changes too quickly.

"Last thing the First Order knows is me building a facility to use children as guinea pigs. Forgiving someone who attacked me would have been too much out of character. We can't risk the First Order turning against me, and if they spot weakness in me they will. Besides, there was a big risk of Sjori turning against me if I deposed him. That could have caused more than one problem."

For a moment, he panicked as Rey moved away from him, but she sat herself down next to him. Silence reigned during which he hoped she would not turn away from him.

"I don't like it," she finally said.

"I'm … conflicted about it," he answered with honesty.

He was surprised and almost forgot how to breathe when Rey leaned into him, placing her head on his shoulder. After a moment's hesitation, he wrapped an arm around her. Was she forgiving him? Why did she keep forgiving him?

"I guess it's not so easy as we would hope," she mumbled.

"No," he agreed.

"I'm sorry I got angry."

He looked down at her and caressed her cheek. "Don't apologise."

She burrowed further against his side and he continued drawing his fingertips across her face—following her eyebrow, her cheekbone, her nose, her jaw, and finally her lips. He found that he liked doing it. There was a constriction in his chest as he did it. A pleasant one, more as if his heart was too big for his chest then his chest being too small and restraining. It was an odd feeling.

"Rey?" he finally whispered, unable to hold onto the urge any longer.

"Hmm, yes?"

"Can I kiss you again?"

She ducked her head before shyly looking up at him and nodding. He smiled at her, tucking his finger under her chin and softly pressing his lips against hers. Her initial shyness quickly evaporated and he ended up pulling her on his lap.

The kiss felt wonderful, but slightly different from when they were together on the moon. It was as if something was lost through their Force connection. She still felt warm and soft, and their kiss still made him tingle and made his body respond, but something was missing. It was like having a conversation over the comm instead of in person.

When they separated, confusion was visible on Rey's face before she tried to hide it.

"It feels a bit different, doesn't it?" he ventured, deciding to take the risk.

She nodded, then seemed to panic. "It's not- Uhm, don't think I didn't-"

He hushed her with another peck on the lips. He didn't think he would ever get enough of her. "I think it's because we're connecting through the Force."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." She yawned. "Sorry," she said sheepishly with a look at his bed. "What do you think will happen if I slept here and you arrive at the _Supremacy_?"

Kylo shrugged. "I guess your presence would fade away from me and mine from you? Like in the beginning." He pulled at a loose strand of hair. "You should go to sleep; you're obviously tired."

"Aren't you?"

He hummed. "I guess I'm more used to changing hours than you are."

She shrugged. "I'm not in my room though. I'll see you in a bit?"

"Don't take too long. I'll be waiting," he answered, feeling extremely corny.

Grinning, Rey nodded and faded from view.

xXxXxXx

Kylo woke up from his nap, not at all surprised to see Rey had disappeared. He wondered momentarily if that was because they both already knew they would wake up separately, or because the Force knew when and how to connect them. He shrugged. It didn't really matter which way it was.

There was a small contingent waiting for him as he left his ship and Kylo suppressed a sigh. It was only two hours before the official start of his day, but he doubted he could spend those two hours asleep in his quarters. The officials were looking very determined.

Looking around—there really was no way of escaping them—he spotted Ember at the far left. She looked absolutely grumpy. Kylo guessed she wasn't a morning person. However, she did serve a good means to postpone the inevitable. Ignoring the officials, he marched her way.

"Supreme Leader," she said with a formal greeting.

"Ember of Ren," he answered.

"Knight," Phasma—who had followed him, as usual—greeted.

"Commander," Ember said.

Neither of the women sounded anywhere near friendly and Kylo resisted rolling his eyes and sighing. He hadn't slept near enough to be dealing with their squabbling. No matter how he looked at it, he needed to find a way to resolve that situation.

"Give me a short progress report before I need to appease the others," he requested her.

"I am near mastering the technique, sir," Ember said, to the point. "I fear I must admit I still get hit about once every twenty shots."

He blinked at her. That was a much better progress than he had expected. "Good improvement," he stated with a nod. "You can demonstrate in the afternoon."

"Yes, sir."

"Anything else of note?"

"No, sir, not that I'm aware of." Her lips twitched. "But I do believe some others are eager to tell you."

Kylo glanced over his shoulder at the assembled group. They were watching him intently. "I will see you in the afternoon, Ember," he repeated, turning towards the lot with a resigned sigh.

"I'm going to need something in order to stay awake," he mumbled towards Phasma.

She chuckled lightly in response. "I don't envy you, sir. If you don't mind, I would like to go inspect the Troopers we left here and get their reports. I'll leave Jessy, no, Blossom with you and send someone else to relieve her as soon as possible. That last one will also bring you some liquid support."

Kylo nodded. He quite liked Blossom. She seemed very gentle at first, but once you annoyed her, she could turn into a creature worth fearing. She was also one of the few that had returned to a birth name.

Named after the early spring flowers her mother loved dearly, she had told him her parents had always doted on her. As a kid she had aspired to join her planet's elite diving force. She had loved diving around the reefs in her home town bay. An invasion, however, had destroyed the area and had killed her family and friends. She had joined the First Order after they had come to stop the invaders.

He waited for her to join his side before approaching the officials.

"Welcome back, Supreme Leader. Some reports have arrived in your absence and your decision is needed on several other matters. Please allow us to inform you fully in a meeting room."

Kylo glared at the short man that had addressed him. "And this couldn't wait until a normal time of day, why?" he grumbled.

The man opened his mouth, seemed to decide against whatever he was going to say and tried to cover up his slight falter with a small bow. "There are some urgent matters among them, sir. We-" some of the people behind him flinched at the word 'we', informing Kylo who exactly had decided upon pestering him, "thought it prudent to inform you as soon as you arrived. Of course, sir, if you would like to postpone…"

He growled again and swept around the assembled group. "I expect you to be succinct," he said, laying a veil of threat and displeasure over his words. Force, he hated paperwork.

"Of course, sir," the little man answered. He had hurried to fall into step next to Kylo. "We prepared Meeting Room B24FD, sir. It's conveniently nearby."

With an irritated grumble, Kylo followed the man and started the countdown until his 'liquid support' would arrive.

The entire thing ended up taking three full hours. Three hours of coma-inducing discussions and problems. Kylo would have accused the little man—whose name turned out to be Derek Namae—of dallying and stretching the meeting, had he not muttered 'perhaps this can wait' every few documents. Still, it was a mystery how so many of them had accumulated in his short absence.

Deciding not to think about it any longer, he wandered off to his quarters for a nap. If he wanted to properly assess Ember's progress and discuss the next steps with her, he needed to be able to concentrate.

He woke up at lunchtime with a growling stomach and realised he had skipped breakfast. After a quick shower, he headed out to find something to eat. When he left the mess, he was once more greeted by Phasma.

"Tell me you slept," he questioned as soon as he spotted her.

"Enough for now, sir."

Kylo shook his head but refrained from commenting further. He knew it would be of no use. Shrugging, he set out towards the training rooms in order to find Ember. She was moving through sword routines when he entered.

"Sir," she greeted without breaking the flow of her movements.

Kylo wondered if he should feel insulted that she didn't stop to offer him a proper greeting. He was still her superior after all. He decided to let it slide, assuming she would know not to be so casual when others were nearby.

Ember finished her routine, put away her swords, and thumped her chest in a proper greeting. "Welcome back, sir," she said. Kylo wondered why since he had seen her earlier that day. "I will activate the droid and give you a demonstration."

Kylo nodded and leaned against the wall. He connected with the Force in order to better analyse Ember's reactions. Much to his delight, her earlier statement seemed to be true. She misstepped only once out of twenty.

One of the balls came to a stop next to his feet. Feeling mischievous, he picked it up and bounced it in his hands. With a grin, he tossed it towards Ember. It promptly hit her against the head.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Disengage, disengage!" she all but yelled as the droid shot another ball at her and she was hit again. The droid beeped and went into gathering mode. "Why did you throw a ball at me, sir?" Ember asked, some petulance in her voice.

Kylo shrugged. "An experiment," he merely said, trying to hide his smile. "You do well. The only reason why you're still getting hit is because you hesitate. You'll become more confident in time. We'll work on multiple, simultaneous attacks later." He gave her an honest smile. "Good work, Ember of Ren."

"Thank you, sir."

"We will move on to blaster bolts."

"Excuse me?"

"Blaster bolts, Ember. The technique is no use to you if you can only stop rubber balls."

"You're going to shoot at me?" She seemed incredulous but attempting to take his order in stride.

"Not _at_ you. I'm not going to risk getting you killed. And even so, the blaster will be put on stun only."

He saw the relief on her face even though she tried to hide it. They walked the short distance to one of the private shooting ranges.

"The technique is much the same as with the rubber balls," Kylo explained. "The blaster bolt will be a lot more noticeable in the Force, but it's also a lot quicker. Instead of sidestepping, however, you will try to freeze the bolt. This is mostly a training in reaction speed and control. It can help to point at the bolt in order to focus the direction of your attention."

After a small demonstration on his part, and a couple of first attempts on Ember's, Kylo called in Phasma.

"Sir?"

"Phasma, I want you to help with Ember's training," he said, hoping this would allow the women to set aside their differences. Part of him feared they would kill each other, but he tried to ignore it.

"She will need someone to shoot a blaster in random directions—not at her, mind you—and I don't trust a droid to not accidentally hit her."

"Must it be her?" Ember stated, glaring at Phasma.

"I will select one of the Troopers, sir," Phasma responded, pointedly not looking at either of them.

Kylo looked from one to the other. "I will not allow disobedience!" he barked, irate.

"Sir!" both women answered with a greeting. Neither seemed very contrite.

Dragging his hand through his hair, Kylo sighed. "What's up with you two?" They both remained silent. "You will tell me this instant!" he demanded with force. "I cannot stand for this animosity within my ranks. I must be certain that my orders will be fulfilled without rivalries getting in the way. You have both made clear that you are incapable of doing so now, so you _will_ tell me what's going on!"

"She," Phasma said with more venom in her voice than he had ever heard from her, "cost me half an army! Troopers that would not have died had she followed orders!"


	44. An Old Grudge

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Ember snorted in derision and Phasma balled her fists. Kylo quickly interrupted before things would get out of hand.

"Start from the beginning, Phasma. Ember, don't provoke her."

The Knight huffed but looked slightly away from them. Kylo figured it was all the consent he would get. With a tight nod to Phasma, he ordered her to explain further.

"Do you remember the capture of Baghrad City, sir?" Phasma asked. "Nine years ago?"

"I have some recollection of it happening, yes."

"I was put in charge of the operation, sir. Since it was the first time I would command such a large force, it was decided that I would be supported by a Knight. Ember of Ren-" again her loathing was clear in her voice, "was assigned to join me."

"I didn't ask for it," Ember commented.

"And I told you there was no need for your obvious reluctant participation."

"That's debatable."

"Ember of Ren!" Kylo interrupted.

"Sir," she said reluctantly, acknowledging his reprimand.

"As I said, Ember's disdain at having to accompany us was clear from the very beginning. While we journeyed to the planet's System, there were several on-board meetings concerning our strategy for taking and securing the city. _She_ was invited to all of them but never showed."

"They're tedious."

Phasma twitched but didn't respond further to the interruption.

"Once a decision was made, the Troopers were assembled and the tactics were explained. Different squadrons were formed based on specialities and numbers, as per usual. Ember thought it necessary to inform everyone involved that she disagreed and thought we were going at it with a lousy tactic."

Kylo clenched his teeth. At that point, she no longer had the right to disagree with the proposed tactic as it had been decided upon by the leading officers and she had missed all opportunity to give her input during the discussions. To question the authority in front of all the Troopers… Any other than a Knight would have been killed on the spot.

Ember opened her mouth to comment, but Kylo shot her a glare that made her eyes widen. She quickly shut her mouth and had the common sense to look away.

"I answered her that she'd lost her chance to give her input when she didn't show for the meetings and that I would not tolerate any disobedience. I dismissed the Troopers. Further instructions would be given through their squadron-leaders and the higher ranking officers."

"It was a shite tactic," Ember said, seemingly unable to keep to herself.

"It was a solid tactic based on the information we had."

"You were playing it safe, losing all elements of surprise."

"Surprise was quite unneeded given our numbers. And there were elements you were unaware of!"

"Then perhaps they should have been discussed with me."

"Your arrogance knows no bounds! Had you come to the meetings, you would have known."

"You were allowing for me, a Knight, to go in as blind as a base Trooper."

"Enough!" Kylo bellowed. "Stop your bickering at once!" He turned towards Phasma. "What happened next? What was Ember not aware of?"

"We had people inside the city. They would support our attack by sowing discord and confusion within the city ranks. Our strategy was set up in such a way that we would be able to easily take the city if they succeeded in their orders, and through some serious fighting if they failed. Commanding officers knew to give their orders based on the success of those within."

"What happened?" Kylo repeated.

"Ember-" he could feel the anger rolling off of Phasma, "decided to act on her own. She used her status to divert several squadrons, ordering them to attack other parts of the city. Our spies were successful in their endeavour exactly at those parts that were now no longer under attack. The enemy caught up with what was happening and the order was spread to watch out for false orders and traitors within their ranks.

"Meanwhile, the squadron-leaders and commanding officers were in disarray—not having a tactic to fall back on and giving contradictory orders. Part of the army practically fell apart. This was spotted by the defenders and a focussed attack was launched."

She glanced towards Ember. "A lot of Troopers lost their lives due to the interference of this woman," she concluded. "Deaths that could have easily been prevented."

"They're only Troopers," Ember mumbled.

"They're not 'only Troopers'!" Kylo exploded. Both women stared at him. "There are people behind those masks."

He wasn't sure where his own vehemence came from. He had seen the Troopers like pawns for a very long time. The faces of the children at the bases danced before his eyes. The realisation he had come to so long ago—that Rey could have been one of them if her parents had decided to sell her to the First Order instead of Unkar Plutt—clawed at his chest.

Taking a breath, he tried to contain the confusion and the rush of anger at Ember's attitude. He worried his lips, clenching and unclenching his fists. Luckily, both women seemed to sense the danger and stayed silent, barely moving.

"Ember of Ren," he said through clenched teeth. "Have you got anything to say to justify yourself?"

"As a Knight I had the right to be informed of the full strategy, something they failed to do. And it was a shite tactic, even with the people on the inside."

"You revoked your right to knowledge when you failed to go to the meetings," he growled.

"They are tedious. I was in no way obliged to attend them."

Kylo ground his teeth together. "Have I made a mistake accepting you in my ranks, Ember of Ren?"

Her eyes widened as she paled. After a shocked second, she sunk down to her knees, head bowed and hands on her chest. "Sir! I will not disappoint you!"

"I've accepted your arrogance as part of your personality, but if it truly knows no bounds then you are a threat to my position."

"Sir, I-" She halted and looked up at him. "Are you saying I was at fault?"

"HAVE YOU STILL NOT REALISED?" Kylo bellowed. "Not only did you expect those in charge to cater to your whims, you questioned their authority in front of the entire assembly of Troopers under their charge. Only your diplomatic immunity as a Knight prevented your execution! If it had been me you had questioned, you would have been dead, Knight or no Knight."

"But-"

"NO BUT'S! Your behaviour was completely unacceptable. Did you ask to be let in on the entire tactic? Or were you simply waiting for it to be brought to you on a silver plate?"

Ember stayed silent, still kneeling.

"And nothing, absolutely nothing, gives you the right to alter a strategy based on self-interest, no matter what you think of said strategy. Especially not if you don't know the entirety of it. Redirecting squadrons can be catastrophic. I think you may be lucky it only resulted in unnecessary casualties, and not in a defeat. Have you anything to say for yourself?"

"No, sir."

"Tell me, Ember of Ren, how many more of these stories will I find if I search your history within the First Order?"

"I learned my lesson, sir."

Something about her voice caused his anger to falter. He turned towards Phasma.

"Was this reported?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. I made sure to write a detailed report."

"Please leave the room, Commander."

"Sir?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. With a curt nod, she turned and left.

"What happened?" he asked Ember once the door was closed again. "And get up."

"Sir?"

"You said you learned your lesson. What happened?"

She looked away from him. "I will not make the same mistake twice."

"I will need proof of that, Ember of Ren. How can I trust you to execute my orders if you've so clearly failed to do so in the past?"

"I wasn't sworn to them."

"That doesn't matter!" he barked. "If you think your own judgement better than the orders given, I cannot trust you."

"I will _not_ make that mistake again," she repeated.

Again there was an edge to her voice. One that made him question what had happened.

"Snoke caught wind of it, didn't he?" Kylo guessed. Her flinch told him everything he needed to know and he sighed. "It is not enough."

"What?" she exclaimed, her voice sounding near panic.

"Do you think I would do whatever he did to you?"

"No, sir."

"Then that punishment won't hold you back. You know it won't come."

"I- Oh…"

There was a moment of silence as Ember stared at him. Her burning eyes, the eyes that normally contained such fierceness, now had a vulnerable edge to them.

"Can you admit that you were wrong? Do you see your mistakes?" he asked her.

"If I was wrong, I endured for nothing. I did _not_ deserve that."

"You deserved death."

"Death would have been merciful."

Kylo hummed. He couldn't pardon her, couldn't simply pass over what had happened. Without knowing what Snoke had done to her, he couldn't agree with her on whether or not she'd deserved it, but knowing Snoke, she probably hadn't and he probably didn't want to know in the first place.

"You endured your punishment, and then some more because Snoke was a maniac."

Ember gave him an inquiring look.

"I need you to apologise to Phasma for your mistakes. I need you to truly understand how wrong you were and I need you to curb your arrogance. You can stay defiant over the excess of Snoke's treatment."

She sneered. "Apologise to Phasma?"

Kylo straightened his posture, falling fully into his role as Supreme Leader. "This is an ultimatum," he said. "You apologise and go on probation."

"And if not?"

"You will suffer the appropriate punishment for your past errors."

"You would kill me?"

He didn't want to kill her. He didn't want to go through that again, especially not after Sjori, but she was too powerful and knew too much to simply be excommunicated. If she decided to turn against him, she would be able to put up one hell of a fight.

"Are you loyal to me, Ember of Ren?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then do as I command."

She sighed and visibly swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Phasma!" he yelled.

The commander immediately walked into the room. Ember growled but turned towards Phasma, giving the woman a small, formal greeting.

"Commander Phasma," Ember said, her voice strained. "I acknowledge my wrongdoings at the capture of Baghrad City. I was wrong to question your authority and your tactics. As the Knight appointed, I should have endeavoured to cooperate. I-" She stumbled over her words, a small growl escaping her. "I apologise for my behaviour and the resulting fatalities."

Ember glared sideways at Kylo, who faked not noticing it. Silence reigned.

"Phasma?" he finally prompted.

The commander looked at him, then back to Ember, and sighed. "I accept your apologies." She sounded almost as strained as Ember did.

Kylo resisted the urge to shake his head. "My orders still stand," he said after a minute. "Phasma, you will help Ember with her training. Practice will start the day after tomorrow." It seemed prudent to allow emotions and tempers to settle before putting them in the same room and having one shoot at the other. "The both of you need to move past this. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir!" they both answered.

Kylo relaxed. "This day has been too long," he muttered. Dragging a hand through his hair, he decided to head back to the training rooms. After all that, he could use some physical exercise.


	45. Moving Forward

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo sighed, dragging his hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair. It had been a bit over a week since the retelling of what had happened between Phasma and Ember. A lot had become clear that day, but other things were still murky. For one, when he had told Rey about it, she had gasped and stared at him as expected, but there had been something else as well.

" _No wonder Phasma dislikes her," Rey said, staring at him from the other side of the bed. "You never told me before that they were at odds, by the way. Why not?"_

" _I didn't think much of it, just a small form of rivalry. I didn't know it went this deep."_

" _So, what did you do?"_

" _I made her apologise."_

" _You made_ Ember _, of all people, apologise?"_

 _He looked up at her, confused by her almost gleeful tone of voice. "Yes. I need them to get along."_

 _Rey seemed to sober up and he shook off his uneasy feeling._

" _I don't think an apology will solve it," she commented._

" _No. That's why they're still going to train together."_

" _What?"_

 _Kylo shrugged. "I need them to be able to work together. I hope this will fix it."_

" _So, you'll have an irate Phasma shoot laser bolts at Ember?"_

 _Again he frowned at her voice, unable to place the emotion that lay behind it. The way she said it would have indicated doubt about the decision, but her tone implied some form of … enjoyment? It made no sense._

" _They'll be on stun only," he answered, unwilling to address his confusion. What if he was reading things that weren't there? "I trust Phasma not to disobey me. Ember is on probation. If she doesn't behave..."_

" _What will happen if she remains too arrogant?"_

" _I don't know," he answered. It didn't seem like a good idea to tell Rey he had threatened Ember with death. He didn't want her to worry. He didn't want her to think he was turning towards the Dark again. "I'm really betting on her curbing her behaviour."_

" _Oh. So you trust her?"_

" _I do?" he answered, sounding unconvinced even to himself. Rey's tone had changed again._

He had switched topics after that, feeling baffled about Rey's behaviour towards Ember. It was so different than how she acted when he talked about Phasma. Nothing about it had made sense to him. It still didn't make sense to him now, but he tried to ignore it, hoping it didn't really matter.

Still, after their conversation and her comment about how irate Phasma might be, he had decided to be present at Phasma and Ember's first training. It seemed more prudent. He shook his head thinking back at it, wondering if they would have gotten any training done at all without him there to kickstart them.

 _He cursed inwardly, noticing that Phasma had already left when he walked out of the meeting room. He'd been stuck in that meeting for too long. Sometimes he wondered how this ship stayed in working order with all the rivalries and infighting that seemed to happen in the upper ranks._

 _An hour and a half, simply to decide where they would stock up on fuel. The captain and the head of maintenance had disagreed on the location, arguing about fuel quality, reachability, time needed to refuel, and so on. Much to the captain's dismay, Kylo had eventually decided to favour the head of maintenance, stating that it was his job to keep the ship afloat._

 _It had caused quite a stir, but he didn't care. What he did care about, however, was that he wasn't in that training room with Phasma and Ember. He marched through the corridors—the ever-present_

 _Trooper hot on his heels—and upon arrival only paused to take a deep breath and fortify himself before entering the shooting range._

 _He could almost feel the frigid atmosphere that reigned within the room. Both women were facing each other, standing stock-still. Neither reacted upon his arrival, as if it would disturb some sort of staring match they were having. Kylo looked from one to the other and crossed his arms in front of his chest._

" _Really?" he said, peeved._

" _Sir!" they both answered without facing him, without moving at all, actually._

 _Highly annoyed, he summoned one of the blasters to him, turned the settings to stun, and rapidly shot a bolt at each woman. Their remarkable skills showed as Phasma blocked it with the reinforced armour on her lower arm and Ember sidestepped the attack._

 _They both turned towards him, wide-eyed._

" _I'm getting quite sick of this," he grumbled._

" _She won't let me use the blaster, sir," Phasma said._

" _I don't_ trust _her," Ember retaliated._

 _He stifled a long-suffering sigh. "Do you trust me?" he asked Ember._

" _Yes, sir. Of course, sir."_

" _Then obey me. Phasma, shoot her; don't hit her."_

 _With a speed that made him think she had been eagerly waiting for the order, Phasma raised the blaster and shot at Ember, narrowly missing her. Ember flinched out of the way, glaring at Phasma._

" _There," Kylo said, "the first shot has been fired. Now start your training." Phasma eagerly raised the blaster again, but he stopped her. "Wait for her to nod, then fire," he said. "You are training together, not mindlessly antagonising one another."_

He had stayed for almost an hour. It had taken _that_ long before he could stop playing intermediator and focus on improving the training itself. The next day, he had been late on purpose in order to see if there would be a repeat. It gratified him to have found them already training when he'd arrived.

However, even now, he did not see any improvement in the women's interaction. Then again, it would have been short of miraculous had years of animosity been solved within such a short period of time. At least he hoped it had some positive effect.

He did think that, with Ember progressing as well as she did, they could move towards their next step; he would have to take Ember out to visit his repaired but unused facility. A small staff was present to keep the facility functioning, but he had completely ignored it after the fake disappearance of the children.

With a sigh, he stood from his chair. Phasma and Ember were probably already training and since he needed them both, he decided to check up on them again. He greeted the Trooper standing guard and headed to the shooting range.

He walked into the room and halted at the sight before him. Both women jumped slightly at his entrance and were quick to greet him. He thought they both looked slightly sheepish. They were standing quite far apart from each other, but obviously within speaking distance. What surprised him the most was Phasma holding her helmet under her arm. An activated blaster was strapped to her leg, so either they had been training or were about to.

"Everything okay here?" he asked, not knowing what to make of the situation. What on earth would have spurred Phasma into taking off her helmet in front of a woman and warrior she loathed?

The women shared a glance, confusing him even more.

"Yes, sir," Ember answered.

"Merely consulting, sir," Phasma added.

Kylo frowned at them. Something wasn't quite right. "Consulting?" he echoed. "About what?"

"A mutual interest, sir." Phasma replaced her helmet. "We will get back to training immediately, sir."

Kylo decided to let the matter drop. "That's not why I'm here," he said, startling both women again. "I'm here to talk to you both about our next step."

"Next step?" Ember questioned.

"Yes. I want you to visit the facility with me," he answered her.

"Right, the facility," she said with distaste.

"It's the best place we have. Have you not figured out that I never intended to use that Base?" Ember blinked at him and he dragged a hand through his hair. "Ember of Ren, you can be obtuse. I have confided in you that I know where the children are and that they are safe." Kylo ignored the surprised twitch Phasma gave at his words. "They were never meant to arrive. I was well aware that they would escape. I _planned_ their escape."

"Oh."

Both Kylo and Phasma snorted at Ember's reaction.

"Wait, you knew?" Ember asked Phasma.

"Of course she knew," Kylo responded. "She's my right hand."

Phasma gave him a small salute at his words and he answered her with a quick smile. Ember huffed but didn't comment.

"There's no point in waiting any longer," he continued. "The sooner we have the facility fully stocked and prepared, the sooner we can start calling in the other Knights. I would, however, appreciate your input on the facility itself. Given the fake intent behind it, I want to prevent it from looking too … familiar."

Ember's face turned grim. "That would not be expedient, no."

"You also know the Knights better than I do. I wish to be able to fulfil all their training needs, and others, if there are any."

"When will we be leaving?"

"The day after tomorrow," he stated, turning towards Phasma. "Only a bare minimum of Troopers," he commanded, "and only those we absolutely trust. This needs to look as if I'm merely checking whether or not they've properly fixed the communication's center."

"Yes, sir."

"Wait," Ember spoke up. "You destroyed it in a fit of rage, but if you knew they were going to disappear, why the anger?"

Kylo grinned at her. "Has nobody ever told you that not everything you see is true?" he questioned. Ember stared at him comically and he barked a laugh. "Now, show me how you've been training."

xXxXxXx

He had developed a routine of sorts: wake up — most often than not with Rey by his side — head out for training with or without Rey, have breakfast, then head to his office for paperwork until at least lunch, leaving the afternoons open for whatever suited him. He was just stretching and deciding to opt out for any further paperwork when the door to his office slid open.

"Sir," Phasma greeted, "Derek Namae is here to speak to you. He seems agitated."

Kylo cringed at the name. He had not forgotten the little man that had accosted him when he had returned from the Academy. "Let him in," he answered. "Better to hear him out before he corners me into another meeting."

Phasma chuckled and disappeared. Immediately, Derek ambled into the office. He sketched a nervous bow before looking up at Kylo.

"Sir!" he exclaimed. "I've heard the most dreadful rumour. Please tell me it isn't true!"

"What is this rumour?" Kylo asked, already feeling pained by whatever this would turn out to be.

"It is said you are leaving tomorrow for a trip to your Base."

Kylo almost laughed. That was the dreadful rumour? "I am," he answered the official.

"But, sir, you can't!"

His mood immediately soured and anger engulfed him as he rose from his seat. "Excuse me?"

Derek paled, seeming to realise what he'd just said. He backed down fearfully. "Sir! I did not- You are free to do what you please, of course, sir. Uhm. I mean… Obviously, you don't need my permission, sir. I- This is not- It came out wrong. I apologise, sir. I merely, uhm, wished to advise against it."

Kylo stared at the man. Even through his cowering and his hand wringing, he had found the courage — or was it stupidity? — to speak his mind against Kylo leaving the ship.

"Advise me?" Kylo repeated, incredulous at the audacity.

"Uhm, yes, sir?" He sounded like he expected to be killed any time. Kylo realised he would have long Force-choked the man had this happened a couple of months ago. "It's just, uhm, this ship- There are still a lot of decisions to be made, sir. That, uhm, need your opinion? Issues that need solving. You are not very efficient."

Kylo slammed his hand down onto his desk, causing the man to jump and pale even further. He hated to admit that Derek was right.

"Sorry, sir. I should not have said that, sir!" Derek was shivering all over. "Please don't kill me! I'll find a way. I had merely hoped you would stay a bit longer. It has only been a week. I will, uhm, figure it out. Apologies, sir."

The man's behaviour surprised Kylo. Derek had seemed so in charge at the meetings he had with the man that it was slightly unsettling to see how he was falling apart. Kylo considered him, wondering.

"Get up and get out," he finally growled.

"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir. Apologies, sir!"

The man all but fled. Phasma stepped through the door once he'd disappeared.

"What was that all about?"

"He heard I'll be leaving tomorrow," Kylo answered. "He voiced, no, advised me against it."

"And you let him go unscathed?"

He shrugged. "It either took a lot of courage or a lot of stupidity," he answered. "Either way, I would like you to look into him. Find out his background, how long he's been working here and with whom, his loyalties, everything."

"May I ask why?" Phasma sounded baffled.

"He seemed to genuinely care for the paperwork," he answered. "And if it was, indeed, courage that lead him to his statements, and if his loyalties are placed right, he seems like as good a candidate as any to help me with these inane reports and decisions."

"I see," she answered.

He could tell she was amused but trying to hide it. Taking a deep breath, he mentally prepared for what he was about to say next.

"I also wish for you to stay behind when we visit the facility."

Phasma flinched violently but immediately straightened her posture. He could feel the shock and confusion radiating from her.

"Sir?" she asked.

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. "I'm taking Ember to the Base to make sure it doesn't resemble their childhood experiences too much," he explained. "I need her to feel secure enough to be honest with me. Given your mutual grievances, I doubt she will do as such when you are in the vicinity."

There was a long silence. "I see…" Phasma finally said.

"Phasma, I-"

"Sir, apologies for interrupting, but I understand your reasoning. I simply don't trust her."

"I am aware."

"I assume I cannot order the Troopers to stay by your side constantly?"

"You assume correctly."

She moved in an agitated manner. "I accept your order, sir, but I wish to note that I dislike it."

"Duly noted," he answered, then smiled. "Thank you."

"For what, sir?"

"For not making this difficult," he answered. He stepped from behind his desk and walked out of the room, glad to leave the paperwork behind for the day. "How badly do you think I scared the official?"

"Shitless, sir."


	46. Base Unused

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

As planned, Kylo, Ember, a pilot, and three Troopers left the next day to visit the facility. Kylo could detect a certain nervous restlessness in Ember. He thought he could understand some of it and didn't comment even though she snarked and snapped at him during the flight. He hoped the actual visit wouldn't stress her out too much.

Her nervous demeanour changed into a steely one as soon as the pilot communicated for landing. The fire in her eyes still burned bright, but it felt to him like she had closed off. Her behaviour made him wonder if he should inquire as to if she was okay, or simply leave it be. He decided on the latter, realising they were not alone and asking such a thing in public would offend her.

Kylo left the ship with Ember at his side — in Phasma's usual spot. It felt weird to have her there and it hit Kylo how used he had become to Phasma's presence. The Troopers moved behind them and, as agreed, one Trooper stayed inside the ship while the other two stationed themselves on either side of the entrance. In the hangar, a group of four waited to greet him.

"Welcome, Supreme Leader," the man at the front said. "I'm Kienat Nordre, Head of Maintenance and in charge of the facility by vote."

Kylo looked at him. By vote? Surely he had left someone in charge? Thinking back to his dramatic exit the last time he was there, he realised that he hadn't. He had only barked that the facility had to be fixed and that was that.

The man continued with introductions. "These are my subordinates, Lane and Stevan, general technician and building upkeep, respectively. This is Ivyest, part of our communication crew. Elisa Starheart, our communications officer, is in the center keeping watch. Our chef, Erifred, is currently preparing lunch."

Kylo turned his attention towards Ivyest. "Why are you down here and not holding watch? It is an officer's duty to come greet me."

"I- Uhm- The case is-" The young woman glanced nervously at Kienat, who gave a small, encouraging nod. "I'm still in training, sir," Ivyest squeaked. "Madam thought it more prudent to keep watch herself given your presence. No mistakes can be made."

Glancing towards the window of the communication center, he saw Elisa watching them. The woman noticed his look and gave him a small bow.

"It's only the two of you?" Kylo asked.

"Yes, sir."

"How do you maintain permanence?"

"Uh-"

Her eyes widened and she once more looked at Kienat for guidance. The man took pity on the girl.

"They switch sleeping there at night, sir."

"I see reparations have been finished?" Kylo asked, not responding to the revelation.

"Yes, sir. All the equipment has been … renewed."

"Good," he answered. "You may all resume your posts; I'll tour the facility on my own."

"Please let us accompany you, sir."

Kylo eyed Kienat. "You believe I will not be able to navigate a building I designed?" he questioned, an edge to his voice.

"No, sir, certainly not! It's just, the codes…"

"Are you telling me," Kylo interrupted, near snarling, "that my code, that the code of the Supreme Leader, has been programmed _out_ of your system?"

Ember shifted by his side, drawing attention.

"No, sir! Definitely not!" Kienat was quick to assure with a glimpse at the Knight. "We sealed off the parts of the facility that's not being used to minimise upkeep. The control boards to these sections have been disabled."

Kienat frowned and looked over his shoulder. "Lane, fetch the Master Key at once." The woman nodded and sprinted away. Kienat returned his attention to Kylo.

"The boards will, however, respond to our Master Key, which I will provide for you. The key will allow you to open each and every door within this building. We were informed that you were visiting for an inspection of the communication center _only_. Hence we did not reactivate the other sections. My apologies for this oversight."

Kienat bowed. Kylo merely watched him.

"If you would be amenable, sir, we might go up to the communication center while we wait for Lane's return?"

With a nod, Kylo agreed; there was no use in idly standing next to his ship. With a wave of his hand, he indicated Kienat to proceed him. They made their way up the stairs to the communication center. Upon entry, he surreptitiously checked the room for a bed of sorts but saw none. Kylo figured they'd moved it out of the way for his visit.

Either way, if everything went according to plan, more staff would be transferred soon and they could set up shifts. Part of him felt slightly guilty about leaving the base with so little staff. It was a punishment for a crime they hadn't committed and had no responsibility in. Yet, it suited the personality he had then projected. He could only hope to make life easier for his staff in the future.

"Supreme Leader," Elisa greeted him.

"I remember you," he answered her.

She paled, her eyes widening just a fraction. "Sir," she commented. Her voice was near neutral, but he could see the tenseness creep into her posture.

"You were competent," he said with a nod in her general direction, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes at the surprised gasps of those present.

Elisa blinked at him, then bowed. "Your words are appreciated, Supreme Leader," she answered.

"The center is up and running again?" Kylo questioned, looking around. "No problems?"

"It should be, sir, yes."

"Should be?" he echoed with a raised eyebrow.

"In all honesty, sir, apart from an occasional supply run, there's not much communication to be had. There has been no opportunity to use the more advanced equipment. All of it has been tested and approved, of course."

"I see."

They all turned around as the door opened. An out-of-breath Lane appeared, a card clasped firmly in her hand. Spotting Kienat, she handed it over to him. He, in turn, waved her and Stevan away with a mumbled 'There's no reason for you two to remain here'.

Kienat handed the card to Kylo. "This will allow you entry in the entire facility, sir. Uhm- If you were to walk into the kitchen and Erifred hasn't seen but heard you, he might yell abuse. If so, please forgive him, sir. He's very protective of his kitchen. He would, however, never disrespect you on purpose."

Ember snorted, startling the three still present. Kylo couldn't help the small twitch of his lips in response.

"I'll keep it in mind," he said, before signaling Ember and walking out of the room. "What do you think of them?" he asked her as they walked down the stairs.

"Sir?"

"This group, what do you think of them?"

He glanced at Ember just in time to catch her surprised look.

"They seem close," she answered. "I guess they got to know each other well enough with nothing else to do."

Kylo hummed in agreement. He stopped walking and turned towards Ember. "We'll go to the living quarters first," he said. "They'll be … the most similar looking and will thus need the most work. Then we'll continue on to the training rooms, staff rooms, and mess halls."

Ember nodded, a grim look on her face. Kylo took two steps onward, then stopped again, causing Ember to raise an eyebrow at him.

"You might-" He dragged a hand through his hair. "If you feel the urge to reach for the Force to reassure yourself it's still there, or as a comfort, don't. The memories will make you vulnerable to the Dark. We will explore it at one point, but only when your control is better and I'm there to guide you."

Again, Ember nodded. She looked very much like when he had first summoned her to the _Supremacy_ — cold, hardened, and on edge. Trusting her to keep her composure, he moved onward again. They quickly arrived at one of the shut-off sections and Kylo used the Master Key to gain entry. Even he flinched at the look of the hallway beyond the doors.

"I'm sorry," he said, only half aware of his own words.

Ember merely grunted as she followed him down the hallway.

"Obviously, this needs to change. I was thinking of knocking down some of the separating walls to join three of these cells into one. They can function as rooms for temporary staff or even resting rooms for visiting pilots and ship crew. There should be plenty storage room throughout the facility, but I'm not averse to turning these cells into additional storage. Not one Knight will sleep here."

"Good."

Kylo looked at Ember. Her voice sounded pinched, but her face still had the same, grim look. He admired how she kept herself together. He'd seen some of her memories after all; he could only imagine how hard this must be for her.

They continued on to the small, one-child sized rooms.

"Do you think I can get away with turning two into one?" he asked. "This facility was built for less people than there are Knights. There are more of these rooms in another hallway, and the rooms that were intended for the teaching staff can be remodeled as well, but there will still be need for an annex. However, the larger the annex, the longer it will take before we can house in."

Ember plucked the Master Key from his hand and let herself into one of the rooms. "Knock out the wall?"

"Yes."

"I've lived in less."

"That's not what I asked."

She gave him a look. "It's on the small side, but it suffices. Unless if this would become a permanent Base, then there's not enough room." She shrugged and faced him. "We're not _Troopers_."

Kylo huffed a breath. "Indeed, you are not," he agreed.

Ember did raise a valid question, though. Would it become a permanent Base? Or would he abandon it again after the Knights had been reunited with the Force? It was something worth thinking about.

"Well, this is tiny," Ember commented as they walked into the recreation hall.

"There's another one on the floor right above us," he offered.

She looked up to the ceiling. "Even if we connect the two of them with a spiral staircase or something, it will still be tiny."

There was a small pause. Kylo could see she was thinking so he waited for her to continue.

"Where will the annex be placed?" Ember eventually asked.

"Either we burrow deeper into the mountain, or we add another level. The latter is preferred for stability reasons. Something about volcanic activities and supporting shifting rock." She threw him an incredulous look and he shrugged. "I'm no engineer," he added.

They continued their tour, from the recreation hall to the mess, then up to the training hall.

Ember gave the latter a disparaging look. "Well, this will need updating…"

Kylo barked a laugh. "Indeed. It was built for teaching children some basics, after all. Not seasoned veterans honing their skills. Compile a list of suggestions, if you'd like. We can also add to it once the Knights are here, if they have special requests."

"Definitely," she answered with a sigh before turning towards him. "You said there were more rooms around here?"

Nodding, he led her down a hallway, turning to the right to show another series of the small-sized rooms similar to the ones on the level below them. Then, they retraced their steps and continued towards the rooms for the teaching staff.

"This is more like it," Ember noted with a small smile as they entered one of the rooms.

Kylo rolled his eyes. They'd walked into the principal's chambers. "I guess you can see yourself living here?"

"Definitely!"

He huffed a laugh at her tone.

"So," she said. "What else is here?"

"Not much. The living quarters of the other staff. A small training room on the ground floor. The few temporary rooms under the communications center, the staff mess and recreational hall, the kitchen, and my own quarters."

"You have your own quarters here?" Ember asked.

"This is my Base, isn't it? How would it look if I slept in random chambers?"

"All about the image, huh."

"You're getting the gist of it."

Ember snorted. "I said it once before and I'm saying it again: You're not the Kylo Ren I used to know."

Kylo shrugged in answer, then avoided the comment all-together. "Do you think this facility will do?"

"With the adaptations, yes. It will be hard going, though. We all know what it was built for. Summoning them here won't help your cause."

"It's a necessary evil," he answered with a sigh.

They stood in silence for a while. Kylo studied Ember, finding her still tense, although the posture of her shoulders suggested she'd become weary.

"Say," he said, "shall we go harass the cook?"

Ember turned towards him, the smirk on her face telling him all he needed to know. Grinning, they headed back towards the main stairwell and on to the kitchen.


	47. Creative Insults

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Ember preceded him into the kitchen. They didn't try to hide their entry; they wanted the chef to know they were there.

Erifred, the chef, was bent over several pots on the other side of the kitchen. The entire room was clean and organised. A roast was turning on a spit to their left, and two bowls with salads were already standing in wait on the counter to their right.

"I can _hear_ you," the chef said with a grumble. "How many times do I have to tell you unplucked birds to stay out of my kitchen? Or have your brains been eaten by the undead?"

Erifred didn't look up from his work, his steadily moving hand at odds with the annoyed, almost aggressive tone of voice. Kylo leaned against a counter, amused and wondering about the 'undead' comment, while Ember moved to inspect a cabinet.

"Don't you dare touch my food! You bunch of worm infested, rotten pieces of fruit. I have knives sharper than your grandmother's tongue and I know how to use them just as well as she does. That means it will hurt, in case your brains have molded." There was a short pause. "And why am I not hearing you leave? Food will be ready in a minute, you gluttonous, mangy rats! Get the hell out of my kitchen before I roast you on a spit like the useless bag of meat you are."

Ember, who had been looking at the chef with an amused expression on her face, glanced towards Kylo before purposefully walking towards a fridge and opening it.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! You maggotty, festering piece of dead pig! If you're not gone by the time I turn around I'll skin you like a common animal. There'll be- Oh, sweet motherload of potatoes!"

Ember burst out laughing. Erifred was staring at Kylo with wide eyes, gulping air like a fish on dry land. He was wildly flailing his hands, spattering soup all over the kitchen. It was obvious he was trying to apologise but unable to do so out of sheer shock.

"Don't burn my lunch," Kylo commented, unable to prevent the small chuckle that escaped him.

As if being pulled by strings, the chef jerked around and returned to stirring. Shaking his head with mirth, Kylo beckoned Ember to follow him back out of the kitchen—using the regular entrance to the staff's mess hall instead of walking further through the chef's domain.

They spotted the rest of the staff together, minus Ivyest, at an already set table. Kienat quickly jumped up at their entry and invited them to join. Ember did her best to straighten out her face but couldn't help the grin that kept pulling at the corners of her mouth. Kylo wasn't sure if he was faring any better. The other's curious looks indicated he probably wasn't.

"I'm sorry for asking, Supreme Leader, but have you found something amusing?"

Kylo didn't answer, only shifting slightly towards Ember. She took the hint.

"Your chef has the most entertaining insults," she noted, coughing to suppress a snort.

The staff all looked at each other, before Stevan got up and hastily marched towards the kitchen. The rest glanced at one another once more before Elisa addressed Kylo.

"Is it wrong of me to assume you were humoured, not angered, and will therefore not punish our chef?" she ventured carefully.

"I was well aware of the risk I was taking," he answered. "Although I must admit that being called a 'gluttonous, mangy rat' is a novelty."

Eyes widened at his offhand comment. Kylo was saved from the stares he was receiving when the kitchen door opened again. Stevan walked in, carrying both bowls of salad, and was closely followed by Erifred who had a pot of soup with him. Stevan disappeared into the kitchen again while Erifred bowed deeply at Kylo.

"My sincerest apologies, Supreme Leader. I was unaware of your identity when I spoke such insults. Not that that- I mean, it's no excuse, I believe- The others-"

Kylo raised his hand, stopping the man's stuttering. "I was warned of your habit," he answered. "You were most entertaining."

"Sir?" Erifred looked up, complete confusion clear both in his voice and on his face.

"Come sit next to me, Erifred," Elisa said when Kylo didn't respond anymore.

By then, Stevan had returned with bread and Kienat started doling out the soup.

"May I ask about the inspection, Supreme Leader?" Kienat ventured once they were all settled.

"You may expect a construction crew soon. Some alterations need to be made and the Base needs to be expanded."

All heads turned towards him—except for Ember's, she just kept on eating her soup.

"The facility will be put into use?" Elisa asked.

"Will we be receiving children?" Kienat questioned as well.

Kylo momentarily stiffened at the assumption, but quickly forced himself to relax his posture.

"I wish to give this Base a purpose, yes, but it will not be for children," he said. "I will divulge no further information. You will be briefed at a later moment concerning structural changes, the construction crew, and the eventual purpose of this facility."

A chorus of 'Yes, sir,' and 'Certainly, sir' was heard around the table.

Kylo returned to his meal and slowly, conversation started up around him. It started out easily enough when Lane asked Elisa when the next supply ship would arrive. There was some good-natured ribbing aimed at Elisa and Stevan who, apparently, had a not-so-hidden thing going on. They eventually managed to drag Erifred into the conversation by asking him what was for dinner. His reaction was a clear sign that they always asked and he always refused to answer.

It didn't take long before Kylo started feeling like an intruder. There was nothing he could add to the conversation. More so, he feared that if he spoke, their conversation would completely halt. Turning towards Ember, he saw she had finished her meal and was avidly watching the others. As if she'd noticed his look, she focused her attention on him. With a small nod, he conveyed that they would be leaving.

"I must take my leave," he said, standing and surprising the others.

He had the distinct feeling the others had forgotten he was even there. That, too, was a novelty. Hardly anybody had the nerve to forget about him and he didn't know how to feel about it.

"Let me escort you," Elisa said, standing herself. "I need to relieve Ivyest anyway." Kylo raised an eyebrow at her statement and she promptly started stuttering. "Not that you- Uhm, she's not more important. I mean- No insult meant? Apologies, I think? Uhm. Multitasking, sir, I like multitasking."

A tense silence fell as Kylo eyed her and Elisa fidgeted. Eventually, Ember came to the rescue.

"It seems to me, sir, that they've been on their own for too long," she stated. "It is said to drive people crazy."

"Is that so?" he answered, stepping around Elisa and making his way towards the exit.

He couldn't find it within himself to reprimand her. There was just something about this group of people that made him long for Rey. He felt conflicted, knowing very well he had just waived disrespectful behaviour; behaviour he used to go into a raging fit over. It left him wondering—once again—about who he was and what image he was currently projecting. Did these people still respect him after he had acted so mellow?

He suppressed the urge to sigh and drag a hand through his hair. As they reached the hangar, he turned towards Elisa.

"Has my ship crew been offered lunch?" he asked.

"They were offered bread and salad earlier, sir."

"Good," he said with a nod.

"Have a good flight, sir."

After another nod, he marched towards his ship, the engines already starting at his approach. When Ember moved away from him upon entry, he called her back.

"Sir?"

"I have one more thing to discuss with you," he said, moving towards a private area of the ship. "Do you remember Armitage Hux?" he asked Ember.

"General Hux? The fanatical ginger?" she asked in response.

Kylo huffed a breath at her description. "Yes, that one." He dragged a hand through his hair. "He's currently residing in solitary confinement at the _Supremacy_. Lately, he's been writing synopses of reports I felt disinclined to read myself."

"As in, they would bore you to death," Ember interjected.

"They all bore me to death, but yes, that's the general idea," Kylo answered. "I randomly check them and up until now, they've all been correct, albeit sometimes a bit biased. I haven't found any mistakes in any of them."

"Why are you telling me this, sir?"

"Despite how much I dislike the guy," Kylo said, as Ember barked a laugh, "and some political differences, I have to admit he's a competent man." Kylo loathed to say it out loud, but he couldn't deny the facts. "I was thinking of making him the head of this facility, with you breathing down his neck."

He watched Ember's reaction closely. Her surprise was evident, but she didn't seem completely taken aback by the idea.

"How am I to control him?" she eventually asked. "With all due respect, sir, I'd rather not be reading reports."

Kylo laughed. "That was not my intent," he answered. "I don't trust the man. No matter how correct his summaries, I have no reason to trust him. I want to make sure he doesn't try to host another rebellion. I can't have him charming the staff and converting them to him, let alone any of the Knights. You would be watching his movements, what he's doing and who he's talking to."

"I can do that, sir."

"It also means you'll be transferred to the facility with him and ahead of me. You'll end up in the midst of the rebuilding."

"I understand, sir. I am willing to take on this assignment."

"Good." He nodded. "I'll keep you updated on how planning progresses. That will be all."

Ember saluted him before walking off. Kylo let out a long breath. He wanted to talk to Rey and he needed to update Phasma. Checking the time, he realised it would be early evening by the time they returned to the _Supremacy._ There would be enough time for informing Phasma, a short training session—he had foregone the one in the morning due to their early departure—and dinner.

When they arrived back at the main ship, however, Phasma wasn't waiting for him. Instead, one of his Troopers, Lesa, greeted him.

"Commander Phasma asks you for forgiveness, sir, for not awaiting you. She conveys that there is some important business that needs her immediate attention and that she will report to you tomorrow."

Kylo nodded at her, wondering what Phasma was doing that was so important. Either way, he trusted her judgement and would hear about it the next day. The corners of his mouth twitched as he realised that meant he had more time for training. With some luck, he could convince Rey to join him, or at least get her to go to her quarters early so he could enjoy her company for longer than their usual evening chats. Smiling at the prospect, he walked off towards the training rooms.


	48. In Sync

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

On his way to the training rooms, he sought Rey out over the bond. "In the mood for a spar?" he asked her, careful not to speak out loud.

"Yes!" she all but shouted.

Kylo was momentarily surprised by her reaction. "Such enthusiasm," he teased.

"I've been bored out of my mind all afternoon," Rey explained. "Sirena has been teaching the older kids different languages and the younger ones how to read and write. There's nothing I can do at the shop right now. I tried to meditate but that gets boring too, you know?"

He chuckled audibly.

"Sir?" Lesa inquired, wonder at his out-of-the-blue reaction evident in her voice.

"Just a realisation I made," he answered, glancing at her over his shoulder.

The Trooper confirmed his words with another 'sir' and Kylo returned his attention to Rey.

"You're not with Phasma?" she asked.

"No. Phasma is taking care of something. I'm to be briefed about it tomorrow. I've only just arrived back."

"Oh, yes, you went to the fake facility. Tell me how it went."

"Later," he answered, entering the training room after a nod to Lesa. "I've been wanting to exercise all day."

"I'm about to grab a speeder. I'll contact you once I'm at the meadow, alright?"

"They'll let you go?"

"I am _very_ annoyed because of my boredom," she said, sounding mischievous.

Kylo almost felt sorry for whoever would try to stop her. He smiled and started warming up. There hadn't been much room on the small ship they had used to fly to and from the Base, and his muscles felt cramped from the inactivity.

Approximately ten minutes later, Rey shimmered into view in front of him.

"Are you ready?" she asked, excited.

"So eager," he teased her again. "At least let me kiss you first."

She darted out of his way as he moved towards her. "Only if you can beat me," she challenged him with a grin.

"Oh," he answered, grabbing a sword resembling his saber, "you think you can win? Shall I show no mercy then?"

He grinned at her. Despite the fact that she was getting better by the day, he could still beat her if he wanted to.

Rey stuck out her tongue and moved into a fighting position, some of her giddiness disappearing into concentration. He watched her avidly as she started circling him. Eventually, she lunged forward, swinging towards his left leg. He sidestepped and parried.

Their fight started out fierce—each solely focussed on trying to hit the other. It didn't take long, however, before they slowly started to let go of their competitiveness and started sparring for enjoyment. Their movements became synced; their focus switched to fluidly matching one another's movements.

The almost dance-like fight made Kylo feel at ease. His heart swelled with his feelings for Rey, and he felt like it would explode when Rey laughed joyously as they swirled around each other. They moved in unison—every action seamlessly inspiring an appropriate reaction.

Sweat was running down his back and stinging his eyes, but Kylo felt like he could do this forever. An endless, perfectly synchronised continuation of action and reaction.

His sense of time completely got away from him. He had absolutely no idea how long he'd been sparring with Rey. She was starting to breathe heavily. He loathed to put an end to it, but a part of him wanted it to stop before exhaustion caused them to fall out of sync.

He was still contemplating the dilemma when he saw Rey's expression change into something roguish. She deliberately botched an attack, giving him an advantage. Purely on instinct, he took it, but she was already out of the way. However, instead of stepping away from him—which would be the sensible thing to do when wielding a sword—she stepped into his movements, effectively blocking both of them.

"It seems you won."

Kylo wrapped his free arm around her. "Did I now?"

"I hate to admit my defeat."

"Then I will have no mercy and claim my victory prize."

Grinning, he bent down and kissed her. Her hand curled into his vest and pulled him even closer. Rey had become more confident in the short time since their first kiss and he found that he enjoyed that new-found confidence. He didn't mind her sometimes bossy tendencies.

It was nice to have someone who he knew he couldn't order around, who he knew for certain stayed with him because she wanted to. Phasma—and lately also Ember—was a good friend, but he wondered if they would give him the time of day if he wasn't the Supreme Leader, or even just Kylo Ren. Rey stayed with him despite it. Somehow, that felt more solid.

Rey sighed as they broke apart. She looked up at him with those doe eyes of hers. Words formed in his mind but he dared not speak them. Never had he said them before, never had he felt the need, and it scared him.

"Do you still want to know about the facility?" he asked instead.

"Hmm, yes," she answered, resting her head against his chest. "Can you use it?"

"Some construction is needed, but it will suit our purpose. I felt bad for putting Ember through that visit, though. Some parts really resembled Base Z."

Rey stepped away from him and tugged him down to sit on the ground. "What did she do?"

"Ember?" he asked. "Nothing, actually. She was very stoic about it, but still. I needed to know what to change so there's no resemblance left when I summon the Knights there. Her input was invaluable."

"Good."

Kylo eyed her after that meager response. He figured she probably had nothing else of import to say.

"Let me show you something," he said, smiling.

"What?"

"The facility's cook."

"Why would you want to show me a cook?" Rey asked, confused.

"Come here," he said, tugging her closer and cupping her head to look her in the eye. "I promise you it's worth it."

Not long after, they were both laughing hard.

"You must admit, he was rather creative," Rey hiccuped.

"He sure was."

"You didn't punish him?"

"No. I was warned and went there deliberately. I would be a boor if I punished him for that."

Rey let out a few more laughs before leaning against him. "Do you know when you'll invite the Knights?"

"Not yet. I need to discuss the alterations first and find out how long the facility will be under construction. I also want to discuss with Ember whether I would summon the Knights all at once, or in groups. She knows them better than I do."

"I'm afraid they'll turn against you."

"Rey," he said softly, cupping her chin and turning her head so she would look at him. "It will be fine. They won't take action against me so easily."

"But you said they're angry at you."

"Yes, but having Ember stand by me will make them hesitate. And, however sad it is to say, their indoctrination works in my favour."

"Because they're trained to obey?"

"Yes. As their Supreme Leader, I outrank them."

Rey nodded that she understood and a short silence fell.

"I'm planning on making Hux head of the facility."

She jerked away from him, giving him a surprised look. "Hux? The ginger? He's still alive?"

"I didn't tell you about him?"

"No. I for sure thought you'd killed him after Crait."

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. Thinking back on when he had first captured Hux, he didn't know how to feel about it. Sure, the man had earned his imprisonment twice over and even now that didn't feel like anywhere near enough of a punishment for him, but the way Kylo had tortured him… It didn't sit right anymore.

"He was plotting against me," Kylo started recounting. "I knew that from the beginning but, without him making a move, there was very little I could do. A lot of people followed his command, and with the vague circumstances of Snoke's death, simply taking him out would have complicated things.

"I kept him on his toes. I mistreated and threatened him every chance I got. There was a lot of anger in me back then, as you well know. It was only after I made rounds of all the main ships scattered throughout the galaxy that he made a move."

"What did he do?"

"He tried to kill me, of course," Kylo answered. "Ambushed me with some Troopers he'd recruited and attacked. Stupid man, as if I could be subdued by a few puny Troopers. I cut through them like butter."

Rey pulled away from him a little more and he realised his voice had sounded gleeful. He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed that fight—partially because he could finally deal with Hux, partially because he enjoyed fighting.

The latter wouldn't change. Part of him wanted to apologise to Rey, tell her it had been either him or them, but that hadn't been true. And he didn't feel apologetic at all. It had been a good fight and he had gotten rid of his enemies. Wasn't that something he could be joyful about?

He could feel Rey's emotions swirling through their bond, but couldn't quite identify them. He watched her as her eyes darted around and finally down to her hands and wondered what she was thinking.

"But you didn't kill Hux?" she asked.

"No." He sighed, not liking what he had to tell her next. "I interrogated him in order to flush out the rest of his followers. Then I… He became the one I vented my frustrations on. Looking back on it now, I'm surprised he didn't go crazy." Kylo worried his lips. "I'm not proud of it," he added.

"You told me you knew how to place images in people's heads, back when you wanted to teach me how to make a saber. Is that…?"

"Yes."

"Oh." There was a short silence. "Then when did you stop?"

Kylo snorted. "Right around the time you decided to talk to me again. I forgot about him. Quite literally forgot he even existed."

"What?"

"Even then, you were more important than anything else." Rey blushed and he smiled, reaching out to take her hand in his. "It was Phasma that eventually transferred him to his current cell. I only remembered him when he was involved in a Trooper-related incident. They were mocking him or something, I don't quite remember.

"Despite everything, he was still sane. I decided on the spot to see if he could still be useful and ordered him to write down his vision for the First Order. What he finally delivered was an obvious attempt to flatter me, and it still held some points of view that were too militaristic, but he talked sense at moments as well and it was, as a whole, very coherent.

"That's when I decided to give him reports to summarise. I wanted to see how honest he would remain. It was worth a shot and it would get some of that damned paperwork off my back."

"And now you think he's capable of running the facility?"

"Yes. What do you think about it?"

"Are you sure you can trust him? Writing summaries is one thing; giving him people at his disposal is another."

"Ember has already accepted the task of watching his every move. It will be her job to make sure he doesn't get it in his head to once more plot against me."

Rey blinked at him. "You trust _her_ that much?"

"She has pledged an oath to me. If I can't even trust that, then where do I stand?"

Rey seemed to mull that around in her head and he waited for her response. He knew that, if she said she was against it, he would find another solution. Her opinion meant the world to him.

"I don't know," Rey finally said, "but I trust you so I'll trust your decision."

Kylo's heart soared with her words. The smell of crushed grass reached him through the bond as he pulled her down to the ground and kissed her breathless.

They talked about little things, only stopping when Rey had to get back to the base and he had to make his way to his quarters. Later that evening, Kylo wrapped his arms around her as they were both lying in bed, and fell asleep with the warmth of her body pressed against his chest.


	49. Betrayal

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

When he walked out of his chambers the next day, there was still no sign of Phasma. He frowned and turned to the Trooper present.

"The commander has relayed that she will join you in an hour or two," the man promptly stated.

"What is she up to?"

"I have no idea, sir. We were not involved."

That caused Kylo to frown even more. Something was definitely wrong for Phasma to be behaving as such. There would be questions once she reappeared.

After training and breakfast, he found himself back in his office. As predicted—and wholly ignored while he was away—the amount of reports had piled up, even in his short absence. He half expected Derek to show up and harass him, despite how he had scared the man only days ago.

Kylo was working his way through his second report of the day when the door to his office hissed open. Phasma walked in, her helmet under her arm and a grave look on her face.

"Sir," she said.

"Finally," he answered, taking in her subdued body language. "What's going on?"

Much to his surprise and dismay, Phasma kneeled and bowed her head. "I have failed you, sir."

"You what?" he questioned, confused. "Commander, get up and explain."

"Sir. It appears there is a spy among your Troopers. I have failed in their screening and compromised your safety. Please meet out your punishment."

Kylo clenched his fists. "A spy?" he growled, trying to reign in the anger he could feel rising. He wasn't angry at Phasma, but at the fact that someone had betrayed him. His anger was aimed at the spy. "Explain fully," he commanded after a couple of deep breaths.

"I found it suspicious that Maz Kanata would know of your meeting with the girl," Phasma started, her head still bowed even though she was standing again. "Your Troopers and I handled the entire process. We were very meticulous. I doubted the information somehow got past us and the ship crew.

"While you visited the base yesterday, I took it upon myself to conduct a thorough research. The Troopers I sent with you to the base had already been cleared of suspicion. I was still conducting the screening when you arrived back, sir; my apologies for not greeting you.

"This morning, I confronted the Trooper responsible and transferred her to a secluded section of the prison. I did not involve any of your other Troopers as to not lower morale. I will leave it up to you how to further deal with this situation."

Kylo focussed intently on subduing his rage. He did not want Rey to notice through the bond and come ask questions, neither did he want to throw a fit. He liked to believe he had matured enough to prevent those from happening.

"Take me to this spy," he finally ordered through clenched teeth.

"Certainly, sir."

The Trooper that had escorted him that morning was still standing guard at the door. He looked from Phasma, to Kylo, and back, obviously unsure of what to do.

"Is my presence required, sir?" he finally asked.

"It is not," Kylo answered, trying his best to sound normal.

He realised he had no idea what his Troopers did all day when the man gave a greeting and strode off. Storing the information—or rather the lack of it—in the back of his mind, he followed Phasma towards the prison cells.

"Who is guarding her?"

"A couple of droids, sir. I've locked her in a secure cell. She's been stripped of her armour and weapons. The droids have been ordered to stun her if she gets too close to them or if she shows any signs of aggressive behaviour."

"She?"

"Yes, sir. Her chosen name is Jessy, her number TL-6703."

He didn't respond and followed Phasma in silence. By the time they arrived, he felt like he had a safe enough grip on his anger to confront the woman. Phasma unlocked the door and walked in first, her hand on the blaster strapped to her side. Kylo stepped in after her, assessing the woman standing in wait.

"Supreme Leader," Jessy greeted with a bow.

He wanted to comment on her audacity to greet him as if she was still one of his Troopers, when he felt Rey nudge him over the bond. Instead of voicing his opinion, he morphed his face into something menacingly contemplative and answered Rey in silence.

"I'm sorry, Rey, but now is not a good time. I'll explain later."

He tried to close their bond but she violently tugged at it. "What did you do?" she asked him, sounding stressed.

"Excuse me?"

"Ben, what did you do? Maz is in a right fit. She's glaring at me in that fierce way of hers and commanding that I contact you."

"What?" he shouted, forgetting about staying silent. He ignored the surprised looks from Phasma and Jessy.

"I've never seen her like this, Ben. What's going on?"

He snarled, turning furious eyes on the spy. "How does Maz already know you've been discovered?" he ground out as his rage turned into ice in his veins.

"Ben?" Rey questioned. He ignored her.

"How can you possibly know that she does?" Jessy answered, squaring her shoulders and facing him head on.

"Ben!" Rey cried out. "Explain to me what's going on! Maz keeps urging me to tell you her spies are neutral. What happened?"

"We caught one," he thought towards Rey, keeping his eyes fixed on Jessy's.

"What?" Rey exclaimed. "You had a spy on his ship?"

Kylo blinked in a moment's confusion until he realised Rey was getting equally as confused in their four-way conversation as he was.

"Maz wants to talk to you."

"Isn't she already?"

Rey snorted. "This is confusing. Can I show you my surroundings? I'll have her talk to thin air," she said, sounding irked.

"I need to relocate first. I'll contact you."

She hummed and closed the bond. Kylo could almost see her glaring at Maz and wondered what she would be telling the small woman between now and when they connected again.

"You will stay here until further notice," he snapped at Jessy, before turning and stalking out of the cell.

Phasma quickly followed. "Sir?" she questioned.

"Maz got to Rey and harassed her to contact me. It seems this woman knows more than we thought if she knows we can communicate."

The idea that someone knew about the bond filled him with dread. The entire situation filled him with dread and rage. He marched further down the hall and into another cell.

"Guard the door," he barked at Phasma before walking in and nudging Rey.

Rey immediately responded, shimmering into view with an annoyed expression on her face. She tilted her head at him and he nodded. Not long after, he found himself in an unknown meeting room. He narrowed his eyes at Maz and growled.

"He's standing over there," Rey said with a wave in his direction. "He wanted to see you, and now he can. I'll convey his words."

"Good," Maz said, turning towards Kylo with scary accuracy.

"You!" Kylo bellowed. "You dare plant a spy on the _Supremacy_ , let alone in my personal guard? What is your goal, puny woman? How many secrets are you selling, and to whom? I do not take kindly to this invasion of my privacy. There will be consequences." He took a step forward. "There will be hell to pay."

"Ben," Rey interrupted.

He gave her a sideways look, having all but forgotten about her in his anger. He ground his teeth but nodded.

Rey sighed and turned to Maz. "He's mad, understandably. You did put a _spy_ in his honour guard. He's anything but happy with it and wonders about what you've done with the information you've gathered." She glanced at him before continuing. "He's promising retribution."

Kylo turned and stared at her. "Really, Rey?" he questioned.

She shrugged in response.

"Don't be so bloody kind to her!"

"I'm not going to yell at her like you did."

"He yelled at me?" Maz interceded.

"Of course he yelled at you, Maz. He's pissed off. So am I."

"What will he do with my spy?"

Rey looked at him for an answer. Kylo growled again and dragged a hand through his hair.

"Do you think you can uphold a two-way bond? Or are you too tired?" he asked Rey. "I'll help, of course."

"Like when… Like that one time?" she asked in response.

"Yes."

She tilted her head. "We can try," she said before walking up to Maz. "We're going to try something," Rey told the tiny woman. "I don't know how long I can keep it up, so make it a short conversation."

Maz made a noncommittal noise and nodded. As Rey put her hand on Maz's shoulder, Kylo poured his energy into the bond, helping her to widen it.

"Kylo Ren," Maz said, signaling their success. "Long time, no see."

"Don't act so cordial with me, woman!" Kylo snapped. "You really think you can put a spy within my guard and get away with it?"

He approached her, staring down at the woman that only barely reached halfway up his thighs. She seemed unperturbed with him looming over her.

"You will tell me what you know and what you did with the information," he hissed at Maz. "And you will pay for this; I can guarantee you that!"

Kylo only barely managed to suppress a flinch as the tiny woman poked him in the leg.

"Oh, get off your high horse, Kylo Ren! It's not like you don't have any spies in our camps."

"Not in your main base, I don't," he admitted.

Maz chuckled. "And we both know the reason for that," she responded with a glance at Rey. "Besides, you do know where it is, don't you?"

Kylo only glared at her in response and Maz gave him a smug smile.

"I only wish to ask you not to kill Jessy. My spies are all neutral," Maz continued.

"Yet, you now live with—and I guess even run—the Resistance," he sneered at her.

"Well, you did blow up my watering hole."

He curled his lip, knowing she was right but also remembering the hologram she had secretly delivered to him after.

Maz gave him another one of her infuriating, knowing looks. "I collect knowledge for the sake of knowledge," she said. "When I figured out the bond between you two, I tried to call Jessy back. She refused, stating she wanted to stay because 'things were getting interesting'. I'm telling you she is neutral."

"I'm having a hard time believing that."

"Boy! I'm more than a thousand years old. If you live that long, a home becomes tiny and a planet becomes a boring place. Seeing the big players in the Galaxy one-up each other is the only entertainment I have."

"You are no longer neutral in this, so neither are your spies."

"I'm keeping a bunch of hot-heads from committing suicide missions. That's hardly picking a side. If any, it would seem I'm choosing yours."

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you expect me to do? Keep her on my team? Have her continue to relay information to you? Or send her back to you and making it easier for her to communicate everything she knows? So you can ask her to draw up plans and schematics of the _Supremacy_?"

"Oh, don't fret, boy. I already have all of those. There won't be anything new she could tell me."

Kylo exploded. He barely managed to restrain himself from hitting Maz, but he could distantly hear items crashing. It gave him a bit of vertigo to know he had destroyed a room but having the one he was seeing remain undamaged.

"You truly expect me to allow her to live if she revealed so much classified information? Has your age addled your brain?"

"Don't insult me, Kylo Ren! I can see the man you are, the one you were, and the one you're becoming."

He snorted, covering up the insecurity he felt. That woman saw too much. "And what would I gain from letting her go?" he questioned.

"She's the only one left on your ship. The others were recalled some time ago. Your ship will be free of my spies."

"You think I'm gullible?" he snarled.

"I think you don't _want_ to kill her."

"Then you don't know me at all."

"Ben…"

Both Maz and Kylo glanced at Rey. She was sweating, her eyes pinched closed, and her mouth set in a thin line.

Maz turned towards him and raised a non-existent eyebrow.

"I will take your words into consideration," he snapped at Maz before turning towards Rey. "Let go, Rey," he said, ignoring yet another one of Maz's smiles.

"You're not finished yet," Rey muttered.

"We've said what needed to be said, girl," Maz intervened. "There is no use in exhausting yourself further."

Hating himself for it, Kylo found himself agreeing with her. "You better take good care of her," he threatened Maz before gently disengaging the bond.

He blinked and found himself back on the _Supremacy_ , in the middle of a wrecked room. Even though everything in the cell had been bolted against either the floor or the wall, the furniture was still bent beyond recognition. Somehow, slashes had appeared on the wall even though he hadn't as much as touched his saber.

"Phasma!" he yelled.

The door immediately hissed open. "Yes, sir?" Phasma asked, covertly glancing around the room before returning her attention to him.

"We need to talk," Kylo stated.


	50. A Neutral Spy

_A/N: As always, thank you SirenBanshee for sticking with me despite me still not having learned the proper use of a semicolon._

xXxXxXx

Kylo started pacing as the door closed behind Phasma.

"She knows too much," he said.

"The spy, sir?"

"No. Well, yes, her too, but I'm talking about Maz Kanata."

"What exactly happened, sir? If I may know?"

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. "Right after we entered Jessy's cell, Rey contacted me saying Maz was badgering her to talk to me. Somehow, _somehow,_ she already knew we caught Jessy." He turned towards Phasma. "Have you checked her for implants and other communication equipment?"

"Yes, sir. I will check again."

"Do that." He recommenced his pacing. "What worries me more is that Maz knows about the bond between Rey and me. It seems that she has known for quite some time. The damage she could do with the information…" He shook his head, grimacing. "Yet, she claims to be neutral."

"Neutral, sir?" Phasma echoed. "Isn't she with the Resistance?"

"Ha!" He made a wild gesture with his hand. "Exactly what I said, but she claims to be doing nothing more than preventing suicide missions on their part. She kept requesting to spare Jessy, based on her neutrality, and because Maz claims to already know everything.

"Apparently, this woman uses knowledge to compensate for her lack of size! Insisting she only gathers it for her own entertainment. As if I'm to believe that. As if I'm to believe that Jessy truly is the last spy on this ship only because she refused to leave when requested. Have you ever heard such absurdity?"

"It does seem rather far-fetched, sir," Phasma replied. He could hear some uncertainty in her voice. "Could you perhaps ask _her_ what she thinks about it?"

"You may call her Rey, Phasma, and I can't. Not right now, that is. Her connection with the Force grows stronger every day, but the conversation took a lot from her. She should be resting right now, not tire herself out even more." He growled. "This Maz is a threat. And there is nothing I can do about her, not without starting the war again."

"What shall I tell the other Troopers, sir?" Phasma asked, diverting the conversation.

Kylo stopped his pacing again. "How do you think they'll react if we tell them the truth?"

Phasma took a moment to think before answering. "It is hard to predict, sir. They might band together even more than they do now, or they might grow wary of each other, harming their cooperation."

He grunted, dismayed. "Would you risk it?"

"I'm uncomfortable making that call, sir."

Kylo scoffed. "Then we give them an excuse." He waved his hand in a vague, almost dismissive manner. "Tell them she went on a scouting mission or something." He straightened his posture, a vague idea forming in his head. "Maz knew about this real quick, didn't she?"

"I agree, sir." Phasma's reply had a questioning quality to it.

"I need to know exactly how fast Jessy can get a hold of Maz, and whether or not it's a two-way communication."

"Sir?"

Ignoring her, he brushed past Phasma and walked out the door. Kylo could hear the commander rush after him as he headed back towards Jessy's cell.

"Sir!" Phasma protested as he barged in, not allowing her to go first.

Jessy shot up from where she had been sitting on her bunk. "Supreme Leader," she greeted.

"How do you communicate with her?" Kylo barked more forcefully than intended. Seeing Jessy had once more sparked his anger.

"I'm unwilling to give up that information, sir."

"Unwilling?" he yelled at her. "You have no qualms betraying the First Order, betraying _me_ , yet you stay loyal to that woman? Why? Do you hate me so?"

"No, sir," Jessy answered, staying remarkably calm. "Rather on the contrary, you are a most interesting person."

The statement took him by surprise. "Then why?"

"I was already hers when I joined the program, sir. In all technicality, I didn't turn against you."

"As if the distinction will save you now!"

"I hold it close to my heart, sir. I have no wish to betray you. I'm loyal to both you and Maz."

"How is that even possible?" Phasma snapped.

"Maz is neutral," Jessy answered.

Kylo snorted. "And you believe that?"

"Yes, otherwise I would not have offered up any information."

He stared at her, trying to detect a lie but finding none. "How are you so calm?" he finally asked.

"Sir. I knew this might happen from the very first day I joined Maz's network. There is no use in panicking. I will accept my punishment."

"Prove that you're loyal to me," Kylo demanded. "Give up some of Maz's information."

Jessy blinked, obviously confused. From the corner of his eye, Kylo could see Phasma turn her head towards him as well.

"Prove it," he repeated.

Jessy regarded him, contemplating. Kylo had always thought she had keen eyes and now he could see the intelligence they hid.

The woman seemed to come to a conclusion and sighed. "I'm the last of Maz's spies on this ship," she offered.

"Not good enough," Kylo answered. "Maz already told me that, although it's good to hear it confirmed."

Jessy's eyes widened. "She did? Maz must think highly of you then. But when and why did she tell you?" Jessy tilted her head to the side. "And how do _you_ communicate with her?"

Kylo gave her a sly grin, lifting an eyebrow in challenge.

"I see," Jessy said, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Information for information?" Another sigh. "I was the one to plant the hologram," she finally conceded.

"YOU!" Kylo roared.

"I'm sorry, sir," Jessy said, not sounding sorry at all, her lips twitching even harder. "Maz was quite disgruntled at having to relocate."

He marched up to her, grasping her chin and forcing their eyes to meet. Kylo penetrated her mind—ignoring Jessy's flinch—just deep enough to determine with certainty whether or not Jessy was lying. He knew he could force all the secrets out of them, but that would only serve to alienate the woman.

"If Maz ordered you to kill me, would you?" he demanded.

"No, sir. I would refuse."

Kylo was surprised at the truth of her words. There wasn't the slightest hesitation, nor doubt.

"Then what will happen to you?"

"Nothing, sir. All Maz's spies are free to draw their own lines."

He released her and stepped back, dragging a hand through his hair. The entire situation baffled him.

"How fast can you communicate with her?"

"I will not give up that information, sir."

Kylo growled. "I'm not asking you how; I'm asking how fast."

Jessy narrowed her eyes at him, contemplating. "It varies," she finally answered.

"On what?"

She shook her head.

"Answer me!" Kylo yelled. "Your life depends on this communication of yours," he continued more controlled.

She looked away from him. "On whether or not she's listening."

"And when she's listening?"

"It's instantaneous, sir."

He could hear the reluctance in her voice. "Does it go both ways?" he demanded.

"Sir!" Jessy protested.

"Does. It. Go. Both. Ways?"

"Yes, sir! Please ask no more."

"Fine," he snapped.

He swirled around and walked back towards the door. Before he left, he turned to regard Jessy over his shoulder.

"Don't kill yourself," he grumbled. "I'm inclined to spare your life."

He caught a glimpse of her bow as he and Phasma walked through the door and it closed.

"Sir," Phasma ventured hesitantly, "what is your verdict concerning me?"

Kylo regarded her, uncomprehending.

"I allowed a spy to infiltrate your ranks, sir. I have failed you in the worst way possible."

Still, he regarded her. True, she had failed. Having a spy in his entourage could have turned out detrimental. However strange it was, they were lucky it had been a spy of Maz and not someone else.

"How did you figure out it was her?" he asked.

"I had to retrace all our communication, sir," Phasma answered. "I had split the information up so that no-one knew the entire mission. Eventually, I discovered that Jessy had somehow managed to access all of it."

"That's it?"

"Sir?"

"That's all that incriminates her?"

"Yes, sir."

He looked from Phasma to the closed door of Jessy's cell. "She must be really good, then," he mumbled.

"Even though my failure is inexcusable, I believe she stayed undetected for so long because whichever information she transferred wasn't used."

"What do you mean?"

"There was no other irregular activities. For as far as I know, that is. I could not find any traces that pointed towards information used for other's benefits. Maz manipulating Rey into using that particular ship was the only instance."

Kylo gazed at her intently. "You believe Maz's neutrality is true? That she doesn't use the information she gathers?"

"I'm inclined to, sir."

He hummed in response. Even though Phasma had indeed failed, he was uncertain how to deal with it. The damage was minimal and, with Jessy's skill, it was unsurprising that she'd stayed undetected for so long. The rage that had been smouldering in his blood suddenly disappeared, leaving him feeling drained.

"No verdict just yet, Phasma," he said, sounding tired even to his own ears. "I need to think this through. All of it. And speak with Rey once she's slept off her exhaustion." He regarded his commander solemnly. "This is the first time you've failed me, commander," he said. "I suggest you don't panic." It was all he could give her at that moment.

"Sir!" Phasma exclaimed with a bowed salute.

"Let's head back," he said, feeling weary.

"What about Jessy, sir?"

"Just leave her there for the time being. I think she might be of use."

"I will do as you command, sir."

Kylo nodded, accepting Phasma's need for deference. He knew she took pride in her work and that the failure must come as a real blow.

Along the way back to his office, he checked the time and was surprised by how little of it had gone by. He felt like it should already be well into the afternoon, while in reality the entire situation had taken up only an hour and a half.

He settled into his office chair—Phasma solemnly taking up her post outside his door—but did not reach for any of the documents waiting for him. His resisted the strong urge to contact Rey and see if she was alright, not wanting to interrupt if she was sleeping. Despite everything, he trusted Maz to bully Rey into taking some rest, whether she wanted it or not.

Kylo buried his head in his hands, replaying his conversation with the tiny woman. Nobody knew exactly how old Maz was, and something told him Maz had lost count of the years herself. It hit him how _young_ everybody must seem to her. What was 29 years compared to 1000?

He snorted, wondering how he would react if a 3-year-old tried to intimidate him. The idea was preposterous. No wonder Maz had stayed so calm, even daring to poke him.

Sighing, Kylo leaned back in his chair. He realised he feared the woman. The thought alone made him curl his lip. He was the Supreme Leader! He was supposed to fear nothing. Yet, this woman had seen so much that he wondered exactly how much she could predict. Did she know where this was heading? Did she know how he would end up?

He shook his head, trying to dispel the unsettling thoughts. Suddenly, Chewie's old stories of days long gone gained an entirely new meaning. How many friends had the Wookie already lost because of his longevity? How many had Maz?

He slammed his hand on his desk and stood abruptly. There was no way he was going to be able to focus. He stalked out of his office.

"I need to spar," he grunted as he walked past Phasma. Three steps further, he stopped dead in his tracks. "Say," he said, turning back with a wicked grin, "would you consider it a punishment if I defeated you in combat? Several times in a row?"

"Uhm, sir?"

"I'm in no mood to hold back, commander. You're good, very good; I admit that from last time we sparred, but I doubt you can match me at full force."

Phasma pulled back a little, her eyes going wide behind her mask.

"You'll end up battered and bruised, have no doubt," Kylo pushed.

After a breath, Phasma saluted. "I will accept my punishment, Supreme Leader."

Kylo's grin widened. "Good," he said.

Fifteen minutes into their first bout, he knocked Phasma to her knees. Fueled by leftovers of his anger and irritation, and using the Force to track Phasma's movements, Kylo was, indeed, not holding back and giving his commander a solid battering.


	51. Using a Spy?

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Two and a half hours later, Kylo finally put an end to his training/sparring match/punishment session. Breathing heavily, he watched Phasma laboriously push herself back upright, using her staff to pull herself into a standing position. He could see she was completely worn out. Parts of her armour were dented; other parts had been damaged so badly she had discarded them completely.

"Enough," he said as his commander settled herself back into a defensive position.

"Oh, thank the Force, sir!" Phasma exclaimed, quickly sinking back to the ground.

Kylo chuckled and followed her example, near exhaustion himself. He had to admit that Phasma was formidable and with an undestroyable determination.

"You are dismissed, commander," he said. "We are even now. Go to the med bay and rest up after."

"I'm fine, sir," Phasma protested. "I can finish my shift at your side."

Kylo raised an eyebrow. "You've been favouring your left hand since about three quarters of an hour ago. You took a rather nasty blow to the head. Go to the med bay, Phasma; that's an order. I expect you back at my side tomorrow, well rested. And just to be clear, if any of our Troopers ask, Jessy is on a scouting mission."

Phasma sighed. "Yes, sir."

With another chuckle, Kylo stood. "I'm going to take a shower," he said to no-one in particular.

Phasma remained seated on the floor. He guessed she would flop down on her back as soon as he left the room. Opening the door, he was greeted by another one of his Troopers.

"Tomorrow," he said over his shoulder, "you'll also explain to me how you communicate with my Troopers. They're eerily accurate at predicting when they're needed."

"Yes, sir."

With a minute shake of his head, Kylo stepped out of the doorway. The clang of armour he heard right before the door closed affirmed his earlier assumption. From the way the Trooper was looking between him and the door, he'd heard it too.

"Don't worry," Kylo said, taking off towards his quarters. "She's fine, merely exhausted."

The Trooper didn't respond and followed him in silence. Along the way, he ordered a droid to fetch him a late lunch. His bout with Phasma had rid him of his nervous energy, but there were still thoughts tumbling one over the other in his head. He decided to first shower, then eat, and then meditate in an attempt to sort them out.

He had been meditating for about half an hour when he felt Rey nudge him.

"Rey," he answered. "You should be resting."

"I'm fine."

He could hear the roll of her eyes in the tone of her voice. Opening his eyes, he saw her settle down on the ground in front of him. He frowned and reached out to pull her closer, caressing her face and looking her in the eye.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I can take care of myself, Ben!" Rey protested with a glare.

"Yes, but you're also stubborn as a bulltahir."

"I have no idea what a bulltahir is, but I'm sure they are lovely creatures."

"Let's just be happy that, apart from your stubbornness, you are nothing like them."

She put her hands on her hips, mirth evident in her eyes. "You compare me to an unlovable creature?"

Kylo opened his mouth and then closed it again, unsure how to answer that statement. Rey smiled.

"I suggest you apologise with a kiss," she said.

"A kiss, hmm," he replied. "How about two, or three?"

Rey giggled as he first kissed one cheek, then the other, before kissing her mouth. He found that he loved the sound. Their kiss deepened. He felt like he would never get enough of her. Suddenly, Rey pulled away and he looked at her in alarm.

"You!" she exclaimed, slapping his chest lightly. "You make me forget that I have to ask you a question."

Oddly enough, that made him swell with pride. "Shall I make you forget some more?" he asked, leaning in.

"Oh."

With a lazy smile, he watched a bright-red blush spread across Rey's cheeks. He could tell her pupils were dilated, darkening her eyes. With a chuckle, he pulled back. There were so many things he would love to do with her, but he didn't want to push or scare her.

"So, what is it you needed to ask me?"

"I- Uhm. Right, question." She shook her head lightly, as if to clear it. "Maz wants to know about Jessy."

Kylo felt irritation rise. "Maz has been bugging you to contact me? While you should be resting?"

"No!" Rey stated with force. "No, that's not it." She gave him an impish smile. "You could say I've been badgering Maz the last hour or so."

He raised an eyebrow. "Have you now?"

"I can't believe she had a spy on your ship!" Rey exclaimed.

"Well, I am the enemy," he answered. "At least according to them."

"But you're not."

"I'm not," he confirmed. "Not anymore. But they don't know that and they probably won't believe it quite so easily."

"But…"

He touched her cheek again, warmed by her belief in him. "How much did Maz tell you? Do you know how much she knows?"

Rey sighed. "Obviously, she figured out about the bond between us. She also noticed that you're not attacking any of our hideouts. From what she said, I think she's giving you the benefit of the doubt."

"The benefit of the doubt, hmm?"

"Well, yes. She said that, as soon as she figured out we were talking to each other, she tried to pull Jessy back because she didn't want to risk interfering. Then she said something about potential being buried far beneath the surface of dark eyes, but I have no idea what she meant by that."

"Nothing more?"

"No, she's infuriating. Let's you rant at her, then nods and says something like 'I hear you' before changing the subject. She hardly says anything, really."

He chuckled. "I can imagine," he said. "Well, you can tell Maz that Jessy is safe for now."

"She is?"

"You thought I would kill her?"

Rey bit her lip. "She _is_ a spy…"

"And you would not fault me for killing a spy?"

She shrugged. "It's understandable."

"My little sandrat," he said, planting a kiss on her lips. "But no, I'm not killing her yet. You see, Maz is not the only one who noticed I'm not attacking the Resistance anymore. Phasma warned me not so long ago that this might lead to unrest. People would start thinking I'm weak."

"For not attacking?"

"Yes. The First Order is very much a militaristic force. They expect me to conquer my enemies and such." He dragged a hand through his hair. "I'm in no position yet to tell them we're not enemies anymore. Neither my side nor yours would accept that and it would end up in mutiny."

"What's this got to do with Jessy?"

"She has an almost instant connection with Maz. I have no idea how; I only know Maz can receive Jessy's messages instantly when Maz is listening for them, and that the connection goes both ways."

"You think they have a Force connection?"

Kylo stared at Rey. He had _not_ thought of that. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I'll check Jessy for the Force tomorrow. I doubt it, though. That would mean all Maz's spies are Force users. It would mean Maz is one."

"I asked her that once," Rey said. "She answered that she wasn't."

"She could have been lying."

"Maybe, but why would she? Why would she not teach me if she was a Force user?"

Kylo contemplated this. "It would be weird for her not to teach you, indeed. I will still test Jessy, though, just to be sure."

"Okay," Rey complied with a nod. "Though I still don't understand what this is about."

"I was thinking that perhaps we can use their connection to stage a couple of attacks. It would be near impossible to arrange it through our connection. Everybody would be looking at me so I can't risk seeming absent. I don't know how involved you are at your side, but I fear it would seem odd if you're involved with every attack I launch."

"You would use Jessy as a bridge between the two parties?"

"Yes, in order to minimise casualties."

"You trust her for that?"

"No." He dragged his hand through his hair again. "That's the problem: I don't. I can't let her into my personal guard with her connection to Maz still intact. I can't risk her passing along more confidential information, but I need that connection for this to work. Putting her in another department, outside of my guard, will make things too complicated." He sighed.

"What does Phasma say about this?" Rey asked.

"She doesn't know yet."

"Why not?"

"I wanted to talk to you first; you know Maz better than we do. Plus, she took finding Jessy quite hard. She insisted that I punish her for failing me."

"She what?"

Kylo shrugged. "She took it as a failure that my guard got infiltrated. In a certain sense, it is. She's responsible for their recruitment and a spy is a huge oversight. I'm not angry at her, though. She told me how minutely she had to search to discover Jessy."

"Oh, okay. So you didn't punish her?"

"I already did."

"You did?"

"Yes." Kylo grinned. "We sparred without me holding back."

"Ben!"

"What?" he asked, looking at Rey's perplexed face. "She's fine. Some cuts and bruises, perhaps a sprained wrist, maybe a slight concussion, mostly exhaustion. Nothing the med bay and some rest can't fix."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"But… It's Phasma! How could you harm her?"

Kylo frowned. "She insisted, Rey," he answered. "What would you have suggested? At least now, she got exercise and a learning experience out of it. If I hadn't bruised her up, she would not have accepted it as a punishment. Besides, apart from Ember, she's the only one who can hold her own against me, and for obvious reasons I can't let Ember in on what's happening."

Rey tilted her head, looking surprised. "Oh. I hadn't thought of it like that."

He gave her a lazy smile. "What do you think of the general idea?" he asked.

"Of staging attacks? If your position depends on it, then I think this might be the best solution. I'm sure Maz will agree if it will keep Jessy alive." Rey fidgeted. "Perhaps she may be willing to give an oath not to prod Jessy for information anymore? Would that help?"

"Would she stick to it?"

"I've never known her to lie."

"She's over a thousand years old. Who knows how shrewd she's become."

They sat in silence for a while, lost in thought. It was a conundrum that all came down to who to trust.

"Should I ask her?" Rey questioned eventually.

"Yes, but give her no guarantees; I might change my mind about this. Also, ask her how the communication works. Jessy has been scanned for implants and nothing was found. I need to know where the oversight lies."

Rey nodded. "I'll go ask right now."

"Now?" Ben echoed, loathe to have her leaving.

"She's coming this way," Rey answered with a wry smile. "I've been tracking her movements throughout the compound ever since I woke up."

Kylo pecked her on the lips. "Don't overexert yourself, okay?" he said.

"Stop worrying," Rey answered with a smile and a peck in return.

She shimmered out of view and Kylo decided to return to his meditation. No matter what they decided to do, there was a lot at stake. Killing Jessy risked alienating Maz, which was probably a lot more dangerous than it sounded. If he cancelled the plan, he could always send Jessy back to the Resistance but he felt that, in that case, he should tell the rest of his Troopers the truth. Like Phasma had said, that could either turn out good or bad. Executing the plan meant keeping Jessy and risking her forwarding more information to Maz, oath or no oath.

Kylo massaged his temples. Either way, he would first consult with Phasma before making his final decision. It was his commander, after all, who would have to continue working with Jessy. If Phasma couldn't stomach it, there was no use in trying.

With a sigh, he settled down and emptied his mind, awaiting Rey's return. Time drifted as he connected with the Force and floated between the stars.

When he opened his eyes again, Rey was lying on his bed, dozing. With a fond smile, he walked over to her and brushed some hair out of her eyes.

Rey blinked. "Oh, hi, you're back."

"Why didn't you pull me out of my meditation?"

"You looked so peaceful."

He continued brushing his hands over her hair and Rey hummed with contentment. Her words made him wonder if she had watched him like he watched her when she was asleep.

"Did you get a hold of Maz?" he asked, sitting down on the bed and gently placing Rey's head in his lap.

"Yes. She's willing to pledge the oath but reminded me that her spy is free to do as she pleases."

"So, she's willing not to ask for information but she can't stop Jessy from giving it to her?"

"Yeah, I believe that's what she was saying."

"Then I'll need an oath from Jessy too." Kylo sighed. "Tomorrow morning, so you can get a full night's sleep before we have another two-way conversation."

"I can do it now," Rey protested.

"No, I refuse. You're going to rest first. I would even wait until the afternoon if it wasn't for that blasted meeting."

"What meeting?"

"We're meeting builders to go over the necessary changes for the base. I still haven't decided if I want it to become a permanent one or not." He really wasn't looking forward to it. Apart from the decisions to be made, it would be a veritable character balancing act.

"A permanent base? For the Knights?"

"Yes. It's something Ember mentioned: whether or not I wanted the base to become a permanent gathering place for the Knights. A sort of home base, if it were."

"They don't have one now?"

"No. They are always scattered throughout the fleet. In between assignments, they are free to go as they please, unless they have observational duty."

"What about the kids?"

Kylo frowned, confused. "Kids? What kids?"

"I doubt you'll let Base Z exist for longer than absolutely necessary. When it closes, where will the Force sensitive children go to? Will they still become Knights? If so, then they need a new training facility. Why not combine the two?"

His hand stopped caressing her hair as he lost himself in thought. Rey mewled in protest, but he barely heard. After a minute—in which Rey had turned her head to look up at him—he grinned widely.

"Rey," he said, looking down at her, "you are a genius! I can't give them full orders yet—they still think I agree with Base Z after all—but I can make it so we can expand for it later."

Rey smiled at him. "Good," she said, before sitting up and yawning. "They're calling me for dinner. I'll see you after?"

When he nodded, still half in thought, she gave him a short kiss and disappeared again.


	52. Discussing Plans

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo woke exceptionally early. He kissed the still sleeping Rey on the cheek, disentangled himself, and carefully climbed out of bed. Phasma was just relieving the night's guard when he walked out the door.

"You're up early, sir," she commented.

"Yes, we have matters to discuss. There will be another Force meeting with Maz this morning, and I need to speak with Ember before going into the development meeting this afternoon."

Phasma nodded and Kylo set off towards his office, where he knew they wouldn't be overheard.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm fine, sir."

Kylo glanced at her and realised she would say that no matter how she was actually feeling.

"Answer honestly, Phasma. How's the wrist?"

Phasma grunted in annoyance. "It was slightly strained but they patched it right up."

"And the head?"

"Minor concussion. I've been treated. They gave me some medication for the headaches I'm prone to have for a couple of days."

"And are you taking the medication?"

Phasma didn't respond.

"Take the meds, Phasma," Kylo sighed. "I need you to be able to think."

"I will, sir."

"Good. Any other injuries?"

"Seriously, sir?"

Kylo stopped and turned toward her. "You're important, Phasma."

"I'm _fine_ , sir."

"So you said just a minute ago, right before admitting to a concussion and headaches. I'm disinclined to believe you."

Phasma glared at him. "I have two bruised ribs; they'll probably bother me for some time as well. I need to check back in at the med bay tomorrow evening."

"That's all of it?"

"Yes, sir."

He nodded and they walked on in silence.

"Sir?" Phasma eventually asked.

"Yes?"

"Did you really hold nothing back?"

Kylo snorted. "There would have been no fun in freezing you with the Force and beating you up like a droid." He looked at Phasma again. "I went as far as I could go without killing you or damaging you beyond the reasonable. It was always my objective to have you back at my side today. Does that answer your question?"

"You could have killed me had you wanted to?"

"I hit you in the head, Phasma; what do you think?" Kylo sighed, understanding what she wanted to know. "I didn't ignore any openings you gave me; I merely reigned in my strength when I used them."

"Thank you, sir."

"For what?" he answered, a teasing tone to his voice. "For telling you I could have killed you? Or for not beating you to a pulp?"

"Both, sir," she answered dryly.

As they arrived at his office, Phasma spoke up again. "Sir?"

"Yes?" he answered as he motioned her to follow him into the room.

"If it's no inconvenience to you, I would like to spar with you more often."

He looked up at her, surprised.

"I believe it would improve my skills," Phasma continued.

He nodded his assent. "It's a shame I need to keep physical contact with you in order for you to see Rey, and that such a three-way connection is so straining. Otherwise, the three of us could have trained together."

"How good is she, sir?"

Kylo let out a short laugh. "You would still be able to beat her, if that's what you're asking. She lacks experience but she's getting better, fast."

Phasma nodded. "You said there were other things you wanted to discuss?"

"Yes," he answered, sitting down in his desk chair. He wanted to tell Phasma to sit down as well but realised suddenly that there were no other chairs. "Why don't I have any other chairs besides my own?" he said.

"That's what you wanted to talk about, sir?"

He looked at her. "No, of course not, but you can't sit."

"I'm good standing, sir."

"Still…" Kylo muttered, planning to order a couple of extra chairs later. "I want to discuss Jessy with you," he said.

Phasma stiffened. "Sir."

"I think we can use her."

"Use her, sir?"

"You mentioned, not so long ago, that the lack of attacks on the Resistance would be noticed and become problematic. Jessy has a direct link to Maz, who's currently in charge of the Resistance. By using this connection, we could coördinate scoutings and attacks with minimal casualties."

"Can't the connection between you and Rey be used for that?" Phasma asked.

"It would be too obvious, as both me and her would have to be present at each and every one of these actions. It would be less suspicious if I put some of my Troopers in charge of the operation."

"And you trust Jessy after all this?"

"No." Kylo laughed mirthlessly. "No, not at all, but it's an option we have. Killing her is too risky; we don't want to antagonise Maz. The only other option is to send her back." He dragged a hand through his hair. "I don't exactly like it either, as it would mean allowing her back with the Troopers and not telling them about what happened. The only upside to it is that Maz has agreed to pledge an oath not to use Jessy for any information gathering anymore. If we get Jessy to pledge not to transfer any information other than what's needed for the attacks, and with you breathing down her neck, it's as safe as it can get."

"I don't like this, sir. She _betrayed_ you."

He leaned back in his chair and snarled. "I know. We'll keep her separated and on missions as much as possible. There will need to be a constant control on the information she accesses. And if anything, even the smallest tidbit of information, goes to Maz, she dies."

He looked up at Phasma, intent on her reaction. "Whether or not I set this plan in motion depends on whether or not _you_ can agree to it. You'll be the one who has to continue working with her and who will be coordinating the actual scoutings and attacks. If you say you can't stand to work with her anymore, Jessy goes back to Maz."

"Can I think about it, sir?"

Kylo gently reached out to Rey and smiled. "Rey is still sleeping; that gives us some time." He looked up at Phasma. "I was planning on speaking to both you and Ember at the same time concerning the facility, but I'll fill you in now so you have some time to think."

"The facility, sir?"

"Yes. Ember made the suggestion to make the facility a more permanent base for the Knights. I'm going to agree with this and add to it: it will also become a training facility for new Knights."

Phasma shifted in surprise and he smiled.

"It's all good and well that we're going to train the existing Knights in the Force, but there will be more Force sensitive children coming into the training programs. We shipped out those that were in the Trooper programs now, but we can't continue dumping them on the Resistance in the future. Instead, the elite force known as the Knights will continue to exist, but they'll be learning to work with the Force from the very first day."

Even with her helmet on, Kylo could see that Phasma was gaping at him.

"But, sir, that would mean- You would no longer be-" she stuttered.

"The strongest?" he offered. "At some point in the future, probably not, no. But I only need to be the strongest if we continue a regime based on fear. Aren't we trying to shift to a regime based on respect?"

"You make a good point, sir."

He smiled. "Good. Think about the Jessy-issue and please summon Ember."

"Yes, sir."

As she left, Kylo looked at his covered desk. Today, he and Rey were supposed to train together but, given the circumstances, he figured it best to postpone it a day. He gave all the papers a mental middle finger and followed Phasma back into the hallway.

"On second thought, have her come to the training rooms. I'm going to train."

"Yes, sir. Isn't today one of your special training sessions?"

"It would be, yes, but with everything going on, we'd better do that tomorrow."

They walked in silence until Phasma spoke up again. "Sir, Ember told Trooper Natasha that she'll be there as soon as she's had her morning coffee."

"You know," Kylo answered with a nod, "that's the first time ever I've seen you use your com."

Phasma didn't answer. They arrived at the training rooms, and after ordering to let Ember in as soon as she arrived, he walked in and easily fell into his regular exercises.

"Ben?" he heard about fifteen minutes later.

A still very rumpled looking Rey appeared in front of him.

"Good morning, Rey," he answered silently, smiling.

"You're already training?"

"Yes. I thought we'd better postpone our training until tomorrow." He wanted to give her a kiss, but refrained. "I'm sorry, but Ember can arrive here any moment. I need to discuss the plans for the facility with her."

"Oh, okay, I understand… When do you want to talk to Maz?"

"We'll head down to the prison cells after I've talked to Ember. Jessy needs to agree to the plan first, and give her oath against further sharing any information, before I need that oath from Maz. How fast can you get Maz alone?"

"30 minutes, I think."

"Then I'll let you know when we head down?"

Rey nodded and yawned. Kylo smiled.

"You're adorable when you're sleepy, you know that?"

She shot him a mock glare. "I'm going to shower," she said, before disappearing from view.

After a small laugh, Kylo resumed his training. He had barely gone through one more routine when the door to the room slid open and Ember walked in.

"Good morning," she greeted formally, before adding, "Why are you up at this ungodly hour?"

Kylo snorted. "It's not that early."

Ember merely grumbled in response. "You wanted to see me about something?"

"Yes." He clipped his saber back on his belt and summoned a cushion. He watched Ember walk towards the corner that held the cushions. "Summon it," he said.

"Really?" she blurted.

"It's a cushion. It's not like it can do any damage. And I'm here in case you accidentally move other stuff around. Give it a shot."

It took Ember a couple of tries and some curses but, eventually, a cushion came zooming her way, only so fast that it smacked right into her face. Kylo tried his hardest not to burst out laughing.

"And _that_ ," he said, snickering, "is why you're not allowed to try it on your own. Imagine that had been something heavy and I wasn't there to stop it for you."

"You didn't stop it now."

"It's a cushion. I thought it might wake you up."

"Ha-Ha."

He grinned at her as Ember settled near him.

"I wanted to check in with you before our meeting about the facility this afternoon."

"I made a list, as requested; should I have brought it?"

"No. We'll go over that one during the meeting. I wanted to inform you of some decisions." He waited for Ember to nod, then continued. "First of all, the facility will become a permanent base for the Knights, as you suggested. Secondly…"

Kylo paused, realising Ember lacked part of the story and wondering how to tell her.

"You know about the kids smuggled out of the system," he started. "Have you figured out why exactly _those_ children were chosen?"

"I admit to not having considered it."

"It didn't matter to you, is that it?"

"Exactly."

He huffed a laugh, thinking it was typical Ember. "They were all Force sensitive," he offered.

"WHAT?!" Ember exclaimed, jumping up.

"Sit down," Kylo said. "Yes, they were all Force sensitive. Had Snoke still been alive, they would have been destined for Base Z."

"Oh, of course."

Kylo shook his head slightly. "Anyway, at this moment, all Force sensitive children have been plucked out of the Trooper programs, but more will inevitably arrive. I'm planning to, eventually, have them all train at the Knight's Base to become Knights. I'm planning to turn the Knights into an elite group of Force trained warriors."

Ember stared at him. "Train… the children?"

"Yes. We can't, however, reveal this plan just yet. Too many factors are still uncertain. It would be too big a change for the First Order. They'll have to deal with all the Knights becoming Force users; we can't expect them to simply accept the idea of such an elite force."

"Why not?"

"It will cause unrest. People will start worrying what I need such an elite force for since I'm already governing the galaxy. It will incite fear. I'm trying to get away from that."

Ember frowned but seemed to accept his words, so he continued.

"That also means that we can't breathe a word about this at the construction meeting later today. However, we have to keep further expansions in mind when we make decisions about the current renovation. I need your word that you'll keep this quiet."

"Of course, upon my honour," Ember mumbled, seemingly lost in thought. "You want to train the children," she continued, barely above a whisper. "Without suppressing their connection. Train them…" She looked up at him, searching out his eyes. "Are you serious?" she asked, suddenly turning forceful. "This is not a trick? Not a false promise? You will search out these children and allow them to learn the Force?"

"Yes, I'm sincere."

"You'll found another Jedi Order?"

Kylo reeled. Somehow, he hadn't made that connection. Was that what he was doing? A new group of _Jedi_? The idea filled him with revulsion.

"No," he eventually answered Ember. "No, definitely not. We'll find another way, but I refuse to bring the Jedi back to life."

"Then what will they be?"

"Knights. We'll figure out what that means along the way. The Jedi were fools."

He couldn't help but think about Luke—about the man's fear of the Dark and how he had tried to teach the children that isolation was the only way to live with the Force. Now that Kylo had met Rey, he knew it to be a bunch of rubbish. Rey made him stronger. She made him better. To call her a liability was nothing short of blasphemy.

Much to his surprise, Ember started laughing. "I like it," she said. "You keep surprising me, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader; answering your summons has been one of my better ideas."

"Idea?" Kylo asked, incredulous. "Was there a choice?"

Ember blinked at him, tilting her head. "You've never heard of the disappeared Knights?"

"The _what_?"

"Of course he wouldn't have told you that; it might have caused you to rebel as well," Ember mumbled. "More than one Knight has broken free from the regime to disappear," she continued in a clear voice. "In my time as a Knight, I know of two. The downside of training us so well as they did is that if we want to disappear, you won't find us anymore. The current Knights are either too indoctrinated to contemplate it, wouldn't know where to go, or, like me, don't really mind the life we're living. In the end, it _is_ all we know."

Kylo stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Disappeared Knights? He did not know what to do with that information. He guessed he wished them well. But what would it have meant for him had he been able to snap out of Snoke's manipulations years ago? Would he have been able to escape? Or would Snoke have been able to find him through the Force? Something that was not possible with the Knights since their connection with the Force had been severed.

"Was there anything else, sir?" Ember finally asked, pulling him out of his stupor.

"No, there isn't," Kylo answered, dragging a hand through his hair and shaking his head slightly. "In fact," he said, standing, "I've got other things to take care of. I'll see you later today."

"Certainly, sir," Ember answered, standing herself. She greeted him and left the room.

With hardly a thought, Kylo banished the cushions back to their corner before nudging Rey. It was time to meet a Trooper turned traitor.


	53. Making Arrangements

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

"Done training already, sir?" Phasma asked when Kylo emerged from the training room.

He sighed with regret. "Yes. Rey is awake and there's no use in postponing what needs to be done." Kylo glanced at Phasma. "I know there hasn't been much time to think, but have you come to a conclusion?"

"I still don't like it, sir, but I'm willing to give it a try. It would safeguard your position with the least amount of damage. I have only one condition, sir."

"Yes?" he asked, curious.

"If she betrays you again, I will kill her myself."

Kylo shot her a surprised look, shocked at the vehemence in Phasma's voice.

"I can agree with that," he finally answered.

They made their way towards the prison. Upon arrival, Kylo took a deep breath before nodding to Phasma that she could open the door to Jessy's cell.

Jessy rose from her bunk bed and bowed. "Supreme Leader. Commander."

Kylo thought that she seemed surprisingly calm for someone who was about to hear a verdict concerning her life.

"Yesterday, you claimed to still be loyal to me," he commenced.

"I am, sir," Jessy confirmed.

"I have a proposition for you with which you can prove it."

Jessy looked up, her face betraying both surprise and curiosity. "A proposition, sir?"

"Yes. But first, I need an oath from you, one upon your life. You need to pledge that everything discussed in this room will not leave it. Secondly, you will pledge to no longer provide Maz with any information. If you violate either rule, you die."

"With no questioning, on the spot," Phasma added. Her anger was still very evident in her voice.

Jessy looked from Kylo, to Phasma, and back. "What if I refuse?"

"Does that matter?" Kylo replied.

"I guess not," Jessy answered, before kneeling. "Upon my life, I vow to no longer provide Maz with any information, and that whatever will be discussed in this room will not be spread by me."

"Good," Kylo said. "We have use of your connection with Maz."

"Sir? But I just vowed…"

"You will communicate with Maz concerning specific missions." He held up his hand as Jessy tried to protest again. "As you probably already know, I'm currently not attacking the Resistance. I have no wish to do so in the future either, for reasons that are none of your concern. However, this inaction is getting noticed and will eventually become a source of trouble.

"If Maz agrees to it, I would use your link with her to set up and coordinate scouting missions and organised attacks to keep up appearances while minimising casualties. This will buy us time. Commander Phasma will be in charge of this operation. She has kindly agreed to continue working with you. She will also be the one to kill you in case of treachery."

"I would expect no less of my Commander," Jessy answered with a small bow towards Phasma. Kylo thought it was a nice attempt to hide her bewilderment. "If I can help the Supreme Leader by being an in-between, I will most definitely do so," she continued. "Shall I see if Maz is available now?"

Kylo smirked. "No need, that's already being arranged."

Jessy's confusion visibly grew. She was blinking owlishly at him, as if she was trying to figure out how that was even possible.

"You have a spy near her?" Jessy asked.

Kylo's smirk widened. "There's no need for that either." He nodded at Phasma as Rey whispered in his ear that she'd found Maz. "We'll update you on further proceedings," he said to Jessy before leaving the perplexed Trooper behind.

"Rey has Maz alone," he informed Phasma as they walked towards the same cell he had trashed the day before. "She still needs to agree but I presume that she will. Please guard the door."

He walked into the ruined cell and wasted no time in contacting Rey. She shimmered to life in front of him.

"Does Maz know why I want to talk to her again?" he asked.

"I don't think so," Rey answered with a sideways glance. "But how am I to know?" She pinched her lips together and continued with her mind only. "I think she believes it's about Jessy but I don't think she knows anything more."

"Good." He nodded. "Are you sure you're up to this again?"

"Oh, stop worrying!"

Kylo decided not to answer that comment. Somehow, it felt like a minefield to him. Instead, he smiled at Rey and suggested they get started. An unremarkable room appeared in front of his eyes and, after Rey took a step to the side and placed her hand on Maz's shoulder, Maz appeared as well.

"We meet again," Maz commented, looking up at him. "How's my spy?"

"Still alive," he answered. "She'll remain as such if we can come to an agreement."

"Is that so?" Maz seemed to size him up.

"Yes."

He stared down at her and there was a moment of tense silence.

"Tell me about this agreement of yours then," Maz finally said.

"I can't refrain from attacking the Resistance any longer; my inactivity is being noticed. I suggest a cooperation."

Maz narrowed her eyes at him before turning to Rey. "You knew about this?"

"Yes," Rey answered.

"You agree?"

Rey looked up at him and smiled. "I trust him."

"Of course you do," Maz said, barely hiding the roll of her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rey snapped.

"Nothing, Padawan."

"I'm _not_ a Padawan!"

"Am I to assume that you don't trust my intentions?" Kylo interrupted. Rey being called a Padawan bothered him, but he decided now was not the time.

"A cooperation of what?" Maz asked, prickly. "I tell you which base to attack? Whom I'm willing to sacrifice?"

"Scoutings and attacks will have to happen in order to secure my position. Either we cooperate through Jessy's connection and we minimise casualties, or we go back to war."

"Sounds like an ultimatum to me."

"It is."

Much to his surprise, Maz laughed. "You've grown, boy," she said. "And what about this oath Rey asked me about?"

"I will still require it of you. Jessy has already pledged a similar one on her life."

"You have just robbed me of one of my best spies, Kylo Ren."

He didn't deign to answer.

"Well," Maz continued, "you have my oath that I will no longer gather any more information through Jessy concerning your operations. I also agree on a cooperation to secure your position." She peered up at him. "I see possibilities within you. Make sure you choose the right ones." Kylo blinked at the strange comment. "At least you have our Rey to help you out."

Kylo looked up at Rey and silently agreed with Maz.

"How will we proceed?" Maz asked.

"Further communication will go through Jessy. Going through the Force is both too straining and too risky. Commander Phasma will be in charge and will decide when we'll get things started."

Maz nodded. "And Jessy remains unharmed?"

"She will."

"Then we have an agreement, Kylo Ren," Maz said, holding out her hand.

Kylo took it, his much larger hand swallowing hers whole. "Agreed," he said.

Stepping back, he smiled and nodded at Rey. "I'll see you tonight," he said as soon as Maz had disappeared from sight.

She smiled back at him, then shimmered out of view as well.

"She agreed?" Phasma asked without delay as he walked out of the cell.

"Yes," Kylo answered. "I'll leave the rest of this up to you. I only request you keep me updated."

"Yes, sir."

"How's the report coming about that little administrator guy?" he asked as they moved through the ship.

"Derek Namae, sir?"

"Yes, that one. If you're going to be coordinating with Maz, I'll need someone else to carry around my messages, won't I?" he teased, before turning serious. "It wasn't supposed to be your job in the first place."

Phasma grunted noncommittal. "The report is almost finished, sir. We're double checking."

"Double checking? Why?"

"Well, sir," Phasma answered hesitantly, "there's not much to be found, apparently."

"What do you mean?"

"There seems to be nothing remarkable about him, other than that he's good at his job. He was born on this ship to one of the mechanics. His father was a pilot but died when he was still young. He attended Academy in order to become an Administrator and was top of his class. Once he graduated, he was transferred back to the _Supremacy_. He's been rising in the ranks ever since and is now one of the leading Administrators."

"What about his friends?"

"He seems to have very few of them. From what we've gathered, he's a bit… peculiar. He has strong habits and gets upset when he can't follow them. Outside of the context of work, his social interactions are awkward to say the least. I mean, the man solves crossword puzzles in his free time. He's by far the least suspicious person I've ever investigated. It simply can't be right."

"That, or we got lucky." Kylo worried his lips. "Go check on the investigation. If they haven't found anything new, send Derek to my office."

"Now, sir?"

"I think I can manage walking to my office on my own, Phasma," he quipped.

"There will be a Trooper waiting for you there, sir."

"I don't doubt it," he replied dryly. "Once things slow down again, you _are_ going to tell me how they know when and where they're needed."

"Certainly, sir."

They each went their own way and, as Phasma had promised, by the time he reached his office a Trooper was waiting for him. After a greeting, he walked through the door and settled behind his desk.

With a sigh, he eyed the mess in front of him. He still needed to make his own preparations for the construction meeting, plus had to approach Ember on how to invite the other Knights, and he needed to figure out when and how to talk to Hux about his new job.

Sighing again, he pulled up the plans of the facility on his display and started making annotations. He wanted his own ideas clear in his head before he heard Ember's comments. Her input would be invaluable, but he was pretty certain their ideas were similar. Although he knew she hated meetings, she seemed to be taking this one seriously.

He was still drawing sketches on the plans when the door hissed open. Looking up, he saw that Phasma had returned.

"Sir, I've brought you Administrator Namae."

Kylo nodded and Phasma stepped aside to let the man in. He flinched as the door closed behind him.

"Supreme Leader, sir," he greeted, wringing his hands while his eyes darted around the room.

"I've heard you've risen quickly in the ranks of Administrators," Kylo said, leaning back in his chair.

"I… have?" It didn't sound very convincing.

"I find myself in need of someone to regulate the information I have to process," Kylo continued. "I've noticed your actions—both when I returned from the Trooper Academy as well as when you confronted me about leaving again. You seem quite competent. I'm considering you for the job."

Derek stared at him. "I could… sort all this out?" he asked with a vague gesture towards the desk and sounding almost eager.

Kylo decided to ignore the snipe. There was truth in it, after all.

"It comes at a price," he said. "Everything that's discussed is confidential. Starting from right now."

"Of course, sir. That is a given."

"You must know," Kylo continued, eyeing the man who seemed to be gaining confidence right before his eyes, "that what you think you know about my regime is wrong. What you think you know about me, is wrong. You will not act on your own. _Everything_ will be discussed with me first."

"I'm wrong on every account, got it," Derek said with a nod.

His lack of indignation—or any other reaction fitting to the statement that was just made—took Kylo aback. He could detect no lie. Derek seemed to simply, truly accept what was being said.

"So, you agree?" Kylo asked.

"Certainly, sir. It would be my honour. When can I start?"

Kylo blinked. He had expected at least a couple of questions, not this quick acceptance. After a moment, he decided to simply go with it.

"Your first task is to get me some chairs. Seeing everybody stand while I'm sitting down is starting to annoy me. This afternoon, I've got a meeting; you can use that time to start organising. And find yourself an office nearby."

"Certainly, sir. Noted, sir. I'll get to it right away."

Derek promptly turned and walked out. After he left, Phasma stepped in, curious.

"How did that go, sir?"

"He's… strange," Kylo answered, not entirely sure if that had gone as planned. "But he took the job. Have a Trooper keep an eye on him and, if needed, help him move his office."

"Yes, sir."

"I don't know what to think of him."

"As long as he's competent," Phasma answered with a shrug.

"I guess, yes."


	54. Efficiency

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

He walked out of the construction meeting feeling exhausted. It had gone on a lot longer than he had predicted—so long even that droids had been ordered to bring their dinner into the meeting room.

As predicted, his ideas had more or less matched Ember's. Her input had been beyond valuable and her knowledge of the other Knights' habits had surprised him. Sadly enough, despite their clear view on what the facility was supposed to turn into, and despite their demands being relatively simple, the tectonic plates and volcanic activity at the location made the actual construction decidedly complicated.

He dragged his hand across his face. He was pleasantly surprised by Ember's behaviour. She had held her own during the entire meeting—though he had seen her annoyance at the endless squabbling between the various project managers. She had only grumbled a few times and hit the table just once. He was glad she had done the latter because, at that point in the meeting, he wouldn't have been able to keep his temper much longer either.

In the end, it had been decided that the first part of the construction crew would set out to the facility in a week. From what Kylo had gathered, this crew was to make ground scans and do some tests to confirm the area's stability or instability. Based on this information, the plans for the expansion could be drawn. In the meantime, the same construction crew would start on the reorganisation of the small, already existing cells.

After the plans were approved—after what Kylo feared would be a few more rounds of maddening meetings—a larger crew would make their way to the base and construction would commence in full.

Feeling weary, Kylo made his way back towards his office. Phasma had disappeared and one of his Troopers had informed him that it was Phasma's opinion he'd best check up on Derek. Kylo really didn't feel like it, but he trusted her and thus trudged on.

As he walked into his office, he stopped dead in his tracks. Two chairs were already set orderly in the corner. What surprised him most, however, was how immensely _tidy_ his office looked. His desk was cleared with only a few, well-filled trays on one side and writing utensils at the front. A new cabinet had also found its way in. The large display had mysteriously acquired the First Order logo as a screensaver.

He tentatively took a few steps further into the office. This could, in no way, be the work of only one man in only one afternoon.

"Supreme Leader, sir."

Kylo turned around, seeing Derek standing in the doorway. The man was looking at him with an almost-smile on his face. Kylo thought he looked as if he was proud but trying to hide it.

"I hope this is according to your wishes?" Derek asked.

Kylo surveyed the room again before answering the Administrator. "How?"

Derek seemed to suddenly gain energy as he fully stepped into the office and walked up to the desk.

"Sir," he started. "I've sorted through the reports in order of subject, status, and importance. Those that need your imminent attention have been placed in the trays on your desk. The others I've filed away in the cabinet." He suddenly turned nervous. "I hope you don't mind me taking the initiative to add the cabinet, sir?"

"No," Kylo answered, still a bit perplexed.

"Good. Well then," Derek opened the cabinet to reveal a filing system, "these are the less important documents. I will take it upon me to keep track of them so none are overlooked. I've also foreseen the opportunity to sort them according to projects. I'm aware of a construction you're coördinating, sir?"

"Indeed, I am."

"Well, I will attempt to gather all related documents into a project."

Kylo looked at him, wondering about how to respond to so much organisation. "This is… surprising," he finally said.

Derek's shoulders dropped. "It's, uhm- Should I? I mean, Supreme Leader, is there, uhm, a different arrangement you would like?"

"A different arrangement?" Kylo echoed, puzzled. "No. No, this is well beyond what I expected." He turned serious, facing Derek. "It seems I made the right decision on choosing you for the job."

"Oh! Well, uhm." Derek started wringing his hands, looking utterly uncomfortable. "I guess, uhm, it's what I've been taught. I mean, at the Academy. It's, uhm, my job, indeed?"

"Why, exactly, are we still doing this on paper?" Kylo asked. "It seems digital would be easier."

The question seemed to increase the man's discomfort. "I, uhm, don't know, sir. It's always been paper?"

"Right..."

Kylo decided not to push the man any further and sat himself in his office chair. He felt utterly drained and wanted to retire.

"I have the habit of training every morning before coming here," he informed Derek. "I've been doing this paperwork daily until lunch before pursuing other activities. I expect you to follow this routine as well. You will prepare the day's work while I'm training and will execute my orders after lunch."

Derek nodded, looking relieved to be talking about work again. "Certainly, sir," he said.

"Is there anything else for today?" Kylo sighed. "It's been a long day."

"Uhm. If I may ask one question, sir?"

"Go ahead."

Derek opened the cabinet again and took out a file before presenting it to Kylo. "Who wrote the summary for this report, sir? It's very well done."

Kylo took the report and opened it, only to find Hux's handwriting on the first page of the text. He barked out an annoyed laugh. Hux, of course. Kylo guessed he would have to deal with the ginger the next day.

"That," he said, "I will explain to you tomorrow. It requires some context."

"Certainly, sir."

"That was all?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Kylo rose from his seat. "I'll see you tomorrow. If something urgent comes up, ask one of my Troopers."

"Certainly, sir."

With a nod, Kylo walked out. He wanted to see Rey and convey his plans with her. He also wanted to know about the Padawan comment Maz had made.

However, when he nudged her upon arrival at his rooms, he got a jumbled mess of annoyed emotions in response. Shrugging—and wondering what was going on—he stripped and stepped into the freshner. The water felt heavenly and he put a hand against the wall, letting the water run freely over his back.

He was still standing there when Rey finally reached out to him.

"I'm showering," he warned her. They'd figured out that showing one's surroundings always took a bit longer than materialising in front of one another.

"You're what?" Rey asked distracted, not stopping their connection from forming. "Oh!" she exclaimed.

Kylo looked over his shoulder and smirked. "Showering," he repeated.

He felt self-conscious, knowing he was fully naked, but the look on Rey's face made it all worth it. She was staring at him, her lips slightly parted. He remembered the last time this had happened and how quickly she had turned around back then. This apparent fascination was definitely new. It was also causing some other parts of him to respond and he shifted his weight.

"Oh!" she suddenly exclaimed again, turning around so quickly she stumbled. "Surroundings, Ben! Surroundings! And close the curtain!"

He laughed and complied. Only moments later he emerged from behind the curtain he hadn't bothered with earlier, fully dressed again. Rey still had her back turned. He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"It's safe now," he said in her ear, teasing. "That must have been _horrible_."

"What?" she asked with surprise, turning around in his arms. "No! How could you say that? You look absolutely- Uhm. You, uhm..."

Rey turned bright red, trying to look anywhere but at him. He took pity on her and gently grabbed her chin so he could turn her into a kiss. Physical attraction was something he understood. Despite his scars, he wasn't insecure about his body.

More than once had he heard the prostitutes Snoke had forced on him gossip among each other. 'At least he's so damn hot. It definitely makes up for his temper.' 'Did you see those abs? That chest? I would fuck a looker like that for free!' 'I don't care that he doesn't seem into it; I mean, have you _seen_ him?'

There had also been a few incidents with overly courageous crew members, especially when he was younger. Once he was older, his reputation kept them all well away from him. The fact that he had Force choked the last one who had the audacity to feel him up had definitely convinced the others to leave him alone.

Obviously, he wasn't going to tell Rey any of that. There was no need for her to know, or to make her nervous. He felt almost glad that she was as naive as she seemed to be. Not for him, but because it meant nobody had managed to force himself upon her.

He ended their kiss and pulled her toward the bed. "What was going on earlier?" he asked her.

"Maz is getting on my nerves. Ever since she revealed that she knows about our bond, she's been acting differently—calling me a _Padawan_ , for one. I don't know what's up with her!"

"Why Padawan?"

"I. Don't. Know! And she won't tell me." Rey turned to him. "Can't you teach me how to Force choke? She's tiny but it seems nothing can touch her. It's completely _aggravating_."

Kylo stared at Rey. Maz must really be acting up if Rey was contemplating Force choking her. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

"I will not teach you how to Force choke, at least not right now. After all we arranged, it doesn't seem like a good idea to anger Maz."

"I can't make her stop," Rey pouted. "And I hate being called a Padawan. I don't want to be a Jedi. I refuse to let go of you or any of my friends."

"I'm sorry I can't help you with this, sandcat."

Rey hummed against his chest, draping her legs over his and snuggling closer. "How did the construction meeting go?"

Kylo groaned. "It went on forever," he lamented. "You would think building something on a rock is easy; but no, apparently you have to think about a hundred different things before you can even start designing. Thank the Force I had Ember there."

"Ember, huh?"

"Her insights in how the facility could and should run were vital. It's amazing how much she knows about the other Knights, given that they don't really interact that much. And she really stepped up her game; she stayed put even though she must have wanted to leave dozens of times.

"I must ask her how her training is going. It's doubtful she's had much time to practice these past couple of days, but she's been progressing quickly. I ordered her to summon a pillow the other day and it smacked her right in the face." He chuckled.

"Oh. So, she's… progressing with the Force? And helping you out?"

"Yes." Kylo looked down at Rey, uncertain by her tone of voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course, what could there possibly be wrong?"

He frowned but decided to let it be, hoping it was still Maz's odd behaviour influencing her mood.

"Hey," he said, wanting to cheer her up. "Do you want to spar tomorrow morning? It's been a while."

"Are you sure you don't have more important things to do?"

Kylo pulled away from her, giving her a shocked look. "What?"

"You're busy," Rey answered with a shrug.

He blinked, trying to figure out where this was coming from. Why would Rey think he would prefer all the planning and organising to spending time with her?

"But... You are more important," he finally managed to say, haltingly.

"I am?"

She was looking up at him with wide, doe eyes. The look in them made him want to protect her from the world.

"Yes," he answered, fighting the inexplicable urge to flex his muscles and put himself between her and the door.

"Oh."

A tentative smile curled her lips and he pulled her close again.

"So? We'll spar tomorrow?"

"Yes," she answered.

"Can we go to sleep now? It's been a _very_ long day."

Rey laughed softly. "Sure, you big bear, go hibernate."

"Hibernate?" he echoed, easily picking her up and tossing her on the bed before looming over her. "Big bear?"

She bit her lip and looked up at him. "Yes," she answered, poking him in the chest, "you're kind of cuddly."

" _Cuddly?_ " He narrowed his eyes at her. "Oh, I'll show you _cuddly._ "


	55. Informing Hux

_A/N: As always, SirenBanshee is my most amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

After his morning spar with Rey, Kylo showered and made his way to his office. Phasma was by his side, as always.

"I was thinking we should guard Derek's office," he said. "He's bound to have sensitive material lying around now that he's working for me. Perhaps we should even guard _him_. He doesn't seem like someone who could withstand an attack; although, I somehow doubt he would give up any information."

"I will take care of it, sir."

They turned into the hallway that housed his office.

"My office _is_ constantly guarded, isn't it?" Kylo asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Then why is nobody here?"

It had never occurred to him that he never saw a guard at his door. Phasma turned and pointed to a Trooper walking away from them.

"Steven!" she called out.

The Trooper promptly turned and saluted. "Yes, commander? Supreme Leader."

"What is your duty today?"

"Guard the Supreme Leader's office unless you are present, commander."

"Thank you, Steven; you may leave."

"Yes, commander."

Kylo looked at the retreading Trooper's back before turning back towards Phasma. "How did he know when to leave? I did not hear you announce our arrival; I never do. How are they coordinated?"

"I have a tracker in my suit, sir. Every one of your Troopers has a tracker that allows us to check on their location at any given time. There's always someone monitoring these trackers and coordinating movements. This Trooper knows who's with you at all times and is responsible for moving the other Troopers out of your way without jeopardizing security. Currently, only four of your Troopers are up to this task but I'm training a couple of the others for it as well."

"Simple yet effective." Kylo nodded. "Impressive."

"Thank you, sir."

Kylo continued towards his office. Once he entered, Derek was already waiting for him.

"Goodmorning, Supreme Leader," the man greeted.

"Goodmorning, Derek," Kylo answered, still not used to the new, tidy look of his office.

"Do you need some time to settle in, or shall we get right to it?"

Kylo dropped down in his office chair. "The sooner we get started, the sooner we can get this done."

"True, sir." Derek pulled a small tablet from his inner pocket. "I managed to go through some of the documents in more detail this morning, sir. I saw that there are quite a few reports about Trooper recruitment and about the nutritional values of the food served at the mess halls. Are these projects concluded, sir? Or are further follow-ups needed?"

Kylo looked up at Derek, who was standing at the side of his desk. He had never actually thought about the follow-ups of those projects. He had merely done what seemed necessary at the time and then let it be. What Derek asked made sense; there should be some form of follow-up.

"No further action is planned for either project, but I agree that some form of check-up would be beneficial."

"Shall I schedule a revision of the projects in six month's time?"

"Uhm, yes, do so."

He felt out of his depth. Usually, he would semi-read the reports, sign them or make a decision, and forget about them. He had been trained in combat, not in paperwork.

"Very good, sir. Now, these documents here," Derek took the papers from the top tray on his desk, "need your immediate attention."

By the time Kylo left his office again, he felt dazed. He had gotten more done in this one morning than he had in the last two weeks combined.

"Everything okay, sir?" Phasma asked as they headed to the mess hall for lunch.

"That man is scary," Kylo muttered.

"Scary?"

He could hear the amusement in her voice. "Yes. That much organisation and efficiency isn't normal."

Phasma barked a laugh. "I'll make sure to warn the Troopers," she mocked.

Kylo gave her a sideways glance. "Tomorrow, I'll let _you_ deal with the paperwork," he grumbled teasingly.

"No, thank you, sir," Phasma answered, sounding horrified. Kylo could tell it was exaggerated but not completely feigned. "I believe you: he's scary."

"Good," Kylo answered.

"Do you have any plans for this afternoon, sir?"

"Yes. I need to talk to Ember and I was thinking of taking her along to inform Hux of his new position."

Phasma nodded in response.

"How is your training with Ember going?" he asked.

"We actually trained while you were being scared, sir," Phasma answered with humour. "If it would be alright with you, sir, I would like to select a few Troopers to train with her so she integrates more. These select few could accompany her and the construction crew to the Base to keep an eye on things."

"You realise Ember would want to order them around?"

There was a small pause before Phasma answered. "Given some restrictions, I think it can be arranged. Someone needs to be in charge."

Kylo turned towards Phasma, surprised. "You two have been getting along better?"

"I no longer feel like killing her on sight, sir."

He snorted. "I guess that's improvement, yes." He mulled over the idea in his mind. "With all the new staff heading towards the Base, it might be beneficial to draw up a command structure."

"I will set up a proposal, sir."

Kylo agreed with a grunt and turned his mind to the upcoming lunch. Somehow, the paperwork had made him hungry.

When he walked out of the mess, Ember was waiting for him. She was leaning against the wall but straightened as soon as she spotted him. Beside her were Phasma and Trooper Matt. Kylo greeted them but threw Matt an inquiring look. It was unusual for another Trooper to be present when Phasma was at his side.

"With your permission, sir," Phasma said, "I will be parting ways once we're at the prison cells. There are other things I need to arrange there."

Kylo nodded. "Very well."

"Why am I here?" Ember asked.

"We are going to inform Hux of his new job," he answered her.

She nodded in assent and they took off. As announced, Phasma split from the group to make her way towards Jessy's cell as Kylo headed on towards Hux's location. He signaled Matt to stay outside before entering with Ember.

Hux stood from his desk. It seemed he had been doodling to idle away the time. "Supreme Leader," he greeted with a bow. "Knight."

Ember smirked. "This is the infamous Armitage Hux?" she questioned. "I thought he'd be more impressive."

Kylo worried his lips in an attempt not to laugh as he saw Hux visibly bristle at Ember's words. Much to his surprise, however, Hux refrained from commenting.

"Armitage Hux," Kylo said, deciding to see how far Hux's new-found self-control went, "meet Ember of Ren. She will be your close companion in the foreseeable future."

"Excuse me?" Hux exclaimed, growing red. "This barbarian?"

" _Barbarian?_ " Ember echoed, taking a menacing step forward.

Her eyes flashed and her hands twitched for her swords. She seemed to decide against those and the knives in her arm-guards deployed instead. Hux wisely stepped back as she advanced on him.

"Is it really wise to call me, a Knight, a barbarian? Do you not know I could kill you before you even blink? I thought you were supposed to be _smart_."

Kylo watched on with amusement. Hux was sizing Ember up. Kylo could see the wheels in his head turning and he wondered how Hux would talk himself out of the tight spot he'd put himself in. Eventually, Hux lifted his chin and squared his shoulders.

"Apologies, it seems I allowed earlier experiences to cloud my judgement," he said.

Kylo glanced at Ember, wanting to see if she'd noticed the sleek words for their half-truth. Given the raised eyebrow, he figured she had.

"Earlier experiences?" she asked.

"Ah, yes, the last Knight I had the fortune—or perhaps misfortune—to come into contact with was Knight Burman."

"It seems you're not averse to taking risks, comparing me to Burman," Ember replied.

"It was a knee-jerk reaction, Ember of Ren; please make nothing of it."

Ember collapsed her knives and turned to Kylo. "I see why you need me to watch him."

Kylo gave her an acknowledging smile before turning his attention to Hux, who was watching them both with a carefully constructed, blank face.

"I no longer need you to summarise reports for me," he said, watching the tiny tell-tale twitch in the corner of Hux's right eye. "Instead, I have decided to entrust you with something a little bigger."

Hux couldn't hide his surprise—his eyes widened and he lost his controlled posture.

"Something bigger?" he asked.

"I am expanding a facility so it can be used as a main base for the Knights. Someone is needed to oversee the construction works. This would be you. If you can prove your worth and trustworthiness, I might make you the head of this base. However, Ember here will watch your every move. If you so much as take one step out of line, you'll regret it."

"A lot," Ember supplied.

Hux eyed Ember. "You will be shadowing me?" he said. It was halfway between a statement and a question.

Ember merely grinned in response.

"She will," Kylo answered in her stead. "And she will continue to offer her input on the construction project. As one of the Knights, she understands their needs best. A few of my personal Troopers will come along for security as well."

"I see," Hux stated.

"I don't trust you," Kylo said, allowing a bit of a threat in his voice. "Don't make the mistake of thinking I've become complacent."

"Definitely not, _sir._ "

Kylo allowed himself a small smirk. The emphasis on the word 'sir' told him all he needed to know—Hux was willing to do whatever it took to get out of his prison cell, even submitting himself once more to Kylo's ruling.

He gave Hux a sharp nod. "Good. Departure for the base is in a week. The details will be brought to you by Derek Namae."

"Derek?" Hux blurted.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "Yes. Anything I should know?"

Hux seemed to deliberate on what to answer. Kylo gathered the Force to him, skimming across Hux's mind so he would be able to detect a lie. Hux flinched slightly. It seemed the man had become sensitive to the touch.

"He was a thorn in my side," Hux said, his voice not entirely confident, as if he feared his words would get him into trouble. "He abides strictly by the rules. Absolutely impossible to sway."

As there was no lie to be detected, Kylo merely nodded. It seemed he had truly struck a goldmine by selecting Derek. Without further ado, they left Hux and moved back up the ship.

"I'm going to have fun with that one," Ember said gleefully.

Kylo snorted. "As long as he can do his job, enjoy."

"You don't like him, do you?"

"No, but he's got skills even I can't ignore."

"If you say so," Ember answered. "Am I still needed?"

"Yes. I wanted to discuss what to do after the construction is completed." Kylo turned towards Matt. "Where's Derek's office?"

"Near yours, sir. If you will permit me to lead the way?"

Kylo motioned his assent and, not long after, they arrived. To call Derek's office minimalist would have been an understatement. There was a desk with writing utensils and a few drawers at the center. One chair was positioned in front of it and one desk chair was behind it. Cabinets had been placed at the wall opposite the door.

"Supreme Leader," Derek said, turning from where he was searching through some documents. He seemed nervous at Kylo's sudden arrival.

"Work, Derek," Kylo said, amused to see the man relax immediately. "I need you to assemble a copy of all the documents concerning the construction project on a tablet not connected to the mainframe. Tomorrow I will explain to you where the tablet needs to go so you can process it immediately after our work. I know I neglected to explain about the third party making summaries this morning, but that too will be clarified tomorrow."

"Certainly, sir."

Kylo turned and headed towards his own office, Ember on his heels.

"So," he said after the door slid closed. "I wanted to ask your opinion on when to invite the Knights."

"I've been thinking about this," Ember answered. "I think we should invite a select few only."


	56. Five Knights

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo frowned at Ember. "That is not what I had intended," he stated.

"I know, but still, inviting them all at once is risky."

"And so you would privilege only a few?" He could not help the slight anger that infiltrated his voice.

"At first, yes."

When he narrowed his eyes, Ember seemed to realise what he was thinking.

" _At first_ ," she repeated. "We can invite the others later. I'm not suggesting we leave them behind. Why would I do that?"

"Then elaborate," Kylo demanded, only slightly mollified.

"They don't like you," Ember stated with blunt force. "They don't trust you. They blame you for Snoke's death; they believe you killed him."

"I actually did," Kylo interrupted, realising Ember didn't know the full story of that night. Nobody did—not Phasma and not even he himself. What had happened after he'd been knocked out was still a mystery to him. Despite how long he'd wondered about it, he'd never actually asked Rey.

Ember halted her explanation and stared at him, mouth still opened halfway through her last word.

"I had a good reason," he said when Ember continued to stare at him.

"But I'm not allowed to know it?" she deduced, finally finding her voice again.

"Not yet, no."

"As with the children?"

"Exactly."

Ember hummed noncommittally. "How?"

"How what?"

"How did you kill him?"

Kylo smirked. "Cut him in half with his own saber."

"Right." There was another moment of silence as Ember processed the information. "We might not want to tell the Knights that; there are some fanatics among them."

"Loyal to Snoke instead of the First Order?"

"Some believe Snoke _was_ the First Order."

"I see."

It explained a lot of the animosity he had experienced when he had toured the command posts when he first came into power. That he had redistributed them to prevent them from turning against him probably hadn't helped his cause. Back then, he hadn't cared. He did now.

"Which is why calling them all together at once is too risky," Ember continued her reasoning—as if he hadn't just admitted to doing exactly that which they blamed him for. "Those who equalled Snoke with the First Order might want to take revenge. Only one of them won't be able to reach you; a bunch of them together in the same facility as you is practically inviting them to try and kill you."

Kylo nodded. There was reason in Ember's words. "Then how do you propose to go about it?"

"I have a few in mind that are most likely to think before they act. I believe they will give you the benefit of the doubt and hear you out."

"You don't sound convinced."

Ember shrugged. "None of them are very stable, sir."

"And you're excluding yourself from this evaluation?" he retorted with a raised eyebrow.

"I like to believe I've improved."

Ember glared at him and Kylo laughed.

"You did attack me," he commented.

"You were proposing the impossible while giving yourself an excuse to kill me."

Deciding there was no use in dredging up their first meeting, Kylo continued their planning. "Who did you have in mind?"

She shifted her weight, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Well, the first one I thought of was Burman."

"The one Hux mentioned? The one you got insulted about?"

"He's a peasant," Ember stated with clear distaste. "No manners whatsoever. Loud and obnoxious."

Kylo gave her a sceptical look. Ember wasn't exactly an example of impeccable manners either.

"But he's good-natured and he cares. Some nickname him 'the mother of all Knights'. Not to his face, though. He'd club you with that goedendag of his without a moment's doubt." Ember shook her head. "I can hardly stand him, but he'd do. Although, he's not the brightest; he might be a true test if you want to teach him."

"Right," Kylo said with humour. "Who else?"

"Quicksilver and Daze."

"Why them?"

"Both are extremely intelligent. But, most of all, I believe they would benefit most from the changing regime."

"Why?" Kylo asked again.

"Rumour has it they are having an affair," Ember stated.

Kylo blinked at her. "What?"

"They try to stay on the same ship at all times. Nobody ever sees them interact in a less-than-proper way, but given that Quicksilver's speciality is not being seen among people, one could question that reputation. The way they seem attuned to one another is eerie and refutes them merely being friends. And, to be honest, having _friends_ is an oddity on its own. Not many of the Knights would say they had a friend."

"I see. You think they would welcome the possibility to be more open about their interactions?"

"Yes. If the rumours are true, that is."

"Okay, that makes three Knights. How many did you have in mind?"

"Two more. First, there's Shadow. She tends to go with the flow. She's so damn curious it's annoying, but it means she's likely to be excited about learning the Force. And lastly, Dot. He has the tendency to get straight to the heart of things. I don't know his allegiance, to be honest, but given his nature, he's bound to figure out you're for real very early on."

"So, five of them. What are their specialities?"

Ember minutely tilted her head to the side, thinking. Kylo had noticed her posture had been growing less rigid and she was starting to allow herself little, natural body movements. It was slow going, but he considered it a big improvement.

"Burman is pure, brute force," she said. "No subtlety, no art, and very little skill. Just pure, blunt force."

"You really don't like him, do you?"

"Annoying, mountain of a man," she answered dismissively. "Quicksilver is a man of crowds, mainly used as an assassin. Daze can handle anything that shoots—blasters, snipers, you name it. Dot is much the same, but he prefers bow and arrow. He's quite decent with short knives as well. Shadow is, well, like her name. She manages to disappear into them. She can infiltrate just about anything and will take out targets within their own homes."

Kylo gave Ember an odd look. "You're saying that you're worried the Knights might turn against me for killing Snoke but that you're inviting two highly skilled _assassins_?"

"Yes, well, you'll have to be on your toes for a bit."

"How very reassuring."

Ember shrugged like she hadn't a care in the world. "It will do you good."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Awareness training. So you don't lose contact with your surroundings. You're constantly protected here, even when you have nothing to fear. Actually getting back into a situation where you have to watch your surroundings is going to be good for you."

Ember said it with such conviction, Kylo decided to keep his thoughts to himself and merely give her a vague nod.

"This idea of yours, however much sense it makes, will push the timeline back. I had hoped to get their training started as soon as possible."

"Hmm," Ember hummed. "It's only five of them. As soon as the first rooms are renovated, they could join us at the Base. They will be limited in their training but they'll have to make do." She grinned. "I'm sure Shadow could be persuaded to terrorise the cook."

Kylo snorted. "The facility will still strongly resemble Base Z at that point," he commented.

Ember twitched. "That's… unfortunate," she answered. "But there will always be a resemblance. They all know what you were planning to do with it."

"A ruse I abhorred from day one." Kylo sighed, dragging his hand through his hair. "But it was unavoidable." There was a short silence. "Would they keep their mouths shut if I told them to?" It occurred to him how little he knew of these Knights even though he bore the same last name.

"You would tell them about the children?"

"At least that I know their location and that they're safe, not that they're out of the system."

Ember shrugged. "I'm not sure."

He sighed again. "Once you're at the base," Kylo ordered, "I need you to focus on levitating things—not summon, levitate."

"Why, if I may ask?"

"I'll need you to give a demonstration."

"Excuse me? Have you lost your mind?"

Kylo grinned. "You better start practising."

"And you tell me this _now._ "

"I do believe I mentioned it before I left to visit the Academy."

Ember grumbled. "You did, but I'd hoped you'd forgotten."

He laughed. "Definitely not. Go grumble somewhere else," he said with mirth. "That will be all for today."

Ember gave him a half-hearted salute and left. Kylo sat down in his chair—he'd spent the entire conversation leaning against his desk—and sighed heavily. His head was full of swirling thoughts and plans. It seemed to be a constant thing these last couple of days and he found it exhausting.

He was happy to realise his obligations for the day were done. Part of him wanted to go back into training, to literally slash all the fuss out of his head, but part of him realised it would be better to meditate the chaos away.

Eventually, he decided on a compromise and chose to first meditate and then train his focus with the Force. He would try out some of the small exercises he was planning to teach the Knights. He wondered if there was any way he could teach them to Rey without actually showing them or guiding her. He wanted to teach her much more than combat, but they didn't dare risk reaching across the galaxy with more than their bond.

Mentally shrugging, he left his office. The least he could do was try to explain how they worked. There was no way to check if she performed them correctly, but he was certain Rey would be able to figure it out. She was incredibly smart, after all.

He searched out one of the smaller, padded training rooms. There was no need for fancy equipment if he was going to meditate. Nodding at Matt as he left the Trooper at the door, Kylo realised he didn't know where his Troopers held their own training. He resolved to ask Phasma once she returned and settled down.

Time lost all meaning when he immersed himself in the Force, so he had no idea how much of it had passed when the door to his training room hissed open.

"Sir, I apologise for disturbing you but it is near dinnertime."

"It is?" he replied.

"Matt was unsure whether or not to notify you, so I took it upon myself."

Kylo stretched his legs and felt his muscles cramp. "I guess I've been sitting here long enough." He rubbed his thighs before standing up.

"There's another reason I've interrupted, sir, although it's not urgent."

"What is it?"

"Your Troopers have made a request." She paused and took off her helmet. "They requested they could name themselves and wear a sigil on their armours."

"They want _what_?"

"Your Troopers take pride in their position, sir. They want to externalise it by giving their group a name just like they named themselves. They want the others to know they're part of your protection team, so they would like to have a sigil as well."

Kylo stared at Phasma. His Troopers were proud to guard him? The idea baffled him and he did not know what to say to it.

"They may not interact with you much, but they talk amongst each other, sir. And they are all very observant. I believe they are noticing the changes that are happening. The fact that you've granted them their personal names has earned you their respect as well."

"Why now?" he finally managed to ask.

"I believe because they realise their group will be split soon, with you going to the new facility. I'm guessing they want to be recognised as a whole and are prideful to be more than 'mere' Troopers."

He straightened his stance and thought about it. Snoke had had his Praetorian guard who had been most recognisable by their red armour. He didn't want to become like Snoke, nor did he want his Troopers to turn into the bastards those red-clad brutes had been. Still, it would definitely be a benefit if his own guard were somehow recognisable by more than having a name. At the least, he would be able to refer to them in a different way than _'his_ Troopers'.

"On one condition," he finally said.

"Yes, sir?"

"It cannot inflate their egos. They are to remain down-to-earth without thinking themselves better than the others. Yes, they are higher ranked than the 'mere' Troopers, but that does not mean I will tolerate any bullying or condescending behaviour to the others. They should remember they were once in that position as well."

Phasma's lips twitched into a small smile. "I will tell them, sir."

Kylo hummed. "Other than that," he said in a more casual tone, "I am grateful that they take pride in their work."

He had reached the conclusion that they probably took pride in guarding the Supreme Leader, and less in guarding _him._ That it would be about himself was an absolutely ridiculous idea.

"I will tell them that too, sir," Phasma answered, replacing her helmet.


	57. Feeling Useless

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

"Assassins?" Rey exclaimed later that same day as Kylo explained to her what Ember had proposed. "She suggested you call in two skilled assassins as test subjects?"

"She said it will help me with _awareness training_."

"Awareness- Well, that's an elaborate ploy to get back at you for the ball-shooting droid."

"What?"

"Still," Rey continued, ignoring him. "She's mad! She's putting you in danger. Isn't she supposed to be loyal to you?"

Kylo frowned at her. "She is," he answered. "Do you think me weak?"

"Weak?"

He balled his fists, insulted by her insinuation. "Do you truly think I can't protect myself?" he snapped.

"I think you can't stay awake 24/7!" Rey yelled.

That made Kylo draw back in surprise. "There will be guards, Rey," he said, a bit more tempered. "I've got my Troopers."

Rey huffed. "And who of the two will be more skilled?" she asked. "If they turn against you…" She shook her head, sounding worried and sad. "What if they team up? It's dangerous. And you need to be awake for me to see your surroundings. I'm useless."

"Useless?" he repeated. The comment had him sober up—the last vestiges of his anger and annoyance cleared away as the meaning of the word fell over him like a bucket of ice-water.

"Never mind," she said, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around them. "Who were the others again?"

"Hey," he said, "what's up?"

He didn't like the emotions that were coming through their bond. They were similar to the ones he had found in her head when he had strapped her to a chair so long ago. They were as desolate as the desertscape she had lived in.

"Talk to me," he insisted when she shook her head.

"It's nothing, really."

"Rey," he said. He wanted to touch her, hug her, something, but her body language was so closed off that he didn't know how to go about it. "The bond doesn't lie," he continued.

Kylo jerked slightly when part of the bond was abruptly shut off.

"Don't hide from me," he growled, annoyed. This was not what he had hoped for. He wanted to help her— like she had helped him so many times before. Did she not trust him?

"I'm bored, that's all," Rey muttered.

"Bored? Why?"

"There's nothing left for me to do. And most of what is, is boring."

"But what about the children?" Kylo asked, surprised.

"Rose and Finn are back," she answered as if it would explain everything.

Kylo worried his lips, feeling uncertain. "They're your friends, no?"

Rey shrugged.

"Weren't you sad that they were always gone?" he tried again.

"They're staying," Rey said. "Rose is pregnant so they decided not to roam around anymore."

"And that's bad news?" Kylo ventured, feeling completely out of his depth.

"They've started a school." Her voice sounded absolutely bleak. "Together with Sirena. They've organised classes and all. The only thing that's left for me is to teach the Force Sensitives how to meditate and the few Force-tricks I know."

Kylo fought hard to clamp down on the anger that was rising in him. They took the children away from her? The children he had sent to her to take care of? He wanted to rage at them; he wanted to force them into submission for mistreating his girl so.

"There's nothing left for me to do," Rey continued barely above a whisper. "The three of them are a lot more knowledgeable than I'll ever be. There's nothing left to do in the shop either but switch out burned switches or depleted batteries." He could see her jaw working as she clenched her teeth. "And now I can't even help you anymore."

He stopped caring about her closed off body language, grabbing her arm and almost violently pulling her towards him. She tumbled to the sheets without so much as a peep. He picked her up to place her on his lap while he leaned against the wall. Gentler now, he cradled her head against his chest.

"You help me so much," he murmured. "You have no idea. You're not useless. _They_ are too stupid to see your worth."

Her hand clenched his shirt. His heart broke as she hiccuped and silently started crying.

"Rey. Rey. My sweet little Rey," he crooned.

He didn't even know he was capable of that tone of voice, but with Rey crying in his arms it came naturally. One arm held her secure against him while he stroked her hair with his free hand. He wanted to calm her, comfort her. He hoped he was doing it right.

"Do you miss Jakku?" he asked when she seemed to calm down.

"What?" she asked in a thick voice.

"Do you miss Jakku?"

She moved in his arms, tilting her head to look up at him. "What makes you ask that?"

He shrugged. He wasn't certain himself what had made him ask the question, but it somehow seemed important.

"Curiosity," he finally answered.

Rey nuzzled back against his chest. "I had a purpose there—a reason to get up every morning. I miss the climbing inside the wreckages, the rush of discovering something useful. I had something to _do_. And the ships never stopped teaching me new things."

Kylo worried his lips again. He didn't know why this bothered him so.

"I don't miss the planet. I sure as hell don't miss the people who lived there. But-" She shrugged. "I was never idle."

 _That_ he could understand. The idea of his boisterous Rey doing nothing all day long was ridiculous. He could understand her frustration.

"You know," he said, "you might not be able to help guard me once I'm at the facility, but there is something else you can help me with."

"There is?"

"Yes. You see, I'm planning on teaching the Knights some basics of meditation before reconnecting them with the Force. I hope it will minimise the risk of losing them to the Dark."

He sighed. It was something he truly feared ever since he'd seen the willingness with which Ember had let herself be seduced by the Dark.

"Only," he continued, "I've been raised with meditation; I have no idea how to explain to them why they need it, nor how best to teach them. With Ember, I basically just sat her on a pillow and told her to try and understand the Force without reaching for it. With these Knights, that won't be possible." He looked down at Rey. "In short, how to tell a bunch of reluctant adults to sit still and breathe?"

Rey snorted and he was gratified to hear some amusement in it.

"Could you not simply tell them why they need it?" she asked.

"I definitely will, but still, how do I explain what it _is?_ You and I both know it's more than simply sitting and breathing. I need exercises to give them. How did-" he hesitated. "How did _he_ teach you?"

She shrugged. "Much like you taught Ember. Sit, breathe, reach out to the Force and try to understand it."

"How did you teach the children?" Kylo inwardly cringed at his question. Those children weren't a safe topic of conversation right now.

Rey's hand momentarily clenched in his shirt, but then she turned pensive. "We played games," she mumbled slowly, thinkingly.

"Games?" he answered, surprised.

"Yes. Count your breath ten times ten. Feel your toes without touching them. Draw a tree in your mind. Things like that."

Kylo looked down at her, in awe. He would never have thought about any of those.

"But how to adapt those to adults?" she continued to mumble. "Warriors at that." She moved to look up at him. "I'll think about it."

He grinned and pecked her on the lips. "I've got faith in you," he said. "And, Rey?" he ventured next, hoping he wasn't crossing a line. "Don't let them take those children away from you. Tell them you want to stay involved."

Her eyes immediately turned sad again. "There's nothing for me to do."

"Teach all those kids meditation. Teach them how to fight. Teach them mechanics."

"Finn's already giving them combat training and there are only a few old enough to start tinkering."

Kylo shook his head. "Split up the combat training then," he answered. "Divide them by age. Or you can teach them staff and sword while Finn teaches them how to use blasters." He cupped her cheek so she would look at him again. "Teach those few how to tinker. Build little droids to amuse the younger ones. Don't just give into the others telling you they'll take over." He leaned closer. "You've cared for them for so long. If anything, the others owe you for it."

"You think so?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes," he stated with finality. "You're magnificent, Rey; don't ever let them tell you otherwise."

He kissed her then, wanting to somehow show her he meant it. By the time they went to sleep, he was relieved to see her smiling again.

The next morning, Kylo wished Rey good luck before having his morning training and heading towards his office. He realised he was already less reluctant to get on with the paperwork. Derek was waiting for him and saluted in greeting upon his arrival.

"I have the unconnected tablet ready, sir," he said as soon as Kylo was seated. There was a hint of curiosity in his tone.

"Right." Kylo leaned back in his chair and regarded Derek, wondering how best to give the information. "You asked me who had summarised some of the documents I have."

Derek nodded. "This person did a very good job. Succinct, but without losing any information."

"The tablet is for the same person. He will be taking on the job of managing my facility, but I don't exactly trust him."

Kylo expected some sort of reaction, but got none apart from a vague look of confusion on Derek's face. There were no questions, not exclamations, not even a twitch. It was unnerving.

"Uhm, yes, well," he continued. "It's Armitage Hux."

Derek's face contorted with revulsion. "Armitage Hux?" he sneered. "I thought he was dead."

The vehemence and strength with which Derek reacted surprised Kylo. He couldn't seem to get a grasp on what made the man tick.

"Uhm, not quite," Kylo answered. "Due to circumstances, I forgot about him after I broke up his attempt at mutiny." He decided not to mention how he had treated Hux in those first weeks. "He's been imprisoned ever since." Although he already knew the answer, he decided to ask anyway. "You've interacted with him?"

"That man is a traitor."

"I am aware."

"It is not my place to question your decisions," Derek said, visibly grinding his teeth.

"As you will have to interact with him, I would like to know what your relation is with him," Kylo ventured.

"Relation?" Derek spluttered. "Nothing of the like. That _man_ tried to convince me to turn against authority! Despicable. Preposterous. He frequently went against the rules and regulations, trying to speed up the process or to bury information so nobody would find out. I cannot tolerate such behaviour!"

Kylo stared at the man, who was now breathing hard. He wondered if this was going to cause problems. After all, Derek would have to work with Hux in order to get the facility fully operational.

Derek twitched and suddenly seemed to inflate. "It's, uhm, apologies, sir. I may have- I believe- I got carried away." He nervously wrung his hands. "I dislike him, sir."

"I've taken notice," Kylo answered dryly. "Will it prevent you from working with him, however?"

"Never, sir!" Derek straightened up, a serious look on his face. "I take pride in my work and will follow your orders without complaint."

Kylo felt his head spinning with the abrupt changes of the man's behaviour.

"Good," he said. "If it's any consolation, Hux will be guarded at all times. If you notice any improper conduct, you are allowed to report."

"I will keep a sharp eye on General Hux, sir."

"Hux, simply Hux," Kylo corrected. "He no longer carries the title of General."

"Certainly, sir. Yes, sir."

"Anyway," Kylo continued, dragging a hand through his hair. "This facility will become a main Base for the Knights of Ren. It is currently understaffed. Especially communications is in urgent need of extra staff. And with the construction crew and security detail moving there by the end of the week, the chef might need an assistant. I require you to contact them and coordinate getting them more staff.

"They are currently unaware of the reason for the construction project. They only know that renovations will be carried out. Keep it that way. I will receive their oath of secrecy in person. The same goes for the construction crew; they are not to know the purpose of the base. Make sure the new staff is equally reliable as some activities at the base will be top-secret."

"I will make certain of it, sir."


	58. Life on Ship

A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!

xXxXxXx

Later that day, Kylo was moving through his ship with Phasma by his side, distractedly heading for the main deck to request a general check-up by the head pilot. His mind was occupied with thinking of Rey and the children. He wondered if she had found a way to convince the others to keep her involved. It really bothered him how they seemed to be treating her.

He slowed to a halt as his train of thought made him realise something he'd never really noticed before. Phasma stopped next to him and gave him an inquiring look.

"Phasma," Kylo ventured, "why don't I ever see any children?"

"Sir?"

"There are so many people on this ship; why don't I ever see any children running around? And where do all those people go when they're not on duty?" He worried his lips. "Why don't I know this?" he mumbled.

"Uhm-" Phasma was obviously confused by his sudden questions. "There are living areas on this ship, sir. You know the schematics of the _Supremacy_ ; surely you know where they are? The children are kept out of the service areas. They have their own section of the ship where they stay during the day. They are taught basic knowledge and skill until they choose what profession they want to pursue at the age of 11."

In his head, Kylo rifled through the plans of the ship. "I do know where those areas are," he muttered. "The children leave for the Academies?"

"Yes."

"How do they keep contact with their parents?"

Phasma sighed. "Not really," she answered. "They are allowed to call from time to time, but contact usually quickly fades. Some return once or twice when their Academies aren't too far from their parents' workplace. In most cases, however, all contact disappears once they leave."

"That's…" Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. "We must be able to do better on that front?" he questioned.

"I don't know, sir. The galaxy is vast."

He huffed out a short laugh. "True, but with all the technology we have, there must be a better solution to this."

Phasma shrugged. "They're better off than the ones that go to the Bases, at least," she answered.

Kylo mulled this over and decided she was probably right. Still, it was something he could look into.

"Can we go to the living areas of the ship?" he eventually asked.

There was a short silence while Phasma seemed to process his request.

"I'm not entirely sure if that would be appreciated?" she questioningly said. "I can show you where the Troopers live? I believe the lower ranking staff would be disconcerted if you were to appear in their private living areas."

Kylo nodded. "I would appreciate seeing where my Troopers live and train. And, if possible, see those day-areas for the children as well. Do the Troopers have families?"

He frowned, shocked to realise exactly how little he knew about the inner workings of the ship and the people that lived on it.

"Of course they do, sir. Those with families often request to be allowed a less active role within the force. These are often the Troopers you'll see on permanent guard duty, or the ones assigned to accompanying trade vessels."

Kylo agreed that it made sense. He motioned for Phasma to lead the way. No matter that he had the entire layout of the ship memorised, Phasma no doubt knew the fastest route. The report from the main deck could wait another day.

They moved towards the center of the ship. It was a long trek but they eventually arrived.

"This is one of the three main living areas for the Troopers on this ship," Phasma said halting at the section's door. "Each Trooper has their own room; the freshners are shared. When they take a permanent partner, they are given their own quarters. If the partner is from another section of the ship, they are required to move here. All Troopers need to be available in case of an emergency, and that's not possible if some of them are scattered throughout the ship."

With a nod, Kylo motioned he'd understood. They entered the section and all heads turned as soon as they walked into the main recreational hall. Men and women scrambled to get up; greetings were uttered all around.

"At ease," Kylo stated evenly.

He watched as those present slowly but certainly settled down again. Their confusion was still evident. Arima, one of his Troopers, walked up to them.

"Supreme Leader. Commander," she greeted. "Anything we can help you with?"

"A general inspection, nothing more," Phasma answered. "The Supreme Leader has taken an interest in your living conditions. Am I allowed to show him your room?"

Arima shifted. "Uhm, of course. It's just; it's a bit of a mess in there, sir."

"I merely wish to see the lay-out. I will overlook any… mess." Kylo answered.

"Thank you, sir." With a salute, she returned to her previous seat.

"I assume she's off duty?" Kylo said.

"Yes, sir. The Troopers on duty are either at their post, near the communications center, or training."

"Let's go check out the living arrangements first before heading towards the Troopers."

"This way, sir."

Phasma led them to a door at their left. Behind it was a large, square hall that contained several doors. When they stepped through one, they walked into a rather generic looking hallway lined with doors on either side.

"The washing facilities are at the end of the hallway," Phasma offered. "Arima's room is just over here, sir."

She walked a bit down the hallway and pressed a code into the panel next to the door.

"You have access?" Kylo prompted.

"My code is programmed so I can enter all the Troopers' rooms in case of an emergency or incident. They are aware of it."

The door opened and Kylo stared as the room was revealed. It seemed 'mess' was both very accurate and a bit of an understatement. There were clothes everywhere, along with some trinkets and what seemed to be empty water bottles. The only area spared was the corner where the Trooper suit was stored on its frame.

"Oh," Phasma said.

"Indeed."

"Shall I comment on it next time I see her, sir?"

"No. Despite how… extreme this is, it is none of our business."

"Right."

After processing his surprise concerning the utter chaos in the room, Kylo took notice of the lay-out. It was small-sized but comfortable. A bed stood against the far wall, the standard with the Trooper suit at its foot. A desk and wardrobe stood against the wall on their left.

"Functional," Kylo commented.

Phasma nodded. "They spend most of their time in the common areas," she said.

"Couples get full quarters?" he asked.

"Yes, bigger and with their own freshner. If there's a child, they get rooms with an annex."

"They move around a lot, it seems."

"It's the most space-efficient, sir."

"That makes sense." He walked out of the doorway and it hissed closed. "Which is closest? Communications? Or the training grounds?"

"Communications, sir."

Phasma led them through a series of hallways to end up at a room that held several people monitoring screens and talking into comms. They barely reacted to the door opening and none looked up to see who had arrived. Phasma shifted next to him but he raised his hand.

"They have no reason to expect my appearance," he said. "Let them do their jobs."

A door to their right slid open. "Still," a voice from beyond it said. "They should know when their Supreme Leader is among them."

A hushed silence fell over the room and several heads turned. For a moment, the air seemed too still, until it was filled with chairs dragging over the durasteel floor and surprised greetings and apologies.

Kylo waved them away, focussing on the man appearing in the doorway. He wasn't wearing his helmet and seemed to be around forty. His face had the appearance of someone who laughed a lot. The man bowed a greeting.

"Supreme Leader. Commander. Apologies for not wearing my helmet; it's honestly a hindrance when keeping an eye on the screens."

"Efren here," Phasma said, "is in charge of the coordination of your Troopers today."

"So you saw us coming?" Kylo half asked, half stated.

"Yes, sir."

"Show me."

"Certainly, sir."

The next half hour was spent with Efren showing Kylo how he kept track of the Troopers, partially by the trackers in their suit, partially by accessing the surveillance cameras, and explaining some of the procedures in place.

He was calm and competent. Secure in what he was doing. When Kylo presented him with a couple of scenarios, he was quick to answer with solid solutions.

"Doesn't this become boring?" Kylo eventually asked. "It is, after all, only a small group of people you're guiding and there's little excitement to be had."

Efren shrugged. "I've been on the field often enough in my younger days, sir. I've always had an interest in tactics but didn't feel the need to rise up in the ranks. I couldn't care less about the politics of it. This suits me just fine."

Kylo made a noncommittal sound and straightened up. "I can see you know what you are doing. Keep it up," he stated before turning to leave. He heard Efren thanking him on his way out.

"He's the best of the four," Phasma said as they walked towards the training grounds. "He's also the one in command of the Troopers when I'm off ship."

"Will he be coordinating our Troopers that are going to the Base?"

"As soon as you join them, sir." She hesitated and it seemed to pain her to say the next words. "Until then, they're under Ember's control."

Kylo turned and stared at her. "You're giving them to Ember?" he asked, incredulous.

"Temporarily."

Hearing her tone, he decided not to push the matter, nor joke about it. Still, he was pleased with the progress it showed. They continued in silence.

"Knowing Efren, he probably didn't notify these Troopers of the fact that we were heading this way. He wouldn't have seen a reason to and does like to surprise people."

The way in which she said it made Kylo raise an eyebrow at her.

"Don't ask," she grumbled.

With a laugh, he pushed open the door and entered the training grounds. Inside were about ten Troopers in various stages of training. Two were sparring in full gear while three watched on, helmets under their arms. A few were engaging droids and two were stretching on the sidelines, wearing only their bodysuits. The last two were the ones that noticed his entry.

"Supreme Leader!" they exclaimed, all but jumping up from where they were sitting.

The others abruptly ended their trainings, turning and greeting him. The way they were looking at him made him uncomfortable—as if they actually _liked_ him or something. He imagined that wasn't how a standard Trooper looked at him from behind their visors.

"Continue on," he said, trying not to sound as uncomfortable as he felt. "I wanted to see where and how you train."

"Yes, sir!"

It sounded as one voice but they were slow to get started again. Trying to divert the attention from him, Kylo turned to Phasma.

"Blaster training?" he questioned.

"Different room, quite a bit from here, sir. All blaster rooms are combined in one large, more restricted area."

The Troopers that had been sparring were whispering among each other. Deciding to give them some more time, he asked another, quite redundant question.

"I presume they have group trainings as well? Apart from these free sessions?"

"Of course, sir." There was a smile in her voice, as if she knew what he was doing and was refusing to go along.

"Commander?" one of the Troopers called out.

Kylo held back a sigh and watched Phasma walk off. He went to take a look at the training droids to keep up pretences.

"Well then, go ask him yourself," he suddenly heard Phasma say rather loudly to the Troopers.

Kylo turned around, curious. One of them, Bart, stepped forward.

"Sir," the man said, sounding slightly nervous. "We were wondering if, uhm, you would perhaps, well, spar with us, sir? Not one on one, of course—that would be rather pointless—but perhaps two on one? Or even three on one?"

Kylo stared at him, flabbergasted. They wanted to _spar_ with him? Even though they knew he had bested their commander and could quite easily best them? They trusted him not to do damage? Unsure of how to respond, he glanced at Phasma. She gave him an almost imperceptible nod. Bart shifted his stance and opened his mouth to say something, but Kylo cut him off.

"Yes," he said. "Why not?" He saw Phasma was already moving towards the weapons rack. He figured she would get him a sword. "Put your helmets on," he continued. "And decided whether it will be two or three to one."

Excitement rippled through the Troopers and they started chattering amongst each other. Kylo jumped up and down a couple of times to warm his muscles.

"Don't damage them too much, sir," Phasma said as she handed him a sword. "We still need them." She looked at the excited group. He could hear the smile in her voice. "They're probably going to want to see your saber too."

The words had just left her mouth when Bart—who seemed to have become the impromptu leader—glanced at them and frowned.

"No lightsaber, sir?"

"That would be too risky," Kylo answered. "One mistake and someone might be missing a limb."

"Of course, sir."

There was disappointment in his voice and Kylo glanced at Phasma, who shrugged.

"It's a big part of your image, sir."

That was something Kylo could understand. He looked back at the Troopers, who were apparently trying to decide who would get to spar. He remembered when they had been scared to ask him if they could watch him and Phasma spar after the visit to Base Z. Back then, he'd realised that he needed his Troopers to respect him, not fear him. With an inward sigh, he came to a conclusion.

"Are there any laser enhanced swords here?" he asked Phasma.

"Yes, sir."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, sir."

The ease and certainty with which it was said surprised him. He'd expected at least a small moment of hesitation. It was an odd feeling to know someone else besides Rey trusted him.

"Then we'll give them a demonstration after, if that makes them happy."

"Certainly, sir!"

He shook his head, wondering if he was becoming too sentimental, and stepped forward. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes, sir!"

Three Troopers, amongst them Bart, put on their helmets and grabbed a standard issue sword. Kylo grinned as they faced off. He had a feeling he was going to enjoy himself.


	59. A Demonstration

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

The Troopers fanned out, sticking close enough to offer each other support if needed, far enough as to not be a hindrance. It showed that they knew how to work together. Kylo eyed them, reaching for the Force to help him keep track of their movements.

Eventually, it was the Trooper on his right, Toshi, that broke the stalemate. His lunge was obviously meant to feel him out, nothing more. Kylo blocked it easily. The Trooper on the left, Lesa, aimed for his side but he stepped out of range. They circled him some more and Kylo gave them a crooked smile, meant to taunt. They didn't catch the bait.

It was when Bart stepped forward and attacked him with a volley of stabs and swipes that the fight finally seemed to start. As soon as Bart retreated, he was replaced by Toshi, leaving Lesa to attack any weaknesses on his exposed side.

The Troopers worked well together and they kept him on his toes. They were relentless in trying to pierce his defences. Kylo grinned, enjoying himself. He was simply keeping them off, jabbing at them when he liked. He needed to keep his wits about him to prevent them from finding an opening, but he sensed that full-on attacking would end the fight.

He danced around with them for some time longer. Eventually, Toshi misstepped, becoming unbalanced, and Kylo attacked the opening that was left. Bart successfully blocked him but the Troopers' flow was broken.

Kylo dropped his defensive act and started pushing forward. They scrambled to catch up, fanning out more so Kylo could only watch two at once. It was a sensible tactic that would have forced most fighters to retreat as to not expose their backs, but with the Force, Kylo could _feel_ what the Trooper behind him was doing.

Before long, the Troopers were forced into defending only. Deciding that it had gone on long enough, Kylo lunged at Bart, knocking him to the floor. Lesa and Toshi tried valiantly to keep up but soon followed.

Silence reigned as Kylo stood back to allow the three fallen Troopers to rise. The others were staring at him with wide eyes.

"You work well together," Kylo said, filling the silence. "Good form."

On the sidelines, someone tentatively started clapping. The others followed their lead and an enthusiastic applause erupted.

"Thank you, sir," Bart said, having taken off his helmet and wiping sweat from his forehead. Lesa and Toshi followed his example.

Kylo nodded and turned. "Phasma?"

"Ready, sir," she answered, firing up the laser-enhanced sword she was holding. There was a gleeful sort of anticipation in her voice.

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Kylo handed his own sword to Lesa and unclipped his saber. A chorus of excited sounds erupted from the Troopers.

"Demonstration only," he said to Phasma. "Nothing all too fancy."

"I know, sir."

In answer, Kylo ignited his saber. He couldn't help the twitch of his lips that followed. It always felt good to feel his saber come to life in his hands, to feel the humm against his palm. He twirled it once, making sure he had a good feel for it after having just fought with a sword.

After another nod at Phasma, he fell into one of his regular routines. Phasma often watched him train and he trusted her to recognise it and act accordingly. He wasn't disappointed. Quickening his pace, he repeated the sequence twice before switching to a second one. After the third variation, he ended their demonstration.

As he extinguished his saber, cheers erupted from the sidelines, surprising him. Bewildered, he looked at the Troopers who had all jumped up and were clapping and cheering. He wondered what got them in such a state. There was 'happy' and then there was this.

Then it hit him; they had just seen their commander square off against his saber. Of course they were cheering for her. He turned towards Phasma with a smile. Minutely, she shook her head before walking up to him.

"No, sir," she said quietly, as not to be heard by the Troopers. "They're cheering for you. They appreciate being allowed to have seen this."

"It's…"

"Extraordinary for them, sir." She huffed a laugh and turned towards the Troopers. "That will suffice," she said mildly. "Thank your Supreme Leader and recommence your training."

As one, they clapped their fists against their hearts. "Thank you, Supreme Leader," they intoned, before moving about the room.

Still baffled, Kylo accepted their greeting, then walked out of the training room. He didn't know what to think of the Troopers' reaction. He figured that, for someone not used to dealing with them, a saber could look pretty flashy, but still.

"On to the children's section, sir?" Phasma asked.

"What? Yes, yes," he answered, distracted.

"They look up to you, sir," she said. "There's nothing more to it."

Even though that did nothing but shift the question from why they were cheering to why they looked up to him, he still nodded at Phasma. He appreciated her attempt to set him at ease. When Phasma turned and started to lead the way, he meekly followed, wondering what Rey would say about it all.

"Which would you like to visit first, sir? The primary school? Or the daycare center?"

"The daycare center," he answered. It intrigued him more. He had seen plenty classrooms by now.

Upon arrival, Phasma addressed one of the staff with the request to give them a tour.

"I don't know my way around here, sir," she explained. "I just know how to find this place." She turned away. "Some Troopers _insisted_ I hold their children," she muttered.

It was said with such discomfort, Kylo couldn't help but snort. "Not one for babies, Phasma?" he asked.

"They're small," she answered. "They poop and cry and vomit. They're helpless little…" She vaguely waved a hand. "They don't even let you sleep or have time to yourself. Why would you even want them?"

Her voice conveyed such absolute confusion that Kylo burst out laughing.

"Sir!" she protested.

"I'm guessing you don't want children?"

"Definitely not, sir."

She was saved from further explaining by the arrival of a member of staff.

"Supreme Leader," she greeted. "Commander. You requested a tour of the daycare?"

"Yes," Kylo answered simply.

"I will be your guide then. My name is Amrou Juda and I'm one of the principal caretakers. If you would follow me to the ward for the newborns?"

"The newborns are here as well?" Kylo asked. "Not with the mother?"

"Of course, with the mother." Amrou sounded offended at the mere idea of separating them. "A lot of first-time mothers prefer to spend their day here. We help them with any questions they may have, be it about the baby or their own healing process. It eases their anxiety and they get to exchange stories with other mothers."

"And the fathers?"

"Are welcome too, of course." They arrived at an automatic door and Amrou hesitated. "Commander Phasma," she started. "May I request you to remove your helmet?"

"Why?"

"It might frighten the babies."

"My scar will have no doubt the exact same effect."

Amrou tilted her head, a dry expression on her face. "At least you'll look human."

Phasma momentarily froze, before reaching up and taking off the helmet. Her eyes narrowed at Amrou, who simply nodded in response.

"Good," Amrou said, opening the door and walking in.

Kylo could hear her greet someone as he followed her. "... Supreme Leader?" he caught at the end of the unknown person's response. When he walked in further, he noticed a woman reclining in a comfortable chair, holding her obviously still very young child.

As soon as she spotted him, her eyes grew wide as saucers. "Oh! Oh Force!" she exclaimed, sounding panicked. "Sup- Supreme Leader. I'm so sorry. I didn't know…" She was frantically pulling on her clothes while trying not to jostle the baby. "I really apologise. I'm sorry. I-"

"Why are you apologising?" Kylo asked.

The woman froze and looked up to him. "I'm exposed?" she said, half questioning, half stating.

"You are feeding your child," Kylo answered. The Force had shown him many things, from life to growth to death to decay. A woman nursing her child was a natural thing and didn't bother him. "There is no need to apologise."

She continued to stare at him in complete bewilderment and he decided it was only polite to give her some space. He moved to the neat row of cribs at the back of the room and looked down on one of the sleeping children. When he looked up, he saw a man and a woman staring at him through a door to his left. Another woman was seemingly asleep on a small bed.

Feeling out of place and decidedly uncomfortable under all the staring, he motioned to their guide he wanted to move on. Once back in the hallway, Amrou started explaining how the daycare center was divided and how it worked.

The more they walked around, the more Kylo started to feel like an animal in a zoo. Everybody stared at him in confusion. He could easily detect who from the few parents present were part of the higher ranking staff as they automatically greeted him.

When they finally returned to the main entrance of the section, he had to fight back a sigh of relief.

"The ship will be positively buzzing about this," Phasma noted with some humour after Amrou left.

"Meaning?" Kylo asked.

"That by this time tomorrow, the entire ship will know you've come to look at some babies," she answered while replacing her helmet. "On to the primary school, sir? Or do you need a break from all the staring?"

He was starting to really regret his decision to look into the living conditions of the crew and their children, yet he felt it was something he needed to know.

"Primary school," he sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "But let's make it quick."

She huffed a laugh and turned. They made their way to the primary school where they acquired another tour guide.

The children were divided into two groups, loosely based on age and skill level. As their guide explained, in group one, they learned math, reading and writing in the most common languages, and general, basic knowledge. There was still plenty of playtime in their daily schedule.

The children were encouraged to let their curiosity guide their learning. After they acquired sufficient basic knowledge, they moved on to the second group where they could study more advanced topics. Because they were driven by their curiosity, it was easy to figure out what they liked to do most and what their prospects could be for future careers. In their final year, they worked towards all necessary knowledge for entering their chosen Academy.

Kylo had to admit he liked the setup. It both kept the children's needs in sight and secured a solid future. The classrooms didn't have the rigid structures he had seen on the Bases, but instead were colorful and even a bit chaotic. The school had a main playground with soft surfaces and equipment like a slide and some swings.

"The children seemed happy," he commented as Phasma and he made their way back to the command center of the ship.

"They did."

"Remind me to ask Derek if this setup is a standard amongst our other ships."

"I will, sir."

They were interrupted by a Trooper walking their way.

"Blossom," Phasma said. "Report."

The Trooper greeted Kylo in the usual fashion before answering. "Derek is requesting the Supreme Leader's presence," she said.

"Why wasn't I informed through the com?"

"It isn't a situation of the highest priority, commander," Blossom answered. "And I'm grateful for the opportunity to stretch my legs."

Phasma accepted the explanation with a curt nod. "Sir?" she asked.

"Let's see what he has to say then," Kylo grumbled. "What's your duty today?" he asked Blossom, curious about her earlier comment.

"I'm back-up today, sir," she answered. "In case a Trooper needs to be relieved or if the commander were to leave your side."

He hummed in response and Blossom fell back, walking on the opposite side of Phasma, just behind her. They made their way back in silence.

"Supreme Leader," Derek greeted when they arrived. "I thought you would like to know this as soon as possible so I took the liberty of requesting your presence."

"What's so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow morning?"

"It seems, sir," Derek said with caution in his voice, "that there has been a rebellion."


	60. Speeding Things Up

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

 _A/N: This story is going on a 3 week hiatus as I'm going on vacation. I'll be back by the end of the month. :)_

xXxXxXx

"A _what_?" Kylo exclaimed.

"A rebellion, sir."

"Where? Explain further!"

"A small planet, sir, but one important for the trade routes. The rebellion wasn't successful, but it did take the local force by surprise. They were able to prevent the perpetrators from overrunning them and called for backup. Once the backup arrived, standard procedures were followed and the rebellion was quelled.

"It seems the uprising was organised throughout several of the major cities on the planet. They all rebelled around the same time, some in the middle of the night. The cities were mildly damaged by the fighting and there were casualties on both sides, although more were sustained by the rebels.

"Part of the rebels were arrested; part managed to escape. From the report we've received, I understand that they managed to capture the main instigators, but there is still an investigation ongoing. Other than you would think, it doesn't seem to be the Resistance who's at the heart of this. What are your orders, sir?"

Kylo turned towards Phasma. "We've waited too long," he said.

"It would appear so, sir."

"Where do you stand?"

"We have one minor plan ready for execution, sir. We can leave tomorrow."

"Make sure of it."

"Yes, sir," Phasma said, giving him a firm greeting and turning on her heel.

"Sir?" Derek asked, seemingly unbothered by the fact that he didn't know what Kylo and Phasma were talking about. "Another report just came in. They're sending the leaders of the rebels here."

"Phasma, wait." Kylo turned towards Derek. "When will they arrive?"

"In the morning, sir."

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair and worried his lips, uncertain how to deal with the situation.

"Schedule your departure for the afternoon," he said to Phasma. "We'll deal with the traitors first."

"Sir," she affirmed and walked out of the door.

"I'll see to them in the Throne Room," Kylo told Derek. "I will no longer sit there on my own as I pass judgement. I will have Phasma by my side, and you."

"M- M- Me, sir?" Derek stuttered, shifting nervously. "I'm- Uhm. Not so good with people, sir."

"Where Phasma is my military advisor, I would like you to be my diplomatic one. You'll only have to talk to me."

"Diplomatic?" Derek paled. "But I'm an Administrator, sir, not a diplomat. I mean… No disrespect, sir. I just… Uhm. I-"

"I am aware," Kylo interrupted, "but I currently have no diplomat I fully trust. You are aware of everything that's going on. I will trust you to provide me with relevant information if needed."

Derek was wringing his hands. "I will do my utmost best, sir."

"Good," Kylo said, turning to leave. "Don't hesitate to call on me again if more urgent news comes in."

"Understood, sir."

Kylo felt restless when he walked out of Derek's office. A rebellion, albeit a small one, was bad news. Either it was unrelated to anything, or someone had gotten the idea that he was weak and incapable.

He dragged his hand through his hair again, heading towards his quarters with Blossom at his shoulder. Sending Phasma out to move against the Resistance—even if it was only a ruse—gave the impression that the rebellion had been caused by them. Kylo worried his lips, wondering what the implications of that would be. Would it incite the war again? Would it eventually force his hand towards more drastic measures?

Arriving at his quarters, he found Rey already there, pacing. She turned to face him as soon as he walked through the door.

"What's going on?" she demanded. "I felt… I'm not sure what I felt over the Bond but it wasn't good. Maz is suddenly all flurry and activity, mumbling something about 'speeding up procedures'. What's this about?"

Kylo blinked at her, surprised that Phasma had gotten a hold of Maz so quickly. He wondered what this plan was she had mentioned. There hadn't been time to ask but he trusted her enough to go forth with it without him knowing the details.

"There's been a rebellion within the First Order," he answered Rey.

" _What?_ "

"A minor but important planet rebelled," he said. In a few words, he relayed the information Derek had given him. "Do you have any idea if some branch of the Resistance was part of it?" he eventually asked.

"No, not that I know of. Should I ask Maz?"

"Maz should be busy setting one of our plans in action."

He hummed in realisation and went back to open the door.

"Blossom."

"Yes, sir?"

"You can get a message to Phasma through the com, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Tell her this: 'Ask the little one if her group is part of it or if she knows something else'. She'll know what it means."

"Uhm, yes, sir."

As the door hissed closed again, he saw Blossom reach for her com.

"Phasma isn't with you?" Rey asked. "What's going on, Ben?"

She sounded anxious so he walked over to her and wrapped her in his arms. "We don't know yet why they rebelled, but it might be because they think me a weak leader. Phasma isn't here, no; she's probably with Jessy preparing to put one of their plans in action. It seems I've been idle for too long."

"Are you in danger?"

"What? No. No, Sandcat, don't worry. One small planet isn't enough to threaten my position. Not if I can nip it in the bud here and now. But I need to act. And I need to know if it's because they perceive me weak or if there's some other, unknown reason."

"How will you know?"

"They've caught the main instigators. They're being shipped here as we speak and should arrive in the morning."

Rey stayed silent for a bit. "You'll interrogate them?" she eventually asked, sounding hesitant.

Kylo winced slightly, painfully aware of what she was actually asking.

"I'm meeting them in the Throne Room," he answered. "With Phasma and Derek by my side." He leaned back, nudging her chin with a finger so she would look up at him. "I can't let this slide, Rey," he said. "An example must be set."

He already knew where this was probably heading, at least for the leaders of the group. He didn't want to voice it out loud just yet, but he needed Rey to understand.

"Like the one from the Academy?" she ventured.

"Yes and no." He pulled her along to sit on the bed. "Sjori Velik had committed a personal offence. He was a threat because he would have reason to _start_ a rebellion if we banished him. These people have _executed_ a rebellion." Kylo sighed and looked at Rey. "That makes it worse."

"You've already decided to kill them, haven't you?"

He grimaced, not answering.

"I'm too naive, aren't I? Perhaps that's why Maz is still calling me a Padawan. Maybe she's telling me to toughen up."

"She's still doing that, huh?"

"I've given up protesting against it. She won't listen anyway."

She sounded desolate and he hoped to get some better news with his next question.

"Did you manage to talk to your friends about the children?"

Rey shrugged. "They told me they have everything under control. When I insisted, they said they would think about it and see if they could figure something out."

Not knowing what to say to that, he merely tightened his grip around her waist.

"How was your day?" Rey eventually asked. "Before you found out about the rebellion, that is."

"Oh, right," he murmured. "Perhaps news of the rebellion will prevent other gossip."

"What?" Rey questioned, not understanding.

"Well, I was on my way-"

A knock on the door interrupted him and he went to open it.

"Sir!" Blossom greeted him. "The answer is: 'They were not involved in any way. The little one will ask around.'" She sounded like she was trying very hard not to show she wanted to know what it was all about.

"Good. Thank you, Blossom," Kylo said before closing the door on her. "Maz knows nothing but will ask her spies," he relayed to Rey.

"She's willing to do that?"

"Apparently."

"I don't understand her at all."

"The prerogative of being ancient?" Kylo ventured, seating himself back on the bed next to Rey.

She snorted. "Maybe. So, what was that about gossip not happening?"

"Oh, right." He told her about his realisation that he never saw children and how he had started an impromptu tour by visiting his Troopers. "I don't understand why they were cheering," he confided. "I understand that a lightsaber fight is not something they see everyday, but still."

He looked at Rey, only to see her grinning at him.

"They like you," she said.

He blinked at that statement.

"They like you," she repeated, "and you giving them a demonstration shows that you value them too. Besides, it probably looked very impressive."

"They _like_ me?"

"Obviously."

"But, for all they know, I'm still a- I'm not a good guy."

"They've been guarding you for quite some time now, haven't they?" Rey asked. "They've probably noticed you're no longer like that." She shrugged again. "It seems they approve."

"You sound like Phasma."

"That means I'm probably right." She smiled broadly at him.

"They want a name and a sigil," he blurted out.

"Who? Your Troopers?"

He nodded. The entire situation completely baffled him. No matter that both Phasma and Rey seemed to agree upon it, he couldn't wrap his head around the idea of the Troopers _liking_ him.

"See," she exclaimed. "They're proud to be your protection detail." There was a small pause. "You did let them have one, right?"

"Yes. I couldn't find any harm in it. I told Phasma that they should guard against arrogance — I don't want them to become another Praetorian guard — but, other than that, it seems harmless enough."

"What did they decide on?"

"Nothing yet, as far as I know."

He raised an eyebrow as Rey was practically bouncing where she sat. "Oh, now I'm curious to see what they come up with."

Rolling his eyes, he poked her side. "I'll show you once I know, alright?"

He shook his head when she happily agreed. It gratified him to see there was still some joy left in her. He hated how down she had been sounding lately. After swatting at her hand as she tried to poke him back, he continued telling her what he found in the daycare center and the primary school.

When he finished, a heavy silence fell over them. Rey was emitting a strange emotion he didn't understand. He wondered what it was about. If she was wondering, just like him, whether or not she actually wanted to have children.

He didn't want to ask her; it didn't seem like a good idea if he couldn't answer the question himself. Having children had never been something he had to contemplate about. As a Jedi, it was out of the question. Under Snoke, his life had been about surviving. There had been neither time nor reason to contemplate children.

Did he want children? He turned his thoughts inwards in an attempt to find an answer. His own childhood had been anything but pleasant. Could he do better? Would he want to risk it? What sort of life would a child of his have? He could answer none of the questions he posed himself.

Feeling Rey's mood worsen again, he decided to put the matter to the side. There was no use in contemplating something that wasn't even possible for the time being.

He tucked some stray strands of hair behind Rey's ear, pulling her from wherever her mind had gone.

"I haven't kissed you yet," he said softly.

She blinked at him and gave him a small smile. "Such an oversight," she answered.

"Indeed."

He tilted her head back and thoroughly kissed her. Rey hummed into it, answering eagerly and putting her hands on his chest to steady herself. Unable to help himself, he pushed her back on the bed and hovered over her, letting his free hand roam.

They snogged for a good while before Rey snuggled against his chest and they both fell asleep.


	61. Dragons and Dark Moons

_A/N: And here we go again :D Updates will recommence as usual, once a week. (For those wondering, I had a marvellous holiday.)_

 _A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

The next morning, Kylo forwent his usual training session, wanting to have the entire ordeal all over and done with.

"When are you scheduled to leave?" he asked Phasma as soon as he stepped out of his quarters, eying the fact that she was carrying her baton but deciding not to mention it.

"As soon as you grant us permission, sir."

"Who are you taking along?"

"Only a few, sir. Jessy, of course, Natasha, Steven, and a small group of regular Troopers. We're raiding an outpost manned by five people. If all follow orders, there should be no casualties on either side."

"If?" Kylo questioned.

"Yes, sir. Because the outpost is so small, the staff has orders to flee as soon as they spot enemy activity. We can only hope they will follow those orders and don't feel like being heroic."

Kylo hummed noncommittal and they walked on in silence. When he entered his office a couple minutes later, he found Derek already there.

"Supreme Leader, good morning," Derek said, unphased by Kylo's early appearance.

"Derek," Kylo greeted with a nod. "Anymore news about what happened?"

"The transport is bound to arrive in an hour, sir. The situation on the planet is under control and more arrests have been made. A list is being made as we speak. Extra surveillance has been set up in order to prevent any rekindling of the rebellion. Trade has been resumed but is under strict surveillance."

He pulled his handheld tablet out of his jacket and took a moment to search the database. The main screen in the office flickered momentarily before displaying a hierarchy tree. Kylo moved to study it.

"This is what they've found out so far, sir," Derek supplied. "As you can see, local investigators are still unsure of some of their positions, but it seems they've managed to deduct the main players. These six," he pointed out six names at the top of the tree, along with their pictures, "are the ones that are being brought here."

"The investigators are sure of their finds?" Kylo asked. "They seem to have found out quite a lot in a short time. I find that suspicious given the level of organisation that went into this rebellion."

Derek blinked. "I, uhm, had not thought about that, sir," he confessed in a tone that conveyed he found it a grave error to make. "Their reports are stated with absolute certainty but I will immediately contact them to enquire further." He hesitated. "Will you be having training now, sir?"

"Not this morning," Kylo answered.

Walking back to the desk, Derek grabbed a report from the 'important' pile. "May I request you read through this, sir, while I contact the investigators? It's an unrelated matter, but urgent nonetheless."

Kylo sighed and settled back down at his desk. Derek gave him a small bow and left. His surprised 'Oh' as the door slid open made Kylo look up. The hallway was filled with the portion of his Troopers that wasn't currently on duty. Phasma was standing between them and his door.

"... not a good time," he caught her saying. Her tone was amused, yet firm.

She turned her head at the sound of the door opening and stepped aside to let Derek pass. The gathered Troopers saluted as one. Kylo raised an eyebrow in silent question. Phasma sighed and turned to face him.

"Your Troopers request an audience, sir." She glanced over her shoulder. "They're quite adamant."

"What is this about?" Kylo asked.

"Sir." It was Bart that stepped forward. "We would like to request your approval."

"Don't keep standing in the hallway," Kylo stated. "Get in here." There was a small shuffle and another exasperated sigh from Phasma. "All of you," he continued.

They all trudged inside, taking up positions along the wall on either side of the door while Bart addressed him.

"Sir," Bart said again. "You have been so generous to offer us the opportunity to choose a name and an emblem. After your demonstration yesterday, inspiration struck and Lesa," he vaguely waved at her and she offered a greeting, "has been up all night creating the emblem. We would like your approval before we apply it to our armour."

He reverently offered Kylo the envelope he had carefully been holding. More than a little bit curious, Kylo opened it and pulled out the thick piece of paper. He could feel the tension in the room as he stared down at the drawing.

It stunned him. The emblem portrayed a stylised version of his saber, fully deployed, against a backdrop of a black moon. The saber cut the moon in four, unequal sections, with the side guards, laser blade, and hilt going past the circumference of the moon. The red of the saber clearly stood out, accented by the thin space of white between it and the moon's black shape.

Kylo swallowed. "You drew this, Trooper Lesa?"

"Yes, sir."

"You did a fine job," he said, finally looking up again. "I approve of this emblem."

There was a rustle as the Troopers shifted at his words.

"Thank you, sir," Lesa added to the wave of suppressed excitement.

"We are grateful, sir," Bart said. "As for a name, we decided upon 'The Dragon Guard', if that can meet your approval as well?"

"The Dragon Guard?" Kylo echoed. "Where does that idea come from?"

"Uhm." Bart suddenly seemed a bit uncomfortable. "We, uhm, researched mythical creatures from all over the galaxy, sir. Dragons seem to be universally known in one way or another. It's just that, well, depending on the origin of the myth, a dragon can be, uhm-" He hesitated, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders. "They are seen either as good or bad, sir, depending on the location the myth comes from. It seemed… fitting."

Kylo stared at the man, who had braced himself as if waiting for impact. All the other Troopers had frozen as well, waiting. Phasma was the only one who still seemed relaxed.

"Fitting?" Kylo echoed.

"Yes, sir."

The nervous silence continued as Kylo contemplated what Bart's words meant. Had both Phasma and Rey been right? Had his Troopers noticed he was trying to change the First Order? That he wanted to be rid of the fear and rule with common sense?

"I agree," he finally said.

The relief of the Troopers was palpable and quickly followed by joy. A chorus of 'Thank you, sir' rang through the office.

"Now get out," Kylo ordered not unkindly, unsure about how to deal with all the gratefulness he was receiving. "I have a hearing to prepare for."

"Certainly, sir," Bart answered.

He slammed his fist against his heart and bowed. The others followed suit and they all filed out of the office, Phasma in their wake. Once he was alone again, Kylo sunk down in his chair and dragged a hand through his hair.

Closing his eyes, he reached out for Rey.

"Ben? Everything okay?"

He hummed an assurance. "I don't have much time," he said, "but I promised to show you as soon as I knew."

"Ooh!" Rey exclaimed, excited. "They decided on a symbol?"

"Yes, and a name."

"Show me! Show me! Show me!"

Kylo laughed at her enthusiasm and shared the memory of the emblem. Rey gasped.

"It's perfect," she sighed.

"They've named themselves 'The Dragon Guard'."

"Dragon?" Rey repeated as if trying out the word. "What does that mean?"

"They said it's a mythical creature that can be found throughout the galaxy," he answered. "Its meaning varies between good and bad depending on the source of the myth, apparently. They said it was 'fitting'. I'll read up on them later."

"See?" Rey exclaimed happily. "They _know_."

"It appears so, yes." The door to his office hissed open. "I need to go; Derek's back."

"Okay."

He blinked as she faded from his conscience.

"I'm yet to look at this report," Kylo told Derek. "The Troopers needed my input."

"I figured as much, sir." He went to stand at his regular spot next to the desk. "I contacted the investigators and they're absolutely certain about their findings. When I mentioned the speed with which they found out, they said some of the captured started talking and that it follows the local government structure."

"The government structure?"

"Yes, sir."

Kylo worried his lips. "That's disturbing on its own. Was that mentioned in the reports?"

"No, sir."

"So, essentially, the planet's government has rebelled and the government leaders are being shipped to us, leaving the planet without rulers, but they didn't think it necessary to report that to us?" He frowned up at Derek.

"It would seem so, sir."

Kylo repressed the urge to roll his eyes at Derek's neutral response. "Tell me your opinion," he commanded.

"Sir?"

"Tell me what you think of it, based on your experience."

"It is not my place, sir!" Derek replied, shocked.

"I'm adding it to your job description right now. Tell me what you think; that's an order."

"Sir. This is… I mean… It's…" Kylo waited as Derek took a moment to compose himself. Eventually, the man straightened his posture. "The information should not have been left out of the report, sir," he said. "If it were my subordinate who wrote it, I would sternly reprimand him. It also leaves me wondering about who's ruling the planet now that their government has essentially been disbanded. Although I must admit that I'm not as versed as I would like to be in the rules and regulations concerning planet oversight. I am more versed in inner-First Order politics, sir."

Derek took a small step back and wrung his hands as if wondering if there would be repercussions for his words.

"That's what I thought," Kylo commented, ignoring Derek's behaviour. He realised he would have to prompt the administrator more often before the man would become comfortable about giving his professional opinion. It was something to worry about later. "Update on the ship's arrival?"

"20 minutes, sir," Derek answered after a quick look on his tablet.

"Right."

With a sigh, Kylo reached for the waiting report. It needed to be dealt with anyway and it would take his mind off of the oncoming hearing. Twenty minutes later, Phasma announced that the ship had docked and they made their way to the Throne room.

"I want two of my Troopers to guard the entrance of the Throne room," Kylo told Phasma. "The prisoners can wait until those two are stationed," he added, realising his request was rather last-minute.

Phasma nodded and held back a bit, talking into her com.

"Sir," Derek spoke up, nerves nearly causing his voice to crack. "I'm, uhm, sorry, sir, but I'm still not, uhm, sure about my purpose during the hearing, sir. Apologies, sir."

"You are there to advise me if needed." Kylo looked down and noticed that hardly helped to settle the man, so he improvised. "And you'll be writing a summary of the proceedings afterwards."

"Oh," Derek exclaimed. "That I can do, sir. Certainly, sir."

Kylo started to feel like he was getting the hang of the little man's odd behaviour. When they finally arrived, Derek took up position at the right side of the throne without further comment. Phasma took the left side, placing one end of her baton on the ground and taking a wide stance. Kylo glanced at her and suppressed the urge to shake his head in amusement. He knew Phasma well enough; he should have foreseen her flair for the dramatic. At least it explained the baton.

He settled on the throne, assuming a relaxed pose, and waited.

"Our Troopers are in place, sir," Phasma announced.

"The prisoners are on their way, sir," she continued a minute later.

Soon after, the doors to the Throne room hissed open and six prisoners were escorted in, each guarded by a Trooper.

"Leave us," Kylo commanded.

"Yes, sir," the Troopers answered as one, saluting and marching out.

Kylo eyed the small group of people in front of him as silence reigned. They were all men but varied in age. The eldest, who was standing in the middle of the group, seemed around fifty, the youngest halfway through his twenties. They all seemed nervous but had an air of defiance around them. The youth most of all. He was twitchy and had a sneer on his face.

After some time, the eldest walked forward among a chorus of 'No, Nels, don't,' and 'What are you doing,' from the others.

"I am willing to take all responsibility, Supreme Leader," he said.

Kylo raised an eyebrow and straightened his posture. Of all the things the man could have said, this was not what he had been expecting. Especially since, according to the hierarchy he had studied earlier, it was not him but the man to his left that had the highest rank.

"You rebelled against the First Order," Kylo stated. "Against me. Care to give your excuse?"

"You abandoned us, you asshole!" the youth suddenly cried out, lunging forward.

Several things happened at once: Phasma moved into a battle stance, at the same time demanding respect. Derek took a cautionary step back. One of the prisoners moved to block the youth, and Kylo simply smacked him to the floor with the Force.

"You bastard!" the youth screamed from his prone position.

"Cryo! Shut up!" the prisoner that had moved to block him snapped.

"Forgive him, Supreme Leader," Nels spoke up. "He is still young."

Kylo waved at Phasma, who resumed her former position.

" _Forgive_ him?" he sneered.

"He lost his younger brother to the disease, his mother to the famine that followed."

Kylo narrowed his eyes. Disease? Famine? He glanced at Derek from the corner of his eye, seeing the man frantically working his tablet with a scowl marring his face.

"Anything?" Kylo murmured.

"Nothing, sir. No reports of either disease or famine on that planet. Nothing whatsoever."

"I see." Kylo leaned back in his throne, steepling his fingers and trying to buy time. "Even out your face, Derek."


	62. What Really Happened

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo wondered what was going on. Was the man lying? Or had both incidents been kept from the reports? He looked at the youth, Cryo, still cursing and struggling against the Force that held him to the ground. There was only one way to find out.

Kylo rose and walked towards the prone figure. Phasma followed. Derek shifted, uncertain, but stayed in place after a short gesture from Phasma.

"Supreme Leader, please-"

"Silence," Kylo interrupted Nels.

The same man that had been ushering Cryo to keep silent stood and faced Kylo.

"Supreme Leader," he too started.

"Step aside, Mithry," Nels said.

"But-"

Kylo glared at the man. "Move, or be moved."

Mithry paled and hurried backwards.

"You," Kylo said, staring down at Cryo. "I will release you and you will stand. If you don't, I will make you. If you attack me, you'll be dead before you touch me. Now stop your cursing and get up."

The boy did as he was told, albeit reluctant. The glare he sent Kylo was all youthful arrogance and rage. Kylo sneered.

"The more you fight this, the more it will hurt."

Without further warning, Kylo touched Cryo's temple and delved into his mind, ignoring the scream it elicited. Trusting that Phasma would guard him, he focussed completely on Cryo's mind. He traveled back through the angry pacing on the ship that brought him here, scenes of the chaos that was the attempted rebellion, and images of meetings and negotiations, until he found one of Cryo balling his fists at a grave.

Cryo started struggling and Kylo growled in frustration. "Stop this infantile behaviour. You won't win."

Having found what he was looking for, Kylo focussed more on the memories and rifled through them. He saw the famine Nels had mentioned; people wasted away before his eyes. Further back in time, he found images of a young child, pale and coughing. There was a neighborhood filled with sick and dying people.

Kylo pulled back, returning to his own mind, and Cryo fell to his knees. He was bleeding from the nose and both his ears. Ignoring it, Kylo turned and walked back to his throne. He would worry about how he felt about hurting the kid later.

The fact that Nels had spoken the truth about both famine and disease was bothersome, to say the least. As Kylo sunk back down on his throne, he surveyed the group. Mithry had returned to Cryo's side. Nels was looking at the two with a sad expression on his face. The other three had barely moved.

Kylo turned to the one standing left of Nels.

"My intel tells me _you,_ Samo, are at the top of the hierarchy, not Nels. Has cowardice struck your heart that you stay silent now?"

"He has a family, sir," Nels said before the other could speak.

"And you don't?" Kylo retorted.

"Not anymore, sir."

Kylo blinked and assessed them both before turning towards Phasma.

"Get the other four out of here," he ordered.

Phasma banged her baton on the ground twice and immediately the door slid open. Jaken stepped in and bowed, receiving his orders. Soon after, regular Troopers marched in to escort the four to their prison.

Once they were gone, Kylo turned his attention to the two men left.

"Why did you rebel?" he asked.

"We were starving," Nels answered.

Kylo barked out a laugh. "The six of you look healthy enough."

Nels looked away and, finally, Samo spoke up.

"We were all close enough to the ambassador to have been provided a decent amount of food," he answered reluctantly.

"Yet I saw the boy's mother die of hunger."

"I've made him part of my household when I found him on the street," Nels supplied.

Kylo surveyed them, leaning forward. "Tell me the entire story. From the beginning."

"Sir?" Nels questioned.

"It seems," Kylo said with a glance towards Derek, "that there's some information missing from my reports. Tell me the entire story."

"You will let us live, then?" Samo asked.

Kylo glared at him. "You rebelled," he growled. "Surely, you could have come up with a better plan than to publicly oppose me?"

"We tried to request help through the official channels; none came," Samo stated vehemently.

"Probably blocked by the ambassador," Nels supplied with a sage nod.

"You're a trade planet," Kylo snapped. "For sure you could have gotten someone someplace where the request would have come through. No doubt, you could have even gotten someone shipped here," he continued, thinking of Rey.

The men in front of him blinked owlishly and Kylo nearly shook his head. It was obvious that they hadn't even thought of the possibility.

"Tell. Me. Everything," he commanded once more.

Nels and Samo glanced at each other and, after Nels inclined his head, Samo started talking. He spoke of a disease unknown to them affecting a couple of traders and then quickly spreading. They had tried to contain it but had failed, causing great losses all over the planet. As with every such epidemic, it were mostly the lower classes that had suffered. They had pleaded for help but none had come.

Once the disease had been under control, they had faced a bad harvest due to it having been neglected during the epidemic. A lack of workers worsened the situation, causing food supplies to dwindle rapidly and prices to go up exponentially. Again, they had requested help but, seeing how the ambassador controlled the trade and grew richer by the day, they had figured he was corrupted and that once more no help would come.

Discontentment and anger had quickly spread. Many blamed the First Order. Those that were closer to the core government knew better but did little to quell the notion. They wanted their planet back. They wanted control of the trades back. And, most of all, they needed to find a way to feed the people.

As the anger grew, so did the call for a rebellion. Desperate, the government answered it and planning had started. It had been meticulously organised, leading up to the attack only a day before.

"From what I gathered before I was put upon the ship, the ambassador survived and is now fully in control of the planet," Samo finished bitterly. "I fear for the people."

Silence fell and Kylo regarded the men in front of him. Both were staring at the ground, looking despondent.

Eventually, he looked up at Phasma, who promptly banged her baton again.

"Imprison both these men, separate from the rest and separate from each other," Kylo commanded when Jaken walked in.

Neither man reacted to his words. Without protest, they allowed themselves to be led out of the room. Once the door closed, Kylo allowed himself to relax and drag a hand through his hair.

"Nothing, sir! Absolutely nothing!" Derek commented, still frantically browsing his tablet and sounding as if he'd been keeping the words in the entire hearing.

"It's okay, Derek," Kylo answered.

"No, it is not. This should be reported. There should be a log somewhere. But _nothing_. Are you sure they were telling the truth, sir?"

Kylo bit his lip to prevent from lashing out against Derek for doubting him. "I saw it in his mind," he answered after a breath.

"But-"

" _Derek,_ " Kylo barked, snapping the man out of his panic. "Their ambassador is corrupt. There's no log because he never logged it."

"Why would anybody neglect their job as such?"

"Money is a powerful motivator," Phasma spoke up.

Looking from her to Kylo and back, Derek shook his head. "I don't understand people," he muttered.

Kylo shrugged and left the man to his thoughts.

"You may leave now, if you wish," he said to Phasma. "Let the little one know what's been said here."

"Certainly, sir," she answered, greeting him. "I will be back in a couple of days."

He watched her leave, then got up to follow her out. Derek was still muttering to himself but followed suite. Once they were back at his office, Kylo dropped himself in his chair with a big sigh.

"Investigate for corruption," he ordered Derek. He figured the man would have done it anyway, but with his order behind it, more could be done. "I need hard evidence, but make sure he doesn't notice. We don't want him fleeing."

"Yes, sir. Certainly, sir."

The grit behind his words reassured Kylo. He wondered how many more of these reports weren't coming in. How many more of his on-planet staff was corrupt? Had they seen an opportunity when he had taken over from Snoke? Or had they always been corrupt? Had Snoke known? Had he cared?

Kylo heaved another sigh. There was no way of knowing. The only thing he could do now was decide on how to respond to this rebellion, and how to unroot others like this ambassador. The task seemed daunting and, on top of his oncoming work with the Knights, near impossible to uphold.

Silently, he decided to deal with it later. First the group currently in his prison, then the Knights, then the overall corruption. He was only one man, after all.

"Anything that absolutely has to be done today, Derek?" he asked after a prolonged silence.

"No, sir. Everything can wait until tomorrow."

"Good," Kylo said, standing. "Until tomorrow then."

He walked out of the door and towards the prison, Jaken one step behind him.

"Where exactly are they imprisoned?"

"Section D of the prison, sir. Group cell four on level one, single cell twelve on level two and single cell six on level three. There's no risk of them communicating, sir."

"Which of the two single cells is Nels'?"

"The one on level two, sir."

Kylo grunted to let Jaken know he'd understood and made his way towards the cell. He allowed himself a small eye-roll when Jaken insisted on entering the cell first—no doubt orders from Phasma.

Nels had been sitting in the corner of his cell but stood quickly as they entered.

"Supreme Leader," he greeted. "Do you have anymore questions?"

"Wait outside," Kylo told Jaken.

The Trooper hesitated, glanced at Nels, then agreed reluctantly. Again, Kylo fought the urge to roll his eyes. He had a feeling he would be dealing with overprotective Troopers in the near future.

"Why have you taken up leader position after the rebellion had run its course?" Kylo demanded as soon as the cell was closed again.

"I am the only one without family, sir."

"And the other simply agreed to that?"

"Oh, no," Nels exclaimed. "They didn't agree at all at first. It took quite a bit of convincing on my part."

Kylo studied the man. He seemed somewhat sad, but still calm and relaxed. Surely, he must know where this was heading to?

"I can't let it slide," Kylo said.

"I know, sir."

"Even knowing the reason behind it, a rebellion cannot be tolerated."

"I know, sir."

"Do you know what position you've put yourself in?"

"I can only hope it will save the others, however small the chance."

"You are a brave man."

Nels looked at him with surprise. "Thank you, sir."

"I will have writing utensils brought in so you can write down some last words if you so please. Samo's fate is yet to be decided."

"If I may say a few words, sir?"

Kylo gave a curt nod in response.

"Samo regretted the rebellion from the very beginning, sir, but he, like so many others, saw no other solution. There was hope that, if we won, we would be able to explain the rebellion was against the current regime put in place by the ambassador and not against the First Order as a whole. There is no wish to become an independent planet. I highly doubt Samo, or any of the others, would rekindle the spirit of the rebellion if given the opportunity."

"I will take your words into account."

"Thank you, Supreme Leader."

Kylo walked out feeling slightly better knowing the man willingly accepted his fate. After having ordered the regular prison guards to bring Nels pen and paper, he turned his thoughts towards Samo. He'd already decided upon imprisonment for the other four—ten years each, on their own planet, and with visitation rights for family members. At least, those would be the orders given. He was planning on allowing only vague news to be spread about their imprisonment.

But that left Samo. He _was_ the official leader, even though the masses could be misinformed about that too. Simple imprisonment, even for life, seemed an inadequate and weak decision to make. Yet, Kylo felt disinclined to kill the man.

An idea hit him and he made his way back towards his office, intent on finding Derek.

"Supreme Leader," Derek greeted, surprised by his reappearance.

"Find out how big Samo's family is," Kylo ordered without preamble. "Have them shipped here as well."

"Certainly, sir."

Kylo worried his lips. "Nels is to be sentenced to death. Wait another day before announcing it. Execution will be tomorrow evening. He's been given the opportunity to write down some last words; make sure they're properly delivered."

"Of course, sir."

Satisfied, Kylo left again. He needed exercise. Training would release the tension that had crept into his neck and shoulders. Rolling them, he tried to dissipate some of it while thinking through his split-second decision earlier. If Samo's family didn't have any elderly or very young children, they could be banished to the Unknown Regions. It was a good balance between death and imprisonment, and a possible way to appease those waiting for him to make a mistake.

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. Although ruling had looked easy enough, he was coming to the conclusion that it was anything but.


	63. Wrapping Up

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Although training helped to ease the tension in his muscles, it did nothing to quiet his mind. Too much had happened in too short a time. Not minding how sweaty he was, he sank down to the floor with the intent to meditate. He wanted to talk to Rey about what he'd found out and hear her opinion, but feared her judgement for sentencing Nels to death.

As if on cue, Rey contacted him.

"Ben?" she asked.

"Rey," he answered. "What's up?" He was genuinely happy to hear her but something in her voice made him wary.

"Maz wants to talk to you," she said. "She's angry but claims she can't contact you through Jessy anymore. What's going on?"

"Jessy left with Phasma for a mission, as Maz well knows. I have no idea why she would be angry."

"She's demanding another three-way communication, like last time. She's being quite adamant."

Kylo sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "I just trained," he said.

"I can see," Rey answered with a lopsided smile. She turned to look at something to her left. "Oh! Shut up already!"

"Rey?" he asked, surprised by her coarse behaviour.

"Maz is pestering me," she answered with another glance to the side. "And she knows damn well she's getting on my nerves."

Again, she looked to her left. "And if you don't stop pestering me, I'll refuse to comply. And then what? You'll write him a letter?"

Kylo snorted. Even though he could obviously see that the relationship between Maz and Rey was deteriorating—something to be worried about—he loved seeing her turn into a little spitfire. Her eyes were blazing, her jaw set, and her hands planted firmly on her waist.

"Are you feeling up for it?" he asked her, distracting her from whatever was going on at her side of the connection.

Rey shrugged. "Yes."

"My surroundings though, not yours," Kylo warned, standing. "With one of my Troopers guarding the door instead of Phasma, I can't risk becoming oblivious to what's happening around me."

"You mean, one of your Dragon Guard," Rey teased.

Kylo twitched, not used to his Troopers being addressed that way. Seeing his hesitance, Rey merely grinned at him before moving towards where Maz was standing.

"Yes, you'll get your conversation," she snapped before placing her hand on Maz's shoulder. The tiny woman shimmered into view.

"You!" she exclaimed immediately. "You let your people starve and then you're surprised they rebel?"

"What?" Rey cried out.

"I assume your spy has arrived?" Kylo sighed.

"Yes." She huffed. "I thought there was hope for you."

"I didn't know. Not until the hearing this morning, that is."

"That's what you claim?"

"That's the truth," he answered, trying hard not to sound annoyed at her disbelief. "There are no reports of the sickness that spread over the planet, nor about the starvation that followed after. Not one. I only knew of it after I searched one of the prisoner's mind."

Rey cringed slightly at that and he turned towards her.

"I had to know whether or not they were speaking the truth," he elaborated.

"How can there be no report of something this vast?" Maz questioned with narrowed eyes.

Kylo huffed. "You sound like Derek," he said. "The poor guy nearly had a panic attack thinking about how somebody could neglect their work so." He sighed again. "We believe the ambassador to be corrupt."

Maz stared at him, her eyes closed to slits, then she visibly deflated. "I believe you, Kylo Ren," she said. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Investigate. Discreetly. Have him condemned for his crimes."

"Hmm," Maz agreed.

"What about the rebels?" Rey asked.

Kylo worried his lips. "One of them, Nels, decided to take all the blame. He lost his entire family to the disease and the famine. He'll be executed tomorrow." Rey twitched but didn't protest. "I've requested the official leader's family to be brought over. If there are no children or elderly among them, they'll be banished to the Unknown Regions."

A thought came to him and he eyed Maz. The woman immediately picked up on it.

"If we know where to look, we'll pick them up," she said.

Kylo nodded, deciding to make their banishment a public event so the Resistance would know where to find them.

"You said there were six of them," Rey commented. "What about the other four?"

"They'll be imprisoned for ten years, on their planet, with visitation rights. I'm hoping the fate of the other two will settle the masses." He turned towards Maz. "Is that enough to settle _you_?" he asked, a bit testily.

"It is." Maz tilted her head and hummed, looking as if there was something only she could see.

Kylo ignored her and turned towards Rey. "You're holding up well," he said with a smile.

"I think it's because you're the one projecting the surroundings."

"Or you're getting stronger," he answered. She blushed and his smile widened. "Still, I think this conversation is over." He gave her another smile. "I'll see you tonight."

Rey gave him a smile in return and their connection dissolved. Kylo sank back down on the floor. He wondered what Maz would do now. Would she recall the spy? Would she still offer him some information about what happened on the planet? He hadn't dared to ask; her information would make things easier, but it wasn't vital to succeed.

The amount of information Maz had access to started dawning on him. He realised that, with a spy network like that, she could easily rule the galaxy. He wondered if she would be willing to set her neutrality aside to help him root out any other corrupt rulers.

He took a deep breath and settled into his meditation posture. Even if Maz was willing to do that, now was not the time to ask, nor the best time to get started.

"First the Knights, then the rest," he muttered to himself. "First the Knights."

The next day, in the early afternoon, Samo's family arrived on the _Supremacy_. Samo had been relocated to a larger cell in preparation, and Kylo allowed them some time before venturing to the cells.

Upon his entry, Samo immediately shot up from where he was holding his wife, rushed towards Kylo, and fell to his knees.

"Supreme Leader!" he cried out. "My family has done nothing wrong. I beg of you, spare them!"

Kylo stared down at him, dumbfounded, before he found his voice again.

"Stand, Samo," he said. "I'm not planning on executing either you or your family."

A broken sob had him look at the group that was huddled in the corner. There was a woman tightly holding onto two children. Kylo figured it was Samo's wife and kids. The presence of another middle-aged man, however, protectively hovering around the other three, surprised him.

"Who are you?" Kylo asked.

"Supreme Leader," the man replied with a small bow, "I am Terran, Samo's older brother. As I have no family of my own, I demanded to be counted as part of theirs."

The man managed to balance his tone between respectful and provocative. Kylo didn't respond but wondered about the culture of the trade planet, seeing a second self-sacrificing man in what was essentially a very small representing group.

He turned his attention to the children. One was a girl—he guessed her to be about 13—and the other a much younger looking boy.

"You, boy," he commanded, "how old are you?"

The child stared at him with wide eyes and remained silent, even with his mother's prodding.

"Forgive him, Supreme Leader," Samo finally said. He had stood and retreated to a respectful distance. "He's ten."

"Ten," Kylo repeated thoughtfully.

Even knowing that the family would probably be picked up by the Resistance wasn't enough to make him wonder if the child wasn't too young to be banished. Kylo worried his lips and decided that his age would have to do. If other people could say goodbye to their children at age eleven, this boy could deal with being sent away with his family at age ten.

He evened out his face, turning it to a cold façade.

"You will all be banished to the Unknown Regions," he stated. "The date is still to be set, but be ascertained of this outcome."

He turned to leave, but was stopped by Samo's pleading voice. "Sir?" he asked. "What about Nels?"

"He will be executed tonight," Kylo answered without turning around. He ignored the sounds of grief his words elicited.

"And the others? Sir?"

"Imprisoned." Without further hesitation, he marched out of the door. "What time is the execution planned for?" he asked the Trooper assigned to him that day. He figured Efren was in charge now that Phasma was gone.

"In about two hours, sir," was the answer.

Kylo let out a breath. Derek had assured him earlier that day that Nels' letters had been gathered and that they would be dispatched to the right people. Kylo planned to attend Nels' execution, hoping the man would understand it was meant to honour his sacrifice.

He sorely missed Phasma's presence by his side. His commander had become a confidant and he realised he'd come to rely on her remarks and suggestions. He couldn't deny the woman still knew more about the inner workings and politics of the First Order than he did. It irked him somewhat, not because she had the knowledge, but because he lacked it. He had absolutely no idea how to solve that particular issue.

Hoping to get his mind off of everything, he ventured towards the main bridge to get that report he had been after two days prior. Sadly enough, there was not much to report about and, fifteen minutes later, he was already leaving again.

"You're making me nervous," Rey whispered in his mind as he was mindlessly walking down a hallway. "Why are you so restless?"

Kylo mentally shrugged, then decided to be honest. "I don't fancy the execution," he answered.

"You're going to attend?"

"Yes."

Rey hummed. "Come spar with me."

"You're out?"

"Yes. I got tired of being cooped up so I left."

Kylo grinned, excited at the prospect. "Let me head to a training room," he answered.

Noticing where his feet had carried him, he abruptly turned back, causing the Trooper to hurriedly scoot out of the way.

"Sir?"

"Training," he grumbled in response.

By the time he was bound to attend the execution, Kylo felt a lot more relaxed. They had only sparred for a short time. It hadn't taken them long before their fight turned into something more playful, ending with both of them sprawled on the floor, making out. Kylo grinned, remembering how Rey had allowed him to take off her jacket and get his hands under her shirt. The way she had moaned had made his pants become uncomfortably tight.

With that memory still lingering in his mind, he stood in attendance at Nels' execution. The fact that the man gave him a small nod when he noticed him gave Kylo some peace of mind. When all was done, he headed back to his quarters. The day had gone on long enough.


	64. Life as Usual

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Thankfully, the next day offered no surprises, and the day after saw Phasma's return to the _Supremacy_. She joined him in his office near lunchtime.

"Leave us," Kylo commanded Derek.

"Certainly, sir."

"How did it go?" he asked Phasma as soon as the administrator had left.

"Very well, sir. The base has been destroyed without any casualties. The Resistance members stationed followed their procedures and abandoned the compound as soon as we were spotted — which we made sure was early enough to give them time to evacuate. I've been informed by Jessy that they've made it back to the main base."

"Very good," Kylo said. "At least now we seem to be undertaking action again."

"Yes, sir," Phasma answered. "May I ask if anything I should know about has happened while I was away?"

Kylo told her about his decisions concerning the rebels and about Maz's reaction to the situation.

"The family will be banished, but the date is still to be set."

"I would suggest the day after tomorrow, sir," Phasma offered.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

"It will detract from the party leaving tomorrow."

Kylo blinked and started counting back the days, coming to the realisation that Ember was bound to leave the next morning. It wasn't that he'd forgotten about it, more that the days had gone by faster than he'd realised. He also came to the conclusion that he hadn't seen Ember since introducing her to Hux. He had no idea what Hux had been doing.

He groaned with frustration. Even with Derek by his side, he still managed to lose track of things.

"Sir?"

"I lost track of the days," he answered honestly.

"I see."

"So, you suggest banishing them the day after tomorrow? I was planning on making it a spectacle though. And _they_ will try to pick up the vessel. It might be difficult to get it all arranged in time." He dragged a hand through his hair. "Derek!" he yelled.

The door opened but it was Trooper Zena that stepped in. "Derek has gone to his office, sir," she said. "Shall I fetch him?"

"No, I will find him there. I've had enough of this paperwork for today."

"Sir," she deferred. "Commander Phasma, am I still needed?"

"No," Phasma said at the same time as Kylo answered with a 'Yes', causing Zena to look from one to the other in confusion.

"Sir?" Phasma questioned.

Kylo waved Zena out of the room before answering. "Have you greeted our Troopers yet?" he asked.

"No, sir."

"Then you should do so first. I don't doubt they'll be glad to see you."

"My place is at your side, sir."

His lips twitched into a small, grateful smile. "I have survived with only the Troopers thus far; I can survive for another hour," he answered. "They've done well."

Phasma bowed her head in acknowledgement, knowing it was as much a compliment for her as for the Troopers. Kylo narrowed his eyes at the movement.

"Have you slept?" he prodded.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"How long are you awake by now?"

Phasma grumbled a response, obviously unwilling to share the information.

"Then you will sleep at least an hour before you return to my side as well."

"Sir!" she protested.

He grinned at her. "That's an order, Phasma."

"Sir!" she exclaimed again, sounding affronted.

Ignoring her, he walked out of the office. Not for the first time did he wonder if he was growing weak. Rey was teaching him that you had to take care of those you called your friends, but it went against everything he knew and had learned before her.

A voice in his head whispered Snoke's words back at him: "Friends are useless, hindrances and a danger. You don't want them. You want to surround yourself with strong people. Ones that can fend for themselves. But grow no attachment to them. And kill them as soon as they show signs of growing stronger than you. Kill them, or bind them to you with fear and oaths."

Kylo shook his head to dispel the voice as they reached Derek's office. He was starting to see Snoke's lessons for what they were, but he was uncertain as to what to replace them with.

As he was about to enter the office, he noticed that Phasma was standing near his shoulder, at her usual spot. It felt almost like a relief to have her back there, but it was not what he'd ordered. He gave her a pointed look.

"Oh, fine!" she snapped, revealing how tired she actually was. "Sir," she added after, still sounding mulish.

Trooper Zena took a cautionary step back as Kylo turned to face Phasma. He crossed his arms and molded his voice into a threatening tone.

"If you're not careful," he said, "I'll turn that into two hours."

She seemed posed to protest again, but thought better of it. After a curt greeting, she turned and left. Kylo shook his head slightly with mirth before entering Derek's office.

"The day after tomorrow?" the man squeaked once Kylo had explained. "That's, uhm, very short notice, sir. Apologies, sir."

"But can it be done?"

"I think so, sir." He started working on his ever-present tablet. "If we broadcast it as an emergency broadcast and inform the tabloids within the next couple of hours. They won't all make it here in time, though. Perhaps assign some of our own cameras for a live feed." His voice tapered off as he started taking notes.

"Special broadcast," Kylo said.

"What?" Derek snapped out of whatever bubble he'd emerged himself in. "Apologies, sir. What did you say?"

"Don't call it an emergency broadcast. Treat it as one, but call it a special broadcast. We want to make them a public example and so on."

"Sir?" Derek questioned, obviously not fully comprehending.

Kylo realised that the man's inaptitude at social interactions was hindering him. "Get someone from the publicity department on it as well. Get them to work out how to properly get across the message. However, I will need to review their texts before broadcast."

Derek nodded. "Certainly, sir."

"I'll leave you to it, then."

Kylo wasn't sure if the man had heard. Already, he was swiping through the tablet again, taking notes and muttering to himself. Shaking his head lightly, he left the office.

"Get whoever is in charge of communications today to find out where Ember and Hux are," he ordered Zena.

He could hear her talking into her com as they walked towards his quarters. He needed to update Rey as soon as possible. It bothered him that he'd lost track of time but there was nothing for it now. They were halfway when Zena suddenly snorted a laugh.

"Something funny?" Kylo asked.

"Apologies, sir. Just some intel that was-" Her voice tapered off in what he felt was an attempt to hold back more laughter. "You ordered her to sleep, sir?" she finally burst out.

He stopped and turned to give his Trooper a _look_.

"Apologies, sir!" she immediately exclaimed with a firm, formal greeting. "I did not mean to intrude, sir. The news surprised me. I will not mention it again, sir."

"I would call that bit of news 'gossip'," Kylo said.

"You are right, sir."

"I'm guessing Phasma has voiced her displeasure at my command?"

Zena took half a step back, faltering. "Uhm, sir, I wouldn't- I doubt that to be the case, sir."

He offered her a smile. "Your commander takes her job very serious, up to the point where she forgets that she's no good to me when she's dead on her feet."

Further ignoring the dumbfounded Trooper, he continued on his way. A heartbeat later, he heard her scramble after him. He really was growing soft. Yet, he felt no impulse to 'toughen up' again. It surprised him to realise that he liked the fact that these people followed him because they wanted to, instead of because they feared him.

"Knock when Ember and Hux are found," he told Zena upon arrival.

"Sir."

As the door closed behind him, he nudged Rey over the bond.

"I'm teaching meditation to the children," her voice whispered in his mind.

Kylo felt a bit put out. He'd hoped to talk to Rey while his team rooted out Ember's and Hux's locations. He could see her sitting in meditation pose in front of him but her eyes remained closed.

"The Force-sensitive ones?" he asked, unwilling to simply give his information and leave her be.

"All of them," she answered with obvious delight. "I managed to convince Rose and Finn that they would all benefit from meditation. Sirena has even joined them."

"Sirena is learning too?"

"Yes, and she's helping me come up with ideas on how to explain this to adults. I said I was considering starting lessons for the rest of the Resistance but didn't know how to bring it. We might come up with some ideas for the Knights."

"That's great," Kylo answered, honestly feeling grateful that she was helping him. It gratified him as well to hear that she was allowed more contact with the children again.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" she asked him. "I don't have that much time before this session is finished."

"We'll be sending Samo and his family off the day after tomorrow," he answered.

"The day after tomorrow?" she echoed. "Why so sudden?"

"Phasma said it would detract from the group leaving for the Base tomorrow."

"Phasma is back?"

"Yes, she has just arrived."

"She's guarding you again?"

He laughed shortly. "No, not yet. I commanded her to sleep first."

Rey jerked in her attempt to suppress her laughter. He heard it loud and clear in his mind though.

"You've got to tell me about how that went later," she said. "I really should finish this lesson now. I'll tell Maz about Samo as soon as I can. Talk to you later?"

"See you tonight," he answered with a smile.

Kylo paced his room for a bit, not knowing what to do now that he couldn't talk to Rey. He was immensely relieved when Zena finally knocked on the door.

"Where are they?" he asked immediately on stepping into the hallway.

"Loading bay three, sir."

"Both of them?"

"Yes, sir. Shall I have them summoned?"

"No need."

The loading bay was quite a distance away but, not having anything better to do, he decided the walk would be welcome. Along the way, seeing how the people he passed were surprised to see him and then scurried out of the way, he wondered whether or not it was a good thing that people saw him. What did they think when they saw him outside of the top levels of the ship?

When he entered the loading bay, a wave of salutes went through the Troopers present once he was noticed. He nodded once and looked around in an attempt to spot Ember. It was Hux's bright hair that eventually caught his attention.

"Ember," he greeted. "Hux."

They both swirled around and Hux couldn't quite hide the alarm on his face and the small step backwards he took.

"Supreme Leader," they both greeted.

"Everything in order?" Kylo asked.

"She's a pain in my ass," Hux mumbled at the same time as Ember said, "Splendid."

Kylo grinned. "It seems you're doing your job right," he said to Ember.

"Thank you, sir."

"Headaches and bruises, that's what she gives me," Hux commented. "I assure you, sir, her presence is not needed."

"Bruises?" Kylo questioned.

"I feel physical reminders are the most effective, sir."

Kylo blinked and worried his lips, trying hard not to laugh. "Keep him in working order, though," he finally said.

"I'm right here, you know."

"You're a bad influence, Ember of Ren. He's grown bolder."

She promptly smacked Hux upside the head. "Show some respect," she commanded. Hux muttered something unintelligible while Ember turned to Kylo again. "No permanent damage, of course," she said with a grin.

"We are overseeing that all the necessary supplies are properly loaded, sir," Hux cut in with a sidelong glance at Ember. "Some of the extra staff will join us; others will arrive directly at the base. The workers will take a separate ship and will leave in the afternoon so there's enough time to organise the living arrangements on site."

"Has it been determined which of my Troopers will accompany you?"

"A list has been made," Ember answered, "but it needs approval from commander Phasma."

"She returned this morning. I assume she will contact you later today."

"Yes, sir."

"Seems like you have everything under control," Kylo said. "Ember, a word. Trooper Zena, keep an eye on this one."

Zena very pointedly took position facing Hux while Kylo guided Ember out of earshot.

"How has he really been?" he questioned.

"He's behaving, sir. I'm mostly toying with him; gives me something to do."

Kylo laughed. "Right. And have you found time for training?"

Ember grumbled. "Yes, sir, but I still seem to lack control. I will find a way to keep practicing once on base."

"Good. I will pick up your training again when I join you."

"Understood, sir."

"Once you're there, don't hesitate to report anything suspicious. I would rather have one report too many than another small rebellion."

"Agreed, sir. You can count on me."

Satisfied, Kylo made his way back towards his quarters. He wanted a list with the extra staff that would be going to the base, but decided to wait until after the banishment to ask Derek. The man had more than enough to do in order to get everything ready in time.


	65. Bridging a Week

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

The next morning, a Trooper was standing outside his chambers instead of Phasma. It surprised him; certainly after her foul mood the day before where she'd grumbled all afternoon about being forced to sleep and him then "hiding" at the loading bay, as far away from her as he could get.

At the time he'd found it most amusing but, as he walked out of his chambers, he momentarily feared he'd truly angered her. His face must have given away some of his inner turmoil because the Trooper was quick to explain.

"Commander Phasma is giving some last minute instructions to the Guard members going to your Base, sir."

Kylo blinked at the use of the term 'Guard members'. It was only when the Trooper puffed up his chest that Kylo noticed the emblem on the left side of his breastplate. It was about 10 centimeters in diameter and not too noticeable. The Trooper's name was written below it.

"I see the emblem has been added," Kylo stated in a neutral voice. "Good."

The Trooper shifted on his feet. "Even better, sir," he said with obvious excitement in his voice.

He turned and Kylo stared in shock. Where the emblem had been small and subtle on the breastplate, it was big—if not massive—on the back with the words 'Dragon Guard' framing the top of the circle, a word on either side of the saber's hilt.

"Now everybody will know, sir," the Trooper continued after having turned back around. "We are honoured to serve you."

Kylo didn't know what to say. He worried his lips, trying to find a suitable answer.

"I'm honoured to have you serve me," he finally said, at wit's end. It seemed enough as the Trooper gave him a firm greeting. "So," Kylo said, "Phasma is at the loading bay?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then that's where we'll go."

They arrived in time for a short goodbye. Hux looked all-important, almost like his old self, and Ember was smirking at him with a look that promised she would knock him down a peg without a problem. She once more assured Kylo that she'd keep a close eye on him and even went so far as to add that she'd take good care of his Troopers as well.

The Guard members that were departing all gave Kylo an elaborate greeting and, in one voice, promised to honourably serve him in their capacity of main defense of the Base. Again, Kylo was at a loss for words.

Although he had talked extensively with Rey about it, he still couldn't quite grasp why his Troopers were so dedicated. Rey had called them 'loyal', as if they would die for him because they wanted to protect him instead of it simply being a duty. Eventually, he told them he had every faith in them. Again, it seemed the right thing to say.

The following week progressed slowly and in a most aggravating manner. The day after the group's departure was filled with the very public banishment of Samo and his family. Derek had managed to get everything in order on time and Kylo spent most of the morning standing on a platform, trying to look stern and in charge, while someone speeched about the dire consequences of rebelling. It was horribly boring.

The day didn't progress any better as, immediately after the public display, a first construction meeting was called. The crew had detected a crack in the rock soil that was, apparently, cause for loads of worry.

Kylo listened, even more bored than before, as the engineers tried to work out whether or not the crack was stable and if it would _stay_ stable once the extra weight of the building was added. He wondered why it was necessary for him to attend the meeting and didn't hesitate to show his displeasure at being called in for a discussion where he could not give any input.

After that, they only called on him when questions arose concerning the lay-out and building's requirements. Everything else was reported through Derek.

Even after that decision, the meetings just kept on going. The amount of decisions to be made baffled Kylo. It was _just_ a building. Walls and floors, the occasional door and stairs. What did they keep on meeting about? And everytime a new report came in from the construction team on site, previously made decisions were put under the loop again.

It was when they started asking him about colour schemes that he drew another line.

"It's a training facility," he exclaimed, "not a kindergarten. Just do what you normally do."

When one man opened his mouth intent on protesting, Kylo glared at him in a way he hadn't for a long time. It seemed to do the trick as the man paled significantly and the others reflexively straightened their postures. They refrained from asking him any more questions about aesthetics.

The added construction reports meant that his morning sessions with Derek were getting longer and longer until they continued well into the afternoon. It seemed the man also tried to jam in as much rulings and decisions as possible before Kylo would depart for the Base as well. On the fourth day, after Derek tried to discuss something that wouldn't be needed in at least two more months, Kylo had enough.

"That's it!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "You're coming with me if that means you'll no longer harass me with these trivial things."

"Sir?"

"Really, Derek? Having me sign papers for that far in the future?"

"Apologies, sir. You never told me how long you would be gone, sir. I am simply preparing as much as I can."

"Fine!" he exclaimed. "You're coming with me."

"Excuse me? Sir?"

"You are coming to the Base with me. Get yourself an office there and stop bothering me with these inane papers."

Derek's reaction had been a mix between excited and fearful, causing the most interesting facial expressions. Kylo had mentally rolled his eyes and left his office, refusing any more paperwork for the day.

To make matters worse, Phasma departed mid-week for another small strike at the Resistance. She absolutely refused to postpone it, as she didn't want to leave him once he was at the Base. Part of him was touched by her concern, part of him annoyed with her overprotectiveness. Rey, it seemed, was pleased by it. Phasma was to return the day before they left for the Base.

In the meantime, the rumour mill had started up good. The logos on the Dragon Guards' armour had not gone unnoticed. Before she left, Kylo had requested Phasma to keep him updated on what was being said. He wanted to know what the general sentiment regarding his Guard was.

After Phasma's departure, the intel kept coming through whoever was assigned to guard him that day. It seemed that opinions were varied. The comments ranged from some fearing a second Praetorian Guard to others looking at the Dragon Guard as true elite and something to aspire to. None of it seemed to truly condemn them. In the end, he figured only time and good behaviour from the Guard members would settle public opinion.

Besides everything that was going on, Ember reported in every day. She never had much to say other than that Hux was behaving and that she had found a place and time to practice with the Force without anybody noticing. Kylo had the distinct impression that she woke up in the middle of the night for exactly that reason, but he didn't comment on it. He merely accepted her dedication with a sincere 'Good work'.

It was once Ember almost giddily announced that she had the summoning under control that they discussed calling in the five Knights. They decided that the Knights should arrive three days after Kylo. That would offer Kylo and the rest of the Guard enough time to settle in. It would also allow Kylo to personally inform the Base's crew what their facility would be used for—as they still had no idea—and allow them to get used to the notion.

All of it felt like a sort of limbo to Kylo. The project had finally started, but it didn't feel like that to him. He felt nervous about what they were going to attempt and hoped the Knights would be amenable to it. He also feared that, if they weren't, it would make Ember an outcast within their group and he did not wish that for her. Although, somehow, he wasn't entirely sure if it would even bother her.

The only thing that felt constant during that week of waiting was Rey. They trained together almost every morning. Her relationship with Maz had worsened, causing her to rebel and ignore some of the Resistance Base's rules. No one dared to stop her when she grabbed a bike and drove off in the morning and, even though she was glad for it, she'd told him she feared it meant they were scared of her. She didn't want to be the person everybody was afraid of.

She had looked at him with wide eyes after that confession, realising what she'd said. He had merely smiled and nodded, then said he'd come to realise there were different ways to rule. He hadn't complained when she hugged him fiercely in return.

Apart from sparring, Rey also told him about all the ways Sirena and she had come up with to explain meditation and its use to adults. They lengthily discussed how to adapt those ideas—which had laborers and intelligence workers in mind—to apply to hardened warriors. Having a proper plan in mind to approach the Knights with this matter made him feel more confident.

When the time to leave for the Base finally came, Kylo met it with relief. Somehow, that last week of waiting had been worse than all the preparations they had made in advance.

He was greeted by the majority of his Guard, who proceeded to follow him into the ship. Only a few of them would remain on the _Supremacy_ for communications and in order to guard his quarters, his office and Derek's office. Phasma had put a rotation schedule in place so they would all have a chance to see the Knights' Base.

The journey itself was uneventful and Kylo spent most of it meditating. When they emerged from lightspeed, he made his way to the cockpit, wanting to see his base as they approached it. The final plans for the project had been approved late the previous night, and Kylo tried to envision what the finished building would look like once the facility came into view.

As soon as they entered the hangar, signs of the renovations became evident. There was a large pile of debris being scooped into a container ship, and a corner of the hangar was stocked with new materials. Kylo allowed himself a small smile at the sight before heading for the loading ramp.

As per usual, a group of people awaited his arrival. Hux and Ember were standing at the front, Kienat just behind them and obvious in the position of second in command. Kylo walked up to them with Phasma on one side, Derek on the other. His Guard filed out to stand in formation next to the ship.

"Supreme Leader," Hux greeted with a small bow. "Commander Phasma, Administrator Namae."

"Hux," Derek replied while both Phasma and Kylo merely nodded in response.

Kylo glanced at his administrator; the tone in the man's voice was as harsh as when he'd spoken about his earlier interactions with Hux. Back then, Derek had seemed affronted at the notion that he wouldn't be able to properly do his job in Hux's presence, but Kylo decided to keep a special eye on it despite the man's assurances.

Hux narrowed his eyes slightly at Derek, but then ignored him. "Supreme Leader," he continued. "I made the decision to allow the laborers to continue the construction works instead of lining them up for a formal greeting. I hope this can meet your approval."

"The sooner the construction is finished, the better," Kylo agreed before turning to Ember. "Is he still behaving?"

Hux turned bright red at being questioned in front of the people he was supposed to lead. Ember answered with a merry grin.

"He is, sir."

"And _she,_ " Hux spoke up, "is still a menace."

The tone of his voice, however, had changed from a week ago. It seemed to carry some reluctant form of respect. Kylo only barely managed to keep himself from snorting.

"Kienat," he said, acknowledging the man's previous position as head of the facility, "do you have any complaints concerning Hux here?"

"No, sir, not that I can think of."

Kylo nodded. "It seems you're making yourself useful," he said to Hux, allowing some mockery in his voice. "I had expected at least one foolish action by now. You surprise me."

"I keep my word, Supreme Leader."

"Very well," Kylo answered, blinking at the unexpected answer. "Who are the new members of staff?"

A round of introductions was made. There were two additions to the communications crew, one extra technician and a sous-chef who was in the kitchen preparing lunch. The latter addition surprised Kylo.

"Erifred allowed someone in his domain?" he questioned.

"Benjamin is a former trainee of Erifred," Kienat answered. "They've worked together before. He insisted it should be him or no-one at all."

"I see. Should I expect verbal abuse from this Benjamin as well?"

"Verbal abuse?" Hux questioned, sounding almost angry.

Kylo glanced at him. "Nobody told him the story?"

"It's never come up," Ember said.

Shrugging, Kylo turned his attention back to Kienat. "Well?"

"Uhm…"

"I'll take that as a 'Yes'."

"I'll give them another warning of your presence, Supreme Leader," Kienat was quick to offer with a bow.

"Right," Kylo stated, secretly finding it most amusing. "Ember, update Phasma on the Base's security and return my Guard members under her authority. Kienat, a small tour of the renovations would be welcome. Hux, you're coming as well; Ember can pick you up after. Elisa, if you'd show Derek his office and chambers? The rest of you can return to their posts."

A mix of greetings answered his orders and, before long, Kylo found himself following Kienat into the facility, Hux just a step behind him, closely followed by a Guard.


	66. Information-go-round

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo was surprised to see how much had already changed in one week's time. There was nothing to be done about the feel of the hallway, but the previously tiny rooms were now decent-sized rooms. What had previously been the containment cells were turned into storage spaces and small rooms for overnight stays. Some of them had been commandeered by the construction workers.

The training hall had been given an update and new equipment was put in place. It was barely enough for himself and the Knights that were coming, but they would make due until the new building was ready for use. He mentally noted to order the construction manager to give the training hall priority.

The recreation rooms had been connected by a spiral staircase, making the lower one mainly for meals and the upper one for leisure. This, too, was barely enough, but all they would make do for the time being.

Both Hux and Kienat provided commentary on what had been done, what the difficulties had been, and how the interactions between construction staff and Base staff had been going. Apart from the expected difficulties while settling in, and one case of a bad allergic reaction, everything had gone smoothly.

"After the medical incident," Hux said, caution in his tone, "I ordered one of the renovated, enlarged rooms to be turned into a small med bay and had an extra med droid brought in. As I understood, there will be a larger med bay in the new building? Still, I thought it prudent to have a designated area in case of injuries instead of merely having one droid available."

Kylo grunted his agreement and Hux straightened with newfound confidence. The movement wasn't lost on Kylo, but he was too busy wondering how he could have overlooked the need for a med bay to truly care about Hux's behaviour. At the least, it proved his decision to have Hux lead the project had been a good one.

Just then, Ember joined them.

"Command has been returned to Phasma, sir," she told Kylo officially before turning towards Hux. "Latva and Taner are at it again. Are you sure I can't beat them up? Just a little bit?"

"What's going on?" Kylo asked while Hux rolled his eyes and Kienat snorted with amusement.

"Nothing major, sir," Hux answered. "Two of the workers have taken a disliking to each other and tend to get into fights. Latva will be sent back when the reinforcements arrive. In the meantime, Ember here keeps suggesting to, well."

"To show them how a proper fight is done, sir, and beat them up in the process so they can't repeat their stupidity," Ember interrupted with a grin.

"But," Hux continued, "as that would probably put them fully out of commission and lower morale, I'm against it."

"They're practically asking for it," Ember argued.

"No, you Menace."

As Ember grumbled good-naturedly, Kylo looked from one to the other. It was obvious they'd had the same discussion before and neither was very invested in it. It almost looked like they were jesting. That very idea was too ridiculous to contemplate so Kylo decided to ignore it. Surely, them having been stuck with each other for already two weeks was to blame.

"I assume my chambers have been prepared," Kylo said, changing the subject.

"Of course, sir," Hux answered.

"Good. I want the entire Base's crew assembled after dinner so I can relay the Base's new purpose. There's no need for the workers to be there."

He was already planning to gather his Troopers before that. It seemed only right that he let his Guard know before the Base's staff. It would also make it easier for Phasma to relay their duties. He wondered how they would react, knowing they would soon be guarding him against Force-using Knights. Would they abandon him realising that, if the Knights turned against him, they had no chance of survival?

A chorus of 'Yes, sir' pulled him out of his contemplations. He nodded to them and turned towards Guard Natasha. She had been one of the group that had accompanied Ember.

"Do you know where Derek's office is situated?"

"Yes, sir."

"Return to your duties," he ordered Kienat, Hux and Ember before following Natasha through the building. "Tell me about the past week," he requested her once they were out of earshot.

"It has been uneventful, sir," she stated simply. "We've kept Base crew and construction crew as separated as possible. The construction workers are a rough bunch, but apart from the two mentioned before there have been no problems."

"And Hux?"

"It is not my place, sir."

Kylo raised an eyebrow. "Humour me."

Natasha glanced at him. "My interactions with him have been limited but he seems competent, albeit a bit self-important. Knight Ember takes great pleasure in knocking him down a peg when his ego gets too big. I have not observed any suspicious behaviour."

"Has Ember been treating you properly?"

"Again, it is not my place, sir, but she has been most cordial."

"Cordial?" Kylo repeated with surprise.

"Yes. It surprised us too, sir."

"Phasma's going to have a fit when she hears that," he muttered under his breath.

If Natasha's snort-turned-cough was any indication, she'd overheard him.

Phasma later found them at Derek's office, which was conveniently close by his own.

"The Guard has been assigned rooms, sir, but it will be a tight fit," she said. "There are only a few staff rooms left but I guess they are for the _other_ guests?"

Kylo nodded and worried his lips. True to his nature, Derek had ignored the comment that told him he was lacking information. Instead, he offered to find a solution for the sleeping arrangements, be it in the form of a ship with plenty of sleeping quarters stationed in the hangar, or temporary shelters outside.

At ease that the problem would be solved, Kylo informed them of his plans to address both the staff and the Guard, then headed to his quarters. After all, he'd promised Rey to tell her of the Base's progress as soon as possible.

Right after dinner, Kylo found himself facing the entire Base crew, minus one who had permanence at the communications center. The meeting with the Guard had gone surprisingly well. Even despite Rey's assurances that they were highly unlikely to turn away from him, Kylo was still surprised by how easy his announcement had been accepted by the Guard members. He sincerely hoped the crew he was facing now would be equally as accepting.

"I have called for this gathering to inform you all what the new purpose of this base will be," Kylo started, facing the assembled group. Phasma was standing by his side, as was Ember, while Hux was among the group and trying his very best not to look curious.

"You are all here because you were deemed trustworthy by either me or my trusted staff. The information I'm about to give you has the highest level of clearance, meaning that even a whisper to anybody not in this room will result in immediate death. If any of you feel uncomfortable with this, you are free to leave now."

He waited with bated breath, looking at the group, but none left. After a breath, he continued.

"This Base will become the gathering point for the Knights of Ren," he said. "It will become their main base of operations and training, and their resting place between missions. In three days time, five of them will be the first to arrive. The others will join us at a yet to be determined date, depending on the construction."

A couple of the crew looked surprised but, so far, there were no major reactions to his words. Kylo braced himself.

"Still, this will not be a regular military base. My reason for gathering them is not to have easier access to their services, but to train them in a skill they have lost."

Confusion rippled through the group.

"Each and every Knight of Ren, as a child, was Force sensitive."

The reaction he got was profound. Surprised exclamations echoed through the mess hall; some of the crew flinched or took an involuntary step back. Hux had become deathly pale. It wasn't until Stevan—the technician responsible for upkeep Kylo had met the last time he visited the Base—loudly questioned how that was even possible, that Kylo once more requested silence from them.

"Before I explain, I must impress upon you the importance of not talking to the Knights themselves about this. It is a complicated matter and their privacy is to be respected."

Once the group had nodded in assent, Kylo continued.

"During their training to become Knights, their connectivity with the Force was…trained out of them. My goal is to reconnect them to the Force and teach them how to use it. I have already succeeded once." He turned to regard Ember. "If you please?" he asked her.

All eyes focussed on Ember as she pulled out a knife and levitated it above her hand. Her face was carefully impassive and Kylo wondered what she was thinking.

"With all due respect, sir," Stevan spoke up again. "But how do we know you're not levitating it for her?"

Kienat moved in to reprimand the boy, but Kylo raised his hand. It was, indeed, a good question. He glanced at Phasma once before speaking.

"I will turn my back and Ember can choose any object she wants to levitate. If I don't know what it is, I can't be the one levitating it for her."

It pained him to turn his back to such a large group of people, but he knew Phasma would protect him. Ember as well, but she was distracted and would react with some delay. He reached out with the Force to monitor the positions of the people behind him.

"You- You have the Force?"

Kylo was surprised to hear it was Hux who had spoken up. His voice sounded odd and Kylo could detect a sliver of fear in it.

"Yes," Ember answered simply. Her voice, too, sounded a bit off. Kylo figured it was due to being under so much scrutiny.

"Astounding."

That sounded like Erifred was the one who had spoken up and Kylo decided to face them again.

"I must repeat the importance of utmost secrecy," he said. "Once the Knights are here, the training hall will be off-limits to all but them and my Guard. Interrupting someone who is training in the Force but still has limited control can be dangerous to all."

He once more surveyed the group. They all looked shell-shocked.

"That will be all for now. You are dismissed."

As the group started muttering among each other, Ember walked up to Hux. The man took an involuntary step back. Ember narrowed her eyes and promptly smacked him upside the head.

"I'm no different than five minutes ago, you ass," she said. "Besides," she continued in a murmur, "I haven't learned mind control yet."

Hux blinked at her, then gave her a terse nod. They moved away together, but it was obvious that he didn't dare lose her out of his sight. Kylo would have found it funny if he hadn't noticed it bothered Ember.

"Those two have seemed to come to some sort of understanding, it seems," Phasma commented.

"It would seem that way, indeed," Kylo answered. "However weird it is."

"I believe the meeting went well," Phasma continued, changing the subject. "They seem surprised and confused, but not averse to the idea."

"More questions may come up later. The same goes for the Guard. They should both know that they are free to ask them, even though I might decline to offer an answer."

"I will deliver the message."

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair. "I'm heading back to my quarters. It's been a long day and, undoubtedly, I'll get bombarded with construction questions again as soon as I wake up tomorrow."

Phasma snorted with humour and followed him through the Base.


	67. First Arrival

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo paced in his chambers. It was very early in the morning and Rey was still sleeping on his bed. He couldn't sleep. His shoulders and neck were tense, and he had dragged his hand through his hair so often it would be a horror to untangle again.

He glanced at Rey. She was starting to mutter in her sleep, her hand clenching and unclenching. When she frowned, he moved to her side and skimmed his fingers along her cheek. She settled again with a sigh and Kylo resumed his pacing.

He wanted to be calm, if only for her. Rey worried, he knew, despite the fact that she was trying to hide it from him and putting up a brave front. He'd done the same, trying to reassure her that everything would turn out okay. They had planned it carefully. He had his Guard at his back. Ember and Phasma would be at his side.

Their bond didn't lie, however.

Yet, he couldn't help but worry. Rey was afraid the Knights would turn against him and attack. He was more afraid about them turning him down. Dragging his hand through his hair, yet again, he wondered exactly when this had started to mean so much to him. When he'd started the project, he had only wanted to help them, to bring more Force users into the Galaxy. Now, he was so invested in it that it would hurt to see it all fail.

"Ben?"

Kylo silently cursed. He'd been so focussed on his worries that he hadn't noticed her waking.

"It's okay, Rey. I'm here," he answered, walking back to the bed and kissing her forehead. "I couldn't sleep, that's all."

"What time is it?"

"Too early. Go back to sleep."

"Why would I sleep when you're up, worrying?"

She struggled to get up and rubbed her eyes. He pinched his lips in disapproval.

"Either you come back to bed, or I stay awake with you," Rey said in a bossy tone. Then she yawned.

Kylo grinned at her. "Are you sure?"

She tried to glare at him but her disheveled hair ruined the image.

"Trying to intimidate me, Sandcat?" He ruffled her hair even more. "You're going to have to try harder than this."

Her eyes narrowed even further and, with a fluid motion, she grabbed his arm, put her foot against his thigh, and yanked. Kylo tumbled to the bed with an undignified grump. Rey straddled him in an attempt to pin him down. It always amused him when she did that. They both knew he could easily pick her up.

"See?" she said, playfully. "You should be intimidated. I just brought down the almighty Supreme Leader."

He laughed. "So you did. Now what are you going to do?"

"So many options…" she said, leaning in. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Kylo swallowed, trying hard to reign in his body's response. This bolder, dark-eyed Rey was going to be the death of him. His breath shakily left him as she licked his earlobe. Soon, the Knights were all but forgotten.

Even though they fell asleep again after some time, the reprieve was short-lived. It didn't take Kylo long before he was once more awake and worrying. The weight of Rey's body sprawled on top of him only helped a little bit.

Today was the day. All five of the Knights were bound to arrive in the course of the morning. Once they were all settled in, he was going to have to explain to them why they were there. He had absolutely no idea how they would react. Neither had Ember, for that matter. He wondered if she was having a better night than he.

Rey stirred in his arms. "You're awake again," she murmured.

"So are you," he answered. "Did I wake you?"

"You're broadcasting anxiety like a distress beacon," Rey grumbled.

Kylo bit his lip. He hadn't realised he was pushing so much of his emotions through their bond.

"I'm sorry," he offered.

Rey grumbled something he didn't catch before pushing herself up. "Let's go spar."

It was more a demand than a question. Nevertheless, Kylo perked up at the suggestion. He felt bad about keeping Rey up, but he realised that she wouldn't sleep anyway if he wasn't able to calm down his anxiety.

"See you in a bit," Rey said, mid-stretch, before disappearing.

Kylo all but jumped out of the bed to get dressed. The Guard at his door—Joseph—tried his best to hide his surprise at seeing him up so early.

"Everything in order, sir?" he questioned.

"I'm going to train," Kylo answered. He for sure wasn't going to admit his unease to his Guard, even though the man could probably figure it out by himself.

"Yes, sir," Joseph merely answered.

It took Rey a couple of minutes longer to get to the training room than Kylo, and he was impatiently working his way through some warm-up when she finally appeared.

"I dodged some guards to prevent questions," Rey said as way of explanation as soon as she showed up. "Do you think you can guide me through that third form again? I keep messing up somewhere halfway."

Ignoring the fact that they both knew she was perfectly capable of doing the third form, Kylo gladly started teaching Rey.

xXxXxXx

"The first ship is bound to arrive in 20 minutes, sir," Phasma said later that morning, pulling him out of his paperwork session with Derek.

Kylo nodded and got up. Derek let him go without a word. The entire base felt tense, awaiting the Knights' arrivals.

"Are you _sure_ I can't post more Guards, sir?" Phasma asked for the upteenth time as they walked to the hangar.

"I'm sure, Phasma," Kylo answered. "We want to welcome them, not treat them as a potential threat."

"But they _are_ a potential threat," she mumbled.

"I am well aware. Still, there will be no more Guards."

Phasma sighed. "Yes, sir."

Kylo shook his head with mirth. He could understand Phasma's trepidation. He wasn't feeling a hundred percent certain himself.

They walked into the hangar and he surveyed the area. Everybody was already at their stations and all the construction workers had been cleared from the area. Ember greeted him from where he was going to await the ships. Hux was in the communications center and watched by another one of his Guards. Ember and Phasma would flank him as they waited, two more Guards on either side of them.

It was all Kylo allowed. It was a bit much for an honour guard, but not too much for it to be an obvious protection guard. Ember was there as a signal that at least one Knight was voluntarily giving him their support, and everybody knew Phasma was his right hand.

A bit further away, a group of five more Guards were waiting to guide the Knights to their quarters. A few more were stationed around the room at several doors. The latter had been a compromise between him and Phasma. She had wanted more Guards near him, he had wanted less, so they'd decided to place them around the room for emergencies only.

Kylo had been honest with his guard, explaining to them that it wasn't entirely unlikely for one of the Knights to attack him. The Knights' skill was almost legendary, so he had requested volunteers to stand with him instead of forcing them into the line of fire. He had been surprised to see that they had all promptly volunteered.

As he waited for the ship to arrive, Kylo thought back to that gathering. It hadn't only been to ask for volunteers, but also so the Guard could ask him any questions they had concerning the Knights. Not much had been asked, except for one question that requested some deliberation.

 _Can you teach us how to fight against Force-users?_

It had been a valid question considering the fact that, soon, they would be up against Force-using Knights, but Kylo had absolutely no idea what to teach them. He honestly didn't have a clue how someone without the Force could fight a Force-user in a way that they stood a chance. It forced him to think about how others could fight _him_ , which felt completely counter-intuitive.

He had mentioned it to Rey but they hadn't really talked it through yet. He figured he should. It really was something worth thinking about, and she would probably have more ideas than he.

The sound of an engine snapped him out of his thinking and he straightened his posture. Around him, everybody else did the same. Ember took a deep breath and released it in a controlled manner. The entire room was filled with tension, and Kylo hoped his Guards would not jump into action without provocation.

A small ship approached the hangar and settled down in front of them. Kylo could feel tension creep into his shoulders as the engines slowed down. Finally, the hiss of hydraulics announced that the ship's ramp would soon open.

Kylo consciously smoothed his facial expression, hoping to give the Knight a neutral welcome. Ember had told him all she knew about Dot of Ren, but he was still surprised to see the Knight walk out of the ship with a sullen expression on her face. She was rather short but there was obvious strength in her arms and shoulders.

A bow was on her back, a quiver strapped to one side of her hips, a rapier on the other. Kylo wondered about the arrows in the quiver as Dot's bow was known for shooting laser arrows, much like the laser bolts from blasters. The woman's arms and fingers were covered in protective fabric, and she was wearing pants above the standard-issue bodysuit.

Dot's eyes flitted through the hangar, obviously taking in every detail, as she walked up to Kylo.

"Supreme Leader," she said with a greeting. It was neither derisive nor overly respectful. "Ember of Ren," she continued, a slight touch of surprise in her voice. It turned rather sullen again when she greeted Phasma.

"Dot of Ren," Kylo said. "I welcome you in my new facility."

Dot didn't respond, merely looking at him with an empty expression on her face. Kylo wondered if the woman didn't want to answer, or didn't feel like his words needed one. Ember had warned him that Dot wasn't much of a talker.

"I hope your flight was agreeable?"

"Splendid." The answer was dry as a desert.

"Right," Kylo said. "Guard Jessy will show you to your room," he continued. "I will call for a meeting as soon as everyone has arrived."

Dot looked from him to Jessy—who had taken a step forward—nodded once, and walked off.

"Never does say much, that one," Ember grunted once they were through the door. "But I guess that went well."

The hangar's intercom buzzed to life. "Next ship expected in 13 minutes," Ivyest's voice let them know.

"Let's hope it keeps going this well," Kylo muttered.


	68. Meet the Knights

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo smoothed out his breathing, settling himself into an almost meditative state to pass the time. He ignored the hushed voices of the Guard around him and the small ship's engines as it moved through the hangar to free the landing area.

Ember had said the meeting with Dot had gone well, but Kylo wasn't so sure. There had been no adverse reaction, but for a woman that wasn't prone to saying much, that didn't mean a thing. He didn't know her well enough to scope the reason for her dry answer to his inquiry. He'd fought the urge to touch her mind with the Force. It wasn't because Ember had never noticed; the others didn't have a sliver of their sensitivity left in them.

"Arrival in two minutes," Ivyest announced. "The last ship is delayed. More information is incoming."

Kylo opened his eyes and focussed himself. Around him, the others settled back into position as well. Phasma drummed her baton against the floor once and silence immediately reigned. Kylo realised the action was probably only half meant as an order, the other half meant to dispel her own tension. This was the only ship meant to bring two Knights instead of one.

Eventually, a ship much larger than the first one entered the hangar. Besides the two Knights, it also carried supplies.

The ramp opened and a lean man stepped into the light. The entire Guard behind Kylo twitched at the sight of the man's hand moving, only to relax once they noticed he was merely twirling a coin between his fingers. In reaction, he seemed almost as startled as Kylo's Guard.

Another, taller man stepped into view behind the first one and said something. The first man—who Kylo now guessed was Daze of Ren—looked up, shrugged, and stowed away the coin in a pocket of his loose-fitting pants.

Kylo had to blink as they started walking towards him. He now understood how Quicksilver got his name. His bodysuit distorted his movements, making it almost impossible to make sense of him. From close by, Kylo could see the suit was covered with subtle patterns.

"Supreme Leader," Daze of Ren greeted, still a step in front of Quicksilver. The latter bowed in greeting but didn't speak. "We came as requested."

Kylo turned his attention to Daze. For some reason he was finding it hard to stay aware of Quicksilver's presence. It felt as if the man was somehow cloaking himself.

"I welcome you both to my Base," Kylo said. "Did you encounter any-"

The tiniest of movements in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Without hesitation, he Force-froze whoever was creeping around the ship. His Guard moved as one, some pointing their blasters towards the general direction Kylo was pointing out with his hand, some moving forward to prevent any possible attack from both Knights standing in front of him.

Daze blinked at the almost visceral reaction around him, although Kylo hadn't missed how his hands had twitched towards the blasters strapped to his belt. Quicksilver somehow seemed to disappear without even moving. Kylo really started wondering if the man wasn't somehow still using the Force to enhance his stealth.

"That would be Shadow," Quicksilver said after a second had ticked by, drawing all attention to him. He seemed most uncomfortable by it. "She joined us when we picked up the supplies. I think it was her intent to be covert."

Not caring how it would look, Kylo dragged his captive towards their group. A woman with black, braided hair floated into view. She was clad in a dark-blue, armoured bodysuit. Her eyes were heavily contoured with dark makeup.

"That's Shadow alright," Ember noted, her tone dry. "Don't allow her to speak; she'll never shut up."

Kylo glanced at Ember before ignoring her advice and releasing Shadow of Ren just enough so the woman could speak.

"Explain yourself!" he demanded.

"Supreme Leader!" Shadow exclaimed, sounding excited. "And Ember, how good to see you. How are you doing? It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Not long enough," Ember answered.

Kylo shook Shadow, regaining her attention.

"Oops," Shadow said. "Sorry, sir. I thought it would be a good idea to scope out the facility for a bit before joining you. It's my job, you know. Infiltration and all. Come to think of it, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Doesn't give a good first impression, now does it? And it seems you caught me. That definitely wasn't my intent. Oh dear, that doesn't sound any better either, does it? Well, I'm terribly sorry. I truly am. But hey, here I am. I promise I didn't mean anything by it. And now that I'm out in the open, would you perhaps consider letting me move freely again? This is most uncomfortable, you know, and a bit embarrassing, to be honest."

The sudden outpour of words surprised Kylo. For a woman specialised in assassination, he did _not_ expect her to be so … bubbly.

"I told you she won't shut up," Ember mumbled. "Shut her up again, please."

"Don't be such a boor, Ember. You know you like me; don't try to hide it. Didn't we get along wonderfully that one-"

Kylo tuned her out and turned towards Quicksilver. "You knew she was on the ship and didn't feel the need to notify me?" he demanded.

Quicksilver almost shrugged, then seemed to think better of it and gave a shallow greeting. "I figured there were already plenty of shadows here, what was one more? She would pop up eventually."

"True that," Daze commented.

Looking from one to the other, Kylo wondered what exactly had just been said. Obviously, Daze had understood. Not wanting to show his ignorance, and feeling a headache come up, Kylo abruptly let Shadow go from his grip. She stumbled mid-sentence to find her balance. He couldn't believe she'd simply kept on talking. Ember was already looking harassed, tension obvious around her eyes while she clenched her teeth. Even Phasma had tilted her head towards Shadow in a way Kylo knew meant she was wondering about the other woman's sanity.

"Shadow of Ren," he barked.

He needed the Knights to feel welcome, and starting out with a punishment was not the way to achieve that.

"Yes, sir!"

"Let it officially be noted that I do not appreciate your attempt at infiltrating this facility. Refrain from using your abilities to further investigate areas of this facility that are off limits. Respect the staff and their privacy."

"Yes, sir!" she repeated again.

Kylo studied her for a moment. The bubbliness had mostly disappeared, replaced by a blankness that was the complete opposite. It gave him a mental whiplash.

"Still, since you were supposed to be here, albeit on another ship, and you were spotted before actually _managing_ to infiltrate, you will bear no consequences due to your actions. I trust in your honour to refrain from further misuse of my generosity."

She bowed to him with another, final 'Yes, sir.'

Satisfied, Kylo addressed the three of them in general. "My Guard will show you to your rooms. I will call a meeting as soon as Burman has arrived and settled in. Dot is already here."

They gave him a short greeting and walked up to the waiting Guard members. As soon as they'd reached them, Shadow started chattering again. Kylo almost felt sorry for sending her off with Quicksilver and Daze, but then realised he would have to deal with her in the future as well.

"Absolutely bat-shit crazy," Ember mumbled.

"Then why did you suggest her?" Kylo answered in exasperation.

"She wants to know _everything._ It's part of what makes her a good spy, aside from turning her into an absolute nuisance."

Kylo shook his head before glancing up at the communication center. "Toshi," he ordered. "Go make sure they know Shadow has already arrived and that the last ship is free to take new orders."

"Yes, sir."

"Sir," Phasma protested at having one less Guard by their side.

"It's only Burman," Ember said. "I can deal with him if need be—which I doubt, by the way." She gave Phasma an appraising once-over. "You could deal with him too, I'm sure," she added.

Kylo stared at Ember, surprised at hearing her say something that could be construed as complimenting Phasma. If the way Phasma had gone rigid was any indication, she was dumbfounded as well.

"I will trust your judgement," Phasma eventually managed to say.

Again, Kylo blinked in surprise. She would?

Ember grunted and they resumed their earlier positions, both staring out into the hangar and ignoring one another. Kylo definitely felt that headache coming on. There was too much unpredictable behaviour going on around him.

At least, if Ember was to be believed, Burman would be more conventional in his ways, being a simple brute. Kylo wondered how the group of Knights would get along. All of them were so peculiar, it seemed near a miracle that they would find common ground.

"Arrival of next ship in seven minutes," Ivyest's voice announced. "Last ship has been relieved of its duties."

Settling back into waiting, Kylo tried to calm his mind. One more. One more arrival, then wait for half an hour, then the briefing. He focussed on his breathing. Worrying had no use but he couldn't help himself.

Once more, the sound of engines reached his ears and he stood at attention. Another small ship landed and opened its ramp. The man that emerged seemed too large for the ship that had brought him. Kylo knew he himself was what others would call 'a big guy', but this man was something else. It felt like seeing a mountain walk towards him, even though the Knight was about the same height as him.

Kylo could understand how this physique would intimidate people. It was only worsened by the weapon he was carrying. Ember had called it a goedendag, but Kylo would have definitely called it a warhammer. He knew that a button on the handle would have it erupt with spikes. It was not a weapon you wanted to be hit with.

"Burman of Ren, welcome to the facility," Kylo greeted.

"Happy to be here."

Kylo managed to hide his surprise at the downright pleasant answer. No reluctance? None whatsoever? Was it a ruse? From the corner of his eye, he could see Ember shake her head in an exasperated manner.

"You're not supposed to be _happy_ to be here, Burman," she said.

"I'm not?" he answered. "I've heard the cook's pretty good though."

Kylo fought the urge to start laughing hysterically. Of all the things he'd expected, this wasn't it. None of the Knights were like he'd expected them to be, and the one that looked the most brutish ended up being the most gentle. Or maybe he really was that simple. It made sense now that Ember wanted him around. His character would help settle the others.

With a small, amused shake of his head, Kylo continued his greeting. "I hope your flight was enjoyable?"

"A bit cramped. But, then again, I'm always cramped," Burman answered with a shrug.

"Ember informed us about your large physique, thus we've given you a slightly larger room. I hope it will comfortably accommodate you."

"How very kind of you. And you too, Ember; you did not need to do that."

Ember grunted in answer to the large smile Burman sent her.

"Well then," Kylo continued. "My Guard will guide you to your rooms. There will be a general briefing in half an hour."

"Yes, sir."

Burman greeted and walked to Guard Mysta. Kylo imagined he could feel the floor moving with every step the man took.

"Hey," Burman said once he reached Mysta. "You have a name. Nice to meet you, Guard Mysta."

"Uhm, thank you?" Mysta answered, sounding somewhat dumbfounded.

Kylo stared after them. Once the door closed behind them, he allowed some of the laughter he'd been holding to escape. It startled a couple of the remaining Guards around the room, but he ignored it.

"Could you not warn me they're … strange?" he asked Ember.

She shrugged in return. "Aren't we all? Aren't you?"

He did not know what to answer to that.

"They're definitely unique," Phasma said.

"Madness," Kylo said, barking out another laugh and dragging a hand through his hair. "This is madness."

Phasma snorted. "At least we agree on that, sir."


	69. The Briefing

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

After having updated Rey about the Knights' arrivals, Kylo headed from his quarters to the training hall. He figured that, if something were to go wrong, the training hall was the best place to contain whatever damage would happen.

He had spoken at length with Ember, Hux, and Phasma about how to address them, what to say, how to say it, and what to do in case the news was ill met. There was nothing more he could do in terms of preparation. He realised that whatever happened in the next hour or so would be a tipping point not only for the Knights, but also for the First Order as a whole.

Arriving at the hall, Kylo stopped in front of the door and listened for any sound that would hint at the Knights' general mood. Nothing but deadly silence could be heard.

Walking in, he was met with carefully blank faces. The lack of expression and the statue-like stillness of the Knights' posture jarred him. It was in such contrast with how they'd behaved when they'd arrived. It also reminded him of how Ember had been when he'd first summoned her. Only then did he fully comprehend how much she'd changed in his presence.

Kylo glanced at Ember, wondering how she was feeling. Her face too was carefully masked, her body language fully subdued. Yet, it wasn't as clinical as the five Knights that faced him. Somehow, she still seemed more animated.

"Are we to stand trial?" Dot said as the others filed in after Kylo. Her blank expression didn't change.

"No," Kylo answered, a bit puzzled.

Some of his puzzlement must have coloured his voice, because Dot continued, "This seems a lot of security for a mere briefing."

Looking around the room, Kylo finally comprehended how she'd come to the conclusion. Half his Guard was standing along the walls of the training hall. Twelve in total, plus Phasma and Ember.

"Some of the information I'm about to give might not be … well received," he answered. "Ember here was most vehement in her answer."

Dot said no more, her eyes so blank they seemed almost dead. All of them looked like mindless robots. It was uncanny.

"I tried to kill him," Ember offered, sounding amused.

Eyes flitted towards her, but there was no further reaction.

"Right," Kylo said. "The general information first." He gave Hux the opportunity to speak.

The man stepped forward, putting both his hands behind his back and straightening to his full height.

"My name is Armitage Hux, as most of you probably already know, and I'm head of this facility. I no longer hold the title of General, so address me as Leader Hux."

Kylo observed the Knights as Hux droned on about the timetable the facility held, where the meals would be provided, which areas were off limits due to constructions, and other basic information. It had been agreed that any complaints or requests the Knights might have would be addressed to Hux directly, to spare the other staff members the intricacies of dealing with the Knights' peculiar temperaments. They hoped that, with time, interactions between the Knights and the facility staff would evolve naturally.

"That will be all," Hux finally finished.

Not once had the expressions nor the stances of the Knights changed. There was absolutely no way to deduce what they were thinking and it troubled Kylo. It was unnatural. He realised that, in the past, he would have thought nothing of it.

As Hux stepped back, Kylo took the front. "I wish to add to Hux's explanation that the cook of this facility has his own temperament. If you are to enter his kitchen without his express permission, he will most likely hurl abuse at you if he hasn't seen your identity. It is a habit well known among the staff. If, at any point, you find yourself insulted by him, refrain from retaliating and realise it's your own fault for walking into his kitchen." He looked from one Knight to the other. "That means, don't harm or kill him."

He had hoped that at least Burman would give some sort of reaction to hearing about the cook, but not even at twinge was to be seen. It felt like he was talking to droids.

"Hux, you may leave."

After Hux had walked through the door—where he was awaited by another Guard—Kylo turned back to the Knights. Ember had advised him to address the history of the facility, and so that was what he was about to do.

"You undoubtedly know what was said to be the original intent of this facility," he started.

He noticed some tenseness found its way around Shadow's eyes. It seemed he had touched a nerve.

"That," he continued, "was a ruse."

Quicksilver's head tilted minutely. Dot's eyebrows frowned just the tiniest bit. The tells were impossibly small and Kylo only noticed because he was actively looking for them.

"Those children were never meant to arrive here, nor to be used as test subjects."

His voice conveyed the disgust he felt at the idea. In response, Burman's eyes focussed a bit firmer on him.

"I cannot tell you where the children are, but know that I'm aware of their location and that they are safe and well cared for. You must also know that I never knew of the existence of Base Z, nor what your training entailed. Snoke never told me."

They each gave some sort of reaction to the mention of the Base. Kylo steeled himself, realising his next words would probably be met with outrage.

"I was appalled at what I found there. I'm appalled at a lot of things I've seen at all the Bases, but Z is an abomination. Therefore, it is my goal to…"

He tapered off, looking at the Knights. They'd given several small reactions, but one by one they'd frozen again. As if the mention of the Base caused them to withdraw completely.

"Ember, if you please," he said.

"Sir?"

"I think a demonstration might be beneficial before the explanation."

He knew he was changing their plans, but he was suddenly sure that this was the way to go. Hopefully, Ember's demonstration would give them pause enough not to explode into a fight.

"They won't believe it's me, sir," she answered.

Kylo worried his lips. Under no circumstances was he going to turn his back to the Knights as he had with the rest of the facility staff.

"Upon my word as the Supreme Leader," he said gravely, "the demonstration Ember of Ren is about to give you is fully her doing. I will in no way be interfering."

The Knights' eyes flitted from him to Ember and he couldn't figure out if they looked curious or suspicious.

Taking a step back, Kylo allowed Ember to stand at the front of their group. He took a breath but did his very best to maintain his calm façade. The Guards around the room, knowing what was coming, prepared themselves for the worst. Phasma's grip around her baton tightened.

Ember looked at each of the Knights before speaking. "I was given the choice whether or not to learn this," she said. "The choice will be yours as well. No-one will be forced."

"Ember speaks the truth," Kylo chimed in.

He nodded at her as Ember looked over her shoulder. She took a couple of breaths and Kylo could see some of the tension flow out of her with every exhalation. Finally, Ember reached for one of her knives and held it flat on the palm of her hand in front of her. Kylo forced his hands to remain by his side and not twitch for his saber.

When the knife floated, the reaction was visceral.

Burman gasped and staggered, something that seemed almost impossible for a man his size. Dot's bow was in her hand in a flash, but she seemed to be unsure where to point it. Panic was obvious in her eyes. Daze all but jumped in front of Quicksilver, his blasters out and his eyes wildly surveying the area for potential threats. Quicksilver himself had somehow become unnoticeable. Shadow had drawn up her hood and had completely drawn in on herself. A litany of the word 'No' kept coming from her mouth.

Kylo was proud to see that his Guard, although they had all drawn their own blasters, didn't assume a threatening position. They had been told time and time again that, unless the Knights actively aimed for either Ember, Phasma or himself, they were not to point their weapons at any of them.

It was Burman who regained his senses first. He turned to Shadow next to him and started talking to her. His tone was extraordinarily gentle.

"There seems to be no danger, Shadow," he said. "Ember of Ren is still alive. More so, she's well fed and unharmed. Our Supreme Leader is right here and not attacking her for, for-" He faltered and glanced back at Ember. The latter was replacing her knife. "Ember can only have learned from him. There's only him. Shadow, do you hear me? There's no danger."

He reached for her but seemed to think better of it. A hand gesture of Kylo made the Guard replace their blasters. Burman's words seemed to also affect the others as the panicked look in Dot's eyes faded and she lowered her bow to hang by her side. With a twirl, Daze, too, replaced his blasters. Kylo noticed, however, that he didn't replace the strip that kept them firmly in place, nor did he step away from Quicksilver.

Yet, Shadow seemed completely gone from the world. Dot looked at her, then turned hard, cold eyes on Kylo. Burman was frowning, obviously at a loss. Eventually, Ember sighed irritably, stepped forward, and slapped Shadow across the face.

"You!" Burman hollered at Ember.

He lashed out at her, picking up his hammer for a follow-up attack. Ember nimbly avoided him. Kylo saw her hands reach but she refrained from drawing her swords.

"You're no match for me, Burman, you know that. Cease this."

"You unfeeling bitch!"

Quicksilver, Daze, and Dot merely looked on as Ember sidestepped yet another sweep. The attack seemed uncoordinated, and it dawned on Kylo that Burman was having a delayed reaction to what he'd seen.

"No danger?"

Shadow's shuddering voice halted the fight.

"No," Ember answered brusquely.

"No harm will come to you unless you try to kill me or any of my staff," Kylo said.

He took a step forward and all five of the Knights flinched. It caused him to stop dead in his tracks, his hands visible by his side. He tried his hardest to look as unthreatening as possible.

"I find that hard to believe," Quicksilver said.

"Supreme Leader," Shadow spoke up, ignoring Quicksilver's words. Her voice still shook a bit, but got better the more she spoke. "It seems I may have overreacted a bit. It is unforgivable. Really. But can you blame me? You must understand that was quite a shock. Not everyday you see- Well, a shock. But my reaction was very unbecoming. And did I mention that it was a bit much. Not what the situation called for. I failed at my duties though. Not good. Not good. I-"

"Shadow," Kylo interrupted, firm but trying to be reassuring at the same time. "It's fine."

"It very much isn't, sir. How can you- What-"

"I understand," he said before she could start another litany. "As for your comment, Quicksilver," he continued, turning to the man in question. "I can see why this seems untrustworthy. Please believe me when I say I have no ill intentions."

Kylo gazed at all of them, straightening his posture a bit more.

"All of you were Force sensitive as children. The Force never leaves you, even though your connection has been broken. I offer you the chance to reconnect to it. The choice whether or not you take it is entirely yours. There will be no consequences if you decide not to take up my offer.

"As you can see, I've already succeeded in this venture once. Ember of Ren has been reconnected to the Force a little over two months ago and has been training with me extensively. The reconnection isn't an easy feat and will require you to trust me completely. You must also understand that I cannot guarantee success. Each of your cases is unique, and what may have worked with one may not with another.

"I'm sure Ember will be available to answer any of your questions. The members of this facility, with the exception of the construction workers, are aware of the reason for your presence and have been sworn to secrecy. What they don't know, however, is the fate of the children that they believe were bound to arrive here. I trust you will be able to keep this to yourselves as well without my needing a sworn oath from you.

"I will also ask you not to discuss this matter with any of your fellow Knights who are not present here. They too will be given this opportunity when the time comes. It is one of the reasons this base is being expanded."

He looked at the Knights in front of him. They looked back at him with wary, shocked eyes.

"I will leave you to it. Lunch will be served here, or you are free to take it in your rooms if you so wish." He turned to Ember. "Hux will remain in the care of my Guard today," he said. "Make yourself available to your brethren."

Ember nodded once, firm and serious. Kylo turned and walked out. A single command of Phasma caused the Guard members to leave the room as well. Kylo didn't look back nor slowed his steps until he was in his quarters, Phasma still with him. There, he sagged.

"What do you think?" he murmured to Phasma.

"We're still alive, sir. I see that as a good sign."

Kylo barked a laugh that developed into full laughter, albeit not completely sane sounding.

"Sir? Are you alright?" Phasma asked.

"Relieved, Phasma," he answered after controlling his outburst. "Relieved."


	70. An Extra Reason

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo made sure he stayed out of the way for the rest of the day, opting for a full day with Derek instead of his usual routine. He figured it was best to give the Knights all the space he could give them. It was doubtful any of them wanted to see him. Yet, he'd told Ember to make sure they knew they were free to come ask questions or deliver their decision.

Through Phasma, the Guard kept him updated on the Knights' whereabouts. It wasn't that he wanted to spy on them, more that he feared outbursts of any kind.

Quicksilver and Daze had gone back to their quarters, although Kylo believed Quicksilver was probably in Daze's instead of his own. The way the man seemed to disappear from perception still intrigued him.

His guard had apologised profusely, but they'd lost sight of Shadow, prompting Kylo to order double checks on any ship that would leave the facility today. If she wanted to leave, he would not make a fuss about it, but she would have to officially report it first.

Dot, Ember, and Burman were still in the training hall. As Kylo had ordered to leave them alone, there was no sure way of knowing what they were doing. Guessing from what the Guard heard, however, Dot was demolishing targets while Ember and Burman were sparring.

Kylo wondered about what had been said — if anything had been said at all. He was determined not to prod Ember about it. Unless she volunteered any information, he was not going to pry into the Knights' privacy. He could do nothing but hope they would trust him and accept the offer.

Fed up with the papers and feeling helpless, he retired early. There, a curious Rey quickly joined him. Of course he'd already assured her nothing grave had happened, but he'd not told her much. Apparently, his limited explanation wasn't enough to quell her curiosity.

"Ben!" she cried out as soon as they connected. "Now tell me how it went. What did they say? How did they react?"

Kylo snorted. "I already told you it went as well as could be expected."

"Be-en," she whined. "That's nothing to go by at all."

"You're a curious little sandcat, aren't you?" he teased.

She marched over to him, first slapping his abdomen, then prodding his chest with a finger. "Stop being such an arse, Ben, and tell me what happened!"

"Alright, alright," he conceded, grabbing her finger and taking the opportunity to pull her closer for a kiss. "But I do believe we should properly say hello first."

Rey easily conceded and he pulled her on his lap as he sat down on his bed.

"Now tell," she demanded once they came up for air.

He smiled at her. She looked dishevelled, her hair a mess and her clothes crooked. More than once now, she'd complained it was unfair that his clothes were so difficult to get off.

"I'll show you up to the actual revelation," he conceded. "Not their reactions. Those were … personal."

"That bad, huh?"

"To say that they were shocked would be an understatement. Daze jumped in front of Quicksilver though, so I guess that rumour is most likely true. I'm wondering if I should address them about it."

"Why would you do that?"

"To tell them they can show it openly."

"Oh," Rey muttered. She seemed to think about it. "They should be free to choose though."

"Obviously."

"Also in whether or not they admit to it."

"Huh," Kylo muttered, not having taken that into account. "Now, do you want to see?"

"Yes!" Rey exclaimed.

He smiled at her enthusiasm. It just radiated off of her. The fact that her emotions were always so abundant and sincere was one of the things he truly loved about her.

"Let me show you bits from the greetings first, to give you some perspective."

"Okay."

Through the bond, he invited her into his mind. He was amused by her perplexion as they moved through snippets of earlier that morning, and by her suspicion and doubt about Shadow after he caught her.

"They're, uhm, unique," she commented at the end.

"They sure are," Kylo laughed. "Are you ready for the briefing?"

"Okay."

He started the memory from the moment he had hesitated in front of the door of the training hall. Rey's shock at seeing the Knights' blank faces and stances almost caused him to lose concentration.

"What happened to them?" she whispered.

"Between their arrival and this meeting?" Kylo asked, taking the duration of Hux's speech to allow Rey to study the Knights. "Nothing. This is actually quite normal for them. I'd forgotten because Ember has changed so much since I summoned her."

"It's not normal," Rey said, still staring at the unmoving Knights.

"No," Kylo agreed. "No, it is not." He sighed. "I hope to teach them that they no longer have to be this way. It will be a long ride though, I'm afraid."

Hux's speech came to an end, and they watched as Kylo gave his own little speech and as Ember walked forward, stopping the memory at the point where she reached for her dagger.

Coming back to their senses, he felt Rey shiver on his lap. He pulled her close again, wrapping his arms around her as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"What have they gone through to end up like that?" she whispered.

"Horrors," he answered. "Back when I visited Base Z, I only showed you part of what it was like and, uhm, well, not everything." He still cringed at the memory of how he'd lashed out at her.

Rey sat back and touched his cheek. "It happened to you too," she said softly.

He looked away from her. "Well, at least I wasn't trained to be a mindless puppet."

"No. You were trained to reject everything good and then believe it was your own choice," Rey answered. "I don't think that's any better, Ben. At least you can tell the Knights it wasn't their fault. You never truly did want to believe me when I told you it wasn't yours either."

"I…"

He faltered. He knew Rey was right but he hated it. Sure, he had started to question everything Snoke had told him, but he couldn't let go of the idea that it was still his fault because he'd chosen to go to Snoke in the first place. It didn't matter that Snoke had been manipulating him; he could always have taken another route. There had been _options_.

"See," Rey said, tender. "You still don't believe it."

Kylo shook his head, not entirely sure of what he was denying.

"I think this thing with the Knights will be good for you as well," she continued, a smile in her voice. "But I don't trust this Shadow woman. She tried to sneak in!"

He grabbed her offer of a different topic with both hands. "I don't know what to think of it either," he admitted. "I didn't ask Ember about it afterwards; I was too preoccupied with making sure the briefing would go alright. However, I'm inclined to believe there was no ill intent, as she said. If she's really as curious as Ember claims, then it doesn't seem unlikely that she would want to investigate this place before becoming hindered by supervision."

"So, you have her under supervision now?"

Rey climbed off his lap to sit more comfortably next to him. He dragged a hand through his hair.

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"Yes, well," he sighed. "The Guards lost sight of her some time after the briefing. She's still here though; we've checked every outgoing ship. I'm surprised they didn't lose Quicksilver. That man's ability to become unnoticed is uncanny."

"You think he's still using the Force?"

Kylo reached for her again. "We're thinking the same," he said. "I can't prove it though. Not before he allows me to infiltrate his mind."

"But if he is, he should be easy to reconnect."

"I don't know. Maybe."

They fell into silence and, eventually, they decided there was nothing left to be said about the topic. Right now, they could only wait and see. And hope Shadow would show up again.

The next morning, by the time his session with Derek had ended, Kylo decided to have Phasma summon both Daze and Quicksilver. He had seen none of the Knights, although Phasma had reported that Shadow had returned to her chamber rather late the previous evening. Their current guess was that she'd snuck out of the base and roamed the area around it. Ember was back to guarding Hux, but was told to hand him over to the Guard if the Knights requested anything from her.

Waiting for Daze and Quicksilver to arrive, Kylo walked around his desk and leaned against it. He wanted to keep the meeting as informal as possible. They would never agree to sitting down in the chairs, so he had decided to stand. Rolling his shoulders, he actively tried to relax his posture.

Phasma knocked and opened the door. "They've arrived, sir."

"Let them in."

Kylo studied the Knights as they walked into the office and greeted him. Both looked wary, for which he didn't fault them. He gathered his thoughts and spoke.

"First of all, I wish to tell you that you are not obliged to say anything during this meeting. You are free to comment, but I do not expect a reaction to anything I say."

He looked at each of them, wanting to gauge if they'd understood. Quicksilver gave a minute nod, but Daze merely kept staring ahead. He seemed unfocused, as if he wasn't quite able to follow the conversation, even though it had just started. Kylo doubted that was the cause though; a dumb Knight didn't survive for long.

"There is a specific reason why I requested you both here as part of the first group," he started. "I've caught wind of some rumours concerning the … nature of your relationship."

Daze tensed slightly, belying his foggy look. Kylo ignored it.

"I am not planning on starting a new order of Sith or Jedi," he continued. "I do not believe that abstinence of any kind will lead you to be a better person or Force user. I disagree with the notion that friends and partners are a liability to your strength."

He watched them both carefully, but no reaction was forthcoming. It felt like talking to a wall.

"If," Kylo said, "these rumours are true, then I would like to encourage you to not hide it. It is my wish to see friendships grow among the Knights, and between them and other First Order members.

"The decision, as with learning the Force, lies entirely with you. I will not interfere or discipline either way. You are also free to discuss my words with any of your fellow Knights here at the facility."

Hoping he had made himself clear enough without putting any pressure on them, he dismissed the two Knights and went back to awaiting their decisions. It was maddening.

Finally, in the afternoon on the next day, there seemed to be some progress as Ember came to find him.

"Sir," she greeted. Hux was nowhere to be seen so Kylo guessed he was with the Guard. "The Knights have been asking about the training that would follow if they choose to take the offer and I answered as we agreed, but they are now wondering why they need to learn meditation first and I don't know how to answer them."

Kylo worried his lips for a bit. "Do you think I could address them about this myself? Or would they not trust my words?"

"From what I can gather, they're surprised you've let them be, sir. I don't know about trust, but I don't think it would have an adverse effect."

"You sound so formal. Is Hux rubbing off on you?" Kylo teased.

Ember's eyes widened slightly and she looked away from him. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say," she exclaimed. "As if that ponce would 'rub off' on me."

Kylo laughed, then turned serious again. "Get the Knights together in the training hall in an hour. Make sure there are cushions."

"You're going to make them sit on their arse, aren't you?"

"Definitely. They don't have to agree to learning the Force in order to learn how to meditate."

"They're going to love it," Ember answered, heavy on the sarcasm.


	71. A Lesson in Meditation

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

An hour later, Ember met up with him and Phasma, and they walked towards the training hall.

"Have they all gathered?" Kylo asked.

Phasma sighed. "It would seem Shadow has disappeared again, sir."

He glanced at Ember, who shrugged. "I was able to find her earlier and deliver the order. I doubt she left in between then and now."

Kylo grumbled and worried his lips. "I'm not going to force her into anything," he said, "but I can't let this go on either. We'll discuss how to deal with this later."

They arrived at the hall and, as was his habit in general, he regarded the room with all his senses, including the Force. He steeled his face as he noticed a discrepancy between his eyes and what the Force told him.

Slowly, he allowed his gaze to roam the room again, with the pretence of checking the four Knights assembled and the cushions strewn on the floor. It was only a very slight shift of the darkness' quality that told him Shadow was standing in the far corner. He allowed his gaze to pass her without lingering.

He turned to look at Ember and saw her frowning. Her eyes were zipping through the room and her stance was stiff. Kylo caught her gaze, nodding once. Ember blinked and nodded back before relaxing. It warmed him that she would simply trust his word.

Facing the Knights, he addressed them. "Ember has relayed to me that there are questions about what the next steps would be if you were to accept my offer," he said. "More specifically about the reason for meditation."

He summoned one of the pillows and promptly sat down. Ember followed suit and the creak of armour told him that Phasma had done the same. He would tell her she was free to leave if he weren't sure she would flat-out refuse. It was very clear to him that she still didn't trust the Knights.

"Seat yourselves," Kylo prompted when the Knights remained standing.

They stared at him, various looks of confusion in their eyes. It was a telltale sign of how confused they really were that he could recognise it on their faces at all. Eventually, surprisingly, it was Dot who lowered herself down first.

One by one, the others followed.

"As you all undoubtedly know," Kylo started once they were all seated, "we speak of a Light side and Dark side of the Force. Historically speaking, the Jedi were representatives of the Light side, the Sith of the Dark side. Both, however, use forms of meditation to enhance their connection with the Force.

"When I reconnected Ember with the Force, I did not teach her how to meditate first. One of the first exercises, however, once you learn to connect with the Force, is to recognise both sides of it and learn how they coexist."

He glanced at Ember to ask her permission. Seemingly understanding what he was asking of her, she shrugged at him.

Kylo took a breath. "I almost lost Ember to the Dark."

"I almost lost myself," she ventured.

The four Knights' heads snapped towards her, betraying their shock.

"But, you didn't?" Burman asked her before turning towards Kylo. "You managed to pull her back?"

"I managed to snap her out of it, yes, but barely." Kylo shook his head at the memory. "This is why I think it's prudent you learn how to meditate before I attempt to reconnect you. The lure of the Dark will be strong in all of you. It preys on emotions of anger, and on bad memories."

He paused, watching realisation sink in.

"If you are familiar with the techniques of meditation, I'm hoping you'll be able to focus better and be more guarded against the Dark's lure."

"I thought you were part of the Dark," Shadow's voice said from the back.

The four Knights plus Phasma shot up from their seats and took up defensive positions. Kylo remained seated, as did Ember. Upon seeing this, Phasma settled back down as well.

"You knew I was here all the time?" Shadow asked.

"Yes," Kylo answered simply. "Come, join us." He waved a hand towards the cushions, then dragged it through his hair. "Snoke was definitely a Sith lord," he said, then faltered.

He hated having to admit what he was about to say. It still felt as a weakness to him, even though he no longer agreed with the doctrine. The changes in his thinking were too fresh. Still, he knew that he would have to be a hundred percent honest in order to convince the Knights.

"One of my _shortcomings_ ," he said once the four Knights had settled down again, "was that I was still too susceptible to the Light. I was never able to fully surrender to the Dark. It made me … unstable."

Daze snorted once, then froze both in face and posture, undoubtedly realising what he'd done. Kylo gazed at him for a bit, surprised at the—for a Knight—completely outrageous reaction, then turned away to watch Shadow finally sit down next to Burman. The latter gave her an encouraging nod.

"So, to answer your question: No, I never fully belonged to the Dark. It used to be my goal. Now, it no longer is."

"What is?" Dot asked brusquely.

He looked at her, wondering what he could answer to that. The balance between what was safe to say and gaining their trust was a delicate one.

"Finding a better way," he finally answered.

The five Knights' gazes felt heavy. He knew they were sizing him up, trying to determine his worth.

"Change is seldom this clear," Quicksilver said.

Daze hummed in agreement.

"I don't get what you just said," Burman said, turning to regard Quicksilver.

"You never get anything, Burman," Ember sniped.

The Knight didn't seem offended but merely turned to Shadow. "Did you get it?"

Shadow shrugged and mumbled something. Kylo thought he heard 'later' among the few words but wasn't certain. Dot's eyes were still trained on him.

Kylo regarded the group in front of him and felt something akin to fondness swell in his chest. Even though he barely knew them, he was starting to sense how they would work together. If he could get them to open up, there was the potential of them becoming good friends. There was hope.

Blinking, Kylo tried to dispel the feeling. He wondered when he'd become so emotional. Deciding to take matters back into his own hands, he spoke up.

"Despite the fact that you're welcome here and can take all the time you like to overthink my offer, I will not allow you to be idle any longer," he said.

The Knights all stiffened slightly, but he was glad to see they didn't fully go into what he was starting to call 'droid-mode'.

"First of all, I would appreciate it if you all would train my Guard."

He had discussed the matter of his Guard wanting to be able to fight Force-users with Phasma, even though he still hadn't found the opportunity to bring it up with Rey. Phasma had answered that she couldn't help him with the aspect of fighting the Force, but that she thought it would be a good start if the Guard learned how to fight the Knights' peculiar fighting styles.

Apparently, two of them had requested Ember for a spar and had been thoroughly beaten. Ember had told them they were quite good for Troopers, but they'd been appalled despite her assurance. It had given them the idea that they could only take on the Knights if they were vastly outnumbering them.

"Train them?" Shadow spoke up. "Like, we get to have a go at them? Do you really mean your Guard is going to attempt to take us on. Really? We can kick their butts? That should be fun. That should be really fun. I think I'm in. Yes, I am."

Kylo stared at her. Her chattering would take some getting used to. However, he was happy to hear her speak as he figured it meant she was more at ease.

" _Train_ them," he finally answered, "not beat them to a pulp." He shook his head. "Please don't damage them."

Ember snorted. "They're not that bad," she said. "Don't think of them as mere Troopers. They're much better than that."

"They seem nice as well," Burman said.

"That's beside the point," Ember sighed, rolling her eyes.

"They are my Guard," Kylo spoke up, wanting to prevent the two of them from getting into an argument. "At this moment, they are discouraged by the realisation that they would, indeed, not stand a chance when it comes to a one-on-one combat with either of you. Therefore, I would like you all to train them. Make sure they can hold their ground."

"Sensible," Daze muttered.

Quicksilver nodded.

"Teach them whatever you please," Kylo added. "The more they know, the better. Also, keep in mind that other Knights will at one point arrive at this base as well. Teach them to defend against anything and everything you can come up with."

"Yes, sir," Shadow said with a greeting. The others followed suit.

"Secondly, I will start training you all in meditation starting today. This is separate from your answer to my offer. Apart from the Dark versus Light explanation I gave you, meditation will also be beneficial in general. It will help you with awareness and to direct focus. It will calm your mind without turning it into a blank canvas. It can help to order your thoughts."

They seemed unimpressed and Kylo sighed.

"It's also a good way to spend your time if you're getting bored," he added.

Ember burst out laughing and Kylo smirked at her.

"Okay," he said. "Let's get started. Make sure you're comfortable. Remove any restrictive clothing or weapons that poke or prod you."

The Knights stared at him in disbelief, then all turned their shocked eyes to watch Ember take her swords from her back and place them within easy reach on either side of her. Slowly, as if not entirely sure of his own actions, Daze unclipped the blasters on his sides and the one at his ankle, and placed them next to him as well. Dot put her bow on the ground and loosened the quiver a bit so it didn't pull at her leg.

"Good," Kylo encouraged. "Sit in a comfortable position. Standard is to sit cross-legged, with your hands on your knees, but any position is good as long as your back is straight and you can keep it up for a long time without having to put any tension on your muscles."

If the meditation hadn't been so very important, Kylo would have laughed at the way the Knights were doubting his instructions, yet were unwilling to defy them. Although they kept their faces neutral, as always, the way they moved around to settle in a comfortable position betrayed how they felt.

"Meditation isn't about emptying your mind," Kylo started explaining. "It's about accepting all and everything you think without giving it any attention. There are multiple techniques to achieve this goal.

"If you have a visual mind, you could try to hold an image in your mind. This can be anything, from your favourite weapon to a view of the stars. Hold onto the image as a focus point. Thoughts and emotions will come up—our mind is never truly silent—but let them pass. Once you notice you're giving them attention, you return to the image in your mind.

"Another option is to imagine a moving image instead of a still one. Think of your thoughts and emotions as clouds floating past, or ships flying by. Just watch them go by. Again, if you notice you're giving one of them attention, return to the image.

"A third option is to focus on your breathing. Count your breaths up until ten, then start again from one. Again and again. Breathing is one of the most important aspects of meditation. By breathing in a controlled manner, in through your nose and out your mouth, you calm both your body and mind."

He looked at the Knights. They all gazed back at him with a blank look in their eyes. Turning to his right, he saw that Ember had already sunk into her meditation. He was grateful to her for both showing what it was about and that she'd indeed learned.

"Don't be discouraged at first. It is not an easy thing to learn and it will only get better by repetition. You'll probably also find it tiring in the beginning. Your minds will wander often. When that happens, return your mind to whichever technique you've chosen.

"The key is in repeating it often, not in trying to meditate as long as possible. Today, we will meditate for 10 minutes only. The coming days I will meet you every day after lunch and we'll gradually start meditating longer.

"Now, I would like you all to choose one of the techniques I mentioned and close your eyes. Keep your breath deep and even. Phasma will keep guard. I trust her with my life. Additionally, I will also use the Force to keep an eye on any movement outside."

They all seemed highly uncomfortable, their muscles tensing at the idea of not being able to survey their surroundings. Every one of the five Knights glanced at Ember before reluctantly closing their eyes. Kylo closed them last and made good on his promise. Stretching his awareness with the Force, he kept a close eye on the occupants of the training hall, as well as the hallway beyond.


	72. Joyous Words

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Later that evening, Kylo grinned as Rey laughed after having seen Shadow's almost exuberant joy at the prospect of beating up his Guard.

"She seems a bit skittish, though," Rey eventually commented. "Isn't she the one that your Guard keeps losing sight of?"

Kylo sighed. "Yes, she's the one. I wanted to confront her about it, but it seems like a bad time now that she's started to engage a little."

Rey hummed in agreement. "Maybe have Ember tell her?"

"Too blunt. Plus, the chatter annoys Ember."

"Which of them doesn't annoy Ember?"

He barked a laugh. "I think she gets along well enough with Dot."

"The woman with the bow? The surly one?"

"Yes, that one."

"Why am I not surprised?"

They looked at each other for a moment before both burst out in laughter.

"So, you'll have them train your Guard," Rey half asked, half stated when her giggles subsided.

"Yes. They felt inadequate compared to them so this was the only solution to it." He shrugged. "I hope the Knights will take it serious."

"It's your command so they should, no?"

Kylo shrugged again. He was uncertain of what they thought of him. He had absolutely no idea if they were inclined to follow his orders, or merely to do the bare minimum to make it look like they did.

"There was another thing I've been meaning to ask you," he said, changing the topic slightly.

"Oh?"

"How would you fight me if you didn't have the Force?"

Rey stared at him. "What?"

"If you didn't have the Force," he repeated, "how would you fight me?"

"What type of question is that? In case you don't remember—which I sincerely doubt—I ran away from you the first time you wanted to fight me and you caught me nonetheless. The second time, you were injured and not using the Force."

"But still," he pressed. "If it were to happen again, what would you do?"

Rey kept on staring at him, utterly confused. "It's impossible," she finally answered. "Fighting you when you're using the Force is impossible." She stepped closer to him, touching his cheek and looking worried. "Why are you asking this?"

"They asked and I couldn't answer."

"They? The Guard?"

"Yes." He sighed. "I can't blame them. If the Knights agree to being reconnected and one of them turns against me, my Guard will be facing off against an impossible foe. They can train to become better fighters, but what about the Force?" Kylo shook his head. "I don't want them to feel helpless."

Rey wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. "Let me think," she murmured.

Kylo returned her hug. Her mere presence made him feel calmer, more secure. He knew he could turn to her no matter what and she would do her best to help him. Although he had known this for some time already, it was still an odd feeling.

"Is it true that there used to be cages that could contain Force users?"

"Yes. Yes it is," he answered. "Snoke destroyed as many as he could find, though. Why do you ask?"

"Could you use that?"

"Build one? Well, we would need to capture the Force user first. Afterwards, yes, we could put them in a prison like that, but it's the capturing that's the problem."

"I know. I was just thinking… Could you use the principle in a different way? Turn it into something that can protect your Guard against Force attacks?"

"You mean incorporate it into their suits?"

Rey shrugged, looking up at him. "Something like that."

"That would require a lot of energy," Kylo murmured. "And I'm afraid it would end up shocking everything they touched."

"That has its up- and downsides," Rey answered with a short laugh.

Kylo shook his head with mirth. "They're bound to take out any electronics they touch."

Rey blinked at him, then laughed, carefree. Kylo grinned. He still felt pleased whenever he managed to make her laugh like that.

"Not a good idea then," Rey finally managed to say.

"I don't know. It's worth looking into. Maybe just the helmet to protect against mind control." He worried his lips. "I'll have a research team look into it." He kissed her forehead. "Any other ideas?"

Humming, Rey buried her face against his chest again. She stayed silent for so long that he feared she may have fallen asleep.

"How many people can you keep track of?" she eventually asked.

"What do you mean?"

"When you're fighting, how many people's movements can you keep track of with the Force?"

Kylo huffed, taken off guard by the question. He let his mind wander to previous fights, trying to count how many people he'd followed at the time.

"Three, I guess," he answered, doubt clear in his voice. "Additional to the ones I can actually see." He frowned in concentration. "It depends on how they move." His words tapered off, realisation hitting him hard. "It depends on how they move," he repeated to himself. "Huh."

Rey took a step back, beaming up at him. "You can train them to move in a confusing manner?"

He tilted his head in thought. "It will take some experimenting," he muttered, "but it should be possible."

He looked down at Rey. In a wave of gratitude, he picked her up and spun her around. Her giggles sounded clear in his ear, making his heart swell. He put her down again and buried his face in her neck.

"I love you," he murmured.

With a shock, he realised what he'd just said. A blur of emotions rushed through him. He only vaguely registered that some of them weren't his. Overwhelmed, he all but stumbled backwards, fighting his urge to flee. Since when did he flee? He should charge forward, face the situation head on and with force. But it was Rey standing in front of him. He couldn't charge her, wouldn't snap at her. Panic started building in his chest. He didn't know what to do now that his emotions were so out in the open.

His breath violently left him when something smashed into him. On instinct, he braced himself and held on tight.

"I love you too!" Rey exclaimed, almost giddy, pressing herself as close to him as she could. "I love you too, Ben."

He breathed in, focusing on her warmth in his arms. His mind was still reeling. Slowly, he calmed down, enveloping her in his arms as if he would never let go. She was rubbing her cheek against his chest in a most cat-like manner.

"Do you-" He swallowed. "Do you really?" he ventured carefully.

She stilled and his head snapped down to look at her. Immediately, panic settled again. What if she didn't? What if he'd misheard? What if he was pushing her? Why was he pushing her?

He watched as Rey ducked her head slightly.

"Yes, I do," she answered, sounding shy. "I do love you."

Joy like he'd never known flowed through him, filling him up. He grinned widely, unable to help himself. Needing to share how happy she made him, even though she could probably notice over their bond, he cupped her cheeks and kissed her.

He poured everything into the kiss. It seemed that, now that the gate to his emotions was open, everything just needed to come out. Rey kissed him back with equal enthusiasm. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him.

They kissed for the longest of times, switching between wild, deep, and sensual. Eventually, Kylo dropped them both on the bed. Rey snuggled into him, her arms and legs still wrapped around him, occasionally kissing his neck.

Kylo hummed with contentment. He was equally disinclined to let go of her. His mind was still a jumbled mess but one thing stood out clearly from all the chaos: She loved him. He doubted he could ever feel happier than he did right at that moment.

They stayed cuddled like that for the rest of the evening, hands softly caressing and gentle kisses shared. Eventually, they drifted off to sleep.

When Kylo woke the next morning, Rey was already gone from his arms. He felt a pang of regret, then remembered the events of the evening before. That same sense of joy infused him. Grinning like a loon, he took a shower before getting dressed.

Only once he was about to step out of his quarters did he attempt to school his features. He must not have fully succeeded as Phasma stared at him as he emerged. She seemed like she was about to say something, then decided against it.

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her, then noticed that she was carrying her baton again.

"Favouring your baton lately?" he asked, trying to divert her attention.

"It's still the weapon I'm most comfortable with, sir," she answered.

"You really don't trust them, do you?"

"No, sir."

He chuckled lightly and left for his office. Ever since he'd arrived, he'd been taking his meals separate, trying not to disturb anyone. With so many people crammed into a Base that wasn't made for it, the mealtimes were carefully timed events. He didn't care to think about what disturbance he would cause if he were to suddenly show up. Maybe later, if things had settled a bit, he could join the Knights.

He ate at his desk, waiting for Derek to arrive after his own breakfast. There were a couple of papers laid out in case he wanted to get started without his administrator, but they both knew that day would never come.

"Good morning, sir," Derek greeted once he arrived. "We don't have much time today, I'm afraid. There's a construction meeting in 45 minutes. I know you dislike them, sir, but there seems to be-"

"Okay."

Derek stumbled. "Sir?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Okay," Kylo repeated.

Normally, he would sigh, curse and complain about the construction meetings. After all, they'd already decided on everything. Couldn't they figure out the rest on their own? But today, he couldn't find it within himself to feel annoyed. After all, Rey loved him. She'd told him so.

It took Derek a minute to compose himself. He didn't comment on the construction meeting anymore and simply took on the next task at hand.

The morning passed relatively easy. Kylo got Derek to put a research team on Rey's idea for blocking the Force. The construction meeting was its usual bore—a slight change in design due to an unforeseen crack in the rock. Right before lunch, he found the time for some training and after his lunch and a shower, he found himself once more in the training hall with the Knights.

"We're going to do the same today as we did yesterday," Kylo said, sitting down on a cushion. As before, Ember had already closed her eyes. "Remember the techniques I mentioned. Close your eyes and control your breathing. Both Phasma and I will guard."

He watched as the Knights settled down. Their reluctance to close their eyes was still glaringly obvious. Kylo itched to correct their postures and give them individual pointers. Yet, he knew that him walking around would only serve to stress them, so he stayed seated and watched them for a bit before joining them. He was tempted to reach out with the Force in an attempt to gauge their mental states. This, too, he decided not to do. If they noticed, he would damage what little trust he'd built.

Once the ten minutes were past, he softly called them back to the present. "That's it for today. You may open your eyes. We'll do this for about a week before we lengthen the sessions. I know I've had this relayed to you before, but any questions are always welcome. My Guard usually knows where I'm at."

He nodded at the group and stood. He was about to leave when Ember stopped him with a soft 'sir'. With a questioning look, he turned to look at her. She shook her head minutely so he waited for everyone to leave. Much to his surprise, Burman lingered while the others left in silence. Finally, with a nod, Ember left as well.

"Knight Burman?" Kylo asked.

"Sir," he greeted in return. "I have a question."

"Go ahead."

The Knight seemed to hesitate, his shift from one foot to the other looking almost comical for a man his size.

"How can it help me?" Burman asked.

"Meditation?" Kylo asked, uncertain of Burman's meaning.

"No. The Force." Burman sighed. "Daze and Dot will obviously be able to aim even better or maybe shoot faster. Shadow and Quicksilver will be able to hide better, I guess. But what will it give me? I'm brute strength, as Ember likes to remind me. I doubt more strength would do me much good."

Kylo couldn't help the small smile that curled his lips. That Burman was asking that question meant that he was sincerely considering the option.

"Prediction," he answered the Knight. "It will help you predict your opponent, as well as better keep track of those around you."

Burman gave him a blank look. "Sir?"


	73. Progress

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

Kylo worried his lips, wondering about how to explain what he meant. He felt he was going to attempt explaining colour to a blind person.

"It's like an extra sense that you get," he tried. "You gain more awareness. Did you doubt me when I said I would use the Force to guard against movement in the hallway while you meditated?"

"No, sir!" Burman said, seemingly alarmed at the notion that he would doubt his Supreme Leader.

"It wasn't an accusation, merely a question," Kylo quickly soothed. "But I assume you understand that it can be used to be more aware of people's presence."

Burman gave a short nod.

"You can also use it to track their movements."

The look Burman gave him conveyed that he was trying hard to understand what he was saying, but didn't manage to grasp the concept.

"Why don't I show you?" Kylo asked.

"Sir," Phasma commented from her position near the door.

He glanced at her and she straightened up, understanding that he wouldn't take her protests at that moment. Turning back to Burman, he relaxed his posture.

"Try to hit me. I will not use the Force, only my combat training."

Burman's eyes widened. "Sir?" he questioned.

"Come on," Kylo encouraged. "I won't blame you if you actually land a hit. Just assess the speed and accuracy of my movements."

After another moment's hesitation, the Knight finally swung at him. It was a wide swing and one that wouldn't have done much damage had it landed, but Kylo didn't comment. After a couple of weak attempts, Burman seemed to feel secure in the fact that he wasn't committing a grave infraction and finally turned serious. Kylo dodged and weaved without retaliating.

"Enough," he finally said. Burman immediately stopped. "Now, I will start using the Force," he hesitated, "and only the Force."

Steeling himself with a breath, he closed his eyes. Reaching out with the Force, he could feel Phasma's tension and Burman's confusion.

"Come at me."

"Sir?" Burman questioned again, his voice filled with doubt and disbelief.

"Come at me."

Burman swung and Kylo didn't even flinch.

"Aim to hit, Burman of Ren," he reprimanded.

There was a heartbeat of utter stillness, before the Knight finally moved in for a hit. Kylo stepped out of the way easily. Surprise radiated off Burman and he put even more dedication into his second swing, then his third, and his fourth. None of them landed; all of them were sidestepped rather easily.

"How?" Burman eventually asked.

Kylo opened his eyes again and wondered about how to answer that particular question.

"It's difficult to explain," he eventually said. "The Force is connected to everything. By following the connection, you skip the step between your eyes and your brain processing the image, making you faster and more accurate."

Burman stared at him and Kylo waited.

"I would be able to do what you did?" Burman finally asked.

"With the right training, yes. Everything requires training."

Another silence fell. Suddenly, Burman gave a formal salute.

"I will be accepting your offer," he stated.

Kylo forced back the excitement he felt at Burman's words. His heart soared in jubilation but he answered the salute in a composed manner. "I am honoured by your trust," he said, solemn.

Burman seemed to relax. "So," he said with a smile, "when do we get started?"

Blinking at him, Kylo took a moment to take in the sudden change. Of the five Knights, at this point, Burman was by far the most expressive. Although Shadow's incessant chatter ranked a solid second.

"You already have," he eventually answered. "Meditation truly is the first step. Once I'm satisfied that you've mastered it, we'll attempt the reconnection."

"Oh." Burman seemed a bit put down by the answer. "And how will you know I'm ready?"

"Starting next week, I will reach out to all of you with the Force during meditation. It will help me to determine your state of mind. I will also start giving corrections. Right now, it is a matter of getting used to the idea.

"If you want to progress quickly, you can practice on your own. Don't try to meditate for too long, but try it several times a day. After what happened with Ember, I will not risk a reconnection too soon again."

Burman nodded. "I understand, sir. Permission to leave?"

"Of course." Kylo turned sideways, motioning to Burman he was free to go.

Once he was out of the training hall, Kylo turned to Phasma, grinning broadly.

"He said yes."

"He did indeed, sir. Congratulations."

It only sounded half sincere, but Kylo didn't mind. He knew and understood Phasma's reservations about the situation. Which made him remember the second solution Rey had found for him concerning fighting a Force user.

"Phasma," he said, his tone turning serious, "I'll be needing a few Guards for training."

"Sir?" she asked.

"While talking to Rey, we figured out that the ability to keep track of people with the Force is linked to how they are moving. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what makes it difficult though. I need some of the Guards to test it."

"To develop a way to deal with Force users?" she asked.

"Yes. One on one will always be an impossible situation, but if they outnumber the Force user, this might give them an edge. If we can figure it out, that is."

Phasma hummed, clearly thinking. "I could get some of them together in about an hour and a half," she said. "A schedule has been made, starting tomorrow, for their training with the Knights. I don't want to overwork them. Besides, the training hall is getting fully booked from morning until evening." She gave him a look. "I'm afraid even you will have to start booking a time slot to train. Especially if you want to keep training with _her_. Otherwise, you could train with the Knights."

"There's always the small training room downstairs," Kylo noted, absentminded.

"If you are a dwarf," Phasma commented with a snort.

Kylo laughed. "I guess you're right. Maybe the construction workers could build us a temporary sparring field outside. Nothing too fancy; just a walled-off space that's safe for us to use. We could add some targets for Daze and Dot."

"That would free up some space, yes."

He nodded. "Let's go find Derek so he can get the order dispensed."

They walked to Derek's office, where Phasma departed to arrange for some of the Guard to join him again later that afternoon. Derek accepted the orders with his usual lack of approval or disapproval, merely stating that 'he would get it done'. Despite Kylo's prompting, the man was still reluctant to share his own ideas or opinions. Not once had Kylo heard him complain, except perhaps that one time he had been asked to join him in the Throne Room. The realisation made Kylo frown.

"Derek," he said, waiting for the man to look up at him. "Are your quarters in order? Anything you would like to see changed?"

Derek blinked at him, confusion clear on his face. "Yes, sir. All is in order."

"Did the move to this facility inconvenience you in any way?"

"N- No, sir," Derek answered, wringing his hands and becoming uncomfortable. "Is there, uhm, a reason why you are asking?"

"Just making sure you're not overlooked because you're not prone to voicing your opinion on things."

Derek stared at him, seemingly speechless. Deciding to take pity on the guy, Kylo turned to leave.

"I'll be in my quarters for the time being."

"Yes. Yes, sir," Derek muttered as Kylo walked out.

Not having much better to do, Kylo nudged Rey with the idea of telling her about Burman.

"Ben," she answered, happy.

"Rey. Are you alone?"

"No. I'm tinkering with a droid in the hangar. Did something happen?"

"Don't worry," he answered, touched by her care. "I just want to tell you something and I would like to see you while I do."

"Give me a minute," Rey said while curiosity spiked through their bond.

She appeared in front of him just as he walked through the door of his quarters, wiping her hands on a rag. Kylo stared at her for a bit. Seeing her in a maintenance jumper was new to him and he had to admit he liked it. The oil-smear on her cheek looked downright adorable.

"Now tell me," Rey said, focussed on a particular stubborn stain on her pinky. "What?" she questioned when he didn't answer and she looked up.

Kylo worked his lips. "You have a smear on your cheek."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, trying to wipe it off with the rag and ending up turning half her face black.

Laughing, he walked up to her and plucked the rag out of her hands. "Allow me," he said, trying to find a clean spot on the completely soiled fabric and proceeding to wipe her face once he found one.

Rey hummed under his administrations. The sound made his abdomen clench. Ignoring the urge to kiss her until she forgot her own name, Kylo managed to get the worst of oil off Rey's face, but some smears remained.

"I do believe you need a shower," he told her, leaning in to allow himself a small kiss.

She huffed but stood on her tiptoes to answer it.

"What droid are you trying to make?" he asked.

"I'm just having some fun," she answered, dismissive. "Now, what did you want to tell me in the middle of the day? Don't leave me in suspense!"

He grinned down at her. "Burman said 'yes'."

"Ooh!" Rey squealed. "That's amazing!"

Kylo allowed himself to be swept away by her enthusiasm. "Yes, it is," he responded happily. "First, he wanted to know- No, let me show you."

Eager, he all but pulled her into his mind and showed her how Ember had held him back after meditation and the questions Burman had asked, followed by his acceptance of the proposal.

"I'm so happy for you, Ben."

Rey beamed up at him and Kylo couldn't help but wrap her in a hug.

"I just hope the others will decide to accept as well."

"They will," she answered. "I'm sure of it. You'll see."

"You have such faith in them," he teased.

"I have faith in you."

Kylo blinked at her, at a loss for words. Luckily, he was saved by an unknown person as Rey's head suddenly snapped to the left and she yelled 'Coming!' into the void.

"I have to go," she said, looking back at him. "I'm really happy he said 'yes'." She pecked him on the lips. "See you tonight, Ben."

He was still gaping slightly when she disappeared from view. With a shake of his head, he finally managed to get himself together again. She had faith in him? She was sure the Knights would agree because she had faith in _him_? That made no sense…

A knock on his door snapped him out of his musings.

"Enter," he called.

"The members of the Guard I selected are ready for you, sir," Phasma said as soon as the door slid open.

"Already?" he asked.

Phasma tilted her head at him. "It's been a bit over an hour, sir," she said.

"It seems I was lost in thought," Kylo said in way of explanation, surprised about the amount of time that had gone by.

Had he really been staring into nothing and mulling over Rey's words for that long? Refocussing, he preceded Phasma through the hallways on the now very familiar route towards the training hall. When he walked in, he was greeted by six of his Guard: Bart, Mysta, Xian, Arima, Matt and Natasha.

He answered their greeting and went straight to business.

"The question has been asked of how you, my Guard, can fight Force users," he started. "At the time, I didn't have an answer for you. I still don't have one right now, but I would like to conduct some experiments."

His lips twitched into a small smile as excitement rippled through the six Guards.

"After analysing some of my own battles, I have come to realise that my ability to track people with the Force is partially related to how those people move. However, I have not been able to determine exactly which pattern of movement affects me. This is where you come in."

He looked at the Guards and set up a plan. "We will be sparring," he stated, causing another ripple through the Guards. "At all times, there will be two of you engaging me from the front, where I can see you, and three of you from behind, where I need to track you with the Force. Phasma and whoever is not actually sparring will be noting the movements of the ones behind me.

"I will be keeping my mind on the changes in my readings of the Force and will thus be less concerned with actually fighting you off. If you manage to hit me, don't be concerned. I will be using my lightsaber, as it also has its effect on how I perceive the Force, so be careful. If, at one point, I say 'Halt', you will stop immediately. Is everything understood?"

"Yes, sir!" the Guard answered in unison.

"Then determine among yourselves who will take on which role."

As the group converged to discuss, he glanced at Phasma. She nodded at him once, offering her support. It still felt completely counterintuitive to actively find a fault in his defense so his Guard could exploit it when fighting others. There shouldn't be a weakness at all. He worried his lips and came to a conclusion: Once the fault was found, he would continue to train in order to minimise its damage.

Content with his decision, he watched the Guard members come to a conclusion of their own. They stepped away from each other and Bart stepped forward.

"Sir," he said respectfully, "we propose to switch roles every ten minutes. We believe it will increase the chance of finding the… Of having success."

Kylo raised an eyebrow at him, understanding very well what he had almost said.

"With your permission, of course, sir," Bart was quick to add.

"I can see its merit," Kylo answered. "Very well."

He moved to the middle of the room while Bart turned towards Phasma.

"Commander, if you would be so kind as to keep track of the time?"

She huffed. "I will."

Five of the six Guards converged around Kylo and, once he had ignited his saber, their sparring session began.


	74. A Different Tactic

_A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!_

xXxXxXx

It felt like an unnatural way of fighting. He was trying his best not to be bothered by his Guard getting through his defences every now and then, because his mind was too focussed on finding moments of unclarity in the information the Force was giving him. At the same time, he tried not to let his diverted attention influence his fighting style too much, while also attempting to _not_ accidentally kill one of his Guard because he was using his saber.

It was enough to give him a headache. Something he couldn't afford at that moment either.

"Ten minutes." Phasma's voice rang through the hall and they stopped their sparring. "Anything, sir?" she asked.

Kylo shook his head. The Guards rotated and they began again.

Every ten minutes, the Guard swapped places. They were at it for almost an hour and they were all getting tired when it finally happened.

"Halt!" Kylo barked.

The Guard froze and Kylo swirled around. "What changed?" he demanded.

"Arima disregarded her training," Xian—who was the one with observation duty that round—said. It didn't sound accusatory, more like he couldn't believe that Arima had the audacity to do such a thing.

"Arima?" Kylo asked.

She planted her fist on her chest. "I crossed behind Mysta," she stated simply. "It indeed goes against our training. You fight next to each other when facing a single opponent. Crossing each other is bound to be problematic and is highly unnecessary, but nothing was causing you discomfort so I decided to do the wildest thing I could imagine."

"It worked," Kylo answered her.

He worried his lips, thinking about how to proceed. Given that the only thing that had changed was Arima's behaviour, it was more than likely that was the cause for the sudden confusion in the signals of the Force. Yet, he needed to be sure.

"We're done sparring for now," he said. "This theory needs to be tested. I need three of you- No."

Kylo closed his eyes for a second, reaching out to test if he could focus on all of them together. If they weren't fighting, then his attention wouldn't be divided and three might not be enough to create the same effect.

"I want all of you to stand behind me," he corrected himself. "At random moments, you will pass each other. Every time my perception of the Force changes, I will state it. Phasma, if you could keep track of how correct my assessments are?"

Phasma nodded and they assumed their positions. Kylo frowned. Even with six Guards behind him, this would be too easy if they just stood there.

"Move around," he said. "Do some forms, walk around, mock fight. It doesn't matter what, just as long as you aren't standing still. And make sure you only cross when you mean to."

A chorus of 'Sir' echoed behind him and Kylo closed his eyes, focussing solely on the Force. It was straining to keep track of six of them. Then, for a split second, there were only five of them in his mind, and it took another split second to make sense of how one person suddenly became two again.

"Now," Kylo stated, not losing concentration.

It happened again and again. When he counted about 25 of them, he put an end to it.

"Did I miss any?" he asked Phasma.

"None, sir."

"It seems we have the beginning of a battle plan, then," he stated, unsure whether to be happy or bothered about it. He turned towards the Guard. "Are you all up to repeating this a couple more times?" he asked them.

Four of them reacted an affirmative; only Matt and Natasha hesitated.

"I think I speak for the both of us when I say we would love to be of service here," Matt said, "but I believe we both have a shift coming up."

They turned to Phasma, who checked the time.

"In ten minutes, yes," she confirmed.

Kylo gave them a greeting, which they promptly returned. "I thank you for your hard work," he said. "You are free to leave."

Once they were gone, he addressed the remaining Guard. "I wish to test if there is a minimum amount of people needed for the," he hesitated, "glitch," he finally settled on, "to happen. Phasma, if you would join then we can test with five, then four, and so on."

It was dinnertime when Kylo finally decided to call it a day. He concluded the glitch happened no matter how many people were milling about behind him, but the fewer there were, the quicker he recovered from it. He thanked his Guard and watched them leave before turning towards Phasma.

"I'm afraid this means a new form of combat will need to be developed," he stated. "It really does go against everything they learned, and everything we teach our Troopers. Do you feel up for that? Or would you prefer we called someone in?"

Phasma hesitated. "I need to think it through, sir," she finally said.

"Fair enough." He dragged a hand through his hair. "I'm famished and I need a shower. Let's head back."

While showering, he sighed at the prospect of yet another, lonely dinner. Even back on the _Supremacy_ where he essentially ate alone as well, there was always chatter present from others around him. Here, while eating in either his office or his chambers, he often ended up feeling isolated.

Kylo frowned. Now that Burman had said yes and the first step had been taken, maybe he could risk joining the Knights for dinner? He wondered what effect it would have. Would they tense up again, or would they accept his presence as an offer of companionship?

He worried his lips as he stepped out of the freshner. Once dressed, he called out to Phasma, who promptly entered.

"Do you know with which group Ember eats?" he asked. "With the crew or with the Knights?"

"Most often with the Knights," Phasma answered, her tone lightly questioning. "She tends to dump Hux on one of the Guard around dinner."

Kylo snorted at the statement. "Can you get her here before dinner starts?"

"I'll have her summoned now."

Before long, Ember arrived.

"Did you know Burman was going to accept?" he asked her upon entry, suddenly wondering.

"He agreed?" she asked, sounding slightly incredulous. "He said he wanted to ask a few questions."

"He wanted to know what he would gain from the Force, then accepted," Kylo explained.

"You'll have your work cut out for you, teaching _him._ "

Kylo rolled his eyes. "We'll see," he said, neutral. "But that's not why I requested you here," he continued. "I was wondering how the Knights would take it if I joined them for dinner. In all honesty, I'm tired of eating alone."

Ember gazed at him for a while. He could see she was thinking it over, so he didn't pressure her.

"You fear they'll interpret it as you monitoring them or as a way to pressure them?" she eventually asked.

Kylo nodded.

She shrugged. "I think you've shown them often enough in the past days that you have no intention of doing that," she said.

"So you believe it to be acceptable?"

"I don't see why not. Their dinner shift starts in ten minutes, by the way."

Again, Kylo nodded.

"I have been neglecting your training," he stated after a moment. "Have you been able to stop the blaster bolts yet?"

Ember grinned, looking quite pleased with herself. "I have."

"Who have you been training with? Is the Guard helping you?"

"No. Lane has been shooting at me."

"What?" Kylo exclaimed.

"Oh, don't get worked up," Ember said, careless. "She's not a bad shot."

Kylo stared at her, trying to comprehend. "How did this come about?" he managed to ask.

"There was a malfunction with the lighting in the training hall while I was training there with one of your Guard. This was before you arrived. Lane walked in to fix it. We immediately switched to target practice, of course, pretending that I was teaching the Guard some tricks. I believe it was Natasha I was training with. That girl does _not_ need extra shooting tricks. She's quite proficient with a blaster.

"Anyway, I kept noticing how Lane's gaze repeatedly turned our way so I asked her if she wanted to try. Her enthusiasm was almost as bad as Shadow's." Ember shivered a little. "It turned out she had always wanted to learn how to shoot with a blaster, but never had the opportunity. It's not like we have shooting ranges for fun. And she never wanted to become a Trooper, so she had no other option but to watch from the sidelines. Which is too bad, really, because she got the hang of it rather quickly. Before long, she actually managed to hit the target.

"So, after you got here and explained to the crew about the Force, I explained to her what she had walked in on that day and asked her if she wanted to help out. She's been very eager to shoot in my general direction ever since."

He didn't know how to form a response to that. He just stood there, gazing at Ember in disbelief. She'd let a novice, someone without any shooting experience at all, shoot at her with a blaster without knowing for sure it wouldn't hit her.

"The blaster was put to stun, of course," Ember added, as if reading his mind.

"Did she ever hit you?"

"There's been a few close calls, but no actual hits so far."

"So far…"

"Well, now that I can stop the blaster bolts, I have her actively aiming _at_ me. Before, it was just my general direction."

"Do you really not see the danger of this?" Kylo barked.

He wasn't angry, he noted to his own surprise. He was, however, completely flabbergasted at Ember's behaviour.

"It adds some excitement to an otherwise boring training," she answered with a shrug.

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. "Just don't get hit," he allowed.

"Trying my best to prevent that," Ember answered dryly.

She sounded way too amused for his liking.

"Either way," he said with a minute shake of his head, "if you're comfortable with stopping the blasts, you can try throwing them away from you. Tell your training buddy to lie down first so you don't accidentally hit _her_ either."

"Throw them away?" Ember asked.

"Yes. Very much like summoning a cushion, but then in the other direction. Start with simply sending it back where it came from. Once you've accomplished that, you can try to turn the bolt in the air and send it some other way." He gave her a stern look. "It's not as easy as it sounds. Be careful. Let me or Phasma know when you're training. I'll come check up on you when I have the time."

"Yes, sir."

He shook his head again. "Let's go down to eat," he sighed, leaving his quarters.


End file.
